My Story

rayrayx3 said:
oh my god thats amazing :) im so impressed right now and youve inspired me to lose the measly 30 punds ive been wanting to lose, and i thought that would be hard! i am 14 years old and i weight 184 so we're kind of similar. Thats amazing you lost that much weight and you must look amazing!

thank you :)
-rachel
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Hi Honey!!! :waving: Welcome to my journal and I LOVE your name! It's so pretty.

I'm so very, very happy I could be such a motivation to you. This weight loss struggle is hard, you're right, but you know what, we get through it. It becomes a personal hell, yes, but in the end, we feel amazing and accomplished and overall, healthier and happier. I hope you do well on your weight loss, Rach. I'm over here rooting for you.

If you need anything, just type away. I'll be here to continue inspiring you, deary!! (((Big hugs)))
 
Welcome to my weekend updates, my lovelies!!!

This week has been awesome so far, and I'll tell all of you why.

Fist of all, I've been traded over at my job. You can call it a promotion perhaps. Instead of only a temporary associate, I've become full time. This is great considering I was at a loss where the next paycheck would come from after the remodeling of the store is over. I've transistioned from Set-up Associate to Groccery Stocker and I love it. It's so stress relieving to work a whole aisle of freight by myself. Aisle 6 is my baby. It's the canned goods aisle and since everyone but me is afraid of the heaving lifting, it's become my nitche. I love it. I can keep my muscles warm at my job as well.

When I was working out yesterday, my father noticed my definition and complimented me on it. He says I look amazing for only having been on this Bowflex program for four weeks. In fact, tomorrow, I become his personal trainer. He says he wants to start rebuilding the strength he had in high school and college. Of course I jumped on the chance to help him. If I really do want to become a personal trainer, he'll be my first victim. LOL.

This weekend my brother, my boys and my girlfriend went to see Wanted. Surprisingly it's a very, very good movie. I didn't think I'd enjoy it nearly as much as I did, but truth be told, I found it quite captivating. The story line is impressive as well as the cinematography. If any of you have your doubts about the movie, don't. It's well worth going to see it.

On the way home, Mr. C and I had an argument about who sang the song 'Superman'. He was adamant that it was James Blunt and in the meantime, I'm trying to convince him it's John Ondrasik. Needless to say, after he looked up the album on my MP3 player, he found I was right and then said I was getting annoying after I told him to pay up on his bet. I thought nothing of it, to be honest, and when he apologized afterward, I almost had to rethink why he was sorry. When I asked him what he was sorry for he admitted to me, in one of his rare, captivating moments, that he's not usually one to apologize and he was sorry for creating an argument. To be honest, his rare honesty in that moment actually flabergasted me. I figured we were just playing around, but he was honestly afraid he offended me somehow. Of course I reassured him that he's forgiven and to not worry about it. When we got out of the car, he once again apologized and admitted he gets supremely argumentative at times. I told him I'm well aware of his personality and that the incident in the car was softcore compared to the arguments I have with my sister. He laughed at this and then we went our seperate ways.

This whole situation astounded me a bit. He's never been so...soft.. toward me and it honestly pulled on my heart strings a bit. My brother took him home that night and Mr. C impressed upon him that he respects both my brother and me and wants us to know that. His brute honesty on Friday was a rare happenstance, and it only makes me respect him even more. Alot of people just don't realize how awesome a guy he is. I think maybe I'm beginning to realize it too much...

Another note I'm proud of is my ability to beat all of my friends on the PS3 game MLB: The Show. The game is the reason we went to Madison on Friday. My bro and I split the price after becoming addicted to playing the three inning demo. So far I've beaten three of my guy friends by at least three or more runs. Needless to say I'm rather proud of myself. I absolutely LOVE baseball, it's been my favorite sport since I started watching it on my living room floor curled up with my dad. Now I'm able to kick the pants off anyone I play. Well, for now anyway. I haven't yet played against my boys, but I'm not holding my breath. They're incredibly skilled at everything they do, so the victory card is almost expectant when it comes to them.

