My Journey: Positive Outlook For 2013

Thanks guys.

The service last night was beautiful! So many people. They funeral home had opened up the wall that connects two rooms together and there were still several people left standing. We were floored by the number of people. It was an emotional night. I held it together pretty well until we got to the military honors. I knew I'd lose it then and I did. There were several others near me who were holding it together until the bugle started and the servicemen began unfolding the flag. I don't think there was a dry eye there. It was really, really beautiful. Such a great way to honor his memory. I'm sure he was smiling down on all of us.

Today was another rough day. I helped my mom start packing up my grandparents house. This was my first time in the house since my grandfather passed away. It felt so surreal being in there without them. I got teary eyed several times. While going through my grandfather's dresser I found a shirt which said "Life without Marie... I don't think so". I could not believe it! That shirt was probably given to him as a joke or maybe he even had it done up himself, but the words were so true! Only 8 days after she passed away, he passed away. I guess after 58 years of marriage he just could not go on without her. He was 10 years older than she was and his health was declining too. Part of me wonders if he was ready to pass on a while ago, but was holding on for her. I guess we'll never know, but I'm taking comfort in knowing that they're together again. That's how he wanted it to be. When I found that shirt I shed a few tears, but I did not show my mother. I just folded it up and put in the bag. I couldn't bring myself to show it to her.

Anyway... enough of the depressing stuff.

Getting back to my weight. Today I weighed in at 203.4lb. Flirting with that 203lb low again. I took my shower and about an hour later I jumped back on the scale and it read 202.8lb. I'm not taking that as my new low because it was a good 2 hours later than I normally weigh myself and I hadn't eaten anything yet. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
 
Good going on your weight, Mandy! I know how hard it is to be stuck, but just try to push through it. Just think, 200 is only three pounds away!
 
Mandy, I have just started reading your journal today and I am so moved by your perseverance and positive attitude. You have really inspired me!

I started a fitness boot camp last week. I decided that I wanted to journal my experience so I went online to see if I could find some inspiration. I have found very few out there who have journaled like you. It's so real and relatable.

I started a blog on blogspot.com last week and I really wish you would visit it and offer me encouragement from time to time.



You're truly a champ, girl!
 
I know what you mean! When I think about how close they were it is really very sweet. I’d love to be in a relationship like that someday too. Such a strong love. :)

~~

Today’s my first day back at work since my grandmother passed away. I’m playing the 101 questions game with my co-workers. I’ve been doing well though. No tears… yet! I thought time would be going by quicker than it is considering how far behind I am, but my mind keeps wandering. My mom is at my grandparents house right now continuing to pack up. One of my cousins and another aunt is supposed to be meeting her so she won’t be alone, but I still want to be there with her. It is what it is.

My weight continues to fluctuate. I was 204.4lb yesterday morning and 204.8lb this morning. Considering how horrible I’ve been eating over the past few weeks I really can’t complain though. I’ve had a LOT of take out so to not have put 10lb back on is a huge accomplishment! I’m glad for that. I’m hoping to get some Taebo or walking in tonight. We’ll see.

On a really cool note, my mom and I went out for breakfast yesterday morning. I used to hate going out to this particular restaurant because they only have those booth seats that us larger people need to squeeze into. Well I actually had a good amount of extra space. Just more validation that I AM losing weight and making progress. I got a little bit of a pick me up after realizing that.

Oh… and on another kind of cool note. I noticed last night that two of my fish (firemouth cichlids) are spawning. I may have another 100-200 fish to take care of and rehome somehow. This is the first time that they’ve spawned so I don’t know if they’ll be successful or how long the babies will survive, but it’ll be a neat experience. I’ll try to post a few pics later. I’m at work right now so I can’t post them from here.

Hope you’re all having a good Friday.
 
Hey Mandy,

First off you have some wicked cool fish. I hope their babies turn out okay. :)
And I'm glad you haven't gained too much, enjoy your taebo/walking and good luck with your weight-loss journey. :)
 
Hey Mandy

Just stopping by, been reading your WL journey & have yet to comment. I appreciated what you said about going to a restaurant and fitting comfortably in a booth. It's amazing how losing a bit of weight can change your entire experience at a place, from one of dread or discomfort to ease and enjoyment. Just shows how weight loss really is a life-changer, not just about weight but about living.

See, I stop by and wax philosophical. I couldn't help it. I just started imagining all the ways my life has and will change.

Keep it up and have a great weekend.
 
Foepsie – Thanks, I’ll post some pics later of my fish. I’m at work right now so I can’t. The babies are starting to swim now so it’s been a lot of fun watching.

Bellyoff – Thanks for stopping by. I’ll try to get to your diary later today. I used to despise those booths, but now that I can fit more comfortably they probably won’t be so bad. No need to apologize for what you wrote, stop by anytime! :)

Angel – Thanks for checking in. I’m still alive and kicking. Struggling once again, but I’m here.

