My Story

Don't worry about Mr. C. However much your feelings are distracting and frustrating you, you've got the best antidote right at hand, which is work. Seriously, whenever I start feeling a little crazy or obsessive about someone, I just dive into my work, and it's almost miraculous.

And yay for the Bowflex! I can't believe how incredibly healthy and strong you've become! You're a beautiful inspiration to us all, sweetie.

Sophie
 
Hi Rae

Firstly - the photos look great. Thanks for sharing them. You should have no concerns about your appearance. No wonder the boys are paying you some attention. We would be concerned about them if they werent.

It sounds like - although hectic - things are going well for you. It is great that you like your job - and that it is enabling you to buy useful equipment which allows you to enhance your physical fitness. Also that the job is giving you a workout in itself. It is great that you like the people that you work with too. Talking to these young men will be good practice for you for flirting - a skill that I am always telling you to develop.

It sounds like Mr C is inexperienced with women - and this does not surprise me. I continue to read that situation as before. Flirt with him when the opportunity arises and do not ignore other young men that may come along. If anything is meant to happen regarding him it will. One thing is for sure - before too long an attractive man (possibly Mr C - possibly someone else) - will make some form of move that will be pretty hard to miss.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
Yeah you guys, I have time today to get in an update before my Sunday nap!!

There's alot I have to let out, so bear with me.

Given that my body is used to my new graveyard shift, I have trouble sleeping on my nights off. Friday night was a killer. I tossed and turned during the nocturnal hours.

What's worse about all of it, is the fact that my biological processes are on overdrive because I'm nineteen. Needless to say there are reasons beyond my new working routine that disallow me sleep. All of you have been there, I know, but lately, it's become overwhelming for me. My constant lust attacks are driving me insane.

I was suffocated by them yesterday at a basketball tournament. Boys, as most of you know, have no shame when it comes to athletics, so naturally, there were jerseys and pants being thrown around only to reveal physically active bodies. I swear I walked out of that gym about five times. LOL. I understand that it's unreasonable for me to want to ignore my biological impulses completely, but at the same time, it's unacceptable that I compromise my christianity by throwing the object of my affection against a wall. This weekend I've been through a personal hell, that's all I can say.

Not only is all of this overwhelming me, yesterday was spent with Mr. C and his brother and he was one of these boys with no shame. That augmented my frustration sevenfold. I don't want this. However, I can't say that I don't 'enjoy' it. I'm sure you can all understand that in it's entirety as well.

As it is, I'm trying extremely hard to aviod my particular and unyielding interest in the object of my affection, but it's honestly to no avail which I'm sure, doesn't surprise any of you. Yesterday was strange though, to be honest. It was odd because he could hardly look at me the six hours we were in the gym, and if he did, he turned away quickly and looked at the floor. This is all too new for me.

My best friend is under the impression that his attraction to me is getting stronger, with the same intensity as mine is growing. And I answered with "What's that? Unsupressed lust? The desire to have his way with me against a wall in the backroom?" I laughed about it of course, thinking it momentarily irrational, but you know, maybe she's right.

I've never dealt with boy's and their hormones towards 'me' before. He did admit to me last weekend that being twenty sucks cause he's horny as hell. I told my friend this and she thinks it was somkind of admission of how he sees me in his mind.

I know, it's completely unreasonable for me to disregard the idea that he may 'actually' feel that way toward me, but at the same time, I'm having a lot of difficulty accepting that he does. Not only him really, but men in general.

Finally being physically 'attractive' is a mindset that I just don't have yet. It has alot to do with the mixed compliments I get from people, to be honest.

This week I was told that I'm TOO thin, and you know what, truth be told, it pissed me off. I know what I'm doing. I understand my body and I'm making sure I eat enough to maintain my weight. I'm well aware that I cannot lose anymore. The reason why I'm now looking leaner is because of my strength training. I'm toning down all of my adipose tissue but remaining at the same weight. This was my intention when I bought my Bowflex.

I'm the only person who is intimately aware of my body and until I'm married, it's going to stay that way. That being said, I understand that the people I know aren't used to seeing me this thin and because of it, they're under the impression I'm underweight. That isn't it at all. At the moment, I'm floating between 142 and 145 and I intend to stay there. Truth is, I've been at 145 for a while, but I'm still 'thinning' out because of my new muscle tone. I hate how I cannot explain this to my friend's satisfactions. No matter how hard I try to tell them, they think I'm aneorexic or something. It honestly uberly upsets me.