Alright well, I'm off. I've chores to complete before I snooze for a bit. I'm back to work at ten tonight.

Much love to my lovlies!! (((Big Hugs)))
 
Congrats on the promotion Miss Queen of the Canned Goods! :hurray:

Men, chocolate and sex--what else is there to talk about?? :biggrinjester: Oh, yeah--world peace, politics, religion, sports, travel, the environment....

Superman? I thought REM sang that. Yes, I'm old. I don't think I've even heard of the Superman you're talking about. :biggrinjester:

Ah, good ole Mr. C. He's learning that you can't win an argument with a woman--especially when she's right. ;)

I think your dad is lucky to have such a kick-a$$ PT.

My Bowflex is making me very, very happy honey. I need to give it a name.
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Li'l Bow wowflex? :D A little long. I'll keep thinking.

You're starting to sound like a bowflex commercial. Are you a grandmother of four who can now rock a bikini like she did back in college? LOL.
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OMG that is hilarious!! :rofl:
 
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hey hon...long time not been here. things have moved on..apart from the boy troubles i see. ;) WTG on the promotion :hurray:! that bowflex sounds amazing. i can't wait till i lose some more weight and start concentrating more on what my body looks like. hope you are doing well. x
 
I'm so glad that your Bowflex is making you feel as attractive as you are.

As for being intimidating, don't worry about it. I've been told the same thing--not for beauty, but because I've got a handful of degrees, higher GRE scores than everyone I know, the kind of brain that picks things up from everywhere, and a mouth that's ready to shoot off at any occasion. (I feel boastful saying that, but it's true--it doesn't make me smarter than other people, it just means my smartness is on more display)

My attitude is that anyone who can't keep up or is intimidated by that isn't worth my time. The people I've fallen in love with have been brilliant, secure, and ready to match me point for point. How could I ever look for anything less? So my point here is not to worry about being intimidating. It just keeps off the people that aren't going to be right.
 
This has been a so-so week this far, you guys.

At the beginning of it, my dumbbutt brother decided he was going to say something that tremendously wounded whatever self-esteem I was finally building up.

When I confronted him about it, he, at first, thought I was over-exaggerating then realized, out of shock, how little I think of myself. He said he honestly had no idea but completely understands where my lack of confidence is rooted. He meant no offense, I know,and the whole situation would have been stagnant if it weren't for the deep recess that holds my doubt and self-deprecation.

My sister reported to me, the day after he stabbed my self-esteem with a six-inch blade, that 'embarrassed' isn't the word he would use when it comes to the way I dress. In short words, he thinks I dress like a slut. This tugged at both my heart strings and my anger switch. He's so adamant in his conviction of *not* being protective of me, and yet, he tells my sister this.

Contrary to what he believes, he's extraordinarily protective of me to the point of yelling at one of our friends to get his hands off of me. I don't think he realizes how much he honestly *does* care. He tells everyone he doesn't, but it's a load of crapola.

When I relayed all of this to my dad, he reassured me on a number of points. One, is that I look pretty darn amazing considering where I came from. Two, my brother was ignorant of the inner conflict I suffer daily, and to have finally told him was extremely healthy for me, and three, that I don't dress like a streetwalker and he promises that if I ever do, he'll keep me locked in the hall closet. Basically, my father reassured me on all the points I was trying to strengthen in my own head. He's the man in my life that I trust implicitly and his word trumps all others.

As you guys can tell, it's been a tough week for my self-esteem. It's always hard when it gets batted around like a birdie between the rackets of 'I'm attractive' and 'No I'm not'. This is why I had to take time out of my five hours of personal daytime to write in here.

You guys have always been here for me, and I really wish I could visit your journals more often. Work exhausts me both physically and mentally and it seems all I do now is earn a living. Welcome to Adulthood, huh?

