My Shocking Story

[angel98]

It's child abuse, plain and simple. To me it's no better than beating your children. In some ways it's a lot worse. Bones and bruises can heal. Diabetes is irreversible, and you need a liver to live.

It made me think of this article published years ago by the BBC, detailing the explosion of type II cases in children:

BBC NEWS | Health | Child diabetes time-bomb warning

It's happening in the USA too. Tragic.

Hmm...my brother is a juvenile diabetic(read the hereditary kind) and his liver is not his problem. His pancreas just ceased to function when he was 6. He's been insulin dependent most of his life. Another weak point because of it are the kidneys and my brother is no exception there. His were wonky to begin with and then he got in a bad accident a few years back as a result of a diabetic blackout and lost all function in those too(he's on dialysis). He just had a heart attack too(he's 32). Did I mention he does eat right, weighs well within the acceptable limits for his height, and works out? Anyway, I just don't want anyone thinking all diabetics are the result of bad eating choices. There is a strong genetic predisposition in our family for JUVENILE diabetes. Interestingly, our family is not predisposed, nor has anyone had adult onset diabetes--go figure huh?


One more thing, the parenting license. I could never be ok with something like that. Who would make the judgement as to who is 'fit' or not? Beethoven's mother would probably not have been considered fit yet she begot Beethoven. The natural mother of my daughter's 2 cousins would not have been considered fit, yet the two girls are alive and well thanks to my sister in law who adopted them from a neglectful parent. My point is if we were to exclude people on the face, it could be foolhardy since the child may be perfectly wonderful and we are basing their worthiness to life based on the idiocy of their parent. Not to mention that I'm really not eager to have my basic freedoms as a human being taken from me by another human being's moral judgements.

Better answer would probably be to take this young girl out of her mother's care. If your child is that heavy and you refuse to do anything solid about it, the issue of neglect and even abuse come into play. But to deny this young lady life to begin with? We have no idea of the wonderful person she is or will become someday so to deny her life based on her mother's qualifications seems hasty and cruel. And you know what--13 years ago, her mother might have been the type of person we would have thought would make a good parent--years and life sometimes change a person both positively and negatively. I know I'm not the same person I was when I had my first child nearly 11 years ago, I doubt this lady is either. Age, time, and experience doesn't always bring positive growth in people.

 

[txsqlchick]

Hmm...my brother is a juvenile diabetic(read the hereditary kind) and his liver is not his problem. His pancreas just ceased to function when he was 6. He's been insulin dependent most of his life. Another weak point because of it are the kidneys and my brother is no exception there. His were wonky to begin with and then he got in a bad accident a few years back as a result of a diabetic blackout and lost all function in those too(he's on dialysis). He just had a heart attack too(he's 32). Did I mention he does eat right, weighs well within the acceptable limits for his height, and works out? Anyway, I just don't want anyone thinking all diabetics are the result of bad eating choices. There is a strong genetic predisposition in our family for JUVENILE diabetes. Interestingly, our family is not predisposed, nor has anyone had adult onset diabetes--go figure huh?

Juvenile diabetes is type I and it isn't linked to obesity. I'm talking about type II, which used to be called "adult onset diabetes". I've known many people with type I and none of them were overweight.

On the other hand, I've only known one non-elderly person in my life with type II who has never been overweight, but both of her parents and all four of her grandparents died from complications of type II diabetes. She was recently diagnosed at age 35. She's taller than I am (I'm 5'6") and she weighs 130-135lbs. Everyone else I've known under age 65 with type II had a weight problem.

One more thing, the parenting license. I could never be ok with something like that. Who would make the judgement as to who is 'fit' or not? Beethoven's mother would probably not have been considered fit yet she begot Beethoven. The natural mother of my daughter's 2 cousins would not have been considered fit, yet the two girls are alive and well thanks to my sister in law who adopted them from a neglectful parent. My point is if we were to exclude people on the face, it could be foolhardy since the child may be perfectly wonderful and we are basing their worthiness to life based on the idiocy of their parent. Not to mention that I'm really not eager to have my basic freedoms as a human being taken from me by another human being's moral judgements.

I'm not strongly advocating parenting licenses. I get irritated by poor, irresponsible parenting but realistically a "breeding license" would never happen.

