My Story
- Thread starter Invariant
- Start date
Wow, I just got back from a very long car trip and I need some MAJOR stretching.
We had our farthest away game today. The location was 2 and a half hours away, and my sister and I were the only ones in the car with wombs. We shared a bus with nine boys. It was a testosterone frenzy, let me tell you. There was grunting and obscene laughter and I think even spit at one point.
Anyway, we didn't win our game tonight, but we didn't expect to. We lost by 9 points. I scored 5 of our 21 points and remember having at least 8 impressive rebounds. My best quarter was the 2nd. When it was over, our fanclub (who are the boy's varsity team) left and I didn't feel I played as well. I think when I'm being observed by people I care about, I do better to give it my best then when strangers are watching the game. Just something I realized right now. Maybe it's an impression thing. I want to seem impressive and not merely like a tall player without any ACTUAL skill. LOL.
What isn't usual, is my getting winded in today's game. Because of the long drive, I wasn't able to down any carbs which I usually do at least an hour before the game. I had stamina until the last two minutes of the 4th quarter and I felt myself ailing. The coach sat me out for 30 seconds, and afterwards, I seemed to do just fine. It's awesome how I can attribute physical responses in my body to what I have or haven't eaten.
On the way home, our teams ate at Wendy's. As usual, I got a chili and a juinor frosty cause I need my sweets. It's only 370 for the whole meal. That's summed my daily caloric intake to somewhere around 1370-1400.
As I write this, I'm eating 120 cals worth of Mint Chocolate Chip. I can't help myself. Basketball games make me crave sweets like crazy, especially at night.
I'm pretty sure I was hit on subtley today. Mr. confusion, you know, the one of my boys whose feelings toward me I can't figure out, actually complimented me twice. It was strange. When we were walking out the door to leave this moring he asks me "So who are you supposed to be today?" And I frown and say "I'm me. I'm always me." And he says to me. "You look really spiffy." I thanked him and laughed. I didn't even know men actually use that terminology and knowing the way this guy is, I think it was his way of saying I look pretty. See, it's mandatory on away games that we all dress up, and I wore a pants suit today that make my legs go up to my neck. I didn't think of impressing the opposite sex when I put it on this morning, I was thinking about how comfortable it would be to travel in. Needless to say, I was flattered that he said something. He usually doesn't.
My other confusatory moment was after we'd all piled in the car to go home. He starts massaging his bro's shoulders cause he knows his bro doesn't like to be touched. And I say to him "I can massage my bro's shoulders. I do it all the time." And Mr. confusion turns to me and says..."I'll massage your shoulders babe." So playing along I say..."Will you? Cause I'm very, very tense." As I expected, he blushed and waved me off. It's like...he can dish it, but when I serve it back, he can't take it. I don't get it. Usually it's alot easier for me to tell if a guy is interested. This one utterly astounds me. I'm honestly NOT all that interested in him, but I'd just like to know-for knowledge's sake- if he's attracted to me. I suppose we're all selfish in wanting to know what others think of us. In some ways, finding out can build our character too, I think.
Anyway, I'm exhausted, I'm tired and I want to hop in a really, really hot shower and stay there until my legs no longer feel like mush. It's uncomfortable having to cram into a space with hardly any leg room for five hours. I really despise it.
I'm also very, very hungry right now. It's extremely difficult for me to NOT dip my spoon into the whole pint of ice cream, but my impending feelings of extreme guilt are stopping me. Not to mention the work it takes simply taking one pound off. When I look at a cheeseburger with everything, I don't see a delicious Angus steak on a Kaiser roll, I see running for 5 miles before I burn off it's caloric intake. And in my mind, my friends, that's just WAY too much work.
I hope all of you have had WONDERFUL saturdays and will have even better Sundays. I'll be back on shortly, after I've cleaned myself up and stretched.
Much love!-Me
We had our farthest away game today. The location was 2 and a half hours away, and my sister and I were the only ones in the car with wombs. We shared a bus with nine boys. It was a testosterone frenzy, let me tell you. There was grunting and obscene laughter and I think even spit at one point.