Speaking of work, I had an incident I wasn't to thrilled about yesterday. A friend of one of the guy's I work with decided he was going to hit on me while I was stocking the canned ravioli. It occurred to me, after he wouldn't stop looking at me while he was talking to my coworker, that he would most probably approach me with some crackpot come on line. Which is *exactly* what he did. In the manner of all chauvinistic pigs, he looks me up and down, winks at me and says "Oh, baby, if you weren't a baby" after which he makes a subtle, yet obscene gesture and walks away smiling. There was more to this than that, but that was were I grew thoroughly disgusted.

During break, I told my co-worker to tell his piece of slime friend that I didn't appreciate getting hit-on, much less at my place of business. He agreed completely and told me he'd lay into him tonight. He told me that after his friend came on to me, he sought my co-worker out to mention how hot the cutie in aisle 6 is. My friend said he drilled him out, telling him I'm much too young and to keep his mind off of me. Truth be told, what offended me the most was the fact that this guy called me a baby and I gurantee you I'm five times the responsible adult this piece of crap is.

It was honestly pathetic, you guys. I told one of my boys, who actually happened to be working the same aisle with me, that being hit on in such a way makes me extremely uncomfy. It was cute how interested he was in what happened at the other end of the canned foods. It amused him when I recalled what happened, but at the same time, I think he was a teensy beensy protective of me too. It's cute how many of my guy friends would take a bullet for me, you guys. Not only my boys, but my co-worker as well. I appreciate and respect them all like nothing else, just for caring about me. It really makes me feel like awesome.
 
Hey there :)

I'm sorry to hear about the scuzzy week... We all have those once and awhile. Your brother is your brother. That really sucks what he said to you but, I bet he didn't realize that it would hurt you as bad as it did. Shame on him for that and maybe now he will be more careful with his words when he talks to you. You guys are all young adults now and certain words definitely begin to mean more as you get older. I remember when I was probably 17 or so and my little brother called me a faggot... My dad was in the room and royally flipped out on him (I wasn't even "out" at the time)... My little brother began to realize there were certain words that are off limits. Your brother telling you that you look like a slut, etc. should probably be one of those things, imo.

Sorry to hear about the creep at your work. I guess it all comes with being beautiful now, lol... Don't let it ruin your day or upset you too bad. According to the 4 Agreements, :) What other people do and say actually has nothing to do with you. You had nothing to do with what he said/did and that is all there is to it. You can't control what he did, so don't blame yourself either. He sounds like a disgusting piece of shit, and so the next time he dares try and say something to you, you and your friend have made it pretty clear that he will be getting a can of ravioli to the skull, lol...

It's so funny how we can appear so strong and everything on the outside but still be struggling so badly on the inside. It's the truth and it sucks. No one ever said that this was going to be an easy road for us, and we for sure now know it isn't. All we can do is take each day and obstacle as it comes. No one expects us to be perfect but, we expect that of ourselves for some crazy reason... I don't expect people to be perfect and flawless, actually it's quite refreshing and comforting when I find out they aren't because then I feel I can relate to them better.

Hang in there and keep working on that bowflex. I'm actually very excited for some pictures of your progress when you feel comfortable and ready ;)

-Sam
 
Sammy, you know you always make me feel like awesome after reading your posts. Thank you so much, honey. I really appreciate it. ((((Big Hugs)))) Oh, you bet. There will be pictures. Not yet though cause I want just a teensy-weensy bit more definition.

You're right. It really is a comfort to know others are floating in the same boat we are. I've found that naturally thin people cannot grasp the idea that us *now* thin people have little to no self-esteem. My philosophy has become 'if you haven't been there, you cannot fully understand'. That's why all of us here can familiarize in some way-because all of the obstacles and struggles we go through are rooted in the same place...the yearning to be and feel more attractive.

