magic8
New member
Hi all,
I've been dieting since I was in 3rd grade. I remember weighing 78 lbs. and being desperately afraid of moving into the 80s! I thought I was fat when I was a child, but I wasn't. I'm naturally stocky and athletic, and compared myself to the other little girls, and always felt bad about my body. I started gaining weight in junior high, and graduated 8th grade at 156lbs and HATED myself for it. I also began binge eating to comfort myself around junior high. However, I was an athlete and carried it well.
I maintained 180lbs for most of my adolescence and early adulthood, but then gained a bunch of weight in my last year of college. At 230lbs., I decided to do something about it. I ate a low fat vegetarian diet (it was the 90s, remember the low fat craze??) and exercised my ass off, literally. I lost 60lbs. and felt great. At 160, I was wearing a size 8/10 (US) and felt amazing. I kept it up for about 3 years. However, during this time I got a TON of attention from men and it really messed me up. I had risky sex with anyone who asked for it. I didn't feel like I was able to say no...and it sucked. Totally unsatisfying sex with strangers, and then weeks of waiting for test results in a panicked state. I finally couldn't take it anymore, quit going to the gym, and gained the weight back.
Then I started grad school, and gained even more. Then I quit smoking, and gained even more. At my biggest I weighed 280 and was so uncomfortable, I hated myself. So I started using drugs with a friend, and lost 60 lbs by not eating at all. When I went into recovery (I could not maintain that lifestyle anymore) I started eating again, and ballooned up to 280 again. That's when I decided to have surgery. I had the lap band procedure, and thought that all my problems would be solved. SO NOT TRUE!
I did lose 40 lbs in the first year after surgery, but have since gained back 20 of them. So now I'm at 260, and I'm turning to the same thing I should have done in the first place: eat well, exercise, and try to deal with my issues. Not easy, but the only logical thing to do next.
I want to weigh 160 again. I am 5'3.5" (that half an inch matters!) and although 160 is overweight for my height, with my body type I'm in a size 10 at that size, healthy, and happy. My first goal is to hit 200 (hopefully by 7/08) and then 160 (maybe 2/09). Right now I'm a very healthy fat person. I have normal blood sugar, cholesterol, thyroid functioning, low blood pressure, good bone density--I am lucky to have good genes. But I know my health won't stay good forever if I don't do something now.
I have been on a program for this entire year, since January 2006. I exercise at the gym about 4 times a week (mostly cardio, but I'm working more weights into the workouts) and have been doing the runnersworld couch-to-5k program. I am on step 4 right now (a mix of 16 minutes of running and 14 minutes of walking, alternating) and LOVE the feeling of exercise-induced endorphins. I have always been active and athletic, and exercising is fun for me. And keeps my anxiety/depression in check better than any meds I've taken. The food is the problem.
I go through periods of eating really, really well...and periods of bingeing and compulsive eating that seems unstoppable. I have been doing well this week--this is my third day of being super vigilant. I have not binged since Sunday (I know it's not that great, but it's good for me).
My diet plan is to eat between 1200 and 2000 calories a day, depending on my exercise. I eat lean protein, whole grains, and low fat dairy. Trying to incorporate more fruits and veggies would be a good thing for me. I also am going to work more weight lifting into my workout schedule, and continue to train myself for a 5k run. I'm slow as hell, but I can do it!
So, here's my progress so far for this week:
Monday:
1520 calories eaten
300 calories burned
Tuesday:
1380 calories eaten
300 calories burned
No weight loss yet, but it takes me a long time to lose. I will have to do it for several days or even weeks before my work registers on the scale. This can be frustrating, but I have to remember that it will show up eventually if I don't give up. I am a chronic, habitually diet "starter". Then I mess up, give up, wait a few days, and try again. The biggest hurdle for me will be not to give up if I have a slip, and to get back on track with my next meal.
