My Journey 2015: This Time Stronger and Smarter!

Being nearly 30 myself I know the feeling of feeling like your never going to find love and what to do when you think you have... I've actually ended up with a guy whose exactly (we were born on the same date) 7 years younger than me, to be fair though, he acts about my age and I tend to act around his, so people actually are really surprised by that.

Figuring out what to do can be hard. I find the most direct method is best, beating around the bush just makes things awkward. Just ask him if he's single and interested in you. Ask about his kids and find out how often he spends with them, if your really not sure about the fact that these are his kids by another women (in the sense that yu're not very interested in them) then maybe he's not the right guy for you (personally I wouldn't like a man who didn't want to spend as much time round his kids as he could, it would make me worry about if I had children with him). And you should decide what your long term goals are for a relationship before you start, that way you can discuss them (when apprpriate) and see if he's on the same wavelength.

Just my two cents on your love issues!

Keep up the motivation and good work on your weightloss!
 
I have a couple perspectives on this that I can't resist throwing in. lol. One being that at one point Chef said he would never date a woman that had kids, and now he thinks of my kids as his own. Yes, he acts like an immature a-hole on here sometimes(or most of the time haha), but I seriously could not ask for a better guy to be in their lives. He wants what's best for them, does homework with them, worries about their schooling, worries about what they're eating, and is constantly thinking of them... just like a good dad should. So you never know, you might fall in love with someone and end up having your mind changed on the whole kid thing.

My other perspective... I have an ex-husband who is a grown man-child and has been dating a woman for 5 years. She is a nice person. I get along with her just fine. My kids love her.... the problem? They hardly ever see her. She comes over on the nights that my kids aren't there and makes an appearance about once or twice a month so that they see her. She's been in their lives since they were 6 and 3. Now at 11 years old my daughter is finally understanding what is going on, and has actually said to me...." *Insert girlfriend's name here* only comes over when we aren't there. I feel like she's trying to avoid us most of the time". That breaks my heart. I know my kids would like to see more of her, and I worry about them not having a mother figure around when they're with their dad. So if you do decide to get involved with a man with kids, I would definitely take it slow and figure out if kids are something you would be willing to accept, before they get attached to you. :)

Great job on the weight loss!
 
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Hi Mandy. I read your diary & could not think how to put down what I felt, but jen has done it for me. I always thought that I hoped our sons would not end up in a relationship with someone who had children from a previous relationship. What was I thinking? (or not thinking more like)
I would be finding out asap if he is in a relationship or not as alarm bells would be going off if he is.
Congrats on the weight-loss Mandy xo Cate
 
Thanks for your insight on the guy everyone. :) Growing up I was a "normal" girl who played with dolls and wanted to be a mom someday, but as I got older my mindset changed on that. I don't want kids of my own, BUT like I said at my age it'll be challenging to find a guy who doesn't have kids. I'm willing to at least try it. I know it won't be easy being a stepmom (should it ever come to this in any relationship I might find myself in), but I completely understand that a guy's kids are part of the package and rightfully so. I wouldn't want to be with a deadbeat dad either. I really do like this guy, but my gut is telling me he is in a relationship and is just being nice. Maybe he's a flirt, maybe he's just friendly and super nice. Who knows. I'm trying to slow down on this thing and whatever happens happens. :)

~~

One good thing about having this distraction is it's really fueled me and really kicked my butt into gear. Along with just wanting to feel better, I really want to look better too. I haven't even thought about straying from my diet and I've been doing really well with exercise. I have a new sense of self confidence which I haven't had for a very, very long time. It's a good feeling. I'm in a good place right now mentally and emotionally. :)

This morning's weigh in was 209lb even. Already got my Taebo workout in and will be walking later with the dogs as well. Beautiful weather. Life is good!
 
Just popping in with a quick update. Everything is still going really. Eating well, exercising regularly. This morning's weigh in was at 207.6lb! Getting closer and closer and to my previous low. Not only that, but since I *really* starting to focus on this again in March (even though April was pretty bumpy) I'm still down about 15lb. Feeling really good about myself. :)
 
From a male's perspective, I would say he is definitely interested from what you typed up on here. Never know unless you throw yourself out there. I hope it works out for you though! Great job on the weight loss too, closing in on under 200 now! That is awesome. Seems things are going your way lately. Great job, keep doing your thing!
 
Agreeing with all that you should probably find out this dudes relationship status ;) But I get it, I've been there before. Your journal is a great read, excellent job on the progress.
 
Hey Mandy, great work on your weight!!

As a recovering emotional wreck (recovering, not recovered), my recommendation is to just ask the guy what his deal is - maybe over lunch or coffee? Something casual, anyway, but be pleasantly direct. Tell him how you feel about the idea of kids. His kids should be his number one priority, so it's not worth his time if it's a show-stopper, but maybe after a few dates you have a picnic or field trip that everyone would like (hint: zoos are more fun than art museums), and maybe you find out they're pretty cool kids.