Anyway, we didn't win our game tonight, but we didn't expect to. We lost by 9 points. I scored 5 of our 21 points and remember having at least 8 impressive rebounds. My best quarter was the 2nd. When it was over, our fanclub (who are the boy's varsity team) left and I didn't feel I played as well. I think when I'm being observed by people I care about, I do better to give it my best then when strangers are watching the game. Just something I realized right now. Maybe it's an impression thing. I want to seem impressive and not merely like a tall player without any ACTUAL skill. LOL.
What isn't usual, is my getting winded in today's game. Because of the long drive, I wasn't able to down any carbs which I usually do at least an hour before the game. I had stamina until the last two minutes of the 4th quarter and I felt myself ailing. The coach sat me out for 30 seconds, and afterwards, I seemed to do just fine. It's awesome how I can attribute physical responses in my body to what I have or haven't eaten.
On the way home, our teams ate at Wendy's. As usual, I got a chili and a juinor frosty cause I need my sweets. It's only 370 for the whole meal. That's summed my daily caloric intake to somewhere around 1370-1400.
As I write this, I'm eating 120 cals worth of Mint Chocolate Chip. I can't help myself. Basketball games make me crave sweets like crazy, especially at night.
I'm pretty sure I was hit on subtley today. Mr. confusion, you know, the one of my boys whose feelings toward me I can't figure out, actually complimented me twice. It was strange. When we were walking out the door to leave this moring he asks me "So who are you supposed to be today?" And I frown and say "I'm me. I'm always me." And he says to me. "You look really spiffy." I thanked him and laughed. I didn't even know men actually use that terminology and knowing the way this guy is, I think it was his way of saying I look pretty. See, it's mandatory on away games that we all dress up, and I wore a pants suit today that make my legs go up to my neck. I didn't think of impressing the opposite sex when I put it on this morning, I was thinking about how comfortable it would be to travel in. Needless to say, I was flattered that he said something. He usually doesn't.
My other confusatory moment was after we'd all piled in the car to go home. He starts massaging his bro's shoulders cause he knows his bro doesn't like to be touched. And I say to him "I can massage my bro's shoulders. I do it all the time." And Mr. confusion turns to me and says..."I'll massage your shoulders babe." So playing along I say..."Will you? Cause I'm very, very tense." As I expected, he blushed and waved me off. It's like...he can dish it, but when I serve it back, he can't take it. I don't get it. Usually it's alot easier for me to tell if a guy is interested. This one utterly astounds me. I'm honestly NOT all that interested in him, but I'd just like to know-for knowledge's sake- if he's attracted to me. I suppose we're all selfish in wanting to know what others think of us. In some ways, finding out can build our character too, I think.
Anyway, I'm exhausted, I'm tired and I want to hop in a really, really hot shower and stay there until my legs no longer feel like mush. It's uncomfortable having to cram into a space with hardly any leg room for five hours. I really despise it.
I'm also very, very hungry right now. It's extremely difficult for me to NOT dip my spoon into the whole pint of ice cream, but my impending feelings of extreme guilt are stopping me. Not to mention the work it takes simply taking one pound off. When I look at a cheeseburger with everything, I don't see a delicious Angus steak on a Kaiser roll, I see running for 5 miles before I burn off it's caloric intake. And in my mind, my friends, that's just WAY too much work.
I hope all of you have had WONDERFUL saturdays and will have even better Sundays. I'll be back on shortly, after I've cleaned myself up and stretched.
Much love!-Me
Last edited:
Omega
Moderator
Hi Rae
I am pretty sure that lad fancies you. I suspect that he is both shy and doesnt want to risk spoiling a good friendship by making an advance that may not be appreciated. Things are tougher for lads. Girls can keep quiet at such times - since lads are always expected to make the first move (unless the girl wants to - but she probably feels much the same about not wanting to risk a good friendship).
If you are interested in him - spend more time in just his company and make a fuss of him. That should encourage him to speak up.