Better answer would probably be to take this young girl out of her mother's care. If your child is that heavy and you refuse to do anything solid about it, the issue of neglect and even abuse come into play. But to deny this young lady life to begin with? We have no idea of the wonderful person she is or will become someday so to deny her life based on her mother's qualifications seems hasty and cruel. And you know what--13 years ago, her mother might have been the type of person we would have thought would make a good parent--years and life sometimes change a person both positively and negatively. I know I'm not the same person I was when I had my first child nearly 11 years ago, I doubt this lady is either. Age, time, and experience doesn't always bring positive growth in people.

I think this may be addressed at other people, since again I did not come out strongly in favor of parenting licenses and I wasn't the first in the thread to propose them.

However, parents of children who are obese where the obesity cannot be explained by some medical condition such as Prader-Willi syndrome are, in my opinion, neglectful and abusive. It isn't fair to any child to enter adulthood as an obese person. As long as a child lives in the same house as his/her parents, they do control to a certain extent what that child eats. It's more difficult nowadays with the amount of sugary drinks and snacks sold in schools, but the easiest solution would be to not give the child any pocket money to buy that stuff and to pack a lunch for them. Their friends will eventually get sick of giving that kid money to buy candy bars/cokes.

I think nowadays too many parents try to be their child's friend instead of their parent. Being friends with your kids comes much later...when the kid is an adult...and for some families, it never happens. I love my parents, but we're not friends and never will be. Parents need to put their collective foot down and say the magic word: NO. NO to McDonald's. NO to Pizza Hut. NO to Coke/Pepsi. NO to candy. NO, NO, NO. It's easy. Practice saying it in front of a mirror. NO!

 

[maleficent]

Just because a person is obese - doesn't mean that they've moved into fast food places... I've said this countless times here -I got to almost 400lbs by eating what most people would consider healthy foods... Just portion control was a problem...

My brother until puberty kicked in and he discovered girls - was a husky kid - and my house never had chips or cookies or sweets other than fruit... the only way yo could get to the store was riding your bike... he didn't gorge on crap food - he ate a lot of fruit and stufff -portion control.. Puberty kicked in and he started playing soccer and i a year's time he grew about a foot and slimmed down... not much else changed other than he started playing soccer

and i don't think anyone was serious about parenting licenses - though when i do take over the world - common sense and the ability to think will be a qualifier for continuation of life.. it will be mal's version of the Carousel from Logan's Run - instead of 30 entering yu into Carousel - lack of common sense and thinking for yourself will send you there

 

[txsqlchick]

Just because a person is obese - doesn't mean that they've moved into fast food places... I've said this countless times here -I got to almost 400lbs by eating what most people would consider healthy foods... Just portion control was a problem...

I know; I'm obese and I hardly ever eat fast food, though I used to. In the last few years my problem has been sit-down restaurants and portion control, not McDonald's. However, I think the increased frequency with which some families go to fast-food restaurants is linked to the explosion in childhood obesity.

My brother until puberty kicked in and he discovered girls - was a husky kid - and my house never had chips or cookies or sweets other than fruit... the only way yo could get to the store was riding your bike... he didn't gorge on crap food - he ate a lot of fruit and stufff -portion control.. Puberty kicked in and he started playing soccer and i a year's time he grew about a foot and slimmed down... not much else changed other than he started playing soccer

I'm not talking about husky kids; I'm talking about kids I see whenever I go out that look like they have rubber bands up and down their arms and legs. Kids that are wheezing from the effort of walking slowly through Wal-Mart or the supermarket with their parents. It's stunning, really. Maybe it's because I live in one of the fattest cities in one of the fattest states, but it seems to me that extremely fat children are everywhere, and that they're becoming the rule rather than the exception. Growing up, none of my peers were ever that fat. Ever.

and i don't think anyone was serious about parenting licenses - though when i do take over the world - common sense and the ability to think will be a qualifier for continuation of life.. it will be mal's version of the Carousel from Logan's Run - instead of 30 entering yu into Carousel - lack of common sense and thinking for yourself will send you there

The world will be a small place then; common sense is not common.

 

[Phoenyx]

This is unfortunately an example of what I see every time I look around. It drives me crazy, because people don't seem to take responsibility for their own actions on any level at all.