Short version: don't rush it, but don't get too wishy-washy, either.

Side note: if he has a big beard, I'm guessing he likes craft beer.
 
Thanks for the insight everyone. I've calmed down quite a bit on this guy. I'm ok with how things are progressing right now. We're just enjoying small talk for the most part and getting a feel for each other.... or maybe it's me getting a feel for him. At first I was all for a relationship, but the old me has crept back in. Maybe I'm not ready after all. We'll see what happens. I'm certainly not doing anything serious without finding out his status, but for now a developing friendship is in the work. I'm sure his status will come up eventually. :)

Weight wise, still progressing nicely. I had to look back at my weight chart to find my original low which was 193.8lb (which I think was a freak low because it was in the 195 range all around that date). Today I weighed in at 206.2lb. So happy things are going so well for me right now. Still in a happy place. :D
 
Hi Mandy, a developing friendship can't possibly be a bad thing. Lovely to hear you're in a happy place sweetie xoxo Cate
 
I've been hesitant to post this here, but you guys always give good advice so here we go... As it turns out, the guy I had mentioned previously is in a relationship. I've been feeling all kinds of emotions since finding out. Relief because I know it's not going to happen with us, but disappointed for the very same reason. It's so weird. Even though I know he's taken, I still have a feeling in my gut that something could happen between us in the future (ONLY when he's single), but now that I know he's in a relationship I feel as though I shouldn't really keep up with contacting him out of respect for his girlfriend. I don't want to be THAT girl. We do seem to have things in common and I feel unusually comfortable being around him. I can't remember the last guy I've spoken to where I felt so at ease which makes it that much harder. It's not the first crush I've had though and I'm sure it won't be the last. If I could just get him out of my head it would be a big help! *sigh*

In weight news, last week was a bad week for numbers, but it's leveling off. I had an issue with my oven and ended up straying off the diet for most of the week. I had chicken in the oven and all of a sudden it started buzzing and there were sparks flying along with smoke. Turns out the heating element inside broke. Thankfully I was in the kitchen at the time and was able to shut the breaker off before any real damage happened. Scared the hell out of me though. As a result of this, I had to resort to sandwiches, cereals, and splurged for chinese as well. My weight played tricks on me throughout the week, as high as 208.6lb. Thankfully, it seems to be on track again this week. Today I weighed in at 205.4 which is a new low this time around. My TOM is approaching too so I'm gearing up for some water weight, but the good thing is that once it's over I seem to have a nice drop afterwards. I was hoping to be in onderland to start June, but don't think it'll happen. :(
 
I think you have been preparing yourself for this all along Mandy & it has not come as a surprise. As much as you may be feeling towards this guy I think one of the most important parts of a good strong relationship, along with love, are trust & loyalty & I think you feel the same way. Would you be able to feel that he has those qualities if he could date someone else while in a relationship? Could you really trust him? I had felt that you were drawing back from him before you found out that he was already in a relationship. It's up to you sweetie, whether you go ahead with him. A little bit of the "what if's" or "if only..."can hurt a lot less than investing yourself fully & then being deeply hurt. Do you feel that this guy could be the love of your life? "It's not the first crush I've had though and I'm sure it won't be the last."
This is just my opinion only Mandy & it comes from the thought of protecting you from hurt.Sending you lots of love xoxo Cate
 
Oh believe me Cate, trust is HUGE for me so that's a HUGE roadblock right there anyway. There's no way I could involved with someone I didn't trust which is part of why I think this is bugging me so much. To be clear, the discussions we have had did not revolve around anything relationship/romantic wise. Just small talk and brief chats. In all honesty, it was probably me reading to much into what he was saying and how he was acting. He may just be a friendly guy and I thought maybe there was something there. Either way, it's not going anywhere between us now.
 
So I went for a long walk by myself yesterday and have decided I'm not going to talk to this guy anymore. I don't feel that he's trying to cheat on his girlfriend or lead me on, but seeing as I want more than friendship I don't think it's right to keep talking to him. I completely trust myself to not do anything wrong, but it's just not a situation I want to be in. Plus, if I stop communicating with him it'll help the feelings that I have die off quicker so..... I'm sure the right guy will come along in time.

With that said, I'm back to really focusing on myself and improving my situation. Woke up at 205.8lb this morning, slightly up from yesterday. No big deal. Kind of torn about today. The owner of our company is treating us to pizzas for lunch. I feel badly not having any so I'll likely have a slice or two. The good thing is that since we're at work and my coworkers will be around I won't binge eat like I have in the past with pizza. I had a light breakfast (pork and pineapple stirfry) and will have a chicken salad for dinner later on. I think I'll survive just fine. :)
 
Mandy, I think that's a good decision. You have to be willing to not put yourself in a situation in which you might make bad choices. Plus, I really wouldn't want to be the girl sniffing after some other girl's boyfriend. I can't imagine that would do anything good for your self esteem. The right one is out there for you. It just ain't him. :D
 
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