I understand my body, I understand what I'm doing and I'm looking forward to how I'm going to look and how it's going to make me feel, so you know what, everyone else, imo, needs to back off and leave me alone. I know where being underweight is and I'm doing EVERYTHING I can to make sure I eat enough. I hate how no one believes me though. I just no longer eat when I'm not hungry and I no longer eat to fill my boredom. I eat when I'm hungry and I don't when I'm not. That's how people stay thin.

So anyway you guys, this is a struggle and a half. I'm tired of trying to convince others that I know what I'm doing. I'm just going to brush them off and make sure I'm happy internally and externally, with myself. I'm never going to be bone thin because I will just NOT allow myself to be. End of story.

My father, truth be told, is the only one who understands my situation in it's entirety because he's taken the time to let me talk to him. He's uberly proud of me and suggests that I simply continue what I'm doing and be happy with myself. He told me he'll let me know if he thinks I'm becoming too unhealthy and that's certainly not how he views me now. He's definitely a blessing to me. If I didn't have him, I don't know what I would do.

Wow, this was a long update and you know what, it's made me hungry. I'm off to raid the fridge!!

Have a good rest of your Sunday, lovelies!! (((big hugs)))
 
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Hi Rae

There is no way that someone with your appreciation of blizzards and other similar delights is anorexic!!!!!

I can fully understand that the comment that you were too thin pissed you off. You are fully aware of your BMI and what is the healthy BMI range. More aware than most people in your weight range. People who have always been there or thereabouts probably have no idea of either their BMI or where that is compared to healthy limits. We know our weight and all that stuff like other people know their name. It is part of our self reassurance that we are no longer the large size we once were - or run the risk of heading back up in that direction.

Lust and love make the world go round. It is all as natural as breathing and eating. Not sinful or wrong. It is something that everyone experiences. People are all inclined towards getting closer to the object of their affection. If this were not the case - hardly anyone would marry or have children. It is central to the pairing up process. There is no compromise to your Christian values to feel like this. These feelings are God-given and are therefore not wrong. People have been feeling and acting like this since long before Christ. It is fine for you to adhere to codes of behaviour which feel right for you - but important that you know that God will love you whether you adhere to them or act in what you see as a less orthodox manner.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
I have an hour and fifteen before I ship in to work, so I thought I'd update a little.

I decided two days ago that I do, in fact, look a bit spindly, especially in my forearms. Honestly, my forearms look tiny because my biceps are huge. LOL.

I decided, for the next week, to eat around 2,400 to 2,600+ cals in order to properly build up my muscles. I'll be careful to watch myself of course. If I feel I'm gaining back too much weight, I'll cut my caloric intake a bit.

The thing is, I'm adament on using my Bowflex and given I use it everyday, I'm constantly hungry. This is a sign that I must need the calories, imo. I eat when my body tells me to and I don't when it doesn't. At the moment, this is going to be my routine.

I found a brand of protein bar I like. It's from MetRX and usually, these things taste like crap but their products are delicious. What I love about them is the fact that they contain 60% of my daily protein intake. That's important for wanting to build up my body right.

You know, this losing weight/body toning thing really is a personal hell. I lost the weight and now I have loose skin I'm trying to tighten and it's working in some places and I'm just cautious about everything right now. What I do know for certain is that I feel amazing since I've started to eat more. I realized I no longer suffer from constant headaches. This is a good sign.

Right now I'm hovering around 145 to 149. Given my large frame, I'd look good around 150 for the rest of my life, I know. The main thing is my need to tighten up my body.

This doesn't happen right away, I know. I have to be patient. I'm setting a goal for a month from now. I want to be around the same weight with more definiton. I honestly don't want to loose anymore weight. I know that it's possible to tone without doing so. I just have to figure out how.

I'm going to PM Keith about this. He's quite knowledgeble in such things.

All right, just thought I'd update a little on my new strategy. It occured to me that no matter how healthy I am, perhaps my friends are all right-I am too lanky looking now even though my BMI is perfect. I know in life, there are things we need to hear even if, at the time, we don't want to hear them.

I have a great mindset about this though-somekind of inner peace about what I'm doing. I've lost 145+ pounds in three years, playing around with my caloric intake in order to build muscle properly is cake compared to it. I'll do just fine in this. I have no choice but to.