Saturday morning was certianly an interesting one for me, you guys. At one thirty in the morning I helped a familiar customer find the Wheat Thins and it turned in to a bit more. I recognized this guy as a tennant to the people I use to babysit for. It's been a year since I've sat for their young boy so naturally this guy didn't recognize me. After I asked him if he found the Wheat Thins, he asked me if he could say something about me. At first, I was a bit reluctant to say "Okay, shoot" because I feared he'd tell me I stocked something wrong. Instead, he continues to tell me how he thinks I'm an extrodinarily beautiful woman, how I have beautiful lips and a great butt and that he's single and is looking for a girlfriend so we should hang out. Before I could respond to any of this, he tells me his name at which point I told him I know his name because he and I use to run into each other at my other job. He was astounded, to say the least, and then continues to make small talk until the point where I tell him I have to get back to work.

This guy was really nice you guys, he was, but truth be told, I'm just not interested. Work and life are taking up so much of my time right now, and so far, I've been hit on three times in the past week in the wee hours of the morning. After all was said and done with this young man, I was more annoyed and embarrassed than flattered, to be honest. For some reason, I don't appreciate being approached in this way at my place of business. I have an issue with being distracted from my work, I think. I hate slacking an anything to the like, so I guess subconciously, if I'm distracted I feel it's slacking in some way. I can't really explain it. I tried explaining this to my sister and she tells me to get over it and be flattered that I'm getting so much attention.

I'm not stupid or neive, yes, it does feel good to recieve positive attention, but at the same time, I just *don't* want it at work. How else are you going to get a man?, my sister asked me and I can see that view point. I just don't know how I feel about anything that's going in my personal life right now. My head is wrapped around my job and my impending birthday plans, and I can only take so many subjects at one time.

Speaking of which, I found out yesterday from the male co-worker who's company I actually *enjoy* that my brother is going around saying I'm *not* single. He's been telling this guy I have *a man*, which, as you guys can imagine, irritates me. Perhaps it's some way of subtly protecting me, I really don't know. This co-worker mentioned how I was made of awesome and when I responded, 'then tell me why I'm still single' he replies with, 'You're not. Don't you have a man? Your brother said that your man wouldn't like hearing that my friend called you 'baby'.' This took me by complete surprise. I understand that my bro is trying to be protective of me, but I don't advocate his dishonesty. I'm a tough chick. I can hold my own. I'm going to have to have a little chat with my brother about his little 'rumors'.

Anyway, I have to go. Only five hours left before I clock back in to work. Much love and peace to all of you, my dears.
 
If getting hit on at work (even if it's by slimeballs) and your brother getting annoyed over the men falling all over themselves b/c of you is the worst of your troubles, I'd count yourself lucky..lol. There will always be issues and problems in life, so if your current ones are mainly caused by the fact that you are suddenly irresistable to the male sex, I wouldn't worry about it too much. :biggrinjester: I know you're not going to like what I'm about to say, but you'd better get used to dealing with men hitting on you, b/c unless you gain all your weight back or become middle aged over night, it's not going to end any time soon. :) Better to let comments from idiots roll off you like water off a duck's back and not take them to heart or mind. It'll only frustrate/upset you. And I don't want my Rae frustrated or upset. :hug2:

In meantime, slug your brother for the slut comment and for telling everyone you've got a man. :biggrinjester:
 
This is going to be a morose week, and I'll tell you guys why...I think I'm two clicks away from being in the four letter 'L' word, and I'm trying EVERYTHING in my power to will it back.

Given you all know who the object of my affection is, I'm not going to delve into the sixty degrees of falling hard. It would seem I've replaced a physical hell with an emotional one. My mind is a roller coaster of obstinate loops and complicated twirls-a ride that can only end after the flickering lights have burned out. When I realized I pray every night for his happiness and not my own, it dawned on me-- what I feel surpassed attraction a long time ago.

For the past week and a half, I've been trying to convince myself that what I've been feeling for the past six+ months is based off of convienance and not an innate understanding of his character. Needless to say, none of my internal coaxing has allieviated the persistant thoughts of him that pulsate through me. I'm trapped by this attachment absolutely, and it's made me angry at myself, my life and dare I say it, at times even God.

