my struggles................

D

dusky girl

New member
dear diary,

i have been trying to loose weight for so many months but i have always been unsuccessful.I diet, exercise but all of a sudden i give up and indulge in binge eating.i feel depressed.at times i question myself that why i am torturing myself and why i am my own greatest enemy.every time i look at the mirror, i find myself very plain and unsexy.i never attempted to make myself more pretty.is that because i hate myself?
i had a love marriage. my husband was madly in love with me.after chasing me for 5 years, i got involved with him. you can imagine how much he admired me at that time.he loved the way i looked and the way i behaved. i was very bubbly at that time. as time passed on, i dont know why my life bacame complicated. i started disliking myself. i always had difficulty accepting the way i was.i hated my little boobs and big bums.i always feared taking risks, so i confined myself to certain kind of unsexy clothes.i started eating and added 20 pounds. that further distorted my self image.during all these my husband was very supportive. i aways felt loved.
now i am doing residency, i am a sucessful person otherwise. however i can feel something lacking in my life and that is so obvious. i dont take care of myself..as a result i feel ugly and look ugly.now i can feel that my husband's eyes are not appreciative towards me as they were before.i can feel that i don't have any magical effect on him any more.that makes me sad and depressed.i can see confident and beautiful girls around me. even the girls with average looks and features look so pretty with right attiude and grooming.i wonder why i lack these two things?
i wonder , why have i forgotten about myself and why have i become so mean on myself/ if i cannot love myself how can i expect other people to love and like me.
now the time has come to take charge of my life.i want to love myself and give the best to myself.i want to exude confidence . i will smile....................laugh..do silly things....try everytthing. i will lead an adventurous life.
to develope a positive self image i wil start by loosing weight.i will do everything to shed these excess pounds. i want to gain my confidence back,.ilove my husband and i want to see him proud and satisfied.
 
Hi and Welcome!

That's a great attitude! It really is just a matter of commitment and perseverance. You've started a diary, that is a great first step. There are lot's of people here to lend an ear or some advice or just a cheer when you need it.

But like lots of things, it only works if you work it. Best of luck on your journey!

David C
 
Dear Dusky girl,

I can totally relate to you; about your self image being distorted and you trying to hide yourself and not being yourself; I know how weight loss can change this. I started at 185 and now am 142 I see a big difference in my attitude; I have started being more myself now a days I dont hide or shy away from things. You have made a commitment and that is a step in the right direction. I am sure you can do this. You are successful woman otherwise and I am sure you will find great success here.

You can get where you want to be. All the best for your journey.

Good luck and welcome to the forum. This is a great place; helps you through out when you are low, depressed need guidance motivation. Looking forward to seeing you here and learning more about your journey.
 
dusky girl's diary

hi diary,

i have not been exercising for a whole month and i did not watch what i ate, as a result of which i ended of gaining a pound.i had a very hectic schedule last month, i used to come back frm work at around 6-8 pm and leave for work at 6am.i was constantly tired and my energy level was really low.i was not motivated to exercise.i dont know how i am going to loose wt.
i do want to be slim and wear different kinds of dresses but i am not motivated to exercise. i dont have enough time to go to the gym everyday.does anybody else had similar experince? how can i be more energetic , motivated and less tired?i know i should do some effort to gain a result.but i dont have any energy at all. i feel so tired all the time.can anyone help me?
 
These are challenges a lot of us have. Busy lives, commitments, no time to exercise and take care of ourselves. It is easy to say "set priorities and make yourself a priority", but the reality is that often the other obligations come first.

With the schedule you have, obviously you're tired. Anyone would be. But take a look at the kinds of food you eat... are you eating foods that will give you energy or foods that set you up for a sugar crash? The right kind of foods can energize you, and the wrong ones can make you feel lousy. If you don't have time for exercise, try doing something more simple, like taking the stairs instead of the elevator when you get the chance. And, if you aren't taking vitamins, you should start. Just a basic multi-vitamin can help you get some of the vitamins you may be missing out on if you are trying to diet and maybe not eating the way you should.

As for the rest -- your feelings of low self-esteem, etc., losing weight may not solve all of that, but it is one thing you can do for yourself, to get healthier and feel more energetic.

No matter how pretty, smart, talented, successful or shapely you are, there will always be someone who is prettier, smarter, etc. Don't worry about that (it is pointless anyway, right?) Instead, focus on you... what you like about YOU, all of your great qualities. Be proud of who you are.

Welcome to the site, and good luck!
 
hi lagniappe,

you are so right.there is no use focusing on the bad aspects of life.i will try to be more positive from now on.i will try to be more energetic and enjoy my work.
 
Good Luck Dusky! You have the right attitude, we all believe in you!!

Hope you have a better day and get some form of excersize and better eating in, you will thank yourself!

:cool:
 
dusky girl said:
hi lagniappe,

you are so right.there is no use focusing on the bad aspects of life.i will try to be more positive from now on.i will try to be more energetic and enjoy my work.
Click to expand...

I think we are often our own worst enemy, feeling like we have to be perfect in all ways. There will always be good times and bad, days you feel great and days you feel lousy. But, there are lots of people (millions, in fact) who are worse off than you -- it helps to remember that :)

Have a great week!
 
Oh dusky, I was reading your post and nodding away. I also don't take care of myself and I can also see in my boyfriend's eyes (even though he is completely in love with me) that he would like me to be better with myself.
I am also struggling with a hard hard way out of depression, but it doesn't change how we got here, it matters that we are here now. I also don't tke risks and dress always in jeans and sweaters. When I was tiny that looked fine and I had that "something special" becus I was so different from everyone else because I was becoming, almost was already, a professional ballet dancer. That was so attractive, but now I am not, now I am just a chubster in a big sweater...

But I think you will be able to do it. I am determined to and I think you can too. We are few of the lucky ones on here who just need to lose the odd 20 pounds and not like 100 or 200... we are so lucky for this because our way may seem so hard but actually it isn't as hard as many many others!

I think if for now, while you work so much, you just concentrate on eating well, once when you have more time and you start the exercise you are already a step ahead! And the weight will just flow! Away from you of course ;)!

I wish you the best of luck and I will be reading up on you! Love, Cat
 
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