My Story

Hey, Rach, just dropping in to say that I hope all is well. How are you using the whey protein? I'm so impressed with how important a part fitness plays in your overall life now. I think I'm moving a little bit towards that attitude myself--I quit smoking, and I'm so pleased at how much better my breathing is when I'm on the elliptical now.

Sophie
 
Lemon!! It's good to hear from you, honey!! Truth be told, I wasn't too disappointed in the case of Mr. C. I thought I would be though, you know, but when I first heard word that he made Amy his girlfriend, all I could feel was happiness for him because he was finally happy. I found it strange myself to not have feelings of jealousy or guilt or the like, but I honestly don't. All I can say, is that his mood of late has been uplifting because of his new love and it's twice as fun to hang out with him.

Honestly, I don't think it had anything to do with the fact that I wasn't *good* enough for him, because I know for a fact that he finds me attractive. What I think it is, is the fact that I'm extrodinarily intimidating because of my intellect and that made him uncomfortable. Amy is blonde and petite and overall tiny, and I'm the completely opposite, I'm a brunette, tall and overall almost toned. I think the fact that he perfers smaller woman has to do with his need to feel in control and superior physically. I have too much muscle for him to handle. And hey, that's fine with me cause I can't say it doesn't come in handy.

My brother and I arm wrestled in front of our friends and though I told him it wasn't a good idea for the sake of his dignity, he wanted to do it anyway. Needless to say, now my boys are making fun of him because his sister is stronger than him. In fact, one of the people we work with who played the role of spectator couldn't believe my bro even agreed to the competition. He told my sister "Your sister is fit and your brother is lanky. Anyone could see how arm wrestling is going to end." LOL. So, I'm pretty proud of that. Haha.


Soph!!

I'm so proud of you honey, for quitting smoking. Good for you. You can do it. I know you can!!!

Everything, overall, is going great. A week ago, I started on The South Beach Diet, and truthfully, I love it. There's no carb counting, calorie counting or anything like that. Simply, for this first phase, I'm cutting out all carbohydrates and bad fats. This is so your body gets use to *Not* craving them, and honestly, I'm very, very surprised with how well it's working.

No longer do I crave cinnabons, ice cream, bread or *gasp* dark chocolate. I'm completely passive and apathetic when I'm stocking the candy aisle now. Shocked, would be the bettter verb to explain my current mindset. Of course, I'm taking fiber and vitamin supplements in order to maintain I'm getting enough nutrients, but other than that, this *diet* is amazing. I really don't consider it a diet though, because I don't have to fuss over my food.

Basically, you eat as much lean meat, cheese and veggies that you want, along with fat free dips, salad dressings and half and half for decaf coffees. Over the course of the past week, I've found that I no longer suffer from constant hunger or hunger pains, due to the constant snacking the "diet" calls for. Protein quantities aren't limited, so I can eat how ever much I want until I'm satisfied, and it works.

So overall, I'm doing quite well. I've already lost close to five pounds and it's only been 1 week. I'm going to continue this phase for another 1 or 2 weeks and update as I go along.

Thanks honey, for stopping by. I've been so busy lately I haven't had time to drop in. This is my six day work week, so I'm tired as all hell, believe you me, graveyard shift can become a killer physically. I actually had to drop out of soccer because I couldn't handle it. Which didn't bother be any considering I really don't enjoy playing it NEARLY as much as I enjoy basketball.

Much love to you, sweetie!! (((Big hugs)))
 
Apparently, you are to much woman for Mr C and your brother. LOL! Good job.

I tried the south beach thing for a while. It wasn't too bad and I did lose some weight on it. It wasn't for me though, I liked the flexibility of simply calorie counting. Mind you I think cutting out sugar and refined flour is spot on. Don't stay in Phase 1 for too long, I think its only supposed to be for one to two weeks if I remember correctly. You don't want to lose too much, Miss Skinny-Thang (where are you weight-wise these days?). At least in Phase 2 you can mix in more complex carbs which might help your energy levels in weight training. Not that I'm an expert or anything. Most of the time I am talking out of my ass!