This is what happens in life I know, attraction and attachment are what make the world go round, I understand this. This betrayal of my heart doesn't have me questioning why, but instead, why him? I love this boy with everything I am, but what we have is so extrodinarily delicate, I can't ruin what we've built back up in the past six weeks by telling him that he makes me lose sleep. I fear I'll sound like a complete and utter moron if I were to admit to him what I *actually* feel.

Part of me wants him to never know-the other half wants him to know so badly it's tearing at my silent resolve. This being nineteen and biologically prone to the desire for love and commitment is killing me. I don't want to wreck what we have, but at the same time, I'm interested in what would become of us if I admit how I see him.

This is a catch 22, and for the past four days I've been trying to decide what to do, ad nauseum. He's lonely, I know, and in the same sense, so am I, but I don't have the courage to tell him 'I'm here for you'. I fear that would freak him out in the worst of ways.

Writing this now, getting my words on paper is seminally helping my frustrations, but I gurantee you tonight at work I'll be thinking about what to do.

My fear of rejection and loneliness is trumping anything else I could be feeling right now. Of course, that's the usual too, isn't it?

I don't know what to do you guys. I'm conflicted to the point of being stressed.
 
Well, I doubt I'll be much help to you, b/c Mr. C confuses the hell out of me, too. :D Personally, I think he likes you. And knowing what he does about how you feel, and being lonely himself, I don't know why he doesn't make a move. I really don't. The only possible explanation for it is that he is extremely shy and scared of rejection--although I don't know why he'd be scared of that since you let him know that you wouldn't reject him. So I just dunno. :willy_nilly:

Good luck! :hug2:
 
Today is going to be the start of a wonderful weekend, you guys. Finally, the saga of frustration between Mr. C and I is over, and you know what, it feels amazingly liberating.

Last Monday at his brother's softball game, I met Mr. C's latest interest, Aimee, and she's adorable. So yes, Mr. C has finally gotten himself a woman, and no, it isn't me, and I'm more than okay with it.

This feeling of liberation and lust for life I've acquired over the past five days is inhebriating. When I met Aimee, I didn't feel one ounce of jealousy or envy or even think "What does she have that I don't?", none of these crossed my mind and it hit me...I must have never really wanted a relationship with this guy to begin with.

Honestly, I think I was caught up in the idea of something not the reality of it. I know for absolute certainty that Mr. C never once thought I was ugly or unattractive. It's thinking the opposite that scared him, I'm sure. In the past, we've stepped on egg-shells in our friendship, always afraid to talk to each other because we feared what our mutual friends would say. Now that they know that he's not interested in anything romantic and neither am I, they'll leave us alone about it, and we can get back to being just friends.

Yesterday, he, Aimee,my siblings and another friend of ours went to see The Mummy three, and Mr. C and I actually had a REAL conversation without the underscore of tension. It was SO GREAT you guys. This new feeling of appreciation I have for him and all of my friends is sobering.

On Thursday while I was stocking aisle 10, I had an amazing epiphany about it all. Everything that has and hasn't transpired between Mr. C and I has made me, mentally and emotionally, the tough cookie that I am today and I owe more than half of my growing up to this guy, and one day, I'll thank him for it.

There's a secret in life that I discovered in the past 72 hours, and the moral is this: In life there are things that you cannot change, and if you don't accept that fact, and view it with the most positive outcome, everyday will be miserable. Because of all of this, I'm now able to walk through life with an intimately innate understanding that it's my mindset that inevitably determines my day-to-day happiness. Understanding that it will not always be my way or the highway, and accepting postively the spontaneous surprises life throws at me, will ultimately make me a better person, because I will be happy.

Right now, I'm extrodinarily happy, moreso than I've been in a long time. It doesn't make sense, I know. Usually girls are more excited about being asked out than not, but not this one. I'm so very, very excited about Mr. C's and my new platonic relationship, I see it going further than anything else ever could have. Truth be told, so does he, and it's why he never made a move. I don't feel that it isn't because he didn't want to, but because there was too much at risk. And looking back on it now, I'm glad there is nothing romantic between us. He's one of My Boys, you know, he's part of my crew, and I never want to ruin that.