As far as carbs go - I love cereal. I often have a big handful of honey shreddies and eat it from a plate like people would a bag of crisps. You could take something like that in a bag on your trips and eat it not long before your game. It might be enough to keep you full of energy for that little bit longer.
I hope that you have a great Sunday.
Take care
Love
Margaret
I am pretty sure that lad fancies you. I suspect that he is both shy and doesnt want to risk spoiling a good friendship by making an advance that may not be appreciated. Things are tougher for lads. Girls can keep quiet at such times - since lads are always expected to make the first move (unless the girl wants to - but she probably feels much the same about not wanting to risk a good friendship).
If you are interested in him - spend more time in just his company and make a fuss of him. That should encourage him to speak up.
As far as carbs go - I love cereal. I often have a big handful of honey shreddies and eat it from a plate like people would a bag of crisps. You could take something like that in a bag on your trips and eat it not long before your game. It might be enough to keep you full of energy for that little bit longer.
I hope that you have a great Sunday.
Take care
Love
Margaret
Hey Maragret!
Yes, I'm starting to suspect he does too. When we do hang alone, it's really comfortable. We don't even have to talk, we just sit there, watching a basketball game. Perhaps I should make a fuss of him just to see what he would do. LOL.
I understand that guys are shy, and this type of shyness I haven't been introduced to before. Hey, at least I'm getting the experience of it now. I don't know if I believe that guys have to make the first move, though it's commonly understood to be the case. For me, personally, if I *knew* beyond absolute doubt that a guy was interested in me, I'd have NO problem asking him out for coffee or the like. Initiating something wouldn't be difficult for me if I knew I wasn't going to be rejected. I suppose that's the case for all of us, isn't it?
You know, I was considering taking cereal with me and now I think I'll start doing just that. That and oatmeal seem to be the only two things I can eat moderately that have the power to give me enough stamina. I took grapes yesterday, but they weren't enough.
Thanks so much for stopping by Marg! I hope your Sunday's going well too!
Much love!!
Yes, I'm starting to suspect he does too. When we do hang alone, it's really comfortable. We don't even have to talk, we just sit there, watching a basketball game. Perhaps I should make a fuss of him just to see what he would do. LOL.
I understand that guys are shy, and this type of shyness I haven't been introduced to before. Hey, at least I'm getting the experience of it now. I don't know if I believe that guys have to make the first move, though it's commonly understood to be the case. For me, personally, if I *knew* beyond absolute doubt that a guy was interested in me, I'd have NO problem asking him out for coffee or the like. Initiating something wouldn't be difficult for me if I knew I wasn't going to be rejected. I suppose that's the case for all of us, isn't it?
You know, I was considering taking cereal with me and now I think I'll start doing just that. That and oatmeal seem to be the only two things I can eat moderately that have the power to give me enough stamina. I took grapes yesterday, but they weren't enough.
Thanks so much for stopping by Marg! I hope your Sunday's going well too!
Much love!!
Really? Huh, I never considered that I looked like a celebrity before. Now I'm totally doing this...
. You're such a sweety, skimmilk. Thank you for putting me on could nine. You can't imagine how awesome hearing stuff like that makes me feel. I'm so *keymash* right now.
jw372
New member
After your kind messages, I stopped by to read your diary. That's so amazing what you've managed to do in a few short years! I wish, more than anything, that I had been able to get my shit together like that at your age!
And, girl to girl, the mixed signals never stop. Ever. Alas.
Sophie
And, girl to girl, the mixed signals never stop. Ever. Alas.
Sophie
Wow, I totally wish I had your height. When I was younger 10-12ish, I won the regional hoop shoot contest and really loved playing basketball - being the only tomboy girl in a neighborhood full of guys really sucks, especially when you are short and they all tower over you, but I learned to fight as much as they did for the games. My game of choice became volleyball and then sprinting track.. 100M and 4X100M relay. Just thought I'd share.
