Natalie jos new diary: Diary of ani_mia.

Natsky

Natsky

New member
Hello everyone,

I am not new, but I feel kind of new. I lost track, lost everything, and now I am back to try to learn to live a healthy life style.

I have had a good start, except not including last night. I binged, oy vey.

anyway, I have not weighed myself for a week, afraid to jump on the scale. It teeters every week, so no trusting the darn thing. But I plan to check tomorrow morning. and than I will know whether I gained or lost over the past two weeks.

I had three scoops of ice cream yesterday with peanut butter topping and chocolate cake, but I havent had anything so sinful in one month. So .......far ....away from chocolate. I don't eat much chocolate anymore. Cut the stuff out and now I have a bad reaction when I take in chocolate, my stomach hurts, general pain, among other things. So no chocolate for me. Must be the only once in a while bit.


But anyway... my bf makes dinner, I do dishes for the most part....

He usually makes a veggie, meat and a staple. We have been numming on potato.... but only once in a while. Spuds make my weight go up, carbs. I am not sure how I should be eating, but everyday is new and sometimes it does improve and other days just suck. oh well.
But anyway


I did weigh 282.0 last week. I weighed two years ago 320 pounds and I started lost a year and a half ago. It was hard starting, now its hard continueing. Ive lost all the juice. I dont know whats going on, my oomph has gone past. I had lost fifty, I guess I am really depressed about my weight gain. After working so hard on losing fifty pounds and than gaining some back. I was almost back to what I was wearing in high school. Would be nice if that could happen again...

clothes are nicer when they are smaller. The big peeps clothes they make just dont cut it to all those zippers on my size 20 jeans from fashion bug... lol

I just walmart shop for clothes now lol I figure by stuff that looks horrid until you lose weight and than spend lost of money on really hot clothing lol when your smaller. lol So I have not gone into fashion bug for a while. I think I may although. I am so tired of looking like icks. I want to look good even at my weight. Not treating myself right. Next month, fashion bug run. I have lost weight. I was 297 pounds this past summer, so I am starting to lose. And I am starting to be able to do things
I couldnt do in the past. I have pcos, which is a real pain in the rear. I have metabolic syndrome, which is why most of my weight is in my lower gut, so I have the apple shape. I am on meds that regulate my suger.


Anyway that about it now...and your probably wondering what my height is...

I am 5' 5.9!

I should weigh around 160, thats what my primary care physician told me. So thats what I need to shoot for. More than one hundred pounds away. That also gets me down. I will keep on a going.... chug chug chug.

I shall, must lose this weight. Live a long and wonderful life is so true the way to live. Dont need to die young from something I can take control of. I think I am going to get a food therapist. I need one!! after my disorders, I am just confused about how to eat. I have a bad opinion about my body. I am thoroughly obsessed. I am a problem.
and its time to take care of it.

ttylater
love yas
always
natalie jo :seeya:

 
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Food therapist. Last option, and than hopefully, not defeaat, but knowledge ....

Hello all,

My thoughts on today, what a sorry day.

I ate...

a dobb of mash potato
four slices of swiss cheese
a half a sandwhich, which makes another slice of cheese
a bagel with butter, well more like a spread. Its a diet butter. No hydrogenated stuff.

a bowl of K protein cereal.

and thats about it


All I can say is man did I shi* on today. I never eat right on Saturdays. And I just don't know. Saturday are always a bummer. My word.


well tonight will be a healthier meal. If I make my kitten eat healthy... I would think I would make myself eat healthy. If I would be concerned about her being an indoor cat, well I feed her what she needs and I play with her so she gets exercise and has fun. Why can't I think like that way for myself.



oh well, bummer
Hope tonight looks up
talked with my support personal and they will be connecting me with a food therapist soon. Very happy about that. Than maybe I can figure out what to do... u know...


love yas
natalie jo
 
I done good!

I ate less last night! and I only had a blueberry bagel with no fat butter this morning. No hydrogenated stuff.

On another note. My kitten is so addictted to her new toy, that when we put the cat toys away, she cries. Ugh this can be a bad thing. I am learning anyway. I am not sure what to do. She has toys on the floor that are exciting to her, so very many, they are everywhere, but now the toy toy, I mean to end all be all toy is here to stay she is trying to climb things to get it and being mischevious, like get into the garbage can. lol

Well I had to call her away from the trash. Its tied and ready to go out, its just my fiance didn't get around to taking it out, but we tied it and I thought I put it in a good spot, guess not.


