My Journey Continued: Time to Dig Deep!

MandyH

MandyH

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Hey everyone... it's me again! I'm still desperately trying to get back on track. I haven't weighed myself in months. Truth is, at this point I'm afraid to get on the scale. I think maybe tomorrow I will. I need a slap of reality to wake me up. I'll also have to update my ticker. Ugh... not looking forward to that one!

The past few months have been loaded with obstacles for me. The passing of my oldest dog, a tumor found on one of my other dogs (was removed before it spread thankfully), rheumatoid arthritis flares, and more. My RA flares have been caused because the meds I'm on (or more likely my lack of food control) has been showing elevated liver levels so my rheumatologist has been tinkering with my meds. I'm managing though. It's been really difficult to say the least and as I've always done in the past, food has been my comfort when times get tough. I wish I could break this cycle, but I've yet to figure out how.

On a good note, over the past couple of weeks I have made some progress towards recommitting. I've started walking my dogs after work which I won't be able to do much longer because of daylight savings time. I refuse to walk my neighborhood in the dark. Our streets are too dark and we have wild animals that I have no interest in encountering. My walks here total about 45-60 minutes mattering on which route I go. I've also started walking during my breaks at work, only 15 minutes but it's something. I keep saying tomorrow I'm getting up early to workout, but have yet to do it. I'm hoping by posting this here it'll give me the motivation to do it tomorrow. I'm trying anything at this point!

My food intake has been horrendous lately! I've rediscovered Ben & Jerry's ice cream and salt & vinegar chips... my two weaknesses. This past weekend I also went to NY for the Adirondack Hot Air Balloon Festival with some friends and on our shopping trip we found a Lindt Chocolate outlet. They had a sale of (100) truffles for $30 so we went half and got some. I had way to many over the weekend, but have given the rest away. Yesterday I did pretty good for me. I had ceral for breakfast, apple sauce for a snack, roasted chicken & herb dinner for lunch, and a banana sandwich for dinner. No sweets! So far today I've had cereal (Lucky Charms... sigh), a banana, and I have a BLT salad waiting for lunch with more apple sauce or rice cakes for snacks. For dinner I'll be having some chicken and french fries (baked not fried). Next week I'll be buying healthier foods. Just trying to use up what's at the house.

I've already posted a couple of diaries to start over on a fresh slate, but I'm REALLY hoping this one sticks. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I desperately need to get ack on track and could really use the support from you guys. I've been missing this group, but have been too ashamed to post with how I've been doing. :(

Later on tonight I'll try to get caught up on your diaries. I've already seen some of you are doing exceptionally well and I'm very proud of you!
 
Welcome back Mandy!

One of the hardest thins is to be able to motivate yourself without being too hard on yourself. You want to be motivated to make changes, but at the same time being too hard on yourself can lead to getting down on yourself and can lead to defeatism. To this day I still get mad at myself for letting my weight balloon as high as it did, but to some extent I just have to let that go and move on.

Good luck!
 
Thanks for the welcome back guys. I'm really making an effort to stick around this time. :)

MrVee, I agree about not beating yourself up, but it's really hard to change your way of thinking when you've lived a certain way your entire life. Something I really need to address and work on for sure.

~~

So, I did weigh myself this morning. I was sure I'd be over 220lb, but honestly thought and feared I'd be closer to 230. The final verdict was 221.8lb. Not too disappointing as I knew I'd be around this mark somewhere. I've got my work cut out for me to get back down into onederland.

I didn't exercise this morning. I would up with excruciating shoulder pain. Since my doctor lowered my meds my shoulder has been really sore. I'll need to call her and tell her this isn't working for me. This is as bad as it's felt so hopefully it'll get better and not worse.
 
