My Story

Invariant said:
Luscious, I love you I really do. No, I don't mind in the slightest your sisterly advice. I'm taking it to heart, let me tell you.

I can tell you I've got number 2 down pat. I stare at him to the point of my stomach cringing when my pulse races. I started doing it to see if he would drop his eyes first but he never did. I can tell you that if I stare to long, it's a bit discomfitting. I think the best termonology I can use is 'too strong'. The strength of the eye contact, makes me turn away AFTER it makes my wrists warm. Crazy I tell you.

So your fiancee, he was your second boyfriend?

Like you were/are I'm sure, I'm under the belief that dating isn't for 'hooking up' but marriage. I just never saw and still don't see the point in dating someone you can never see yourself with until forever. If I'm going to date someone, it's because I can reasonably see myself rocking out with him at eighty years old on the front porch, in our double rockers and sipping our bottles of Ensure.

Truth be told, Luscious, the thought of having a boyfriend scares me. A romantic relationship, in general, terrifies me. I really think it's because I'm *so* focused on myself, that having anothing person to consume my time with seems too complicated. I don't know though, you know? Maybe if and when something ever does happen between me and a member of the opposite sex, I'll feel differently. For right now though, I'm okay being single because I can concentrate on losing these last couple lbs.

I'm really honored to have adopted you as a big sister. It's exciting!

Big hugs to you honey. Thanks for chatting with me!!
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My fiance was the second "real" boyfriend. There were two guys I went out on dates with a few times that never really panned out... oh and a friend that I may or may not have been dating... I think I wrote about that in your diary earlier during a Mr Confusion conversation. Oh and another friend that got confused about my feelings and ended up kissing me and grabbing my boob. Now THAT'S what I call awkward! LOL. I still blush when I think of that time.

I get you on the boyfriend scare. I've been there and I probably still would be if I wasn't getting married! You're a smart cookie with a wonderful personality...you'll be fine! Take the time to get to know YOU...boys definitely do complicate things.

As for the "staring": Just don't pull a Tommy Lee and lick his face to get noticed! LOL.
 
Oooh...all this talk in here is very fascinating. And I will admit that my mind did drift into the gutter--ever so briefly. :biggrinjester:

I think Lemon gave you some very good advice. :) However, for someone who says they don't think they want a relationship atm, you sure do talk about it a lot..lmao. I have a hard time trying to understand why you're so freaked out about the whole thing, as I couldn't wait to dive into the dating/intamacy thing headfirst..lol. But I'm impetuous and an incurable romantic. I should've played harder to get. haha. Anyway, just don't worry about any of it. What is meant to be will be, and my advice to you is just go with the flow. Enjoy yourself and be true to yourself. That's all a girl can do, right? :D

I, too, am willing to "sacrifice" myself for Trevor's sake. I'll eat a pint of B&J PB cup ice cream the same day you have your blizzard...That's just how good a friend I am. :rofl:
 
I was the same way as India. I didn't get a boyfriend until I was 23, and had been starting to think that there was something wrong with me and that I was destined to be the old cat lady that all the kids are scared of. Most of the time I loved being single. But I can tell you I love it so much more with a boyfriend. It's really fun to have someone else to care about, and to care about you. You'd still be able to focus on you and your goals. You'd just have someone to help you.
 
Hi Rae

There has been tons going on in here since I last popped in.

Firstly - congratulations on the running record. You are right to feel proud of running 25 miles in one week. It was also lovely that you were able to share your achievement like that with your grandmother. You will really be looking forward even more to spending your holiday with her. Running outside and having access to a fitness centre is great - you will not have to abandon your hobby - you will be able to step it up and show your grandmother in person. She is never going to believe how slim you are these days.

You and Kimberly are acting above and beyond the call of duty in your attempt to encourage Trevor. I would not make such an offer for anyone - not even hubby!

As far as long lingering looks with Mr Confusion goes - it seems to me to be very plain that he is interested. Lingering is definitely the way to go.

This is very definitely the time of life when you need to be honing your flirting skills. You will find them very useful in the years to come. I am not for one moment suggesting that you are free with your favours - what I am saying is that you do not pretend that you are a novice at a convent either. The great thing about getting your skills up to speed at your age is that the majority of the lads that you know are single or at least not seriously and permanently settled down. Therefore you can easily get in some practice.

