My Journey: Positive Outlook For 2013

Thanks Sarah and Angel. It's been a rough week, but we're getting through it one day at a time.

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Long update ahead:

I must say it's pretty amazing, not in a good way, how life can throw random obstacles at you to have to get through. Things have been very hectic for my family since my grandmother passed away last week. There's a lot of grieving going on as we try to figure out why this happened and while we try to help those who were closest to her. For me, my main concern is with my mom and grandfather. They were the two closest. My grandfather for obvious reasons. My mom spoke to my grandmother almost on a nightly basis. Whenever my grandmother had the gift to gab she'd call my mom, sometimes at rediculously late times, but mom always took the calls with no complaints. She's really missing those late night calls.

My grandfather is adjusting as well as can be expected. He's 85 years old and they were married for 58 years. I don't think he'll ever completely heal from this. He's very old fashioned in his ways and his beliefs, but after speaking to my mom he agreed that instead of burying my grandmother's ashes right after the services that she needs to come home. So, we picked out a really nice urn and will be taking her to him after the services. We're hoping that this will provide some comfort for him. We also discussed him getting a cat (which we'd care for and pay for) just to get some kind of companionship. He's not well enough off for a dog, so a cat would be the next option. He seemed excited about it so if he decides to we'll be rescuing one, probably about 8-10 years old or so, to keep him company. It obviously will not fix all of his problems or take the pain away, but in the long run we're hoping it'll offer him some comfort. Our family is more or less taking shifts checking on him and visiting with him to try to keep his alone time to a minimum. I really can't say how heart breaking it is seeing him go through this. I just wish I could take all of his pain away. :(

We're having the funeral services on Friday. It's going to be a long day. We have our family's service from 10-11am, then whoever else wants to attend will be going to an 11am-noon service, once that's over we're heading to my aunts house for a luncheon. It's just like deja vu. Just over 4 months ago we did this very thing for my aunt's funeral. It's just hard.

As for how my diet and exercise has gone, not good. I've been eating poorly (take out for dinners) just about every night with all of the running we've been doing. I have not had the will or the drive to exercise either. My weight hasn't gone up very though which is a good thing; Sat 207lb, Sun 208lb, 209lb, Mon 207.6lb, Tues 207.6lb, and today 208.2lb. I'm hoping to get some taebo in tonight. My uncle from Florida just flew in last night for the services so my mom and him are going to my grandfather's for a while. I'll have the house to myself so I'm going to try to sneak it in. I need to. I need a release.

If I have time I'm hoping to catch up on your diaries tonight too.
 
You are doing great considering the circumstances. Hope your grandad starts to feel better.
Did you get time to do your taebo?
 
Thanks Angel, I'm trying. Emotionally I'm fine for me if that makes sense. I'm much more concerned about how the others are doing. I DID get my Taebo in last night. It felt great! I burned 746 calories according to my watch in just over 49 minutes. It really is a mood booster. :)

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Weighed in at 208.6lb this morning, another late night dinner last night. Tonight I'm COOKING dinner for myself! Making a steak and baked potato. Looking forward to it. :)

My uncle who's here from out of state is cooking some chili (I don't like that) and then they're going to have dinner with my grandfather. I'll be staying home. My mom said during yesterday's visit my grandfather really broke down. He's having his ups and downs, but he's really struggling right now. My mom offered to let him move in with us so he won't be alone so he's thinking that offer over. We have an extra room upstairs so that would be his bedroom. If he does decide to move in we'll be doing a week long trial run to see if he likes it here. If he does, then we'll be prepping his house for sale. If he wants to be back in his own house, that's his choice and we'd all support him. We'll have to wait to see how it works out. I just want him to be safe and even though happiness seems so far away, almost unrealistic, I hope he's happy again.

I'm looking to either do taebo tonight or bring the dogs on individual walks once it cools down some. Doing individual walks with them I usually walk anywhere from 3-4 miles. It'll be just as nice to get them out of the house too so we'll see how the night goes.
 
My life must really sound like a soap opera. We had my grandmother's service today. My grandfather couldn't handle going so he stayed home. My uncle went to check in on him after the service and found him on the floor. He had passed away before my uncle got there. I don't know the details yet, but we're completely at a loss. This is the 3rd family member since April 2nd that we've lost. My mom and uncles have lost a sister and both parents. Please hug your families tight and tell them that you love them everyday. If you have grudges with someone bury them! I'm learning fast that life is just too short for that!
 
I'm really sorry to hear that. This must be very hard for you. I hope you and your family can get over this, take care of yourself. :(
 
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Thanks for the well wishes everyone. The past few days have been hard. I held myself together pretty well when my grandmother passed away, but to have to lose my grandfather just 8 days later… it just really felt like a punch to the gut. We’re all trying to hold it together, but everytime someone offers a hug or so much as asks how we’re doing we break down (by we I’m talking about my mom and me).