Love ya, doll.
 
lusciouslemon said:
Hey, I was watching America's Next Top Model. I was very disappointed that I didn't see you on there,yet. LOL.
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LOL...haha. As flattering as that is, I wouldn't be caught dead on that show. Honestly, Hollywood is so far from what I consider normal, that I wouldn't last a day in the town. I've been to Cali once, and was so intimidated, that it was enough.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm doing phase 1 for three weeks cause I cheated the first week....lol.... No more than that because it wouldn't be smart given my activity level.

It's true though. I hardly have any energy to workout with. I find that working out on my scheduled work days tires me when I finally get to work. I do alot of walking at my job, so that plus weight training and my current diet were fatiguing me. Which is alright, I've built up enough muscle for right at this moment. I'll simply continue on with it once I re-intruduce complex carbs back into my diet.

At his moment, I'm not sure where my weight is. I gained ALOT back when I started weight training. The scale registered that I'd loaded back on twenty pounds, but I know alot it is muscle. I think though, honestly, one eight to ten of it was most probably muscle. So that tells you how many lbs I gained back. Needless to say, I'm still trying to fit comfortably into my size 4's while at the time, maintain my muscle mass. It's inevitable that I will be losing some of the bulk I gained, but at the same time, I can always gain it back and then maintain with low GI complex carbs.

Mom's coming to pick me up so we can go get her glasses and then go out for omelets. So I have to go.

I love ya, love ya, love ya too honey!!!
 
Haven't been around here in a while my loves, life has been crazy!

Today is my second day off of work, and needless to say, I needed the break. I work now six days in a row. Not only do I get tonight off, this is also my weekend so Saturday and Sunday I get a break as well. It's definitely needed.

Other than my hectic schedule, life is well. Yesterday I hung out with two of my boys and my brother. We had a blast, as usual. Despite having just broke up with his girlfriend, Mr. C was in exceptionally high spirits. I suppose the explaination would be the fact that he broke it off and not her. Apperantly she didn't want the serious relationship that he did, and her confusion toward their future led to his frustration and their eventual falling out.

Last night he told me he's the kind of man who needs a woman at his side, and as sweet as that may sound, I'm afraid he may be in the 'desperate' stages. His ripe old age of *gasp* 20 is leading him to start internally panicing, I think. Understandable, it isn't, considering he's still young, almost a baby to the social worlds standings. He's got plenty of time, and I told him this. Its only been two days and already he asked the room if any of us knew anymore 'hotties'. I fear his 48 hour rebound will lead him to emotional instability toward any relationship in the future. I'll do anything I can for him, of course, but I honestly do fear that his constant need and yearning for another-a complete stranger waiting to capture his heart-is his downfall.

He's not happy unless he's in a relationship, and though that *is* understandable, I think he needs to realize that to be truely, undeniably happy is to love yourself, and be happy with who you are and your life regardless of the codependency of another. He's not yet figured this out, I don't think, and all I can do is pray for him. I prayed for his happiness and he found Amy. If I continue, I can only hope he'll remain optimistic and joyous regardless of his lack of a woman.

On the weight loss side of life, I'm doing well. This new protein diet is absolutely amazing. For the past month, I haven't binged once simply because I do not crave the high carb-refined sugary foods that I used too. I haven't had a chocolate bar in over four weeks, and I'm not shedding a tear over it. Truth be told, it's not that I wouldn't enjoy a cinnabon or Ice Cream anymore, the fact is, I simply don't crave sweet treats as I once did.

It would seem I also feel better eating the way I do now, using veggies, beans, lean meats and nuts to constitute my food plan. There are so many different combinations so I never get bored. After today, I'll be slowly adding fruits and whole grains back into my daily routine. From there, I'll have to come to understand how my body will register the carbs, and play it by feeling. If this works the way I intend it too, my body will have found a new appreciation for complex carbs and metabolize them differently then when I was putting on weight.

When I look in the mirror, I can see my body beginning to show positive results from my Bowflex Extreme. I feel stronger and I can definitely see definition. In my arm especially. It's exciting, this feeling of finally starting to feel accomplished. It's been four years of dieting with constant admission onto the roller coaster of emotional havoc. It's exciting to find now that I'm in a place where I can be happy with myself when I look back and realize all it is I've accomplished this far. It's almost unbelievable to imagine that I was 140 pounds heavier. Day by day, accepting myself is still a struggle, as all of you know, I'm sure, but it gets easier as the clock ticks on.