As far as this guy is concerned, you never know where friendship will take you, so if you enjoy spending time with this guy and it's not awkward, spend time with him and only time will tell if your or his interest changes beyond friends. Sometimes people grow on ya and relationships mature from there.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
As far as this guy is concerned, you never know where friendship will take you, so if you enjoy spending time with this guy and it's not awkward, spend time with him and only time will tell if your or his interest changes beyond friends. Sometimes people grow on ya and relationships mature from there.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
hey hope you are having a good day.
your games sound amazing! i wish i played a sport but i just have no co-ordination lol!
so you really truly aren't interested in this guy? lol had to ask
- anyway on a serious note it does sound very confusing...i would just be myself and if anything is there it will come out and if not the friendship doesn't get ruined. not that i'm an expert on relationships or anything hehe...
you will work it out!! i'm sure you will.
have a good week
;-)
x
your games sound amazing! i wish i played a sport but i just have no co-ordination lol!
so you really truly aren't interested in this guy? lol had to ask
- anyway on a serious note it does sound very confusing...i would just be myself and if anything is there it will come out and if not the friendship doesn't get ruined. not that i'm an expert on relationships or anything hehe...you will work it out!! i'm sure you will.
have a good week
;-)
x
(((Big Hugs))) Thank you Ang!! You're made of awesome!
I keep looking at the red dress in your avatar thinking, "One day, you and I are going to fit into a dress JUST like that and we're going to knock dead the opposite sex."
Your avvie is inspiration enough for me. I absolutely love it!
thanx sweety
somehow i missed this...BB is right your diary moves really fast!!! t
haha i hope i fit into the dress oneday not that i own it or anything but one day i'll fit into a dress of the same style without having to hold the stomach in and worrying about arms and whatnot! one day!
x
hey hope you are having a good day.
your games sound amazing! i wish i played a sport but i just have no co-ordination lol!
so you really truly aren't interested in this guy? lol had to ask
you will work it out!! i'm sure you will.
have a good week
;-)
x
You know what, I really *don't* know if I am. I suppose one becomes interested if they know someone is interested in them, you know? I mean, I never thought about it until it was suggested to me. Now I have to think about it, and I don't know if I *like* thinking about it.
Because I love ya'll so much, I'll give you the skinny on what's been going on. This certian boy is the only one I've ever *felt* was attracted to me. For like...four weeks I would catch him looking at me and then we'd have eye contact that would last anywhere from like 6 to 10 seconds. Sometimes it was overpowering. Truth be told, I had NO IDEA what was happening because I'd never experienced it before. So I Google 'Eye Contact' and came up with the conclusion that yeah, he's attracted to me...and it freaked me out.
This had gotten better in the past two weeks. I would catch him looking at me but when I stared back, he wouldn't catch my gaze. So I took it as a good thing, you know, that his attraction to me was fizzing out. But then yesterday, I sat adjacent and infront of him in the team van, and the 'eye contact moments' happened again. I really don't know what to think. I'm just curious, more than anything. I want to know *why* he's attracted to me....
I have to consider in depth whether or not *I'm* attracted to him. I'll admit that he's a very attractive young man, but he's like...my dude, u know? We even had a convo about this, me and two of my dudes. Mr. Confusion was talking to me and the hugger asks him if the girl who likes Mr. Confusion would be jealous because Mr. Confusion was talking to me. And I said to them. "I'm not a girl, I'm just Rach." None of them responded to this. I actually got indiscernible looks from both of them. Sometimes I wonder if maybe it would be easier for my clique to be girls and not dudes. I think I'd be able to interpret more clearly their reactions.
So, long answer to a simple question...I really don't know if I'm attracted to him. I never considered it before I found out he's attracted to me. He's just such a good friend and an awesome guy. I really can't imagine not hanging out with him.
If ya'll can help me figure this out...I'll love you forever. LOL
ai ai ai...i'll have to think about this one. i mean seems obvious the dudes into you probably both of them if you ask me thats why the lack of response. maybe he thinks that you arent attracted to him. gosh it is confusing.
what do you mean why hes attracted to you...why wouldn't he be????
ask yourself what you want and take it from there. if you're not sure just be yourself for now.
x
what do you mean why hes attracted to you...why wouldn't he be????
ask yourself what you want and take it from there. if you're not sure just be yourself for now.
x
Thinking that both of them are attracted to me makes my head spin. I'm always use to having platonic relationships with males.