Anyway, I forgot to weigh myself, but I will now and I will report later and make a ticker. I think tickers make a world of support on their own. You can get really cool ones. And just watch that baby go down and it thrills me when I even just lose one pound. Right now, not so much, I want to get into the 270s. I know I will, with this forum and just doing what I need to do to live a healthy life style. We are walking to the park today, because its 37 degrees today.... pretty good, seeing as yesterday was 28 degrees and felt like 19. Icks. Winter is here. Well its supposed to be 41 on Tuesday, but raining. I am going to walmart to return a game and buy my kitten and my guineau pig and my other cat presents for their stockings. Yes they get stocking. I love when they smell the catnip, or scratch the bows off the presents. One year Ophelia climbed inside the tree, and my mom came in, noticed her and Opelia jumped out and the tree went with her lmao. The trees are real trees, but others are replanted in its place. I have a fake tree at my new apartment. But ... I am having fun, now I need to figure out how to get good exercise on day its will be very very very very cold. Like it was yesterday.


always
natalie jo :cheers2:
 
Well hello all!!

I am going to wrap up yesterday. I barely ate, felt week at six pm, ate half a sandwhich, with one slice of swiss and two slices of turkey and some low fat mayo.


I did eat a blueberry bagel with no fat, or no hydrogenated butter yesterday morning, but man. My stomach was killing me when I finally got the sandwhich in. Totally skipped between six am and six pm. Not good. so I ate dinner, small portions. and I ate a bowl of whole wheat cheerios before bed. And I ended up eating one last night.

I actually didn't binge last night.

a few nights ago or last week, I binged and kept binging, until there was no more binging to be had.

but I have eaten a bowl of cereal this morning and I will try to get a sandwhich in this afternoon.

all is well, realized my mistake yesterday and will not fall back on that move again.

It can just happen so quickly. You just fall right into it.

ttylater
hope all is well in the world
love yas
always
natalie jo :party:
 
Good luck!

Question though - if you need to get down to 160 - why not configure your ticker with the goal weight of 160?
 
Small goals work better for me. Its like if I seen ten pounds gone and start my ticker over I feel better, but if I put the while weight loss, I feel overwhelmed. It just one of those things. I get stressed out when I feel overwhelmed. So my first goal is 260, than I will probably put 160, but right now if I saw that ticker over one hundred pounds, and it was pointing this big finger at me! ugh. I hate thinking so much about it. I am obsessed. I actually have Metabolic Syndrome from Poly cystic ovary disease, which makes my insulin do nothing, so I am on metformin which makes my insulin work, which makes less fat go to my gut. Its a must have. Its going to be with me forever. Its been with me since I was sixteen. They diagnosed me way back when.

its just makes you gain more and more weight. And it didnt help that I have been on so much meds for other disorders that make you gain weight. So I have not been happy for a while. I was down to 269 before, but I just dont want to feel overwhelmed, because when I do, I get severely stressed, and than I start binge eating because I feel its hopeless. Its actually funny. I always put on the tickers that I was starting at 300, I started at 320 and than came to the forum when I was 300, two years ago. And than I started finally seeing results in September. lost nine pounds in the Valentines day Challenge from way back. I would love if we had another Valentines challenge, man would I be stoked. Anyway thats why, I have severe anxiety, to the point it really affects my life, in many bad ways. I give up a lot because of it, even losing weight. I know what I need to do as far as the ticker. Take small steps and than make bigger. I just started again. I am going slow. Yesterday I barely ate and ended up almost passing out. Its not great, but at least I didnt binge last night. I weighed less today. It was good. I think I will be able to get down there. I want to be 160, I really do. I want it bad, but one step at a time. Just like my ticker, oh so many pounds at a time. Thanks for dropping in.


ttylater
natalie jo
 
I had a good day today. I ate well for someone with Metabolic syndrome.


Part of metabolic syndrome, is that it can make you diabetic. So my sugar floats, goes up and down, zings ...whatever all over the map. I take metformin with breakfast and on with lunch.