~~
Now to my lengthy update…

I’ve had a very, very, very, VERY bad last few days with food. I’m not going into details on what I’ve eaten, but let’s just say lots and LOTS of chocolate was involved. Ugh! When my grandparents passed away I did ok with food. I stayed reasonably strict aside from ordering take out to much out of convenience. I started my regular work routine again on Tuesday after missing nearly 3 weeks (1st week was my scheduled vacation and then the last 2 weeks I only worked a total of 4 days due to my grandparents passing). Normally this would be a good thing, but I just could not stop eating! I tried several different things to stop, but my will power was obviously to weak.

My weight spiked at 206.8lb early this week, but as of today I’m back down to 204.4lb. I’m honestly thanking my lucky stars I didn’t do more damage with all the crap I’ve been eating. I’ve also only done Taebo twice since the week of 8/12. I desperately need to get back on track! I’m trying, just not hard enough apparently.

I learned something about myself through all of this. I always knew I was a boredom and stress eater, but I’m seeing that I’m also an anxiety eater too. As you know I have a strong passion for the ocean and whale watching. My favorite captain is moving out of state next month so I won’t have him as our captain next season. I found out he was moving early this year and I knew I’d have a hard time saying goodbye to him, but this is really ridiculous! I’m literally feeling anxious about it. I so don’t want him to go, but he and his wife need to do what’s best for them so I can’t hold it against him. I guess I’m just starting to feel like I’m losing everyone that I care for. First my aunt in April, then my grandparents last month, this week we said goodbye to a coworker who’s retiring, and now him. It just sucks. It REALLY sucks! :( I think that may be part of why I’m eating the way I am.

One other interesting thing I’ve realized. I was talking to my brother who is struggling financially. He said to me at the end of one of our conversations that he just really needed to go out and get drunk. I told him not to because that wouldn’t fix his problems. In fact it would only make him feel worst getting up the next day. After thinking about the advice I gave him I realized that’s exactly my way of thinking with food! If I had a rough day an ice cream or a bag of chips would just make it all better or so I’d tell myself. He has his addiction and I have mine. It’s sad really how we can let certain things control us the way we do. On a good note, my brother did go out, but after one beer my words really made him think and he went home before he got really drunk. I’m glad I helped him, now if I could just help myself!
 
Hi Mandy! I'm really going through the psychological aspects of my eating too. I drank and ate in unhealthy ways. I gave up alcohol, but I have to deal with the food. I'm working on having an internal discussion before I eat anything. No judgement or restriction just an honest internal discussion of why I am eating. That way I can help myself the way you helped your brother. The other prong of my approach is to try to cut out the negativity and guilt that I put on myself.

Don't beat yourself up and try to get in the exercise to help combat the anxiety. You've done a fantastic job and you're managing a lot of stresses and doing very well under those conditions. Congratulate yourself on your successes and have a fantastic day. If you find yourself having a crappy day then treat yourself better than the world is treating you.
 
There is a link between drinking and eating for me for sure. As soon as I have a few too many I found my brain making drunken rationalizations about eating junk food and I also tend to eat more- if I was out with friends I might share some appies but only have a little bit of each thing but if I'm drunk I'll just go nuts and go to town. I've been avoiding alcohol and it has been helping me stick to my meal plan. It's weird how food is so comforting! You hear people say they eat of boredom, anxiety etc....

I eat of boredom, anxiety, socially, when I'm alone, when I'm happy, when I'm upset... we just have a very messed up relationship on all levels lol. I'm working on mending that relationship so having a very structured meal plan with what and when I eat scheduled ahead helps me ensure I'm eating for the right reasons. Food is fuel! It is a tool for me to get the body I want :D

My current mantra which I recite to myself when I feel tempted to indulge in any unhealthy behaviour is "I choose to be healthy, happy, and succesful". It may sound cheesy but it really does help!

Good job getting back on track!
 
You have been through a lot lately and I think you're doing well.
I'm still Annalising my relationship with food.
I have a good idea where it started but I got better but then it happened again.
 
Q - Thanks for the advice. I did get one taebo workout in over the weekend. Bright and early Saturday morning. Yesterday I got my "therapy" by going on the ocean. It was very rough out there and we had to turn around before getting out to the whales, but it was still nice to be on the ocean and of course to see my favorite captain again. We're hoping next weekend brings better weather!

Slickzchik - Thanks you, I like your mantra. I may have to remind myself to start doing that. :)

Nostalgic - I'm trying to do well. I got into this same rut in April. It took some time, but I got through it. I'll get through this one as well.

~~

So my weight was odd this weekend. Saturday I weighed in at 204.4lb before my taebo workout and shower. I don't usually weigh myself twice in a day, but after my shower I weighed myself again and it said 203.2lb. Pretty cool I thought! Of course I know I didn't lose that much fat doing one workout, but it was nice seeing the 203 number again. Then yesterday I weighed in at 206lb even! The bad thing is that I hard ate anything Saturday so I'm not sure what that weight gain would be from. Oh well I guess. Today I somehow forgot to weigh in so we'll see what it comes out to tomorrow.