I was really trying not to analyze their responses into the fact that they see me *too much* as a girl. For some reason, thinking the fact that they hang with me *because* I'm attractive, really frustrates me. I want to be fun because I'm fun inside, not because I look good in running shorts...you know?
Please do, and let me know what you come up with. All of you guys have been my age already and I'd appreciate any advice you can give me.
I really do just want to be friends with him right now. Both of them. I suppose if something happens in the future, then something happens. Until then though, I'm going to just be myself and continue hanging with them in the way that I've been doing. If my feelings toward them change, I'll definatly have to tell you guys...
skimmilk
New member
Ah Invariant, you are always so sweet. Trust me, you really look like her! Do one of those "My Celebrity Lookalike" things and I bet she'll come up as first.
I have to agree that boys are pretty confusing. Most of the time them themselves do not know what they want. It seems to me that he's sending you 'i-like-you' signals but the way he behaves afterwards is... so boyish. Just wait a little bit and see what happens next.
Much love <3
I have to agree that boys are pretty confusing. Most of the time them themselves do not know what they want. It seems to me that he's sending you 'i-like-you' signals but the way he behaves afterwards is... so boyish. Just wait a little bit and see what happens next.
Much love <3
bikinibound
New member
Here's my 2 cents regarding Mr. Confusion..lol. You are an intelligent, fun, attractive girl. He is an intelligent, fun, attractive guy. It is only natural that you'd be attracted to each other. Also, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if your other boys were also attracted to you. This doesn't mean that they will necessarily act on those feelings, however. Only you can decide if you want to have more than a friendship with Mr. Confusion. I'm sure his deal is what both Margaret and I have already said--he's shy, and with your other boys around, self-conscious about initiating anything for fear of immense teasing--and even worse--rejection from you and the possible loss of a good friend.
So my advice is to figure out how you feel (I don't know how you cannot know..lol), and then if you think you want more from Mr. Confusion than just friendship, let your feelings be known in a subtle way. Take it slowly--no need to rush things.
Congrats on winning your game!
Now, back to flattering Trevor...
So my advice is to figure out how you feel (I don't know how you cannot know..lol), and then if you think you want more from Mr. Confusion than just friendship, let your feelings be known in a subtle way. Take it slowly--no need to rush things.
Congrats on winning your game!
Now, back to flattering Trevor...
Here's my 2 cents regarding Mr. Confusion..lol. You are an intelligent, fun, attractive girl. He is an intelligent, fun, attractive guy. It is only natural that you'd be attracted to each other. Also, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if your other boys were also attracted to you. This doesn't mean that they will necessarily act on those feelings, however. Only you can decide if you want to have more than a friendship with Mr. Confusion. I'm sure his deal is what both Margaret and I have already said--he's shy, and with your other boys around, self-conscious about initiating anything for fear of immense teasing--and even worse--rejection from you and the possible loss of a good friend.
So my advice is to figure out how you feel (I don't know how you cannot know..lol), and then if you think you want more from Mr. Confusion than just friendship, let your feelings be known in a subtle way. Take it slowly--no need to rush things.
Congrats on winning your game!
Now, back to flattering Trevor...
You don't know how *I* don't know...imgaine how I feel... *I* don't know how *I* can't know...lol. I totally see what you're saying though. It would be only natural if I were to have feelings that pertained to more than just friendship for him, or for any of them really. At this point though, I'm so focused on myself, that seriously involving anyone else in this part of my life hasn't considered itself in my mind yet.
I mean, the only guy I can seriously talk to about this is Trev. He's really the only member of the opposite sex I feel *comfortable* being open with about this part of my life. It's because all our commonalites are rooted in the same place...amazingly low self-confidence and outstandingly high awesomeness. LOL.