And I eat four to five times a day. Three small meals and two small snacks. All small.


Today I had a bowl of cheerios....

I than had a piece of pie, very thin piece today...

I had a half a peanut butter sandwhich on Rye. I know peanut butter and Rye bread lmao ... gross, actually not that bad. Peanut butter may have sugar, but its has a lot of protein, which is very good. And I can only take in whole wheat or Rye bread. Pumpernickel is in the freezer. I love Rye and Pumpernickel.... the best bread!! and only good companies. Because some companies put some white carbs in the bread, so you have to find one that is completely Rye or whole wheat, tricky manufacturers. Just like corn syrup is not called corn syrup all the time. Its still in the diet soda. A ways back, because there was such an outrage about corn syrup ... that they came up with another name for it entirely. I should look it up. I was shocked. I forget what it is called now. But I believe it is an ingredient in Diet coke...and what not...

I still drink piet pepsi once in a while. Not much, can't afford it either. Paying back loans, lucky to be able to buy milk. I have coffee. I do have sugar from the milk, but I put sweet n low in the milk and they have found that sweet n low does not cause cancer, plus
I have to take in the stuff anyway. I am not allowwed to have much sugar. and if I do its good to eat cheese before chocolate or candy and protien of course.


and one should eat carbs at night, but I eat my carbs last, because the first thing, like veggies and meat, which have protien will get taken care of first and the carbs wont be much of a problem. I just have a little handfull of potato or rice. Brown rice. Other types with pastas. But I am losing weight.

but I set my tracker to my new beginning.

Going to join a Valentines Day challenge hopefully, have to write someone to see if they will set it up this year, like they did last year.

I loved that challenge, but it left me hanging by the end of the month and I didnt lose anymore weight, because I wasnt in a challenge.

And I have noticed there is no December monthly challenge. So I will have to challenge myself for the next couple of weeks. The Valentines Challenge will probably start on the seventh of January, because of the flood of peeps that will join that week for their New Years resolutions. The Challenges are so much fun.


Anyway here goes. Weekly weigh in for December"

12/14/2009
282.2 pounds!

12/21/2009:
280.6 pounds! Was 279.8 yesterday! Its going down!
12/28/09:

Weight lost in December:

Goal four to five pounds. I know that sounds insanely low. But I am not going to go into overdrive, push myself of the edge and end up off the wagon. Any loss is good with me, as long as I am losing, may it be oz or pounds, although I have a tendency to like the pounds coming off better, I usually can only lose two pounds per week, because my metabolism goes so slow. I should walk more. Which I will be walking tomorrow.


but Wed, not a chance in hell. 20 degree high. That would be bad, seeing as I am just getting over my cold. Thats all I need. This swine flu icks ...

But its supposed to go back into the thirties by Sunday. But I walk everyday, just not for long and too slow. I dont like this cold. I have arthritis, but my doc and the nurse told me since I cant go on steriodal meds, there is nothing they can do for me. Sucks butt I tell you. I was in pain walking today. I am taking ibuprofen to get some of the pain out, and sometimes I take hot baths. or soak my feet in hot water. They do turn blue, bad stuff. But I need to walk more.


and bundle up. But tomorrow is going to only be cloudy, but 41 degrees, perfect winter day for me.... ahhh... 41 is just fine. The weather has been so wierd. We had eighty degree days in November ..messed up!! but nice all the same lol

anyway good night
ttylater
Natalie jo :cheers2:
 
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Heeeeyyyy Nat! Glad your back, lady :D DON'T get discouraged and give up. No leaving the forum this time either. I did that and gained a zillion pounds back :rolleyes:

You already know what and how to do it, just gotta get it all back into action. Keep up the great work, get out there and power walk, wooo! :D
 
Jess393 said:
Heeeeyyyy Nat! Glad your back, lady :D DON'T get discouraged and give up. No leaving the forum this time either. I did that and gained a zillion pounds back :rolleyes:

You already know what and how to do it, just gotta get it all back into action. Keep up the great work, get out there and power walk, wooo! :D
Click to expand...