Anyway, that's a pretty good summary of where I'm at right now. I have a lot of work to do, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm glad I'm not alone. thanks.
magic
I've been dieting since I was in 3rd grade. I remember weighing 78 lbs. and being desperately afraid of moving into the 80s! I thought I was fat when I was a child, but I wasn't. I'm naturally stocky and athletic, and compared myself to the other little girls, and always felt bad about my body. I started gaining weight in junior high, and graduated 8th grade at 156lbs and HATED myself for it. I also began binge eating to comfort myself around junior high. However, I was an athlete and carried it well.
I maintained 180lbs for most of my adolescence and early adulthood, but then gained a bunch of weight in my last year of college. At 230lbs., I decided to do something about it. I ate a low fat vegetarian diet (it was the 90s, remember the low fat craze??) and exercised my ass off, literally. I lost 60lbs. and felt great. At 160, I was wearing a size 8/10 (US) and felt amazing. I kept it up for about 3 years. However, during this time I got a TON of attention from men and it really messed me up. I had risky sex with anyone who asked for it. I didn't feel like I was able to say no...and it sucked. Totally unsatisfying sex with strangers, and then weeks of waiting for test results in a panicked state. I finally couldn't take it anymore, quit going to the gym, and gained the weight back.
Then I started grad school, and gained even more. Then I quit smoking, and gained even more. At my biggest I weighed 280 and was so uncomfortable, I hated myself. So I started using drugs with a friend, and lost 60 lbs by not eating at all. When I went into recovery (I could not maintain that lifestyle anymore) I started eating again, and ballooned up to 280 again. That's when I decided to have surgery. I had the lap band procedure, and thought that all my problems would be solved. SO NOT TRUE!
I did lose 40 lbs in the first year after surgery, but have since gained back 20 of them. So now I'm at 260, and I'm turning to the same thing I should have done in the first place: eat well, exercise, and try to deal with my issues. Not easy, but the only logical thing to do next.
I want to weigh 160 again. I am 5'3.5" (that half an inch matters!) and although 160 is overweight for my height, with my body type I'm in a size 10 at that size, healthy, and happy. My first goal is to hit 200 (hopefully by 7/08) and then 160 (maybe 2/09). Right now I'm a very healthy fat person. I have normal blood sugar, cholesterol, thyroid functioning, low blood pressure, good bone density--I am lucky to have good genes. But I know my health won't stay good forever if I don't do something now.
I have been on a program for this entire year, since January 2006. I exercise at the gym about 4 times a week (mostly cardio, but I'm working more weights into the workouts) and have been doing the runnersworld couch-to-5k program. I am on step 4 right now (a mix of 16 minutes of running and 14 minutes of walking, alternating) and LOVE the feeling of exercise-induced endorphins. I have always been active and athletic, and exercising is fun for me. And keeps my anxiety/depression in check better than any meds I've taken. The food is the problem.
I go through periods of eating really, really well...and periods of bingeing and compulsive eating that seems unstoppable. I have been doing well this week--this is my third day of being super vigilant. I have not binged since Sunday (I know it's not that great, but it's good for me).
My diet plan is to eat between 1200 and 2000 calories a day, depending on my exercise. I eat lean protein, whole grains, and low fat dairy. Trying to incorporate more fruits and veggies would be a good thing for me. I also am going to work more weight lifting into my workout schedule, and continue to train myself for a 5k run. I'm slow as hell, but I can do it!
So, here's my progress so far for this week:
Monday:
1520 calories eaten
300 calories burned
Tuesday:
1380 calories eaten
300 calories burned
No weight loss yet, but it takes me a long time to lose. I will have to do it for several days or even weeks before my work registers on the scale. This can be frustrating, but I have to remember that it will show up eventually if I don't give up. I am a chronic, habitually diet "starter". Then I mess up, give up, wait a few days, and try again. The biggest hurdle for me will be not to give up if I have a slip, and to get back on track with my next meal.
Anyway, that's a pretty good summary of where I'm at right now. I have a lot of work to do, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm glad I'm not alone. thanks.
magic