This week is going to be a good one, I can feel it you guys.

This is the start of the new me. I have so much focus on myself now, that it's exciting for me to be growing up. That may sound odd, I know, but I find maturing in my life to be a pretty fullfilling happenstance.

I feel now as though I'm more compassionate, understanding, and more caring than I've ever been and I like this new me. This new me is more tough, more loving and even more open-minded than before.

The future is exciting me you guys and I can't wait to jump into it's mysterious pool.
 
It's about bloody time Mr. C made his intentions clear--even if they aren't what I suspected. :D

I'm glad you're handling this so well. Some day Mr. Right will come along. In the meantime, have fun and enjoy life, as it sounds like you are already doing. :)

:hug2:
 
I must admit that I am surprised regarding Mr C.
I am pleased that you know where you stand - and are handling the situation well.

I will say that your sister is right. You will be limiting things far too much - if you insist on not considering someone who approaches you at work. You spend a lot of time there and will meet a lot of people there. It is perfectly reasonable that if we meet someone we will flirt a little - wherever that may be. You could crush or deny some of the best possibilities that come your way - and lose out by it.

We can be a responsible employee and have a professional approach to our career while still having an approachable demeanor. The "ice maiden" look can have it's limitations.

I have to say that I always thought that Trevor would be an ideal match for you. There is much to be said for someone who understands where your mind is.
 
I was just browsing your journal and your before/after pictures are mindboggling. You are one gorgeous chica! What an awesome job!!
 
Kim and Marg, thanks so much for all of your encouragement and advice!! You ladies brighten my day when I'm on here visiting.

Needless to say, I was surprised by the result of all of this mind-boggling of Mr.C as well, but in the end, I realized I perfer things this way. The way I see this, our relationship can only get better now that there's not the same kind of awkwardness.

Yesterday was spent at the soccer tournament of my boys. I went straight to the field after work, so needless to say, sleep was neglected for a twenty-four hour period. It was worth it though. I really enjoy watching my boys play. All of them are so talented. My brother has improved so much over the last year. I'm so proud of him. If he keeps practicing, he's going to become an amazing soccer player. I'm definately enouaraging him in pursuing this hobby.

In the other hand of life, I'm currently studying typology. It's a branch of pschology devoted toward the study of personality. It fascinates me.

Apparently, I've a Devoted-Dramatic-Vigilant personality. In short terms, my emotions and relationships are the key domain of my existence.
I think, act and feel with my heart. Giving without question and expectation gratifies me, as does the knowledge of knowing the positive impact I make on the lives of those I love. In my opinon, this book I'm reading is pure gold. It's shockingly narrowed me down to a T. The best news is I've a healthy personality with the ability to bring happiness to those around me. I hope this stands true for the rest of my life. lol.

Maverick, thanks honey for stopping by and thank you especially for the compliment. As everyone else on this board, I appreciate them. Stop by whenever you can, sweetie, I like new people.

Much love and hugs to all of you.
 
Hi, Rach, just dropping in to say how proud I am of you for dealing with everything that life and Mr. C have thrown at you lately. You've been handling it all magnificently, as usual.

Sophie
 
There's good news and bad news this week, my lovlies.

The good news is, I finally go back to work tonight. Truth be told, I was going crazy there having so many days off. I actually *miss* my job when I can't do it for a while. Crazy, I know, but that's how much I enjoy it.

The seminal bad news is that I think some weight has slowly crept back on me. For the past two weeks, I've been supplying my constant hunger with late night binging.

Honesty though, I cannot physically *tell* if I've gained back some adipose tissue. There are times when I think I have and times when I'm sure I haven't. The scale judges my current weight at about 160, and that would freak me out, if I wasn't consistantly using my Bowflex. I don't really know how much of that is muscle mass and how much is body fat. I highly doubt I've gained back twenty pounds of adipose tissue because then I would *really* be able to tell.