Hey Jess,

Thanks!! Definitely am going to start the power walking....


or close to it...

its twenty degrees out there, but I also have a bike in my house. But I plan to bundle up and get out there this afternoon with my fiance and walk to the commons and back. Maybe go almost all the way to the hospital and look in a store that sells yankee candles ... I was thinking of picking up the primrose and cut roses votives. They smell so nice. I love the candied apple, or cin apple ... I love candles. They just fill the whole place with such beautiful aromas ... hm..

well ttylater hun
always
natalie jo :party:
 
Hello everyone, (Whoever may be reading),

Well things as stand. I am at 280.8 accordding to the scale this morning, but I weigh myself every Monday, so we will see if it stays at a downward pace for this week. I am trying to eat better. I am cutting peanut butter out. The damn stuff, well I am addictted to the yummy stuff...and as good it is for me, it can also be bad.

I had a peanut butter sandwhich, plus I was sticking a spoon in the peanut butter and licking it down at the same time yesterday morning at seven am. I ate lunch at twelve, half a sandwhich of Two slices of Turkey, one slice of provolone with low fat mayo. My fiance keeps making fun of me, that its not real mayo...and what not ... kind of gets annoying after a while lol


but anyway I only ate one bowl of cereal last night, very tiny bowl, but swimming in milk. I know, I love making my cereal swim in milk. It was wholewheat cheerios.


Anyway so ...today has been awesome.

I ate one blueberry bagel with low fat, no hydrogenated oils, this morning. I eat it not warmed up, because it fills me more if its cold, with cold butter. I know it might be icks to some peeps, but somedays its so filling I dont remember to eat lunch. I dont eat all day, but not going to do that today, going to eat lunch around one thirty pm. When we usually do and only half a sandwhich, because a whole sandwhich is just too much for me. Than at six pm, going to eat something small, havent made up my mind. I need to buy fruit ...plenty of veggies around, but those arre already planned dinners, yes, we plan our dinners out. Its because way back when I asked my fiance to help me lose weight. And so far, he has done a pretty good job being the cook and keeping me from gaining. We have switched to brown rice, which is really yummy. I love whole wheat pasta, linguini, doused in butter and shaken over with parm cheese. Or maybe a little pasta sos to spice it up. ITs nice, and I only take a small portion. We dont eat all we make, so we just put it in a left over been and eat it next day and save it for next dinner. Its actually good. My fiance has been gaining weight, And I think its because he finishes allll of the pasta, so last night I told him to put it in a bin, and he did. So we have some pasta for tonight. We try to really plan these dinners out. So I have lost almost two pounds. We are going walking at some point. Its so damn cold. But my support functional person told me I was just making excuses by it being twenty degrees out and twenty two mph wind. I dont know ....


but its supposed to warm up later this week, plus I have a bike in the house, which I will be using tonight, than take a nice shower after and feel all good inside because I did something good for myself. The diet or lifestyle change seems to be happening, now its the exercise that needs to happen. Jess you are so right, I know how to do this, just gotta get my head back in the game, and it is!!

Thanks to everyone who is stopping in!

love yas
always
natalie jo

and I tried to start the VDay challenge, I dont know if it will work. I did my best. Ive never set this kind of this up.

ttylater :party:
 
I gotta get to work, so I don't have time to read your last post- BUT- have a great day chicky! Keep moving, and never look back. You will totally get there.
 
Jess393 said:
I gotta get to work, so I don't have time to read your last post- BUT- have a great day chicky! Keep moving, and never look back. You will totally get there.
Click to expand...

Hello Jess!

Thanks for popping in, nobody else seems to be lmao. Not funny actually, I think its because I am so bold to put ani_mia in my diary name.

but its only speaking the truth. My diary is about getting through, and making this rightted for myself, which means being rid of eating unhealthy, no diets, no ani_mia. I need to change my behavior and I am holding myself accountable.


I think I just am pushing the envelope maybe, but the mention of the disorder is probably not what peeps want to think about whan they come on this site. But it is something to face...

always
natalie jo
btw something I have to face in losing weight and getting healthy. Not a fad diet, not starving myself and than binging. I need to learn how to do it right, how to eat healthy, be healthy, u know
 
Hello to anyone who is reading...