"oh, he had a rough childhood, thats why he is a serial killer now", "he is just misunderstood" WTF?? Anybody remember Warren Zevon's sarcastic song "Excitable Boy"?

I'm overweight because I didn't push myself away from the table soon enough, and didn't exercise enough. Not because my parents didn't love me enough, or because some TV show told me to do it or any other reason. Nobody force fed me half a birthday cake, I did it myself!!!! I'm fat because I made myself that way!

Drives me nuts!!!

I fully accept responsibility for letting myself get as overweight as I did. I knew better. Genetically on my mom's side... the women are predisposed to being freaking HUGE! I'm probably the 'anorexic' on that side of the family now. Wouldn't know, because I don't have any contact with that side of the family beyond my mother. Her sister (she's not my aunt in anything but the fact she's mom's sister) is by all accounts right up there with the woman who is the mother of the 13 year old girl. And way obese because of years of self neglect.

One more thing, the parenting license. I could never be ok with something like that. Who would make the judgement as to who is 'fit' or not? Beethoven's mother would probably not have been considered fit yet she begot Beethoven. The natural mother of my daughter's 2 cousins would not have been considered fit, yet the two girls are alive and well thanks to my sister in law who adopted them from a neglectful parent. My point is if we were to exclude people on the face, it could be foolhardy since the child may be perfectly wonderful and we are basing their worthiness to life based on the idiocy of their parent. Not to mention that I'm really not eager to have my basic freedoms as a human being taken from me by another human being's moral judgements.

Therein lies the dichotomy of the situation. On one hand, I fully believe some people should just not be allowed to breed. The one thing that is probably the most important 'job' on this planet is raising future generations to be responsible members of society, to teach them morals, consequences for their actions, and to keep them safe & healthy. It just doesn't happen nearly as often as it should. On the other hand, I don't like the idea of anybody's basic freedoms removed either.

I'm not strongly advocating parenting licenses. I get irritated by poor, irresponsible parenting but realistically a "breeding license" would never happen.

I think it should be made a mandatory part of high school education to take some basic parenting classes. No diploma without it. Maybe make that part of their schooling a relatively short time, but make the information vital. Sad that a lot of kids aren't learning these basic values at home and it would have to be even suggested to put it in schools.

and i don't think anyone was serious about parenting licenses - though when i do take over the world - common sense and the ability to think will be a qualifier for continuation of life.. it will be mal's version of the Carousel from Logan's Run - instead of 30 entering yu into Carousel - lack of common sense and thinking for yourself will send you there

Oh, now THERE'S an idea!

 

[Lraebennett]

Reading all of this, I honestly have mixed emotions.

We were all fat at one time.. and guess what, mine was my parents faults.
It's not becuase they are bad parents, or because they wanted me to have a heart attack at 24. They had been taught the same bad eating habits when they were kids. Macaroni and cheese, lasagna, and hamburger helper were things that were eaten all the time.
I can understand that with a 13 year old it is outrageous to be that large and her mother should limit her, but the mother has no control of what that girl does when she's out of the house. That 13 year old is very capable of buying food for herself. Money? How does a 13 year old get money? Easy. Either lies about lunch money and spends it on junk food, or birthdays, christmas, all comes with money. I'm almost positive at 13 a child is able to have their own savings account access, unless it's 16.

I don't know. I was an emotional eater. I didn't really get big until 14..But my mother never gave me mass amounts and NEVER said you dont leave the table until you finish this. Never.
Another point to make is...she may not have been that big 2 years ago, and most likely wasnt. School children are cruel. If you are even CHUBBY you get called fat. I was 110 in 6th grade getting called fat. So I can imagine if she was 140-200 in 6th grade she was getting teased beyond beleif. I had people on my bus tease me that I should sumo them. Beleive me. that conjured up a whole lot of emotional eating.

Some things are beyond parents reach. They can surely help. My mother tried helping me on various diets that I ASKED FOR HELP FOR. She never said I was fat or pressured me into dieting. Thankfully, she tried weight watchers when I was 15, which ended up working for me.

All I can say is...really sometimes the parents aren't all to blame... At the age of 13 you are forced to be around people who tease and taunt you. That can be a large trigger for eating.

