My first diary

M

mariela1

New member
Hi! My name is Mariela; like most of you, I've tried everything before... I've always been chubby, but on the last 3 months i gained about 25 pounds or so, and I knew this had to stop. I read a book called "Hungry", by Allen Zadoff (If you have the opportunity to read it, I totally recommend it), and realized that even though I love food and all my family has weight problems, what I experience is different: I'm really a food junkie, I've never been able to cope with my problems so I turn to food to feel better, which I know is stupid, because problems won't get solved by themselves and I just continue this vicious circle. i even thought I was lacking motivation, so me and my cousins made a bet and whoever lost the most weight will get a thousand dollars. But I'm already halfway this thing and I've only lost like 10 pounds, I know it is something but deep down I also realize I could be doing better.
On the other hand, i've been trying to address anything that bothers me before it triggers my appetite, but even doing this sometimes food controls me... Dont get me wrong i've been execising and eating healthy food as much as I can, but this time around I thought that maybe what i need is support from others who deal with the same issues. I'm really looking forward to learn about your experiences and hear from you... And I wish you all the best!

Starting weight: 216 lbs.
Current weight: 204.6 lbs
Goal weight: 152 lbs
 
Day 1:
First of all, let me tell you a little about myself.
I'm 21 years old, and weight has always been an issue for me, not only in the way it coulb be a problem for anyone else.
I've always seen my extra pounds as a security blanket, I've never had a boyfriend, always felt bad about myself, like I am not enough for anyone and I'm destined to be alone. I also have a lot of problems talking to new people, somehow I can't look at them in the eyes because I'm afraid they'll reject me and my body; I feel like if I don't look at you, you won't be able to look at me either.
And then we have food.
It has never judged me or made me feel bad, it just makes me feel better momentarily every time, it's like a toxic relationship, it makes me feel good and i cannot imagine life without it but at the same time i know it IS the root of all my issues.
On the bright side, i now realize all of this, there's no more denial, i can finally look at myself, see what's wrong and try to fix it; the problem is i dont know how, i mean, i know i have to eat less and exercise more, and i am at it, but even if i reach my ideal weight, if i dont solve the issues i have with my image, if i dont learn to love myself on the way there, everything would be in vain.
I hope writing everything i feel helps me... because God knows i don't know what else to do.
 
Hello Mariela!

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I hope you stick with this for yourself, you can do it! I'm here for you for support.

Hope this week goes well. You'll be dropping pounds in no time. :)
 
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