My Big Fat Greek Diary!

Hi, Cate! Had quite a day!

This arvo I was tempted to get blind -- but considering I have never been around the stuff much, decided to stay grounded and stay away from food as well. I helped my hubster find four new shirts and then bought our first bottle of sriracha. We had been hearing foodies rave about it, but for some reason we did not take an immediate liking to it at all. I watched a show about bilbies and cried my eyes out. I have been so emotional for some reason. We can hardly wait to get out of this horrible town/city we are temporarily marooned in. Chicago is where we need to be. I am a writer of comedy and have written for various people -- but my true talent and expertise lie in playing wicked bottleneck guitar, and I started playing at age eight and went on to study with some legends. When Johnny Winter died last year, I nearly lost my heart. My husband is a bassist and we also were on contract doing comedy at Renaissance festivals all around the country. He is a gifted writer as well. Much better than I am! After copyright goes through, I will be able to post some of my funniest new material in the "off topic" part of the forum. Maybe laughter will cure me and I will burn off more calories by hearty laughter! Thanks again, and I look forward to staying in touch.

All the best, Gill
 
Hello after a LONG, LONG time:

I am sooo bored. Is there NO intellectual stimulation for couples like my husband and us anywhere in the US? I miss the UK. I miss Montreal. I miss Cambridge. I miss Boston. My husband and I both have been together a long time and we do not have kids because we kept eating them all. We can't tolerate little sticky primates OR the full grown ones either. We do not think much of our species. Where we are presently in this horrible part of the US is Mountain time. Augh! It is Cletus and Effie Hogswaller country and we have renamed it Stubbville. At least tomorrow we have a great opportunity to meet intellectuals who are also unapologetic atheists just like us -- who read 52 books a year, don't own television sets, hate Oprah, hate everything unoriginal -- and it just might keep us from killing ourselves we hate it here so much. All I have to do to lose weight is think of spending my life in the most backward place on earth and I am guaranteed to lose three to four pounds a week.

Hope your part of the country includes several more Mensas than they do out h'yar.
 
Ah, unapologetic atheists--My sort of people! Hi! We also don't have a TV license, we download what we want to watch (usually nature shows!) and devour books. How is the diet going? Hope your health problems are improving.
 
Dear Sunflower: I just spent an hour writing to you about dieting, Christopher Hitchens, Audrey Niffenegger, Tennyson and Longfellow when my entire text disappeared! I am going to start over later today, but for now I am sending this. Thank you so much for writing! You will hear from me later!

-G
 
Hi Gillian :) Oh bless you! That happens to me far too often. Usually I blame the computer instead of my own ineptitude! I just finished Her Fearful Symmetry--would be interested to know what you think! At the moment I'm hugely into Charles Bukowski, Margaret Atwood, Jeanette Winterson, Knut Hamsun & Miranda July but this changes as soon as I run out of books & dive into something else! Bukowski has been a life long love though.

Hopefully speak soon!
 
Falling Apart

Hi, Sunflower and other wondrous beings:

I have been too sick to get out of bed for several days. I would love to participate in this group more, but illness prevents it. One of the patients who was in my cancer support group died at the age of 44. She left two children behind. I am doing great and was only a stage one ovarian but had everything radically removed -- which threw my body into sudden menopause. I am overwhelmed. When I was a patient, I saw 18- and 19-year-olds with full-blown reproductive cancers in end stage condition. I feel very sad almost all the time lately.

What is this obsession of mine to want to lose just maybe thirty pounds when I should just be thrilled to be alive? I am sorry to be asking such rhetorical, shallow and inappropriate questions. I had a lot of pain and I rarely take or need medication for pain, but I am writing after taking a full dose and I am not editing myself ... and it scares me. I took pain meds which were much needed and my husband was getting a bit pissed at me for trying to be so stoic. I believe I am experiencing survivor's guilt. I am going to be fine -- or I should say ... we hope I am going to be fine. I have oodles of tests to find out what is causing this terrible pain. My way of dealing with pain, anxiety and worry is to eat. I am hanging my head in shame for this sad fact. I cope with stress by eating too much.

The reason I feel hopeful that I do not have any new serious stage cancer is that my tumor markers were all within normal range just last month and I am not losing weight the way I did the first time. I have been clear for nearly two years -- maybe even longer. I was very thin when I was first diagnosed and as I got better I gained all the weight back, which I did not mind too much. I started this group weighing 215 and expressed I would like to lose maybe thirty pounds tops.

For me to weigh 180 would be a miracle to me to actually manifest. I admit, I feel it is out of reach. I feel I have already failed. I lost weight at first, but I am right back where I started. I weigh 214. I do not digest my food properly so I am seeing a GI oncologist to find out why -- but the good thing is, I'm still hungry. For some weird reason, I'm hungry all the time. I can't move around much because I am using a wheelchair for outings that involve any further distances than just getting around my apartment. I had a huge ovarian tumor that was hitting the back of my spine and then, for reasons I'll never understand, I felt like I had been struck by lightning and had to have most of my C-spine replaced because the discs ruptured. I'm a professional musician, so it was the most devastating event of my life. I had to cancel all my gigs for two years. My husband is also a professional musician and us not performing is stressful and I feel I have let us down.

Considering where we are currently in the united states, I am very lucky to have found such prominent surgeons -- because we are in Stubbville. I am overwhelmed. I am rereading Her Fearful Symmetry and am interpreting it much differently this time around. The first time I read it was upon its release in 2009. That was way before the excrement hit the fan. Regarding the book by Audrey Niffenegger, I am glad I do not have a twin sister. I am going to try and pick my spirits up. This fight is far from over and I am not going to give up. I just never have needed support like this and I wish so badly I was in a position to give support to others -- because I was not taught to receive it too gracefully.

I hope the best health for all and much happiness.

--G
 
Gillian, having never had Cancer myself I can't possibly imagine what you are going through. I do know that you should not be feeling any guilt at letting anyone down, including your husband. You did not choose to have Cancer. Eating as healthy as you can must surely be a good thing no matter what. It will make you feel better. Give yourself support sweetie & stop giving yourself such a hard time. I am sending you lots of love & kind thoughts as that is all I can do really, xoxo Cate
 
Dear Cate: Thank you!!! You helped lift me out of a malaise that had me worried. I have good days and then I will have a few bad days in a row. I try and focus on the good days and build on them. I am not certain what is going on with my health until several tests come back, but I am hoping for the best and even though I want to lose weight, I am a bit relieved that I am not losing at an alarming rate that freaked out my doctors and husband. I feel there is still hope. I should post in the off subject area of this forum when I can't focus. I have barely scratched the surface of this forum. I appreciate your support and want to pass it to you and also pass it forward. It has helped me more than I can ever say!

Positive thoughts! --G
 
Hi Gillian. I'm glad I was able to help. A little love goes a long way. This section is your diary & your place. It's not all about weight-loss. It's your home, where we can "visit" you. We must all have hope sweetie. Positive thoughts coming back your way, xoxo Cate
 
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