I do agree though that the mother has other options, and the introduction of vegetables to her child was clearly never made. That is a no no on her part.
But, you know at least she is working to sustain her household, and she's trying. Lipo definately isn't the way to go, but maybe she's sick of trying everything else. What do you say to your kid that's so distraught from being obese. Do you criticize them like everyone else?? Bottom line is, it's way to late for her to control her daughter now, and maybe it wasn't so out of control just 3 years ago when she would have been able to interject better.

I think the only thing that helped me was that my mom never did put me down..and I never had to stress about my mom picking on me..It was always help when I wanted it.

I don't know. Parents are an easy target to blame, because yes, Americans eat bad foods. I think that is clear enough in this day and age, but sometimes we need to open our eyes to things that may be happening. I'm sure that mother doesn't want her child to be obese. The mother herself isn't skinny, but she probably figured that her child was going to be chubby just like her and never get to a point like she had.

So yes, partially the mother had something to do with it, but every parent usually does. I seriously have no friends that I know that were taught good eating habits. NONE. ABSOLUTELY NONE. They all joke with me and will ask me.. is this good? is this good for you? But they just happen to have faster metabolisms and busier life styles.

Sorry if I offended anyone, but I seriously do feel bad for the mother. No mother wants their child to be obese and end up like that. Is there more she could do? Definately. She should sign her up for a gym and go WITH her. Ask her to take little walks. SHOULD HAVE INTRODUCED VEGETABLES WAYYY EARLIER, so that is a negative point that she has against her. But, I can't say the mother is totally to blame at all.

She will only lose weight now if SHE truely tries to. I think it's beyond her mothers control.

 

[txsqlchick]

I'm sorry but there is a huge difference between a 13 year-old weighing 140-160lbs (which for most 13 year-old girls would probably be on the heavy side) and one that weighs TWICE THAT, at 320lbs. I was fat at 13 and I was less than half this girl's size.

There is simply no excuse for it. Unless the girl has some kind of condition that is responsible for her weight gain or that is making it hard/impossible for her to lose weight, it is her mother's fault. That girl did not turn 13 and suddenly double in size. She has probably been obese for years and the mom obviously is not trying hard enough.

I know it's difficult but for christ's sake, not many adults even reach the 300s. Doing it at 13 is unbelievable. I'd like to see what that girl eats in a day; I bet you it's more than I eat in a week. And her mother is letting her do it.

Plus, I don't know about other people but when I was 13 I did not have a lot of money. I also didn't have any way to get around other than my mom or my own two feet. I don't believe that that girl has an endless supply of pocket money or that she has the energy to walk to supermarkets/convenience stores and build a huge stash. And if she does have a huge stash...she's 13, lock her out of her room, toss it, find the stash, and throw it away.

Somebody has to be in charge here. Looks to me like it's the child.

 

[ABBAgirl]

Hi from Canada, Corina.
You certainly sound like a very mature 13-yr-old. Your own perspective on your mother is interesting. The fact that you feel responsible to do all of the cooking for you and your sister is, in my opinion, not acceptable. At 13 you need to be concentrating on school, and friends, and living an active life.

I commend you for recognizing that your health needs improvement, and YOU DESERVE TO LIVE A HEALTHY AND HAPPY LIFE, dear. I'm sorry that your mom hasn't been able to care for you the way she should be. Would a counselor at your school be able to get you the help you need, both regarding diet and a stable parenting environment?

Thinking of you,
ABBA
ps. I didn't see the documentary being discussed. Sorry if you feel wounded by the comments made, Dear. Hang in there and fight to get the help you need and deserve!

 

[Korrie]

Congratulations on your weight loss! I'm happy for you! Although you did the lap band, it still takes a commitment and work to loose. I think we all recognize that. That being said, I am concerned for your statement that you don't need your mom to take care of you. Hun, everyone needs their moms! I'm 31 and I dont' know where I'd be w/o mine.

Also, you can't take things so personal either. The people on the forum here don't know you...they just express their thoughts based on the info that they've received. Everyones entitled to their opinion and as you grow up you'll have to learn to take peoples opinions w/ a grain of salt. You are you and your proud of who you are and thats all that counts!