I fully understand where you are coming from when you say that you do not want to get too serious with someone that you cannot see yourself possibly marrying. Timeframes can be important in this too. The fact is that you do not know how things will pan out until you date them for a while. The fact is also that you can date someone without it all getting too serious. I did this a number of times in my youth.

My experiences were slightly different than your other friends have posted here. I actually fell in love with a very sweet person when I was 18. It eventually did not work out - probably mainly because of a six year age difference. We were on different pages and when I was 19 and had years of college to go - he was 25 and his friends were married and having kids. Even his younger sister was married and having kids!

This whole experience made me less inclined rather than more inclined to fall in love again. I dated people - but part of me kept comparing them less than favourably with the ex-boyfriend. I certainly was not going to get serious with someone that I thought was a step down.

That was pretty much the pattern of things until I met hubby.

I can say that I was introduced to both my hubby and my teenage boyfriend by friends - and that therefore for me proved to be the most successful way of meeting boys. There is probably therefore much to be said for the notion of converting a friend into a boyfriend.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
Hey you guys! It was great to wake-up and read all of your posts. It was a pleasent surprise.

Kimmy-You're totally right. I do find myself speaking of such things quite frequently though I swear I'm not searching for them right now. I suppose I can attribute this to my hopeless romantic side that secretly wishes I'd be an 'item' already. Chick flicks take me over the edge and I always find myself wishing I wasn't single for about a minute and a half. I do think you're on to something here though. I'll let you know for certian in a few months. LOL.

And yey, I you're going to help me help Trevor!! This is so great. What good friends we are, huh?

Iluvgymnastics-I gurantee you, there was *nothing* wrong with you and I'm glad you did finally realize that. I too have considered, every now and then, the idea of my becoming a spinstress. It's not an exciting concept at all, is it? I do suppose you're right hon, having more support, especially from someone you care about, is always a good thing.

Marg-You're insights and storytellings are always so captivating. Thank you so much for them. I'm so happy you did finally find someone to settle down with who wasn't pressuring you into taking a leap you weren't ready for. And look at you now, so happy and whatnot. I'm happy *for* you!

I guess you guys have realized that I wasn't on at all yestereday. The fact of the matter is I was sick. My mother had influenza on Sunday and unfortunately, it passed its bacterial self on to me. I was in bed and living on a diet of banannas and dry toast and crackers. Thankfully I felt tons better when I woke this morning. I'm still taking it easy today and hopefully by tomorrow, I'll be completely over this bug.

Given my ailments, I'm not going to be able to pull out 25 miles again this week, but such is life. I'm still hoping to run at least two more days this week and pound out at least 15 miles total. Who knows, perhaps my body needs this rest more so than I realized. When I can't run, I do miss it terribly. It's as though my day is missing a significant part of itself. It's strange to explain really. It's as though running is *part of me* now, as odd as that sounds.

I did find out yesterday, that Scalentino is, in fact, a cheating pig. He was flashing incomprehensible numbers last night, all of them at least ten digits off. His butt is getting kicked to the 'do not resuscitate' pile. He's worthless now.

I'm getting a bit tired sitting here, writing this. I may actually consider taking a daytime nap. Anything I can do to be certian by tomorrow I'm over this sickness for sure. At six-thirty is my basketball banquet and I sure don't want to miss it.

Big hugs and much love to you guys!!
 
Ill take both you and Kimberly up on your offers. I am re-focusing myself at the moment and i will definitely be back on track. I have wanted to be in perfect shape for so long, so why stop now?
 
Right now, I'm watching Big Medicine and this woman, the sweetest thing, has just had a tummy tuck and her breasts done after loosing over 120 pounds. After her surgery, she's lying in her hospital bed crying while her husband wipes away her tears. She's speaking of how some people believe she's had this surgery in an attempt to look like a supermodel when in fact, their impressions couldn't be further from the truth. "I'm doing this so I can feel normal" she's said "That's all. I just want to feel normal."

