Much Respect To All Here.

[death_waters]

Greetings all Posters and Operators of The Weightloss Fitness Forum.

Im Asheesh. A 25year old from New Delhi India. Im 115Kgs. Im 25 and have been overweight almost till as far as I can recall.

The reasons behind my lack of sensibilities regarding my eating disorder are not completely unknown to me. I come from an abusive background where I grew up seeing constant and total chaos between my parents. Being Indians, separation was never considered to be an option, so it was a strongly built hell in which my formative years passed, scarring me with the ignorance of my parent's unintended and misdirected fury.

Im 25, still living with my parents. Am known among many to be an extremely impatient, tempered and impulsive man. Not that its all Im known to be. Im also one of the most influencial radio personalities, talented singers and powerful figures in artiste management and co-odination, in the capital city of my country. Despite the background noise in my life, I have managed to taste a whole lot of success in my life, thanks to my ever fresh perspective on things and my ability to move on and leave behind aspects of my past, I didnt need. I have acquired a lot of knowledge from spirituality, religion and various forms of alternative healing that I have been a part of through various stages and phases of my life. But my weight is something I still need to successfully decypher and discect from my life.

Questions:

1. Im extremely uncomfortable around my parents and there is a major difference of opinion in the way they live and operate. I would like to believe Im neater, cleaner and more transparant in my dealings and life style, wheras they have a life old habbit of untidyness and confusion. It reflects in everything they do. From their untidy room to their forgetfulness about everything to their messy relationships with everyone they know. To the badly cooked food my mother makes to EVERYTHING.Nothing is in order and the way its supposed to be. Everything is done in a hurried and incomplete manner.

2. My sisters are both weird as well. One is an impulsive extremist who swings from one extreme to another...bending over backwards to impress people and get extremely close to them and then exploding with fiery rage and vengence when even the slightest of her expectations are not met. Incapale of maintaining lasting cordial relations. I thank the good lord for her husband who is an understanding patient and hard working man. Was it not for him, heaven known where my foolish sister would be.

3. My other sister is also pretty unique. she has totally cut off with my entire family...she isnt in touch with anyone...not my parents and not my sister or me...just with distant acquaintances and relatives. She is a lot like me in terms of her hankering for perfection and her larger than life ego and sense of self respect, but she has decided to never turn back, which although I disagree with, but I do respect.

Im very crude as a person. Very raw and unpolished in certain aspects. I have been used to seeing people live like that my entire life, and although i understand and disapprove it in people, unfortunately some of it is a part of me as well. Which is basically why I have been into the habit of excessive , wrongly timed and incorrect eating. As the pressures and complexites of life have increased with me being 25, I have also given into smoking marajuana and tobacco. I think thats added to my tendencies to eat more.

After smoking up I get extremely hysteric sometimes and largely hyper. Although the high is good a lot of times as well and helps me get answers I usually wouldnt find. But thats not really out of control as I do it once in two weeks or maybe even less than that and it doent bother me in any way.

I need to lose weight and get into better shape. I wouldnt want my life to remain a reflection of bad parenting for the rest of my living years. I know Im here to achieve more in life than even my imagination is capable of picturising.

I would like perspectives of the various people reading this.

A Friend.

 

[NewLeaf]

My only comment to this, is one must accept their own responsbility and own their actions in order to alter your future. Granted your childhood and upbringing may not be what you picture as "ideal", you can not place all the blame on your parents. They did not force feed you to cause you to be overweight. You over ate on your own. You gained weight on your own. You are your own person. Accept some responsbility to yourself as an individual and stop putting the blame on others and your environment. Then you can take a step to improving upon yourself!

 

[Everette06]

Deathwaters it sounds to me like its not what or how much your eating but whats eating you.
I would find a good therapist to talk to.

Most if not all of bad eating behavior was learned. So therefore can be unlearned as point of fact. But hard as heck to change "old" habits.
Food sometimes is subsituted for relationships especially "intimate" and I don't mean sexual. We all have the need to be respected,loved,appreciated,and heard and to not be alone and when those needs go unmet we reach for something else.
Some of my thoughts for ya waters, take care.

 

[MissJellyBelly]

Sounds like you have a disfunctional family situation going on there, something quite common I guess, no matter what country you live in. I can see why you would seek some advice.

All I can say is that you need to move out of that environment. I don't know what your cultural values are and if that is even an option. Once you remove yourself from the situation you can focus on what "you" want and what makes "you" happy, without having to be in an emotional rollercoaster and family war zone. I'd be a wreck living there. Save yourself! Heck, see if you can meet up with the sister who also saved herself. I'm sure she is happy as can be... or is she??

I can tell you are very intelligent and quite articulate. I think you already know what you need to do. Trust your instincts.

 

[Beagle1]

So, if you're "one of the most influencial radio personalities, talented singers and powerful figures in artiste management and co-odination", why do you still live with your parents (granted, I don't know very much about the New Delhi housing situation)? I would think between the three you could afford your own place, even if its a modest one. I live with my family as well, though I did live on my own for a short period, and if there is one thing I found its that when you are the sole person responsible for your well-being, you are a lot more attentive to your well-being. YOU buy the groceries, YOU clean up the house, YOU are in charge.

I agree with NewLeaf in that it sounds like you are having trouble recognizing your own role in your current life situation. Try this for a week: Write down everything you eat, and what happened right before eating. Perhaps you can identify some of the situations that encourage you to overeat and then learn to control, avoid or deal with those situations as appropriate.

 

[death_waters]

Wow. So many inputs. Thansk guys. All of you. I think I have more or less an idea as to what i need to be doing.

1. Get away from house as soon as possible, take up a place in another city or just move out.

2. Start taking responsibility for self and not blame people and situations.

3. Monitor eating / mood patters.

Will Do thanks once again NewLeaf, Everette, JellyBelly and Beagle. You kindness is greatly appreciated. Shall keep you people posted and updated and will answer in detail all the queries and cross questions as well.

Thanks again you guys.