Happy Tuesday to all of you and an even happier Wednsday!! (((Big Hugs)))
 
Thumbs up to you! You're doing awesome--- just as I've come to expect.

As for people telling you you're too thin...tell them that's why you're working on building muscle. The fat's gone and now its time for muscle. Enough said. I'm glad things are going slow with you and Mr C. You'll both be "growing" into this relationship. If and when it happens, it happens. I find myself torn with reading your diary. Part of me reads this and is hoping for a steamy rauchy novelesque progression. LOL! But than the big sister in me says no...these are real people. If it was my life, I'd want things to go smooth and progressive and not wild and regretful (wild can be fun, lol). I'm glad the letter didn't cause problems. I'm still proud of you for sending it.

Love to you.
 
Hey Invariant, I'm new here as of the last week or so and still getting the hang of things. Also seeing people's stories as their journals get bumped up so while I've seen you post before today was the first time I read your story...and what an amazing story it is. Honestly you should be so proud of yourself...especially the fact that you got a handle on what you wanted at such a young age...more than most people can say. I wish I has been successful in my 20s but I'll have to settle for in my 30s instead. Thank you for posting your before and after pics....you are very beautiful and the change is inspiring. I had somebody tell me once that 50% of what we go through is for us for whatever reason, and 50% is so we can help somebody else through it. I always remembered that and reading your story I think you're living that. Thanks for sharing and being such an inspiration!
 
douknowjello said:
Hey Invariant, I'm new here as of the last week or so and still getting the hang of things. Also seeing people's stories as their journals get bumped up so while I've seen you post before today was the first time I read your story...and what an amazing story it is. Honestly you should be so proud of yourself...especially the fact that you got a handle on what you wanted at such a young age...more than most people can say. I wish I has been successful in my 20s but I'll have to settle for in my 30s instead. Thank you for posting your before and after pics....you are very beautiful and the change is inspiring. I had somebody tell me once that 50% of what we go through is for us for whatever reason, and 50% is so we can help somebody else through it. I always remembered that and reading your story I think you're living that. Thanks for sharing and being such an inspiration!
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Hi, honey!!

Welcome to the forum! It's great to see someone new visit here!!

I'm so happy I can be an inspiration to you. You're absolutely right, I started this diary in order to motivate others if it was at all possible and I'm glad one of those others has found their way here!! (((Big Hugs))

You're always welcome up here in my hood, sweetie!! Haha!! Hope I can see you around here again!!
 
I'm so excited for you moving into your muscle-building phase. I hope it gives you even more strength and confidence in yourself!

As to protein bars, have you tried the Genisoy Ultra? Not regular Genisoy, but the Ultra. They're a little hard to find, but they have a couple of bars I find very tasty indeed, especially the tropical one.

Sophie
 
Sundays seem to be the most opportune day for me to update, so I decided to do so again this week.

Overall, this week has found itself with both stresses and surprises. What else is new.

When it comes to my resistance training, there's good news. I've gained five pounds thus far in my training and it seems to me as though it's purely from muscle. My whole body is toning at what seems to be a miraculous pace. This machine has my brain hot-wired to work every single muscle, I swear it does. Again, my Bowflex Ultimate x2 is the most benifical investment I've ever made. It's only been three weeks and already my biceps can compete with those of my guy friends. I'm looking forward to three more weeks from now. I'll keep you guys updated on how it's going.

Yesterday my friend and I went to practice my basketball skills. She taught me some pretty impressive defensive tactics that I picked up right away. By the end of our session, I was at least thirty percent more skilled than at the beginning of it. Not alot, I know, but it's still something. I'm really hoping I do a better job this year than I did last. I know the only way for me to improve my game is with practice, but managing my time around fun and not obligation isn't very responsible, imo. I'm going to at least try and go twice a week until the season starts-weather providing of course.

Due to a surprising confrontation, I found out something rather interesting this week. While I was pushing a row of carts into storage, the female electrician at our store approached me with quite a compliment. She suggested that I be on America's Next Top Model, shockingly enough. She mentioned how I look a bit like Andy from last season and how I absolutely floored her. Needless to say I was so astonished by this that I was speechless. When we crossed each other later that night, she says to me, "Girl, I'm gonna see you on T.V next season!". All I could do was smile and say "Oh yeah, you bet." lol. The next night she told me how she was going to bring in her camera so she could send in a picture of me, after which she concludes to tell me how she spoke of me to her son. Again, this woman has managed to completely floor me and you know what, it felt really, really good to hear something like that. I never thought I would hear something as flattering as "Girl, you look like a model, I swear."