FOOD 9/24/14 as of 1:17pm
- Bowl of Lucky Charms cereal
- Banana
- Single serving pizza flavored goldfish
- BLT salad
- 2 waters
~~~
Planned dinner is steak and lemon garlic roasted potatoes.
 
I wish you the best in reaching your goals. Please, remember how important your daily water intake is---half of your weight in ounces of water, daily!
 
Hi Mandy. I'm glad you decided to come back & that you are trying to get back on track. Salt & vinegar chips used to be my downfall, when I was at my biggest. I swear they can call out to you! These days I don't even consider eating one solitary one. It's the only way for me. You can do this Mandy. You have to want to be slim, more than you want to eat ice-cream & crisps. It is possible to change how you look at food. I consider the nutrition in everything I eat these days, whereas once upon a time (until 7 years ago) I didn't give it a thought. We are talking decades here. It can be done. Baby steps sweets. Every single time you make a good choice or move more, congratulate yourself. Good on you starting up your new diary. Will read it every day when I'm at home (will be away a bit in the next month). I may not always post, but know that I will be checking xo Cate
 
Welcome back Mandy! I'm very sorry to hear about your dog, the loss of a pet is just horrible :( Glad your other dog is okay now!

You've done it before and you can do it again...you'll be back on track in no time!
 
Thanks guys... I'm still here. Still fighting. :)

The weekend of 9/27 + 9/28 we had our big state fair so I went to that and "treated" myself to some horrible food. Fried dough, french fries, and ice cream. The good thing is that we did a lot of walking so while I'm sure it did not balance out calorie burn wise, it did help some. I also decided going into it that it would be the LAST day I'm going to pig out without feeling guilty. The next week was going to be a good one!

So last week I did have a decent week. I slipped up a couple of times, but for the most part I did good. I'm starting at square one again with making smart food decisions. I started by eating bananas where I used to enjoy a bag of chips or a few candy bars (bite sized). I didn't have the sugary cereal. Instead I made english muffins and had a bit of peanut butter on them. Dinners were fresh and home cooked instead of frozen or take out. I did sneak in a couple of sodas which I'm not happy about, but overall I'm happy with how it went.

This week will be more of the same. I have bananas and oranges sitting on my desk for a snack. I have a fresh garden salad with chiecken for lunch. Dinner will be a cooking light recipe that I tried months ago and LOVED (orange mustard glazed pork chops). I have plenty of water to get through the day as well.

My main issue that I'm still struggling with right now is getting my fat butt out of bed to work out in the morning. I keep saying tomorrow I'll get up, but instead I hit the snooze button and end up skipping it. It's so irritating and I'm really making myself angry. I need a good kick in the pants to get me going. Maybe tomorrow will be the day...

On a good note, the changes I've made so far has allowed me to drop a little bit of weight already. My initial weigh in from this version of my diary was 221.8. I was down to 219.4lb this morning. :)
 
Good work on the dropped weight.

As for the morning workouts, on the one hand the key is to just get into the habit and then hopefully it will become second nature. Is morning definitely the best time for you to work out with your schedule? If so, you just have to start getting it done and get in the habit.
 
Thanks MrVee - Unfortunately yes morning is the best time for me to exercise. I work from 7:30-5pm so by the time I get home, take care of my pets, and do other house stuff I need to do it's going on 6:30-7pm and I still haven't eaten yet. I don't want to get into the habit of eating dinner at 9pm. So morning's it is! My issue plain laziness. I have no issue with admitting that because it's the truth. When I was exercising before I felt much better about myself both mentally and physically when I was working out. I just need to get back into it. It's been a struggle for sure. Tonight I'm going to get everything out and try to get my butt motivated in the morning. I need to.
 
Well, I woke up this morning, but went back to bed. No exercise. Mattering on how my night goes I may try to get a workout in later tonight. I need to get something going since the morning thing's not working right now. :(

I had a great day for food intake today... banana, orange, English muffing w/PB, garden salad with chicken, and tonight I'll be having chicken and rice. Lots of water. I was C-R-A-V-I-N-G a bag of Salt & Vinegar chips today in the worst way, but didn't give in. Nor have I given in to my desires to have chocolate (when there is plenty at work I can get for free). This alone is a huge success for me and I'm rather proud of it.

Woke up weighing in at 219 even. The scale is moving in the right direction. Now I just need to get my body moving again.
 
Well, I did! I got my butt out of bed this morning and worked out. I decided to "fool" myself last night. I set my alarm for about 20 minutes before I really wanted to get up so I could still hit the snooze button a few times. I think doing that really helped. It sounds crazy, but it helped. LOL

I had a great week last week for food intake. Then came the weekend. It wasn't very pretty. My weight fluctuated around the 218-219lb mark (give or take). This morning I weighed in at 222.4lb. I know I didn't gain 3-4lb in just two days so I'm guessing it's water weight. I didn't drink much water over the weekend so I have no doubt that's what the issue is.

My game plan today is to eat well and drink lots of water. Also planning on at least 2 walks. My 15 minute walk during my break at work and at least one walk with the dogs after work. I haven't decided if I'm going to bring them separately or attempt walking them together for the first time. They're boxers so they can be strong, but they also listen pretty well. My main concern is OTHER dogs running loose. Then I'd have a problem. We'll see how I feel when I get home.

I'd like to join another challenge here, but I worry if I join it'll be a big failure. I haven't been consistent enough, but maybe I'll check out what's going on and go from there. :)
 
AHHHHHHH..... CRAVING CHOCOLATE!!!!!

I have access to plenty of chocolate where I work. I have 26 minutes left of the work day and I'm DYING to get some chocolate. I want some so bad I can taste it! :( Instead of getting up and giving in, I figured I'd post about it here. That's what diaries are for right.

:banghead:
 
So I won the battle yesterday. No chocolate! :)

I ended up going for a shorter than I usually do walk yesterday with my dog. My mom wanted to go with me, but time was limited so we went a shorter route. Still, it was exercise!

This morning I went to get up to get my workout in and I could barely move. I am so sore! Just getting dressed was a challenge so needless to say I could not make it through a workout. It's sore even walking, but I can manage through a walk so that'll be my exercise today.

Weigh in was 222 even today. *sigh*
 
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