My search for a better me.

star2000_us said:
I am trying to find the real me. I know that im here somewhere but am not sure where just yet. I started loosing weigh last year but then I quit. I let stress get the best of me and gained some of the weight back. I started this year out 10lbs lighter then I did last year. It just sucks that I was doing so good and gained 20lbs back. I decided to give this another go this year. I got engaged in 2010 and we are planning on getting married sometime this year. I just hope that I can loose enough weight to help me feel like a beautiful bride. My fiancee is very supportive of me and is also the one who got me started with loosing weight. He bought me a wii fit plus for Christmas. I have been using it for an hour and a half 6 days a week. I have been loosing weight which feels amazing. I just hope that this time I can keep on the right track. I need to loose this weight so badly. In my family we have High blood pressure, Diabetes, Heart Disease, and so much more. I know that if I can get healthy it will help me in the long run. I already did my hour and a half today so now I am just making sure that I watch my calorie intake and keep from over doing it. I want to loose this so badly for my fiancee, for my 2 boys, but mostly for me. Well I hope that everyone has a wonderful day!
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Sounds like we're on the same boat. I lost 70lbs between 2008 and 2009, just to get majorly stressed out and put 50lbs back on..so here I am re-losing weight that was once lost.
My husband is very supportive too, not sure what I'd do without him.
Diabetes and heart disease runs in my family too. Both my mom and dad, 2 brothers and a sister have had heart attacks. The same sister and my mom both had/have diabetes. My sister passed away 4 yrs ago from a second heart attack.

I'm trying to start this and keep going. I have too much to live for!
Hope your having a great day!
 
Thank you! I am so sorry for the loss of your sister! We do have a lot in common. I dont know about you but for me it is hard to see my family struggle with their health issues and I just really don't want to go down that path. I am going to weigh in to see how I am doing but I feel like I am doing good. I have stuck to the diet, which isn't very hard to do. I am only exercising 30 minutes a day now but I am please that I get that much in. I dont want to allow my hectic schedule get in the way of me exercising. It already is in some ways since I had to loose an hour a day of exercise. Getting up at 5:30 every morning is not my cup of tea. I am a little more alert this week but still very tired. My 5 year old made me laugh so hard today. When he looked at my 500 calorie meal, he instantly said yuck I dont want to try that. I had a microwave meal that was chicken breast with a small serving of stuffing, broccoli with just a little cheesesauce, and 1 piece of garlic bread. I promise it was all below 500 calories. I started buying meals that I could put in the microwave. It just makes it easier on me right now to do that and write down the calories. My fiancee and I are hopefully going this weekend to look at a home that we both like. We are possibly going to get to look at it on Sunday. I really want this place so bad cause I need out of here. Sorry it took me a couple of days to get back on here, I just have been very tired running off of 5 hours of sleep. Well since it is Friday, I am going to lay down and go to bed. I hope that everyone has a wonderful day!
 
Today was a pretty good day. My fiancee and I never got an email from my ex on if he wanted the boys or not so we went and visited my fiancees granny for a while and then decided to go to my ex's job to see if he wanted them. They said that he had left 15 minutes before so someone there was nice enough to call him and he said yes and actually drove all the way back to get them. I can handle dropping them off when its at someones house but to watch them walk off with him just always breaks my heart. I dont know why. I know that they need to spend some quality time with him and I have always taken them to him when he agreed to take them. When we left there we went and got a motel room and just spent a lot of time relaxing and talking about this place we are trying to purchase. We are going tomorrow to take a look at the inside and see what we think. We all want it so bad. It would put us all a lot closer to work then where we are now. Sorry I know Im rambling on about everything but my weight loss journey. I did good with my diet Monday-Friday and on the weekends I am going to try to just watch my calorie intake. I didn't do as good as I had hoped to do. I ate 1,600 calories today. I need to go for a walk if I wasn't in a terrible city that was filled with lots of crime. Oh well. I will figure something out even if I have to walk from wall to wall for 30 minutes. LOL I will do my weigh in tomorrow evening and log in to enter it. I am hoping that my lbs lost will change. Im sure that it will because I did really good I think. Well I hope that everyone had a wonderful day!
 
I am so sorry that I havent been on here in a while. Life has been crazy. My fiancee have a loan application turned in and now we are just having to wait and see if we are going to get approved. My weigh in for March 6th I had lost 6lbs. My weigh in for today I have lost 4.2lbs. We went again this weekend to see my fiancee's granny and this time we stayed the night. Well for some reason everyone there felt like I wasn't eating enough. It drives me insane. I am eating the amount of calories that I am supposed to. Like this morning I had just ate breakfast then just 30 minutes later his granny was expecting us to eat lunch. I told her that I was not hungry and that my stomach hurt from eating to much. She said that our aunt came home one day without eating and that her stomach was hurting her and that was probably what was wrong with me. I had just ate my breakfast in front of her. She is the kind of person who wants to feed everyone but then wont hardly eat anything herself. I love her though. I hope that everyone has a great day!
 