That night's lunch with my girlfriends revolved around me and their opinions on what this woman said. The popular vote was that I do look like a model and that my beauty is classic. Apparently I look foreign because of my darker set skin and facial structure, something of which I found out my friends have talked about amongst themselves before. All of this happened within a five hour period and it was a bit overwhelming.

When I told all of this to my brother in the car, he mentions to me how this woman wasn't the only one to think in such a way. I asked him what he was talking about and he continues to tell me that Mr. C has mentioned to him on a number of occasions how I look like a model--to which he adds how Mr. C's brother agreed with the observation. I think, out of anything that was said that night, this was the most suprising because, not only did I expect that he would never break the confidentiality code of his brotherhood, I finally realized why it is Mr. C cannot talk to me.

Putting two and two together, I now believe that I intimidate him far beyond what I first suspected. Intuition is telling me that it isn't just my letter that has overwhelmed him, but that fact that someone who he sees as being runway material has given it to him. I thought, at first, that he was backing off because he wanted nothing to do with me. Now I think, maybe, he's afraid of how much he's attracted to me. I hate saying this because I've always prided myself on being realistic and not setting myself up for dissapointment, but I have an odd feeling that I'm not wrong about this. It's so strange. I can't explain it.

Truth be told, part of this makes me angry. I was so sure that he was giving me space because he was weary of me and my attraction to him, I never considered that he was afraid- within himself- of his attraction to me. For my brother to have openly admitted something like that was not only surprising, but a bit stressful to me. I'm going to continue to give all of this time, but now that I know how he sees me, this whole situation is slowly changing itself in my mind. I won't bring up the situation with him, but I can't ignore that I know it. I don't know you guys. I hate being inexperienced.

Worse than all of it, I hate how intimidating my physical apparence seems to be toward the opposite sex. If I have...rendered Mr. C speechless based solely on the fact that I'm good looking, then what of the rest of the men I'll come in contact with in my life? I don't want to be this scary to talk to because I look good in a pair of heels. I'm just a girl, you know? I have ambitions, fears, dreams and problems like everyone else and their brother does. I just wish I wouldn't overwhelm him in the way that I seem to be. I think it's this realization that's making me angry.

I'm just a girl, regardless of how I look. I just really want him to understand this.
 
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Hey hotstuff! I'm glad you're having a great summer. :hurray:

I second what Margaret said about the whole hormone/sex issue. The important thing is to make sure that you are having sex with someone who loves you and who appreciates you--and that it's not just a cheap encounter--although hormonally charged, throw down sex with a stranger can be really awesome..lol. I don't recommend it for one's first time. :D Jeez, I think I sound like a total slut. :D
 
I don't have much I can say on the whole guy thing, lol. The whole relationship thing was more complex than I ever wanted to deal with so I dated very little and was single until one guy mowed me over and drug me into the whole thing, kicking and screaming, lol. Thankfully it worked out and we've been together almost 7 years now...will be having our second wedding anniversary this coming Oct. Fortunately for me he was always easy to talk to...the best ones are :) So maybe just take the bull by the horns and let the chips fall where they may? By that I mean just talk to him. Could be bad advice but I most of my risk taking turns out with a happy ending, and I'd rather know I tried then have regrets.

So I lost track of where I was in your journal and realized I missed where you got a bowflex...I'm so jealous! I want one...although lord knows why cuz we all know I'dd probably sit it in the corner and use it for a towel rack. So how are you liking it?
 
Glad to hear your doing great with the Bowflex :)

I bet you do look like a model. Your tall and from your face shots I already told you about your excellent bone structure and skin, etc. I'm pretty knowlegable about designers and old/current models in the business right now, and hell I'm a fan of America's Next Top Model too :) I actually have an old friend who is a working model in LA right now. She's been modeling for quite a few years now, and is slowly trying to crossover to films. She isn't quite as tall as you but she is pretty thin and looks like a cat, imo , lol... She's in the current AXE bodyspray commercial where she is in a bikini in a convience store/supermarket, and there is some guy in a speedo drooling over her... and it's playing some old music. Can you tell, I'm way proud of her :)

I'm glad to hear you've kind of figured out Mr. C a little bit. I'm no expert but I think your probably right on the money. It's so weird you and I, I thin k we are a lot alike. Intimidating isn't a word we would use to describe ourselves but I guess it's kinda true. When I met this guy a few months ago, he couldn't even look me in the eye and ask me a question, he kept asking my friend questions directed at me, and we were all sitting right there!!! It was so weird.