I'm so emotional right now because of this you guys. I can relate to her on EVERY level. Weight loss doesn't leave you without physical repercussions and though you feel AMAZING about dropping pounds, you've become self-concious about what's been left on your body. I'm young, I know, and my body will conform to my weight loss, but just WATCHING this woman struggle with wanting spectators to *understand* she's not vain, simply human, is so empathy provoking. I'm drawn to this telvision screen.

While it's on a commercial, I'll update about my day. Overall, it seemed as though my Wednsday went by fast. Again, I pounded out 5.75 miles on my treadmill and burned 725 of the 2,000 cals I ate today. Because I was sick yesterday, I've only ran 11.50 miles so far this week, and I'm hoping to at least accomplish 17 by the end of it.

Okay, this woman is SO HAPPY months after her sugery, and it's got me smiling so hard I can feel my mouth stretching out my face. This is so wonderful you guys. I mean, clueless observers think that overweight people have cosmetic surgeries because they've gotten 'vain' after their weight loss, but the fact of the matter is, if you've been overweight all your life, you've NEVER felt normal and when you finally get the chance to, you just want to grasp on to it and run.

It's my opinion, that insurance providers should cover cosmetic surgeries, within reason, to all overweight account holders who have lost a significant amount of weight. I think parts of our government needs to begin to realize that obesity *is* a medical condition, and like reconstruction sugery for a mastectomy, surgical alterations for rapid weightloss should be included in medical care coverage. This is just my belief. Everyone deserves to feel special, normal, human...beautiful, and it shouldn't cost them an arm and a leg to *finally* get the chance to feel good about themselves. This country would be happier, if the people who lived in it were happier. I believe this wholeheartedly.

Wow, okay, that rant is over. I REALLY got caught up in my head there. Sorry about that. I couldn't help speak my mind though. I'm waiting up with my mother until she gets her paperwork done and if it's after ten o' clock, I can't hold back. LOL.

You know what, I'm starting to get hungry. Haha. After I run, the 500+ complex carbs I eat before nine usually hold me over until I go to bed but given I'm staying up an hour later than usual, I get to experience again early morning hunger. I'll probably have an orange or glass of milk before I climb into bed. I really don't feel like eating too much right now. I'm honestly dead tired but I promised my father I'd stay up with my mommy and I'm a woman of my word.

And look at this!! Trevor's given me an excuse to chow down a cookie dough blizzard. Thanks Trev, I'll attribute any additional adipose tissue I may gain to you, hon. You rock. LOL.

Alright, time to go post in other journals. I love you guys and I do hope you're having great Thursdays when you get around to reading this. Much love and big hugs!!
 
Congratulations on another fabulous day! I've been thinking about what my body is going to look like when I really lose some weight, and...well, I'm willing to spend some time in control top tights until I can afford something like this. Meanwhile, it's a problem I look forward to having.

Sophie
 
I can totally relate to that woman's feeling. Most people think of diets as a way to look like supermodels. They don't understand it's not just a matter of looks but a matter of self-confidence and self-love (does this word even exists?).
It does you honour to be so simpathetic with that woman. You are incredibly sensitive for being such a young girl.

*hugs*

India
 
India said:
I can totally relate to that woman's feeling. Most people think of diets as a way to look like supermodels. They don't understand it's not just a matter of looks but a matter of self-confidence and self-love (does this word even exists?).
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Of course that word exists... Maybe known as self-respect to some but it most def exists. Without real self-love you really can't love anyone else... just have strong feelings for them. Self-love doesn't mean cockiness either... it means you know what you are and change what you can and accept what you can't. Obviously that was the simple version of the word ;)
 
Darth Pooh said:
Of course that word exists... Maybe known as self-respect to some but it most def exists. Without real self-love you really can't love anyone else... just have strong feelings for them. Self-love doesn't mean cockiness either... it means you know what you are and change what you can and accept what you can't. Obviously that was the simple version of the word ;)
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I love this definition Keith. It's better than I could have ever worded it. Thank you. (((hugs)))
 
Hello Rae, darling!

