My Road

A

AutumnRoad

New member
Today I hit a low point. I am not morbidly obese, but I realized that I'm really not in control of myself anymore. I've let myself go. And I'm only 19. I don't feel like a 19 year old should. I woke up this morning and realized that I stopped caring about how I feel and look a long time ago and it reflects in everything that I do.

So I took a walk. It was the most beautiful, perfect autumn morning and the air was so fresh and brilliant. It inspired me. I mean I know I have to make changes on my own, and I will. I'm going to. I want to feel like ME again...not like someone who is just living.

I don't really even know exactly how much I weight but I am guessing that it's around 140. Ideally I'd like to lose 20 or so pounds at around 2 pounds a week. Tomorrow I am starting with a 1200 calories/day plan and increasing my daily water intake by a lot.

Mostly I just don't want to feel this way anymore and I'll do what it takes to make that happen.
 
Bleh so I kind of lost track today. Keeping track of calories is a lot trickier than I thought. I didn't do so bad I don't think. I do have to keep my water consumption up. Oh and I'm going to SLOWLY incorporate working out into my routine. One mistake that I've made before is just jumping into an intense workout routine without addressing the bigger problem (for me) of a bad diet.

Ideally, two pounds a week is my goal. I want to reach or nearly reach my goal by Christmas. That's like 9.5 weeks so I think that it is doable.

I just don't want to keep feeling like I'm hiding out in some body that I don't belong in. I've felt this way for so many years and it is finally catching up with my head. It's really making me feel cruddy :( but I know that I really do have the power to change this around. So I promise myself that tomorrow I will be really good about writing everything down. In the past that has really worked for me and I hope to continue it.
 
Hey there! You took the first step in your weight loss with joining the boards and good for you!!! When I first started my weightloss journey, focusing on the calories was almost sabotage for me. I became obsessed with getting it just right and if I failed, I really failed. Don't focus on what is what, but what is filling for you. A great breakfast full of fruit and whole grains is more beneficial than a small breakfast with the least amount of calories. Focus on what fills you up, and don't cut out too much calories at the beginning. Go to a weightloss calculator website to see what your caloric intake should be for your weight, height, and goal. You may be able to eat more and still lose the pounds at a healthy 2lbs per week.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and I know everyone says it, but read those sticky's they really are lifesavers!!!
 
Hey there, thanks so much for the welcome! I guess I can see where being obsessed about calories is a bad thing. In fact I know that it can be bad. But I feel like for me and where my mind is at, I won't be able to get myself into this unless I have a starting point. My body/mind are so disconnected right now. I just eat, eat, eat...I do no have the discipline to give myself a free range of calories, haha. I'm one of those people who constantly justifies things...I will find any reason. I know that that is something that I have to work on, and I plan to, but I need one defined structure before I can get there. I don't plan on having a constant limit of 1200 calories because I know that that will absolutely not work for me. But for the first few weeks I need to bring myself back to actually realizing what I'm eating and how much I eat.

So I just weighed myself. Pleasantly not as high as I expected. 136.4 lbs. So maybe I don't need to lose 20 pounds exactly. My goal is 120 but the number doesn't matter that much. I just too a picture, something I've never done before. I realized how fun/motivating it could be for me to compare from month to month. I will probably take a picture every two weeks. I figure since I don't have a ton of weight to lose so perhaps the small differences will be more noticeable. Maybe if I get brave enough I will put them in the before/after section. :)

All in all I feel pretty good. I am pretty optimistic about everything :)
 
I'm just writing here right now mostly because I can't sleep! Besides sleeping far too much last night, I just generally don't sleep a lot. I feel like things could go either way for me right now. I have a lot that I want to accomplish between school, my health and weight loss, and other goals that I have for myself. Does anyone have any tips for taking it all in stride, not getting overwhelmed? Most of the time I find that this is where my downfall occurs...I take on so much...that I end up achieving very little.

It's really tiring having to continue to start over, start over, start over. I'm not sure how, but this time I will succeed in my goals. It's going to take a lot, I know. But looking at that picture of me motivates me a lot. I think it's because I can see beneath whatever outer layers there are, that there is someone truly great and beautiful beneath all of that.