Best of luck, I'm not much help...
Take Care,
Sam
 
Hi Rae

It sounds like things are still going well for you.

Increasing your calories - although scary - sounds good for building that muscle. Loose skin is something that everyone that loses a substantial amount of weight gets to deal with for a while. At your age I think that it will naturally want to spring back - and with developed muscle tone all will be well. I doubt that my skin will spring back nearly so well - but I am lucky in that it is pretty much all hidden most of the time - and I will certainly not rule out surgery which is always an option after we have waited to see what nature will do. These things take time too.

That bowflex certainly sounds like it is brilliant for building your muscles. That is great.

As far as Mr C goes - that can take time too. I say this almost every time I speak to you. The best thing that you can do is try to get so that the two of you are alone together - and then practice that flirting. No matter how smitten he is with your looks (and he clearly is to be making such comments to your brother) - he will eventually stop being so tongue-tied when he sees how interested you are (men can be pretty dense to need further confirmation after the letter!) I would say that when your brother said that Mr C had commented that you look like a model - it would have been the ideal opportunity for you to say to your brother "I wish that he would say such complimentary things to me". If your brother realised that you had feelings for Mr C he might be encouraging towards Mr C in that direction.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
Hey guys,

I got the biggest smile on my face when I logged on here and read all of your replies. You guys are wonderful.

This weekend was spent with Mr. C and his brother, as I'm sure by now that doesn't surprise you guys given they're our constant weekend companions.

We went to see Handcock, and may I plug here that it's DEFINITELY a must see movie. It's not like your average super-hero flick. It occured to me that it was written in part by Vince Gilligan who was a main writer on my favorite T.V show of all time, so of course that explained to me why I enjoyed Will Smith's latest movie so much.

As I'm about to type the following, I'm inwardly conflicted. Again this weekend, Mr. C could hardly look at me. No, scratch that-he spent plenty of time looking *at* me, just not when I would grant him the decency of looking back. Recently, I feel like I'm driving him insane and I don't know if it's purely because suggestion theory has taken over my intuition. Yes, it was suggested to me that he views me in a certain context and now everytime I catch him staring at me, I feel like I've got him floored. This both thrills and terrifies me at the same time. This weekend was crazy for me, you guys. Not only did I constantly feel his eyes on me, I seemed to have somekind of power over him. Whenever he's around me, especially when we're alone, he's speechless, and when he stares at the floor, I feel words hanging from the ceiling like lamps. I can't blame him for any of it though. It's just as difficult for me to try and speak to him. I just can't seem too. I understand that tension can be one-sided, but in this sense, I highly doubt it is. There's too much there for me to be making it up in my head. There's no way he can't feel it as strongly as I do. At this point, I'm under the impression we're both terrified of this. I don't think this has ever been this difficult for him either.

At first, I was keeping my distance out of the fear of making him uncomfortable because of what I've written to him. Now I fear I make him uncomfortable for a completely different reason. As odd as this may sound, I can almost *feel* what I do to him. This is such a strange relationship you guys. I have absolutely and every idea of what I do to him and at the same time, none at all. I don't know if that makes sense, but I suppose you'd have to be living it in order to truely understand.

You're right Sam, you and I do have a lot in common. It was suggested to me this week that the reason why not only this boy, but men in general won't approach me easily is because I intimidate them. I asked this person why she would say that and she responded with "Are you kidding? Look at you!" That was a sweet and flattering compliment yes, but again, I wish people would understand that underneath whatever genetics I'm blessed with, I'm just a person with the same difficulties and insecurites as everyone else. Acutally, given my past, my list of self-esteem issues may be longer than the average persons. I suppose we can all relate to that though, now can't we?