I'm sorry you were down with the flu. That's no fun at all. :( But it's good to know you're feeling better, and giving Treadmillio a run for his money again. :D

Hey, I'm always looking for an excuse to eat B&J's PB cup ice cream...:smilielol5:

I'm glad you've kicked Scalentino to the curb. Time to find a better one. Scales are like men--after a few years, they just don't perform like they used to. :smilielol5:
 
bikinibound said:
I'm glad you've kicked Scalentino to the curb. Time to find a better one. Scales are like men--after a few years, they just don't perform like they used to. :smilielol5:
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Hahaha. I guess after a few years they get sick of being stepped on! Thats when you upgrade to a newer and younger one. Onwards and upwards. Sorry Trevor, at least you are still a newer model...there's life in you, yet. :)
 
Alright, last night I got done running at such a late hour, I decided not to update until today.

Yesterday, overall, was an excellent day. The craziest thing though, was that I was more hungry during the day then usual. I was already up to 900 cals by four o' clock. At my basketball banquet, I ate sweets like there was no tomorrow. Two brownies, a cupcake, a cookie and two servings of fruit. But you know what? All I actually ate for dinner was chili, and it was good. Altogether, I'm going to assume it was somewhere between 1,500 and 1,900 calories. That would have taken me into the 2,4000-2,800 range for the day. I highly doubt I ate over 1,700 cals at the banquet, but I can never be too sure.

Anyway, after I got home around ten-forty five, I decided I was going to run because I aleady had a cheat day this week. It was crazy you guys, usually if I workout past ten thirty, I'm dead tired and can't pound out five miles, but last night I pounded out 5.75 again. I also pounded off 720 calories. Which is great news given the aforementioned. This proves to me, that, as long as I'm able to run it off, I can handle things like potlucks and buffets. Naturally, I still have to restrain myself to smaller portions of food, but nonetheless, if I *want* two brownies, I'm going to eat them and not feel guilty at all. In fact yesterday morning, I really had no intention of running because I thought it was going to be *too late* by the time I got home, but I figured I'd do it anyway. I feel so proud of myself this morning for not giving up at midnight last night. I mean, I could have just as easily excused myself from the treadmill with the excuse of being dead tired, but I didn't. I pushed it out, and now there are no guilty feelings about yesterday's glutonous feeding.

That being said, I was congratulated yesterday with the 'Best Sportsmanship' award. My coach announced to the audience how I was the kindest person he knew and if I pummeled an opposing player, I always had the decency to help them up and make sure they were okay. It was flattering, up until the point where he announced; "This award belongs to my tallest player. I would have liked to given her 'Most Improved' but she's got work to do. Her brother and sister need to take her to the park." This part I was fine with until he said this..."And if anybody else wants to take her out, feel free." Of course the room then filled with roarous laughter. During the whole season, my coach and friends were teasing me that I need to start dating, so guess what got incorporated into his speech? Thankfully though I wasn't embarassed, just thrilled to have gotten the inside joke. I was more nervous for my coach yesteday because he doesn't wear ties but had to last night. The poor guy looked like he was choking on his leash. LOL. Needless to say we were all pretty happy when the awards ceremony was over.

Pics are coming as soon as I get them I promise!! I love all of you guys and hope you're having an excellent Friday!! ((Big hugs))
 
Congrats on the award, congrats on the run, congrats on having what you want while thinking about portion control. You are such an amazing person, and so deserve that award!

I hope you have a great weekend girl! ---And I can't wait to see your pics!~
 
Congrats on your award, dear! I love how your coach teases you and has a good sense of humor--as do you for not getting mad at him. :D

Nice job working over Treadmillio last night. He must love all the attention you give him. ;) He's kind of a passive doormat, though, the way he seems to thrive on being run over. :biggrinjester:

Have a great weekend yourself! :hug2:
 
I am bubbling with sisterly pride, Rae. Your entire post is exciting. That is fantastic news about the award. It is even more exciting that you could take all the ribbing without being embarrassed. See you're hot stuff and they all know that sitting up on the top shelf isn't where you belong. You belong front and center, baby!!!! I think "good sportsmanship" award has to be one of the best awards to receive... "most valuable", "most improved" talk mostly about the physical realm. "Good Sportsmanship", not only reflects on your physicality, but more importantly, on your moral fiber, vibrant personality, and strong values!!! You deserve it...and a potluck or two. Congrats!
 
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