School is something that stresses me out a lot. I always try to get perfect grades and do perfectly in everything. This is a promise to myself: I will not try to get a 4.0 this semester. I am going to dedicate myself to actually learning rather than memorizing information, or doing just what needs to be done. That's where it pays off, right?

I know I'll be alright, haha. I am just a bit overwhelmed right now. I need more sleep.
 
OK, so I am dedicated to being more disciplined about counting today. I am very optimistic :)

Day 2

Breakfast:
Half of a banana with some yogurt = 70 Calories
Lite English Muffin with some olive oil butter = 130 Calories

Lunch:
Chicken Sandwich w/cheese: 350 Calories

Snack:
Goldfish: 140 Calories

Dinner:



Total: 690 Calories
 
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Ugh...this is so much harder for me than it's ever been. I started the day off well but ended up majorly screwing up. I am so unmotivated right now and disappointed in myself. I want to do this but it's so weird, I just can't right now. But I am going to, I have to. Blah.
 
You'll make it =) It is hard, no doubt about it! I hate days where I start off good and then end up horribly by the end of the nite too! You just gotta take it a step at a time, and try again till it sticks
 
OK. I am going to do well today. I am.

Breakfast:
Small bowl of cheerios with some milk: 130 Calories

Lunch:
Select Italian Wedding Soup (mmm!): 320 Calories

Snack
A bit of trail mix: About 120 Calories

Dinner:

Total: 570 Calories
 
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Wow! So I just found my new favorite snack. Trail mix! Haha it's so weird...I don't really like peanuts or raisins alone but together with M&Ms it is sooo good. I don't eat a lot at a time, just a few pieces here and there. I don't really feel guilty about it either. I know that it can been pretty high in calories if you eat too much, but a little here and there is so yummy. :) and energizing!
 
You should MOST DEFINITELY make your goal in a couple months if you stick to working out and strict diet. Sometimes what really helps me is eating a VERY fulfilling breakfast (but healthy) and I seem to eat LESS throughout the day and am under my calorie goal. Just a thought. Stick with it, diets are tough but lifestyle changes are sometimes IMPOSSIBLE! You can do it!!
 
Blah, thanks Buckeye. Well I ended p screwing up again last night :( So I got on the scale this morning...I've gained a pound. Not THAT big of a deal but I don't want to go in that direction.

I've also realized that I'm not really trying. My eating gets worse throughout the day. I have a huge problem eating when I'm not hungry. I guess that is my first mountain to tackle.

I'm not discouraged yet though. I know that I can do this. I know that I can.

I'll be back later with my calories and stuff for today.
 
Calories:

Strawberries: 49 Calories

Select Soup: 360 Calories

Piece of Wheat Bread: 70 Calories

Trail Mix: 150 Calories

White Rice: 250 Calories

I'm pretty sure I did enough healthy snacking to reach 1200 calories.

Total: 879 Calories
 
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OK, so.

I'm going to set two goals and try to follow them.

1. Absolutely give up diet soda.

I drink copious amounts of this delicious substance. It needs to stop! Haha but really...when I've lost weight in the past...diet coke has NOT been a part of my plan. In fact I eventually began to find the drink repulsive. I want to replace it with drinking water and herbal teas, because it's better for me, and I feel way better drinking it.

2. Stop eating late at night.

For me eating late, late at night is my biggest problem. It's not just the time of day but I always end up eating more. I justify by telling myself that "I'll just start tomorrow." NO MORE! :) I won't have it anymore.

So I know my diet isn't perfect yet (white rice!), but I'm taking this wee steps at a time. My goal is to be down two pounds a week from now. I think I can do that :)
 
Woo! I got on the scale this morning and it read 135.6! It's just nice to see that. :)

Calories

2 Pieces of Wheat Bread: 140 Calories

A bit of Chicken: 200 Calories

Piece of Cheese: 100 Calories

Goldfish: 140 Calories

Apple: 80 Calories

Small portion of Pad Thai: 350 Calories

Total: 1010 Calories
 
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