All of this is so new and frustrating for me, yet, I continue to travel down this path with a gait of postivity.Given I've been determined to bulk (which I have) I'm going to try and drop merely five pounds to see what happens. I know for a fact that experimentation is crutial when trying to maintain after bulking, and I also know that 'cutting' after desired muscle definition is reached is also common.

I'm going to change my ticker as a mode of motivation, too. I've not only the willpower, but the ability to drop some weight back off and I promise you guys I will. I'm taking babysteps again, though. If, in the beginning, my goal is too high, it'll only set me up for dissapointment in the end.

Naturally, I'm going to keep you guys updated on how I'm doing. I'm really excited about this. I'm convinced I can do it. I'm also considering perhaps, investing in some whey protein powder. I'm thinking maybe it'll curb my appetite by providing me the necessary amount of protein that my body craves.

Much love and Happy Tuesday to all of you, my honeys!!
 
Great.

I'm watching Cold Case files and spotted a Hooker who has a belt like mine. LOL. Funny and...disturbing at the same time.

Anyway, life is well right now. This weekend I hung out with my boys, their sister and Amy. We had a blast. We went to see Tropic Thunder and it was well worth the ten dollars the Ultra Screen charges us. It was the first actual *funny* movie we've all seen in a really, really long time. Usually such movies end up being stupid, but this one was genuinely belly laughable. Of course, that may have to do with the fact that Ben Still produced it. I love him, and his daddy too.

Work is hectic and enjoyable, as usual. Towards the beginning of the week, we have a rather light freight load, so needless to say, last night we had very little. By first break everything was shelved so I spent the rest five and a half hours organizing the overstock bin for aisle six. ICS dayshift doesn't know how to keep things tidy, I tell you. There were boxes for aisles seven and eight mixed in with the canned foods. It irritated me to say the least, but I fixed it and by six thirty, I felt quite accomplished for having just organized all of the backstock for one HUGE aisle.

I slept until five today,the reason being the aforementioned. I vaguely recall one of my boys coming over to get the soccer balls. Usually these interactions are better remembered in my head, but I was so out of it, I don't know if it happened or not. There are times when I just feel out of my mind. Haha.

My workout schedule is still going well. I try for about an hour a day to hop on my Bowflex. It really makes me feel good when I exercise my muscles. I try and take a rest day once a week, however, or I'd be overworking my body.

Whey protein was my huge investment this week. So far, I've found it quite beneficial. It keeps me full more than anything and not to mention, it feeds my muscles. The brand is BodyFortress and it tastes like a chocolate shake. I love it.

There's more of my life to write about, but at this moment, my fingers aren't wanting to type it out. That being said, I hope all of you are having a wonderful start to your week!!!

Much love my lovelies!!
 
Hello whirlwind-diary-writer!!! Whew quite a lot has happened. Here's my tidbits since I have been such a neglectful big sister:

Mr C.-- Thank god Mr Confusion is now Mr. Made-Up-His-Mind. You do know it is okay to be a teensy bit disappointed? It may cause a little twinge of pain in the heart (or self-esteem) to admit it, but if could have been nice to have things happen differently. Either way, its okay. You'll be fabulous always!

Weight gain -- Curb the binging, but recognize that the scale isn't everything. I don't know how I am going to come to this realization myself. We needed to lose weigh which is great. We made up our minds and focused on it. In turn it has become a bit of an obsession out of necessity. How to switch off the obsession switch and maintain the weight? I haven't resolved this yet. We'll manage somehow.

I am so proud of you and what you've managed to accomplish. You have your entire life to figure out the rest. My best piece of advice is to NEVER feel like you have to do something or be something because it is what NORMAL people do. We are EXTRAORDINARY and definitely not normal. REMEMBER TO HAVE FUN!!!
 
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