My original post about my grandfather said that he was found on the floor by uncle. I don’t know how the story got crossed getting to me, but that’s not what happened. My grandfather was found sitting at his computer desk. The computer was not on so he was either going to turn it on, just turned it off, or maybe even just felt the need to sit. I’m not sure. Either way, hearing he was sitting at his desk as opposed to laying on the floor helped ease my mind quite a bit. That might sound weird, but the thought of him laying on the floor just really bothered me.

His services will be held Tuesday and he’ll be getting full military honors (he served in the Korean War). None of us will be ready for this having just gone through it on Friday for my grandmother, but we’ll all be there… together. It’ll be a rough night. I will say that even though I’m sad and shocked beyond belief that they’re both gone I’m also happy and relieved that he’s not by himself now nor is he in any pain.

I don’t know if I should post this or not, but it’s all on public websites anyway so I’ll share. These are the obituaries for my grandparents. If you scroll down a little ways you’ll see a little slideshow with pictures. The funeral home put it together for us as part of the package. They came out really nice.

My grandmother’s:
My grandfather’s:

As for my weight, I’ve been on the decline once again. I just finished with my TOM so I’m getting rid of some excess water. I weighed in at 205lb this morning.
 
Yesterday went ok for food consumption until late evening. Then I lost my control and gave into some comfort food. In about an hour and a half I had 3 Klondike bars. It could've been worst, we have homemade cookies and brownies here from our family luncheon, but I managed to stay away from those. Today I've been doing much better. I've kept everything in check and have eaten pretty well.

Somehow I managed to weigh in at 203lb this morning. Back at my lowest. Will I break that number tomorrow? We'll see.

I'm not expecting to eat much tomorrow. We're having the services for my grandfather tomorrow night so I know my stomach is going to be in knots all day. So not looking forward to it!
 
Comfort food is understandable, Mandy. No one is going to blame you for that, with what's been going on in your life. Just be sure to take care of yourself in this hard time--"sick with grief" can be quite real.
 
Thanks Belinda. When my aunt passed away in April I pretty much stopped exercising and eating right. I had a very rough time with her passing. I'm determined to try to keep things as steady as I can with the loss of my grandparents. It's been a struggle, but I'm managing to not do so badly.
 
Sorry to hear about the loss of your grandparents...totally understandable that you needed some comfort food. Do your best to eat something throughout the day. You will get back on track soon enough but don't be too hard on yourself right now.
 
I'm sorry. You are going through such a lot.

I send wishes of strength to you and your family.

The little dietary slip ups are so thoroughly understandable - that I think that you are doing amazingly well to be staying as much on track as you are and getting low weights.
 
oh no Mandy, you are having a rough time. hope your mom is doing well. she must be devastated. you are doing really well considering.
 
Mandy,
I'm so sorry for your loss...grandparents are life savers and real carriers of wisdom. Take it one day at a time and don't beat yourself up on the Klondike bars...they are history!
Take it one day at a time, he'll, one moment at a time and take care of your self. Tomorrow is a better day after you have had some rest. Keep up the walking you'll be amazed at how much clearer you can think when you take a 30 min brisk walk!
Sarah
 
Thanks everyone, we're leaving in about an hour to go to my grandfather's service. As I thought yesterday my stomach has been in knots all day. I did manage to get 3 leftover stuffed shells down earlier today, but as the day progressed my desire to eat got smaller and smaller. I know I can't stomach anything now so I'm not even going to attempt it. I know tonight's service is going to be a very rocky one for all of us. We're going to the same funeral home for his service that we just had my grandmother's. I think my whole entire family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), we're all just really burned out. My grandfather will also be getting full military honors tonight which I know is going to really hit me. I don't know why, but I've always been emotional around veterans and honor services. At my 2nd uncle's funeral late last 2011 I lost it when the servicemen were folding the flag to present it to my aunt and I wasn't even very close to him. Ugh... I'm so not looking forward to this. I'm sure it'll be a beautiful service, but it'll just be very difficult.

Oh, and Angel my mother has been amazing through this whole ordeal. Unfortunately she had to plan all three of these funerals (my aunt's and my grandparents) on her own. I helped where I could, but at the end of the day it was all her. I can't believe how strong she has been through it all. I'm hoping after tonight is over she'll find some peace and will be able to start getting back to normal.
 
I would say stay strong but I don't believe you need to. If you need to cry, do it, let it out, grieve. Also...make sure your mom knows it's OK to not be strong. She needs to grieve and mourn and go through that process. With that said I know everyone has a different process and perhaps she is coming to terms with everything without needing to breakdown and cry.

Time heals all wounds, some wounds just take more time to heal.
 
It's not weird at all (re the floor / desk) , I can understand that totally.
And comfort food, don't be hard on yourself as its a rough time.

Hugs
 
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