Well today turned out to be a good day. I simply had my breakfast at seven am, cereal, protien special k. and than lunch was a turkey sandwhich with a slice of chedder. I like to eat a variety of cheese. I know cheese increases the cholesterol, if eating too much. but with my metabolic syndrome .. I need to eat it to prevent sugars from acting heineously sometimes.


no chocolate today, but I read something, having a little chocolate is good. Not totally outrunning everything yummy in my life. IF I cut chocolate out as much as I most likely would, I will just set myself up, because as a stress binger, I will get a hold of a bag of chocolate and probably overdue it. So I have been eating small quantities of chocolate, wish I could have more, but than I wouldnt lose weight.


Today I drank darjeerling tea. A tea that is so calming. Its is so wonderful ... talk about awesome. Its the best and I cant find it anywhere else, except Christmas trees shop and that place is dangerous! but I will go for my tea lol

I had two splitting headaches today. I almost didnt go out, but when I went out one went away. The pain I was in was so excruciting, but come to find out... they were right, I just needed air. I have been drinking a little coffee today, but mostly tea and will start drinking more water. I have vitamin water, which I water down for just a little kick. for taste. Plas its just nice. I dont take vitamins, they make my stomach sick, so actually having some vitmain water is not so bad, just not overdoing it. Plus I cant afford to buy anymore until I get my next check so the three bottle I have, will have to do until January.


Had much temptation, but realized wasnt going to give. Had an opportunity to have hot chocolat, rich, overly sweet hot chocolate... but said no, because its just too much... it makes my stomach angry at me lol Chocolate sometimes has that affect on me. So the less, the bestter. Cant drink chocolate milk either, damn.... oh well!!


But anyway... The tea was so wonderful, with in an hour, my headache was gone, I was just reclining on a chair, and just had the hot cup in my hand, slowly taking in sips....and it soothes me, so much better than the dreaded coffee. Yes dreaded. I dont like too much coffee anymore, going to be a tea, juice, well apple juice, and water drinker. Apple Juice is my favorite.

anyway for dinner I had spinach, a pasta, with .10 oz of meat. Pork chops from the grill. George Formen grill, so all that yucky fat when oozing into the gutter that they give you...and I had very tough meat, but somewhat soft. I did have it with a small bit of blue cheese dressing... I know ..wierd....but its a keeper. My doctor checked yesterday and on a spring scale I weighed 2 pounds more... so back to 282,8,,,,but I plan to go for a walk tomorrow, which I never go walking and to go on my own and going at all would be amazing. But I am going to walk a half hour to hour walk. Keep the pace, but not kill myself and I am going to wear my sneakers and go to the commons and check out whats going on with the park ... I would like to see my favorite spot where the community comes together. I love it at the commons...

but anyway, getting my groove on tomorrow. Getting up at nine thirty and going to start early, but I am not going out early, because of the cold weather. But at one pm I will be out the door, that the warmest part of the day. Sunday supposed to get snow, all day long!! Still definitely going to walk through that, it will be time to return "The Magic Theif." and get "The Magic Thief 2" by monday. Sounds good to me.

But I bundle up and out I go. I have not been taking my metformin the way I should...but tomorrow will make sure at breakfast take one and at lunch take one. It does my body good.

ttyalter
have a gnight
love yas
always
natalie jo :auto:
 
Start takin your medicine lady! If it does your body good, definately take care of it :) get a great walk in tomorrow- and look at it this way- it may be cold, but walking in snow is actually BETTER than not, because ya work more muscles. I look forward to an update on how long you went for :D have a great day!
 
Jess393 said:
Start takin your medicine lady! If it does your body good, definately take care of it :) get a great walk in tomorrow- and look at it this way- it may be cold, but walking in snow is actually BETTER than not, because ya work more muscles. I look forward to an update on how long you went for :D have a great day!
Click to expand...

OK Jess!
lol
I am going to be walking in snow. It will be snowing from three am tonight until four pm tomorrow... oy vey. I dont shovel... I miss shovelling sometimes, but the building takes care of it. I live in a complex. We have a small place, wish we could get some more space, but alas, they want us to declutter, or whatever the word is. But I think thats infringing on our rights. I think we have a right to have crafts and what not in stock in my apt. We have just too much stuff, and the bike, whoa baby, takes up at least one fourth of the livingroom, which connects to the kitchen. Unfortunately we dont have a dining room... once upon a time we dreamed maybe we could fit something in, but alas those days are over.

but anyway ...