 

[Omega]

Ok, so I wanted to clear something's up since you seem so disgusted by me. Yes, I am Corina Brock from that documentary.

First off all, I eat salads and healthy food. Yes I gagged on that tomato because it was gross, I have the right to not like every food on the food pyramid, I like salad but I don't like spinach salads, I prefer my spinach cooked.
Also, don't act like you know me and my story because you don't. Although Documentaries are supposed to be "Real" most things on this one wasn't. I don't eat fast food all day everyday. Any time I was in a restaurant it was because they put me there for filming, I don't even like buffets and it was not my choice to go there. They were directing me to get the bad stuff. Yes I eat badly and yes I'm over weight, but I don't like being portrayed like a disgusting fat person.

As for my mother, I wont blame her bad parenting problems for my weight issues. Not every woman is meant to be a parent and she happens to be one of those people.
I don't need her to take care of me, I've taken care of me and my sister just fine for 7 years. I do the cooking in my home and my sister isn't overweight, not even close. So I'm not eating terrible foods everyday, I cook healthy, but yes I do indulge sometimes. I just needed to work on my portion control.

This past February I had the Lap-Band surgery and it was my choice only. I didn't have a say in the liposuction, but I didn't truly in my heart of hearts want it. My friend Brooke was the youngest to have Liposuction but I saw her put the weight back on, then she went on to have the Lap- band and now she has better eating habits and she has kept the weight off.
My highest weight was 360, now that I've had the Lap-Band I am almost 2 lbs away from being under 300 lbs which is huge for me because I haven't been here in over 4 years. I am losing the weight at a steady pace, changing my eating habits and taking in much smaller portions, I haven't had fast food since late may. If I do go to a restaurant I will share a plate with my mom, or just get a salad.

Now you can all go and further bash me for having the Lap-Band, but I make no apologies for my decision. I did the research I knew the risks and benefits. I scheduled all my doctors appointments and I joined a support group. You can tell me I'm a child and I don't know what's good for me, but I've never been a child, I skipped that stage in development and went straight for parenthood and responsibilities.

But you don't know me, you only know what you saw.

Thanks for calling me a dumbass, your all so very kind.

Welcome to the forum. Although it may not feel it - you are naturally part of our community. This is a special place where the severely morbidly obese can come and get both mutual support and information for the struggle with their weight issues. Many of us know what it feels like to be very big.

I didnt see your documentary and did not comment on it. If you were 13 last year - I am presuming that you are 14 now. You certainly state your case well for a 14 year old.

Congratulations on the weight loss to date. You must feel fantastic. The fact that you have lost nearly 60 pounds is wonderful. I presume that you are planning a major celebration when you get under 300 pounds. I know that I felt skinny as that first chunk of weight came off me - even though I didnt look skinny to normal sized folk. I could see it and my husband could see it too (his BMI is still up in the 50s).

I did not go the gastric band route - but I do not blame you for choosing something that is right for you. I have finally got to goal weight and am planning on having surgery to sort out my loose skin problems. In an ideal world no-one would have to resort to any form of surgery regarding elective issues such as weight - but we do not live in an ideal world and deserve to have a body that is healthy and that we feel comfortable with.

Many of us know how difficult life can be for a severely morbidly obese person. Everything from cruel comments of people about the big person to health problems are things that we have experienced first hand. Since these things can run in families we have experienced it regarding those that we love too. My own husband's father died from a heart attack due to his level of morbid obesity at age 47 - my husband's current age.

We also remember how cruel children can be. All I can say is that life must have been pretty tough for you.

From reading the comments that people made in this thread - I think that many people were being critical of your mother for not having done more to look after you so that you did not find yourself in such a difficult situation. No-one should feel that they skipped their childhoods. We need that stage in our development. I think that the criticism was targeted in that direction rather than to you.

It is natural that you should love your mother - but it appears that you are the first to say that you plan on acting differently towards bringing up your own children when that time comes.

I hope that you stick around here - as I am sure that your support and experiences will help others not feel alone. Next time a similar thread crops up - you would be able to give an alternative viewpoint. Your comments are as valuable as anyone elses.

 

[Omega]

I am no longer 13, I will be 16 september

You speak well for a person of your age.

