My 24 year old fiancee can't lose weight - driving her absolutely nuts

AceDB

New member
She's working out 4-5 times a week, eating really healthy and the number on the scale just simply will not go down. I've spent a ton of time with her - we were together all day sunday. She eats 2 meals a day of around 500-700 calories. We eat nothing but natural stuff - meat, veggies, quality fats (peanut butter, avocado), a little bit of rice and potatoes - no bread, no processed stuff. We do have a cheat meal on Saturday but 95% of our other meals are pretty clean. She eats 2 meals a day - we've measured all the meals, it's always around 500-700 calories each (typically something like 4 oz chicken, little avocado, little rice).


This week she has been really great dieting and going to gym - she weighted 200 lbs on monday and today she's 203 (she's 5'10 and has a decent amount of muscle). WTF can I do to help her? Honestly I can eat 30-40% more than her and lose weight. She eats a lot less than me and stays the same or gains weight (I'm 5'10 212 male)


She has sworn to me that she's not cheating or binge eating when I'm watching. She desperately wants to lose weight and even asked me for a tummy tuck. I go to gym with her and she works out very hard


1)Is it possible she just has a horrific metabolism genetically?

2)Could she have ruined her metabolism by dieting? She's prolly like 30% BF and wants to be down to 20%. She was closer to 35% before

3)Could there be something wrong with her hormones/thyroid? What tests do I need to do to figure this out?

4)Should I have her go see a weight loss coach? Her doctor is seemingly not helping her.



edit: I should mention she's gotten results doing Keto but it causes her horrible stomach issues/pooping issues. She's tried twice and it screwed her up both times.
 

Llama

Well-known member
A) You can't fix this for her. You can't test anything unless you're her physician, which would be unethical.
B) How does she measure calories? Estimates? Cup measures? Scales? Most people undercount calories by quite a bit even when they try to be accurate. Two 700 kcal meals a day would be 1400 kcal and if we assume she undercounts by 25% (which wouldn't be weird) that puts us as 1750 kcal/day. Which leads me to:
C) How big are those cheat meals? If she does have a "bad" metabolisms and we assume her actual daily calorie intake is close to 1750 a day a surplus of 2000 kcal in that cheat meal would have the average woman keep her weight rather than losing slowly.
D) Does she have problems that might indicate thyroid issues? Fatigue, hairloss, being cold all the time, whatever? If lack of weightloss is the only symptom I wouldn't assume a hormonal problem.
 

AceDB

New member
A) You can't fix this for her. You can't test anything unless you're her physician, which would be unethical.
B) How does she measure calories? Estimates? Cup measures? Scales? Most people undercount calories by quite a bit even when they try to be accurate. Two 700 kcal meals a day would be 1400 kcal and if we assume she undercounts by 25% (which wouldn't be weird) that puts us as 1750 kcal/day. Which leads me to:
C) How big are those cheat meals? If she does have a "bad" metabolisms and we assume her actual daily calorie intake is close to 1750 a day a surplus of 2000 kcal in that cheat meal would have the average woman keep her weight rather than losing slowly.
D) Does she have problems that might indicate thyroid issues? Fatigue, hairloss, being cold all the time, whatever? If lack of weightloss is the only symptom I wouldn't assume a hormonal problem.

she does have issues with fatigue. Sometimes she sleeps 10 hours and is still tired when she wakes up

no hairloss - she has beautiful hair

When I looked up daily metabolic rate. A girl her age, height, weight and activity level should be burning 2500 cals a day. Is it even possible her metabolism would only be 1750?
 

Llama

Well-known member
If she regularly sleeps 10 hours and still feels tired that could be a sign of thyroid problems. It could also mean she isn't eating enough and her body is trying to force her to conserve energy. Could her maintenance calories be 1750? Possibly, but in my calculation I assumed 2000: 1750 a day plus one weekly cheat meal.

That said: going into detail like this is making me a little uncomfortable. If she herself went online to look for help that would be one thing but I can't tell how comfortable she is with you talking about her weight issues. For all I know she's secretly happy with her weight (30% body fat on a tall, muscular woman is not at all problematic). If the pressure to lose weight is coming from outside sources I don't want to add to that.
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
I have to mostly agree with Lama, I am not any kind of expert, but I do not believe that its possible not to lose fat at 1,400 calories per day, even without exercise. Not without some kind of underlying health issue. That is of course long run, in any given week water weight can mask fat loss. How long has she been at this?

I also agree with Lama that it would be easier to advise her directly, could you get her to post here? Your interest and support will be very helpful to her, in a achieving her goals. But she has to decide what those are. Tall muscular and a little overweight may not seem so bad to her.
 

AceDB

New member
I have to mostly agree with Lama, I am not any kind of expert, but I do not believe that its possible not to lose fat at 1,400 calories per day, even without exercise. Not without some kind of underlying health issue. That is of course long run, in any given week water weight can mask fat loss. How long has she been at this?

I also agree with Lama that it would be easier to advise her directly, could you get her to post here? Your interest and support will be very helpful to her, in a achieving her goals. But she has to decide what those are. Tall muscular and a little overweight may not seem so bad to her.

who do I have her see?

I figure endocrinologist. Any other kind of doctor could figure out her issue?

and this is not me driving this bus. She's miserable/depressed from not losing weight
 

AceDB

New member
Start with her general practitioner and he will direct her on who to see / what tests to consider. But yes, sounds like some kind of underlying health issue.
Also, even thought people thinkg cardio = weight loss, she should be doing some weights too. Even if you think she is relatively muscled, it will help.

she does serious weights 4-5 times a week

this is what's sad for me and so frustrating for her. She's working out very hard and with great technique - she should be seeing amazing results
 

Trusylver

Sport and Exercise Coach
Staff member
Most stuff has already been said however when considering who to see, she you said her doctor has done nothing, this may be a problem with the doctor, not that I think doctor hopping is a good idea but she needs a doctor who she is comfortable with to talk to and not hold anything back. Some older male doctors do not take the problems of woman seriously and will not do the referrals needed to dig down and find the real problem. PCOS is a problem that has the effects you are describing but usually takes years for Doctors to take the symptoms seriously, usually a low carb or keto style diet works well for these ladies but needs to be done carefully and if done in a healthy way should not cause the issues you describe.

If your looking for an alternative medical practitioner, an exercise physiologist may be able to help, they are trained in both the exercise and the health condition side of the equation.

A "weight loss coach" is probably not a good option as many people using this job title are way under qualified, quite often personal trainers looking for a good marketing term to attract clients.
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
She's working out very hard and with great technique - she should be seeing amazing results
How long has she been consistently dieting and exercising? Sometimes results are just slow to see. Water weight can mask fat loss for a while, maybe up to a few weeks... There have been times I have seen my weight fluctuate 10 to 15 lbs just based on water retention.

Not sure what kind of Dr to recommend, @Trusylver knows more about it than I do.

You sound like a good supportive friend, that will be great help to her. Best of luck with it.
 
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