I'm proud of myself, who I am and what I'm capable of. It's why, unlike Mr. C, I don't need someone else to be happy. I am happy right now despite the loneliness of not having a boyfriend. I don't feel depressed or miserable. I feel elated and laugh out loud at merely the thought of being alive. I'd say, at this point in my life, I'm rather healthy. Haha.

Much love and Happy Wednsday to all of you!!
 
Hello out there to all my darlings. I do hope ya'll remember this hard working girl. I tell you, it's so hard to find time to fit leisure into my work schedule but alas, to day begins my two days off and I'm DEFINITELY taking advantage of being able to come here and post!! (Expect a visit to ALL of your journals by tomorrow morning. Ya'll deserve a little love from me and I'm gonna give it to ya!!)

Wow, where to begin. I suppose I'll start with the physical aspects, given that's why I ventured here in the first place.

Oh, honeys, I have to tell you, I measured my arms last night, and now have an impressive 12 inches circumvating them. Yeppers, I've also lost about 1 and a half inches from my waist, and though I'm sure by body fat percentage is still up there, I'm slowly growing abs. I can feel them now. I can't see them neccessarily mind you, but I think you know, in a bout a year, yeah, sure, maybe. I'm excited about being patient. As odd as that may sound.

For the past two months I've been doing a remix of The South Beach Diet and it's working. I rarely crave chocolate and sweets, and *gasp* I no longer eat a whole candy bar in one sitting, only two squares. Surprising, I know, but I'm proud of myself for losing my cravings. Well, almost all my cravings. I can still stand at my counter and jug down a whole jar of Peanut Butter. In fact, just these past three days I emptied two jars. Lol. Subconciously, I suppose I was making sure I didn't have any available for my days off. Those are usually the worst. Last week, I ate a jar a night. Needless to say though, I'm full for about sixteen hours afterward. Haha.

This diet of constant protein is doing me well. I have a bit of definition for having only been doing this for four months. My arms especially are what I like showing off. Even my boys are impressed.

In fact, last weekend, Mr. C came over to write up an online application, and in the process of my helping him he said something along the lines of "You've got some pipes, Harvard. That's...." And then he turned red and ducked his head. I dared him to finish what he was about to say, but he wouldn't. Seriously though, I wonder if he was about to say "That's impressive" or "That's itimidating" or dare I say it, "That's sexy" Lol. I certianly feel sexier, that's for sure. I've also grown accustom to the nicknames I've recieved. He calls me 'Harvard' for my intelligence and his bro calls me 'Bowflex'. I suppose I've inherited the best of both worlds with those.

Since I've gotten this machine, and a job, I no longer feel inferior toward My Boys. I did before because they all had jobs and are, in the best since, physically fit. I'm set on the former and working on the latter and you know, I'm a much more patient person, I've found. As I'm getting older, I find that I'm maturing into an individual who accepts life effortlessly. I find stress to be an uneccessary extreme and will do everything in my power to avoid it. By doing so, I'm a much happier person and that works for me. I like feeling elated for simply being alive.

I do have to mention here, that one of my boys told me something yesterday that really made me feel good. I ate a HUGE lunch and commented on it and he told me "You'll still look good no matter how much you eat." It made me blush a little. It's just nice to hear something like that you know. This is the one of my boys whom I talk the most to. He and I connect on an emotional level that I haven't yet breached with Mr. C and his brother. This particular boy also told me that he believes the world would be a happier place if everyone married thier best friend. It was kinda cute that a guy would think such a thing, you know?

All of this being said, I'm doing great right now. Work is hectic, yes, but it will always be and I've accepted it.

I love all of you, my darlings and I will be back later to stop by your virtual homes!!1 (((Big hugs)))
 
Hey ya Rachel :)

So so glad you stopped by my diary. It was very nice to hear from ya. I understand your very busy too.