I know how hard it is to manage to fight your way out of being big. I was big for over 20 years. It can feel like an impossible task.

It is great that you are so committed to your weight loss. Keep up that determination and I am sure that you will get to where you want to be.

Invariant doesnt get here much these days - but she lost a lot of weight as a teenager. She looked fantastic at the end - just like a model. She was so lucky because she didnt even get any loose skin. Addressing the problem at your age should mean that you stand a chance of having no loose skin problems. I hope that is the case for you.

What a shame that the documentary did not focus on the real you. Especially the you of today. I am sure that it would have made much more interesting viewing.

 

[Omega]

I am sorry that you felt attacked. There are thousands of people on the forum and it can only have been a handful that commented in the thread.

People most certainly do not like every fruit or vegetable. I tried curly kale last week and commented on the forum that I reckoned it would be my first and last time. I can point you at a posting where one of the mods here tried tomatoes for the first time only a couple of weeks ago.

It is good to hear that you are happy. I think that your decision to move on from feeling hurt is healthy. Hopefully you have some great reliable friends and maybe some older role models that you can go to when times are tough. At times we all get into a situation where we need a little advice. It is a shame that your mother cannot take this role.

 

[Doomedtotheday]

One of the (if not the) biggest problems with childhood obesity into adulthood (excluding a medical problem) is the enablers they have in a place of authority. People really don't learn to make the right choices or learn to understand nutrition if they're not taught it. I worked with a family while trying to help the son get over his fear of leaving the house. He was morbidly obese. An adult but obese since childhood and not much had changed since then. He used to actually cut up sheets and wear them. We worked up to sitting on the porch and even getting the mail. He wanted to make the change and lose the weight. He had little to no willpower around food after all these years of overeating. I'd have to interrogate his mom and his sister everytime I got there. They had no willpower when it came to denying him food, even without him asking for it. They fed him the greasiest fattest foods. We made little progress before the case was closed.

 

[amylosesandwins]

This is why I hate reality TV so much - the magic of editing can portray someone to be something they're not. Corina - I commend you for your current efforts to change your lifestyle. I would personally not have gone the surgery route, but at least you are acknowledging that you have to change your whole life for the loss to be permanent, and that's what matters. You're still young so you get a whole new chance to enjoy your youth. I'm also glad to know that now that you're older you realize the error of your mom's ways. It sucks when parents make such bad mistakes and we're left to fend for ourselves when a parent's job is to guide us, but one thing I took away from my dad's mistakes is that I know not to repeat them myself when/if I have kids, so I'll have a better chance to raise part of the next generation well knowing what not to do. It's little consolation when part of your childhood was taken away by their bad parenting, but at least it can be turned around. Your childhood may be mostly behind you, but you still have many years ahead of you to enjoy youth. I'm so glad you're working to give yourself that chance! I for one never believe what I see on reality shows like the one you were featured on because they do often edit things to bias people's opinions. Plus it's usually mostly about shock and sensationalism rather than actually helping a person. I'm happy for you for turning your life around and I wish you all the best in your future!

 

[Life_after_30]

And this is a fine example of why humans should have to pass a thorough exam to be qualified to reproduce.

Couldn't agree more !!

 

[Omega]

And this is a fine example of why humans should have to pass a thorough exam to be qualified to reproduce.

Couldn't agree more !!

The point has been made several times in this thread that such a system would deny life to many wonderful people that have had a rough start in life (with parents with poor parenting skills) or been adopted.

As someone who's adult life has been plagued by major infertility issues (whilst knowing that I would make a wonderful parent) I understand only too well how easy it is to think that it is unfair that others can be parents that do not really deserve that honour.

I think that this concept would have been much better stated as
And this is a fine example of why humans should have to pass a thorough exam to be qualified to nurture and be a main role model for young people.

 

[Scorpiogal]

Thank you. So imagine my response when everyone is pissed because I cant keep a tomatoe down.

I haven't seen this show, but your tomato comment caught my eye. If I tried to eat raw tomato I would definitely gag, and probaly throw up as an added bonus. I don't know what it is, but I can't stomach the taste or texture of it. Cooked is fine, and I love tomato sauce. Weird...but you're definitely not alone there!

 

[warddrake8989]

wow... you really did a great job