I have my fingers crossed. We got a phone call today from the Mortgage company saying that they needed a little more info. After we gave them that info, she told me that we should be hearing something in 24 to 48 hours. I have to pass by the road where the home is that we are trying to purchase and I just keep hoping. At least the waiting is going to be over soon and we will know one way or another if we are going to get to purchase a home or have to rent. My fiancee had to have a wisdom tooth cut out and so I got to take the day off from work. Now I have him back home and fixing to have to take my oldest son to OT. I will eventually get my work out done though. I look forward to it because it helps me to relieve my stress. Well I hope that everyone has a wonderful day!
 
yesterday we got the phone call. We was approved but they wanted way to much down that we are having to look for a rental instead. we figure we will rent for a year and try to save up and see if we can try again later. It was very disappointing for both of us but we have to just look forward instead of behind us. Today wasn't that great either. I had a set back today. I ate a dessert that I am not sure how many calories it was but i know it was probably a lot. I will just work harder tomorrow and hope that at least I loose 1lb if not 2 on sunday. I will be happy with any weight loss. I just dont want to see any gains. That would suck. I just have to make sure that I stay focused next week. I haven't had any problems before so im not sure why I am having a problem today. I know that I will work harder tomorrow to make up for my mistakes today. I have to just keep at it and when I fall get back up and go on. Well I hope that everyone had a wonderful day!
 
Sorry I haven't been on in a while. My life has been insane this week. My kids have been out of school for spring break. I had to work. My client that I have on Mondays and Tuesdays is tough to handle some days. I found out yesterday that I dont have her any longer because her family is changing up her schedule. So now I am loosing 10 hours a week. Oh well Im sure that the office will help me get someone soon. I have stuck to my diet so I am excited to see what happens tomorrow when i weigh in. My fiancee and I are looking for a place to rent. We found one place that has 20 acres but the house is not in the greatest of shapes. We are going to try to see if we can find something else and if we can't then we will go for that one. I have lived in worse then that though. I am just ready to have my little family in our own place again. Well I hope that everyone has a wonderful day!
 
This month has been crazy so far. On April 7th My fiancee's Grandmother passed away. She was a very lovely woman and I will miss her so much! We Buried her today. My fiancee did good so far. I am not 100% sure that he has fully taken it in yet that we wont get to see her again here on Earth. I had a meeting today at 5pm to go and try on dresses. I had set this meeting up before Grandma Martha passed away. I contacted the lady that I was to talk to and told her that I might not be able to make it today but would let her know. Well My fiancee did good today, so he went ahead and took me. I found the most beautiful dress that is sleeveless, It was a size 16 W. I thought I would go ahead and try it on just to see for fun. I put it on and it fit. I had to have it. It was $750 dress with beading and just the most amazing dress. I cried, I felt like a princess. My fiancee didn't go in with me. He wants to wait until I walk down the aisle to him. We dont have a date set yet but at the Funeral the family asked him when we are getting married and he said probably during the Summer. I am so excited and can't wait to marry my best friend. i can't believe that I can wear a size 16 W. I will try to get pictures posted as I have some taken. Well I hope that everyone else is doing well.
 
Hi there Star. I am not sure if you've told us your name. But i forget nearly everything i read as soon as i read it so forgive me.

I have managed to just read your whole diary. Two pages is about my limit which i know is utterly pathetic.

Anyway, things generally seem to be going pretty well for you. You are motivated and have a lot of reasons to stick to your goals. I like it that you want to wear a bikini and look good in it and have aimed that high. I see a lot of people just aim to reach the healthy weight limit and i don't feel like its enough to be sustaining. You see i am in the middle of my healthy weight range now and i still feel pretty gross when i am in the upper limit. But then weight doesn't look good on me, especially not on my face.

All that said, my condolences about your grandmother in law.

I love reading about people's great boyfriends and husbands. It is always so touching to see. I don't have anyone. But i have finally come to accept that.

I notice all that you have a really busy lifestyle. So all the more kudos to you that you are making progress.
 
Thank you so much for your sweet response. My name is Mary. Life is pretty crazy for me but I just keep going. I don't know that I could handle it any other way. I like to stay busy because it makes me feel like i have meaning for every day that i am alive if I am doing stuff. My fiancee has still done good. Im not sure if his dad had a breakdown yet or not. I am still morning and probably will for a while. She Was a beautiful lady who was sweet and kind to everyone. I know wanting to be in a bikini is a long ways off but it will be my best reward for hard work. My weight loss has started slowing down some but I expected that and don't let it discourage me. Every Lb is just one more less. My wedding dress is proof that im on the right track. I am so excited about my dress. I am so ready to marry him. Well I hope that everyone is having a wonderful day.
 
Yikes! I am back finally but I gained weight. :( It is my own fault. I stopped the slimfast diet for a little bit because I have been in the process of moving and having to wait until we have electricity so that I can buy groceries, and trying to get stuff moved so I ate way to much fast food. I can't blame anyone but myself. At least I still have some loss. I did finally go grocery shopping to get my shakes and some better groceries. I am happy that I will be able to get back on track this week. I really like my new home! Its only a 2 bedroom but still it works for my little family. We have a lot of stuff moved but still have a lot more to do. I can't wait to have it all done so that maybe I can finally relax. I feel really bad that I got off track especially after I got my new wedding dress but at least I have time to get back on track! I am so going to do this. I have no reason not to. Well I had to update this and write the truth that I gained weight. I have honestly not stepped on a scale until today. If I lie to myself then how can I keep myself on track. As long as I am honest and looking at what really is going on, then I can do what I need to do to make changes to keep going in the right direction. Well I am going to go cause its Easter, I need to get a few more things moved, and then it will be time to hide the Easter Eggs for my kids. I so can't wait! I hope that everyone else has a wonderful Day! Happy Easter!!!
 
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