didnt walk today yet, going out around four pm. I know, right when its dark. Well I am meeting my man and we plan to pick up milk and I want to stop into the library, because I finished The Magic Thief. And now I must run out and get The Magic Thief 2. They are cute boys, reminence of Harry Potter, but they are so adorable, and regardless that they are for ten year olds. They just ring so true to the spirit of my own writing.

anyway ttylater Jess
always
Natalie jo :party:
 
Harold14370 said:
Hmm. As a fellow diabetic, I keep away from fruit juice. It's really not much different than a soft drink for its effects on your blood glucose. Sorry to deprive you of your favorite. Just eat the apple instead.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately Harold, I am not a diabetic. I am rather excited about this, seeing as I do get my juice once in a while. They finally yelled through my ear drums into my tiny brain that the reason they were giving me the metformin was because I have poly cystic ovary disease, which stops your insulin from doing ... anything ...which is freaking lame and bad and I hate it...but it has caused metabolic syndrome and now my sugar levels need to be watched kind of like a diabetic, but not as badly. So I get to eat the occassional chocolate and no my sugar wont spike ... I can eat small doses of ice cream once in a blue moon and I wont keel over and die. So its not as bad as you think. But I do eat whole wheat pasta, not much on the potato front. Maybe once in a while... more veggies than meat. I eat protein up the wazooo.... but otherwise I dont eat enough sugar to tell you the truth. I dont eat much during the day ...but it ends up where I binge at night. I really need to adjust my diet. Actually the only reason I eat at night, is because I am an insomniac. Althought sometimes I just wake up suddenly and I think, time to eat. So its one of those things. Can be unconcious thought. It just wake up with hunger and I know eating is how I will go back toi bed, but I end up binging ... icks....


but lately I have been eating special k protien for my night snack ..doesnt raise my sugar levels at all. I would suggest it. Very good level of protein in it. and if you let it soak... it tastes damn good. I just have to buy more millk.

I eat four times a day if I remember. ...

I eat breakfast between seven am and nine am... I eat lunch between twelve to one thirty... usually thats when I get hungry... its like my body says ... ok nat ..time to eat. But lately havent been feeling the urge to eat during the day...dont even feel the hunger pains .. I know something is wrong ..but cant quite figure it out. But I make myself eat a half a sandwhich... my man wants me to eat a whole one ..but Im like ..its just too much ...

I eat a snack ..or half a sandwhich at five thirty to six pm and than I get dinner at eight thirty pm ... and than I am left over night ... will I sleep or not ..will I eat or not .. u know


oh well .. IVe got to figure this out ...but I think my sugars have been good, due to not eating anything ... other than what I do. Its the night attacks for food that are what keeping me from losing weight ..sucks butt ..sorry ..

but Harold ... nope not a diabetic. Fought with the doc about this ..finally the nurse told me about how my body works ..about time ..its been five years ... I am going to make an appointment with my doctor to get the whole story ..but my fasting blood sugar last time was 85 ... she wont give me the script for test strips ..and its hard to make up my mind of when I should take my metformin ...but because I have been declared not diabetic .. I therefore can not get strips from my insurance .. ah well that ends well .. so apple juice watered down ..is not so bad ..especially is I watch my portions.

ttylater
always
natalie jo :party:
 
Well I didnt eat enough yesterday, but I figured out what was wrong and at a bowl of k protien cereal and than today I have eaten a bowl of cereal, taken the metformin..... pretty good start...

last night I only ate one bowl of cereal, actually it was a tea cup ... I know that sounds odd, but it actually worked ... using a tea cup ... thats probably why I didnt gain anything ...


Anyway here goes. Weekly weigh in for December"

12/14/2009
282.2 pounds!

12/21/2009:
280.6 pounds! Was 279.8 yesterday! Its going down!

12/28/09:

Weight lost in December:


And that was my weekly weigh in from a past post. Yes I am doing my own challenge ..

well ttylater
love yas
natalie jo :):seeya:
 
Hi Natsky,

Just thought I'd pop in with a bit of encouragement. My daughter loves ani-mia so the thread title caught my eye.

Are you keeping a log of your food intake? If not you might consider using one of the many websites to do so. From what you post you seem to be on a very low calorie regime which might not be the best thing for you.
 
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