I wish my father was here so I could talk about all of this with him. He's on a sole vacation until next weekend and though I know he won't mind if I call him, I just never know how to approach the subject of 'Daddy, I wish people would understand. I wish I was more self-confident and why do I always want what I can't have?' He seems to be the only person on earth whom I can talk to that won't judge me for it. Then again, that's what daddies are for, isn't it?

Douk- my Bowflex is amazing honey. Everything on my body is tightening. For the first time in my life I can feel that I actually *have* abdominal muscles. My legs are amazingly resiliant now, and I'm really starting to see definition everywhere. My brother told me today that he wishes I wouldn't wear tank-tops in public because they embarass him. I laughed and said "Why? Is it my pipes? Do they make you feel weak?" He laughed back and said he was joking, but I wonder if maybe he actually *meant* it. Then again, my Bowflex is there for the use of anyone who wants to try it out. He's got every opportunity to workout on it if he really wants to bulk as I am. It's only been three weeks and for the period of them, I haven't woken up sore or pulled a muscle. It's really the best investment I've ever made. I cannot wait until two more weeks from now. I feel amazing because of this machine.

The best part about all of this, is this one piece of amazing machinery is making me feel more sexy than I've ever before felt in my life. I couldn't suggest a better investment than a home gym.

Sammy, Kimmy, Marg, Douk, thank you guys for being here for me. On days like this I just need you guys. I love all of you.
 
sammyboy24 said:
I actually have an old friend who is a working model in LA right now. She's in the current AXE bodyspray commercial where she is in a bikini in a convience store/supermarket, and there is some guy in a speedo drooling over her... and it's playing some old music.
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I've seen that commercial. She is gorgeous--and way better looking than the skinny dude in the speedo drooling over her imo. He needs a bowflex and a cheeseburger!! :smilielol5:

Rae--I think I'm gonna have to get me a bowflex. That sounds awesome. I'm so happy that you're making all the young men in your life "uncomfortable." Really, that's great. And frankly, it's their problem more than yours. I think you are such a nice person, there's no reason for them to feel intimidated. I think we definitely need to meet up the next time I visit my friend in Milwaukee. We'd have a blast together. :)
 
Kimmy, honey, you know we will!! LOL. I think that is an AWESOME idea. I'd be so uberly excited to meet you. You know all we'll talk about is men, chocolate and sex---which happen to be three of my very favorite subjects. Haha.

And you know, that is true. I understand that it's not my problem that their intimidated by me, whether it be my looks or my newfound strength. Though there are times I wish so many eyes weren't watching me, espeically in a room crowded with people. It makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable.

Honestly though, I'm extremely outgoing and extroverted, but when I find that I'm attracted to someone, I have great difficulty approaching them. Unless they approach me first, I clam up and just smile. I wish it was easier for me.

Trevvie!!!! Wow, hon, it's been WAYYYYY to long, babes!! All in all, everything is going alright. I'm still here and happy to be alive. There's nothing more I can ask for than that, I suppose. My Bowflex is making me very, very happy honey. I need to give it a name. Though it hasn't completely replaced Treadmillio, it has, in fact, become my new intimate associate. We've come to know each other very well in the past four weeks. I couldn't imagine my life without it and right now, I'm wishing I'd gotten it sooner.

I'm taking pictures on week six to show all of you my new definition. I've set week six as my first 'mini-goal' period. I mean, it's only the beginning of week four and I've gone from crunching 80 to 140, bench pressing and lat rowing 60to 120, kickbacking 30 to 75, spinal rotating 30 to 65, leg extending 80 to 160and lower back extending 60 to 120. It's just simply amazing, hon. Not to mention that I can curl 100 now and could only do 30 before. Can you believe it's only been 21 days and I've achieved ALL of that?

The great part about all of this is that I'm finally beginning to feel sexy. Regardless of the compliments I've gotten before this machine, I still didn't *feel* attractive. Now, because I'm beginning to tone, I'm starting to. I'm actually about to cry thinking how this machine is changing my life for the better.
 
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Haha. You're starting to sound like a bowflex commercial. Are you a grandmother of four who can now rock a bikini like she did back in college? LOL.

I'm glad its working amazingly. I can't wait for pics!
 
oh my god thats amazing :) im so impressed right now and youve inspired me to lose the measly 30 punds ive been wanting to lose, and i thought that would be hard! i am 14 years old and i weight 184 so we're kind of similar. Thats amazing you lost that much weight and you must look amazing!

thank you :)
-rachel
 
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