Congrats on all the hardwork finally paying off!!! I bet you look amazing and the compliments are flowing on in now! Take them because you deserve them. If your anything like me, sometimes I have a hard time swallowing a compliment from someone but I have to remember I deserve them and to take them with pride :)

Sounds like your a PB fanatic!! Looks like your doing great on your diet and Bowflex workouts. Your doing great!

-Sam
 
Haha! I could eat a jar of peanut butter a day, too..lol. I don't blame ya, and if that's about all you're eating for the day, and burning off the cals, what's the harm? Me, I'd gain 60lbs if I did it. :ack2:

Glad to hear you are still happy and doing well. Poor Mr. C. I know how he feels, though. I was kinda like that in my early 20s.
 
It feels so good to have the time to write here again, my lovelies.

Wal-Mart,it seems, has stolen my soul this holiday season.It feels like all I do is work. Thankfully on this, my second of two days off, I get to come visit!! Wahoo!!

Life has been an uber emotional and physical rollercoaster these past couple of weeks. I'll start with the physical and then delve into the more complicated of stresses.

As all you know, I'm a HUGE sugar freak and two weeks ago, I was hardly watching my intake. Given my TOM and carelessness, I'd put on a couple of pounds. I was totally stressed out!! Plus,the diet of endless protein I'd put myself on was hardly up to par in terms of success. Not because it didn't have the potential to work, but because I was eating WAY to much. At work one night, when I was racking my mind, I'd observed the way my naturally rail thin brother eats and noticed, after he'd bought a HUGE donut and can of pringles, he'd only eaten half. It occured to me then that maybe this Paul McKenna guy on TV has it right-naturally thin people stay thin because they recognize when they're full.

In the past, I've tried diet after diet with little lasting success. The conclusion I'd come up with is this: it wasn't the food I was eating,it was how much. So for one day I tried being able to tell when and if I was full, and though it took maybe five days to get to the point where I recognized my no-longer-hungry-switch, it's now constantly turned on.

It's going to surprise you all to hear this, but I can no longer down a whole jar of peanut butter, or stand at the counter and eat a whole half a tray of brownies. By learning how to eat conciously I now have the ability to know when I'm satisfied and I can no longer stuff myself because I will, honestly get physcially sick.

It's been a month since I've binged last and ever since I can remember, I've binged at least two days a week. The great news about all of this-I've lost seven pounds in the past two weeks!! It's not alot, I know, but given I'm eating whatever I want and still losing it, it feels like a small accomplishment. I realized on my last day of work that I can't down anymore than 300cals at lunch and I use to be able to down 6-700. Eating conciously has given me the ability to cut my caloric intake in half and ACTUALLY be satisfied and happy.

Honestly,I thought Paul McKenna's reasoning was a joke until I tried it myself. By not having to eliminate ANYTHING from my eating plan, I've single-handedly eliminated the stress of 'omg, I can't touch that donut' which would have plummeted me into a food depression and caused me to emotionally eat.

On the other side of the physical,I've orded some ACAI berry capsules. I hear they're the miracle fruit for energy,and given my demanding work hours lately, I could use a miracle.LOL.

Wow, you guys have no idea how much I've missed it here,or how much I honestly care for all of you!!

My emo rant is going to be in another post. I don't want to overwrite in this one.
 
I know I'm usually inclined to write long, thought-evoking emotional posts, but my head hurts too much now given my lack of caffeine so I'm going to make a long story short. Maybe you guys can keep up.

In the past month, I've been rejected, used, confused and now I'm emotionally fraked.

Get this-one of my boys and I had begun hanging out alot more frequently at the beginning of November and I thought maybe I had feelings for him. I told him of them and though he cared, he pretty much rejected me for my best friend. He then pursues my best friend who tells him to scram after he texts her a 'love letter' that freaks her out. Next thing I know, Mr. C hunts me down at Wal-Mart to tell me he likes my bf too.

Okay, so now I'm pissed off, not because they both like her, but because, a month ago, she was still in love with her ex, and I told both of them. So taking the opposite route of the other boy, Mr. C gives her space and in helping him out, I invited him over everytime my BF and I hung out. So for about three weeks it was the three of us against the world and it was loads of fun. I found out three days before christmas that she doesn't really want Mr.C she wants her best friend-Mr.P-who came back into the picture recently because of his break-up.