With all of the bad things that have happened over the past month, I did have a very cool thing happen which I've already mentioned. Two of my favorite fish, Firemouth Cichlids, spawned! I didn't get them hoping they would breed nor was I trying to get them to. They just took it upon themselves to do it. This is my first time dealing with baby fish and I must say it's pretty fascinating to me. I'm really enjoying watching them. I wanted to share a few pics for those of you who might be interested. Later tonight I'm going to try once again to get caught up on your diaries. Until then, I hope you enjoy these pics!
 
Hey Mandy!

I know you're having trouble (like me) dropping a few pounds and then the weight scale freezing up it seems. I've dropped a few pounds this week and immediately thought of you because of our similar issues with the scale and thought I'd stop by to drop this advice: try out a different exercise. I've done the stationary bike and walking, but I've added jogging and it's really helped out. I think it shocked my body after getting used to fast-paced walking and pedaling. I know you're a huge fan of taebo, maybe add or try another exercise out? Hope this helps you!!

--Belinda
 
Cool fish! The little ones still have their yolk sacs. That's a lot of cichlids. They are going to need some space as territorial as they are.
 
Very cool fish pictures! I love how you always have interesting things to share and cool pics to post in your diary. Mine is so boring... food, exercise, and rants about my stupid ex lol. Maybe if I had more cool interests in life I wouldn't be so consumed with the above haha.

I'm with ya with feeling stuck! It's been over a month since I've had a solid decrease in weight.. keep jumping around between 198 and 205 :p
 
Belinda, thanks for the advice! It has been suggested by several people that I give other programs/workouts a try to shake things up, but looking at my record I really don’t feel as though I’ve done Taebo consistently enough to really see results. At most I went about 2-3 weeks of doing good solid workouts before something would happen and then I’d slack off for some time. I’ve identified that as a problem and this time around I’m going to try to keep at it…. no… matter… what!! I may not have been seeing results through the scale, but my clothing told me otherwise. My goal is to do a good month or two of taebo at least 5 times a week, although I’m going to push for 6. We’ll see what happens there. I have been thinking of getting a stationary bike so if my budget allows for it that will be my next purchase. I can’t jog because my knees and ankles wouldn’t be able to take it. :(

Q – I’ve lost quite a few of the fry. I’m down to about 30-40 I’d guess. I have a few stores lined up who will take them from me when they’re bigger. I have to wait until they’re at least dime sized. I’ll also be bringing a couple of them to my aquarium at work. They’re growing fast. I can see their little fins developing now too. This has been a pretty cool experience.

Slickzchik – I love photography and will shoot just about anything so having a shortage of pictures is never a problem with me. I’ve realized that I have too much down time at night and have decided to try my hand with painting. I’m not sure how good I’ll be at it, but I’ve always loved art so we’ll see. It can’t hurt to have another outlet to release some emotions.

~~

So here’s the scoop. Over the weekend I began making steps towards getting back on track again. Friday night I did a taebo workout when I got home from work. Saturday afternoon I brought each of my dogs on a walk by themselves which ended up being just over an hour and roughly 3 miles walked. Yesterday was my day on the ocean so I didn’t get to do anything. Tonight… more taebo. This morning my weight was up… a little over 209lb. I’m not going to make excuses. I did this to myself. I need to dig myself back out of this hole again.


This may sound very cheesy, but yesterday felt like such a magical day on the ocean. The whales weren’t all that spectacular, it’s been a quiet season whale wise, but our trip ran late so we got to enjoy an amazingly beautiful sunset on the way back to the harbor. I can find beauty in the ocean under any circumstances, but for some reason yesterday I was just really struck by it and wanted to share a few pictures. The island with the two lighthouses Thatcher’s Island and the island with just one lighthouse is Ten Pound Island if anyone was curious. Also as a little side note, on our way back to the harbor, the captain (my favorite) brought us by where we scattered my aunt’s ashes and he blasted the horn as a little salute to her. It was a really sweet thing of him to do.

Tonight I’m going to try once again to get caught up on your diaries. I promise!
 
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Those are some really gorgeous pictures, Mandy. My favorite is the one with the two lighthouses. You really have a knack for getting interesting photos! This makes me want to post a few interesting pictures I took at the aquarium a couple weeks ago :)

I understand about the knees and ankles. My ankles make all kinds of disgusting noises when going up and down the stairs in my house. If my husband is upstairs, he easily knows when I'm coming, the sounds are so loud. I'd suggest to look into Osteo Biflex or a generic, store brand version of it (I use a generic brand from Sam's Club). It's a supplement for joint health. My hips would give me all kinds of problems after walking/jogging, but this morning it wasn't nearly as bad. Even my shins didn't hurt on the treadmill, which is surprising because it's not a joint.

You'll get yourself back on track, I have no doubt of that. You've come so far, your halfway points is right there. Don't let the scale get you down and push on through. You can do it!!
 
Unfortunately my problems are RA related and my rheumatologist said those won't help me. That was one of the things we discussed during my initial visit. She said I could take them, they wouldn't hurt anything, but I'd get no real benefit from it. :(

You should post your pics! :)
 
Have you ever tried the elliptical trainer? It's a great way to do cardio thats not as hard on your body but gives great results. I'm addicted lol
 
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