Today is day four of my "new life" I got on my elliptical for a 5 minute warm up (120 calories) then hit utube for my free videos of hip-hop abs... I did level 2 and 3 today... I decided that I was to wore out for any more of that 
and went into living room to do my arms, legs, and more crunches... I can already tell a tiny winy bit of a difference in my body WAHOO!!!! but i had a downfall... this moaning after my boyfriend left for work I ate four of the cookies he had left laying next to the bed :S and then had a couple bits of ice cream :S yeah not a good start i know, BUT i did eat a healthy bowl of kashi lean crunch with skim milk and banana and after my work out I made my self a protein shake (ice cubes, 1/4 cup milk, Jillianes (from big loser) whey protein stuff, and a TBS peanut butter)
The most important thing though is that I'm feeling good and am still motivated!
Now for my past story....
I had always had a major problem with the "weight" when i look back at me as a kid, i see someone who mended herself with food... cookies,cake,candy... you name it i stuffed it down me. I would even HIDE yes HIDE food in my room at like the age of 4!!!! I remember when i was about 7 or8 years old my uncle and his family came down to visit it was around Christmas time and that morning i had gotten a TONE of candy in my stocking... My mom wanted us (me and my sister) to keep all of it in the kitchen so that she could monitor what we ate of it... but i was sneaky, i hide a box of life savors and some chocolate under my mattress. later that night when everyone was sleeping i started munching... well i guess my mom heard me and came into my room she was PISSED! I got grounded... the next day i was soooo embarrassed she had told everyone what i had done "by the way I had already been known as the fat kid and was extremely embarrassed about that already" I was devastated. I remember that they all went to the movies and I had to stay home with my neighbor. I knew that she always slept when she was "babysitting" so as she slept I munched down and made me another stash in my room..... As i look back I'm not for sure what happened to me to act this way towards food, it's kind of scary b/c its not normal... maybe it was a control issue i had, hell i don't know but to this day i am still embarrassed to eat in from of people except for my boyfriend, because i know that he loves me for me... he is the only person that i know of that loves me for me. when i got into middle school the weight kept coming on, in 6th grade i got up to 170LBS and was only 5'5" i felt like a waist of space, my mom signed me up for the swim team I HATED IT b/c she wanted me to be thin, i wasn't the only one embarrassed of myself my family was too. My sister was always thin of course naturally she could eat anything and everything and she stayed thin... to this day it's the same. But the swim team helped me a little with my body image, I dropped the fat and got me some muscle... I then talked my parents into joining the local gym so that i could go and work out. from 7th grade all the way threw high school I would get up at 4am and go work out from 4:30am to 7:40 am... But i wasn't healthy I had a secret, at the age of thirteen I had started drinking, by the time i was a jounier in high school i was an alcoholic, and all i ate was a salad that I'd eat at the lunch table (that was the only thing i felt comfortable eating in from of people) OH man i was always tired, but the drinking gave me the energy for when i would have to work after school, or if that didn't work I would get some pills from a friend to give me the energy i needed to get threw the day. after graduation i moved away, stopped drinking, joined a different gym and started to do things the "right way" although I had gained some weight from ACTUALLY eating i didn't care, i looked and felt healthy. the dark circles around my eyes were gone, and my grades were good! I got to the healthy weight of 145lbs and moved back home. thats when my life turned upside down... making food my best friend again like it was when i was little. I had been pregnant lost the baby, stopped going out, was alone all the time... well... me the food and the tv, my boyfriend was in jail... i was completely lost... I didn't care what i looked like i gained ALOT I went from a nice muscle in shape 145LBS to no muscle blob tipping the scale at 200LBS... when my boyfriend got out of jail he didn't care, but it hurt our relationship b/c of all my insecurities... we lived like that for 2 years until he started working out.... which motivated me to working out... which lead me to this web site...
and went into living room to do my arms, legs, and more crunches... I can already tell a tiny winy bit of a difference in my body WAHOO!!!! but i had a downfall... this moaning after my boyfriend left for work I ate four of the cookies he had left laying next to the bed :S and then had a couple bits of ice cream :S yeah not a good start i know, BUT i did eat a healthy bowl of kashi lean crunch with skim milk and banana and after my work out I made my self a protein shake (ice cubes, 1/4 cup milk, Jillianes (from big loser) whey protein stuff, and a TBS peanut butter)The most important thing though is that I'm feeling good and am still motivated!
Now for my past story....
I had always had a major problem with the "weight" when i look back at me as a kid, i see someone who mended herself with food... cookies,cake,candy... you name it i stuffed it down me. I would even HIDE yes HIDE food in my room at like the age of 4!!!! I remember when i was about 7 or8 years old my uncle and his family came down to visit it was around Christmas time and that morning i had gotten a TONE of candy in my stocking... My mom wanted us (me and my sister) to keep all of it in the kitchen so that she could monitor what we ate of it... but i was sneaky, i hide a box of life savors and some chocolate under my mattress. later that night when everyone was sleeping i started munching... well i guess my mom heard me and came into my room she was PISSED! I got grounded... the next day i was soooo embarrassed she had told everyone what i had done "by the way I had already been known as the fat kid and was extremely embarrassed about that already" I was devastated. I remember that they all went to the movies and I had to stay home with my neighbor. I knew that she always slept when she was "babysitting" so as she slept I munched down and made me another stash in my room..... As i look back I'm not for sure what happened to me to act this way towards food, it's kind of scary b/c its not normal... maybe it was a control issue i had, hell i don't know but to this day i am still embarrassed to eat in from of people except for my boyfriend, because i know that he loves me for me... he is the only person that i know of that loves me for me. when i got into middle school the weight kept coming on, in 6th grade i got up to 170LBS and was only 5'5" i felt like a waist of space, my mom signed me up for the swim team I HATED IT b/c she wanted me to be thin, i wasn't the only one embarrassed of myself my family was too. My sister was always thin of course naturally she could eat anything and everything and she stayed thin... to this day it's the same. But the swim team helped me a little with my body image, I dropped the fat and got me some muscle... I then talked my parents into joining the local gym so that i could go and work out. from 7th grade all the way threw high school I would get up at 4am and go work out from 4:30am to 7:40 am... But i wasn't healthy I had a secret, at the age of thirteen I had started drinking, by the time i was a jounier in high school i was an alcoholic, and all i ate was a salad that I'd eat at the lunch table (that was the only thing i felt comfortable eating in from of people) OH man i was always tired, but the drinking gave me the energy for when i would have to work after school, or if that didn't work I would get some pills from a friend to give me the energy i needed to get threw the day. after graduation i moved away, stopped drinking, joined a different gym and started to do things the "right way" although I had gained some weight from ACTUALLY eating i didn't care, i looked and felt healthy. the dark circles around my eyes were gone, and my grades were good!
I got to the healthy weight of 145lbs and moved back home. thats when my life turned upside down... making food my best friend again like it was when i was little. I had been pregnant lost the baby, stopped going out, was alone all the time... well... me the food and the tv, my boyfriend was in jail... i was completely lost... I didn't care what i looked like i gained ALOT I went from a nice muscle in shape 145LBS to no muscle blob tipping the scale at 200LBS... when my boyfriend got out of jail he didn't care, but it hurt our relationship b/c of all my insecurities... we lived like that for 2 years until he started working out.... which motivated me to working out... which lead me to this web site...
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