What I am certian of at this point, is I'm elated at being single. I'm definately taking what you're saying to heart though, Kimmy. I'm going to take my time evolving any relationship that the future holds. At this point though, I don't know if I want the emotional entaglements of being in love with someone, not when I'm frustrated enough with mere advances. LOL. Who knows, maybe after I reach my goal and have sustained and maintained a feeling of extreme self-confidence, I'll be ready for something.
In other news, today was an overall relaxing day. I basically did nothing but hang out with my dad today. Because of the weather, my usual routine of church/lunch/nap was interrupted because service was canceled and it's felt more like a Saturday.
I'm not complaining though. The pops and I watched some show about couples who test thier love and I got emo over the ending, when both men proposed to the significant others they realized they couldn't live without. I'm such a helpless romantic at heart. I cry about everything and for two point five seconds, wish I *wasn't* single.
I screwed up my caloric intake for today. After I'd eaten 1555 cals, I couldn't help but treat myself to the biggest bowl of ice cream this side of the north continent. I swear, I haven't the SLIGHTEST idea how much I ate, but it's enough for me to NOT want to think about ice cream for weeks. This happened to me with my peanut butter rush. After I downed a whole jar in one night, I no longer wanted to look at the peanutty goodness. Now the same is going to happen with ice cream. Which isn't a bad thing necessarily. I considered today my 'treat' day.
I know I promised you Trev that I wasn't going to run today, but I couldn't help myself. Especially after eating so much mint chocolate chip, I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust. So at ten o' clock, I went to run on my treadmill. I gained 4 and a half miles and burned 608 calories. I can say for certian that was enough to burn off the ice cream. So my basic caloric intake for today was around 1600. If I burned the ice cream off...did it REALLY count as a cheat treat?
I realized something today, mid late night run...I feel ten times sexier blanketed in a sheen of sweat then I do in pumps and a pants suit. I don't know if this makes me less femine, but feeling my tank top sticking to me carries more of a rush then slipping on a black dress. I think this goes hand in hand with my preference of no make-up and hanging with dudes. That's not to say that I don't occasionally ENJOY wearing something sexy and applying smokey eye shadow, I'd just PERFER not to when given the choice.
I guess this is because I've an embedded belief that being accepted for who you *really* are and not who you *pretend* to be, is what matters most.
Even though I *am* the girl in the high heels and black dress, I'm more *comfortable* when I'm in tennis shoes on a treadmill, I'm more *me* then...If that makes any sense at all. Though I feel awesome when I dress up, I feel *sexy* when I work out. I hope this doesn't sound to strange. Honestly, the only make-up I wear everyday (if I wear any at all) is tinted lip gloss, and I wear it when I'm wearing my gym clothes. It just makes me feel pretty. I suppose everyone has their thing, huh?
Anyways, I'd say this diatribe has gone on long enough. As you all know, I love you all and hope you've had wonderful weekends!!
Much love and big hugs!!
Trevor10
New member
Its quite alright Rach
. Just remember that your body needs a break here and there, but IMO i would of done the same exact thing! All this ice cream talk is making me crave some...if only i had some in the apartment! How is your day going? I don't know if you got on AIM last night, but i crashed around midnight because i was dead tired...so sorry i missed ya, hopefully we can catch up tonight!Have a great day!
Trevor
Its quite alright Rach
Have a great day!
Trevor
Yeah, I know it does. LOL.
I'm not that sore today though, surprisingly. After every run, I feel like I'd just spent hours on a late night car ride. It's the same feeling of freedom, accomplishment and tranquility. I'm always going to bed in a good mood after I exercise. Not to mention, my limbs feel ten times better when I wake up. They never seem to be cramped...
I did get on AIM, but when you signed off, I'd signed on. I didn't run until late last night cause the dad and I were spending our bonding time watching T.V and the show wasn't over until ten. Don't worry about missing me, I'm on everyday. This forum is my social life. Haha.
I hope you have a good HIIT workout today! I will prolly be jumping on my CorEvolution in a few minutes. After than, housework. Ugh, I hate it but...life must go on. The carpets can't vaccum themselves...lol...plus, I hear it burns calories so...I'm in.