I told her to tell Mr. C but she wouldn't, and when questioning me about the situation upstairs, Mr C found out from my sister, who was lying on the floor, that my Bf doesn't want him anymore, she wants Mr.P. I thought for a moment, this would royally upset him, but to my surprise, it didn't.

Mr. C was dropping me off at my BF's and we eneded up sitting in his car for two hours just talking. The best thing to come out of all of this, in my honest and open opinion, is my newfound extrodinarily close friendship with him. Ever since he started pursing my BF, he and I have been talking alot more, usually about her, but mostly about him. Last night he came over to talk again, and ended up sleeping over.

He told my brother I'm like his counseler. He feels uber comfortable talking to me because he knows I won't judge him. His mind is my puzzle and his car is my office. It sounds odd, I know, but I honestly never thought we'd ever grow as close as we have been. I love this friendship and it would devestate me to lose it.

That being said, my parents have been realizing our recent closeness, and not questioning, but suggesting. In the past week my parents have suggested to me a handful of times that he and I should start something. Honestly, I'm tired of hearing it. They have NO IDEA what it USE to be like, and I can't handle that awkwardness again.

That part of my life is over, and after my dad sat me down two days ago, the power of suggestion theory stressed me out all night at work. Yeah, of course I wanted to 'go out' with him in the past, but it's all extremely different now. I've grown from-his-best-friends-sister-who-has-a-thing for him, to his-voice-of-reason-and-emotional-shoulder. I can't argue with being the only person in the world he can be open with. Why would I want to sacrifice it? Honestly, my bf wouldn't tell me, but she was jealous of the fact that he could talk to me and not her. I couldn't explain why that is either. He went from NOT talking to me, to so extrodinarily comfortable that he tells me anything. I don't know what changed in his own mind, but I'm happy he figured out that he can rely on me to have only his best interest at heart.

I suppose the most upseting thing about all of this, is that it makes me not only angry, but honestly, uncomfortable, when people around me suggest that he and I should be something more. Months ago I would have jumped on it, now I can't really picture it. I know it doesn't make a buttload of sense, it makes no sense to me actually. You'd think that growing closer to someone would make you think differently about them with romantic connontations not platonic ones.I can't explain it, I can't figure it out, and just like Mr. C, I'm constanly mystified by what it's supposed to mean.

Ugh, my brain hurts. LOL. Wow, I missed it here. I can't stress enough how much I have.

Much love and big hugs to all of you my dears!! ((((Uber Hugs))))
 
Just stopping in to say hi rach!!!

once again, i have strayed away from the forums busy with life, im glad to see your still here though, i miss you!!

Trevor
 
Trevor10 said:
Just stopping in to say hi rach!!!

once again, i have strayed away from the forums busy with life, im glad to see your still here though, i miss you!!

Trevor
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I know rite? Life is so hectic, honey!!! I miss the CRAP out of you too!! I've been so stressed out lately and my friends are what make me happy. I need to talk to you again. LOL.

Wow, babe. Life is just a whirlwind. I know you know what I mean!!

Big hugs, darling!!
 
Hey Rach, I haven't been on here for months. I want to say a quick hello and say that its nice seeing you write again. More temptation to visit the forum...
 
Hi - I strayed away from the forum for a while and I see that you have done the same. I hope that things are going well for you.

I am back now and officially in maintenance.

I am kicking off a challenge in a few days time with points for people in maintenance and I immediately thought of what an awesome showing you would make in such a challenge. Your food control is so tight and your running and sports simply amazing. I wish that I could do as well with maintenance as you have done. In three weeks I have already been above my zone once... It is that notion of having to cut back on the program to stop losing more weight and how much to cut back. How to bring yourself to reintroduce when you cut back too much.
 
Merry Christmas.

I hope that things are going well for you.

It would be great to hear how you are. I tend to hang out more on ANOTHER DIET FORUM these days - the link is near the end of my diary to my photos...

That forum tends to suit me better as it has lots of challenges and stuff for maintenance. Lots of the old gang hang out there now... :)
 
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