Motivation, fear and psychology - need assistance

[Madrone]

I have to admit I just don't understand myself. I have the ingredients for healthy meals here, in my house. I have the veggies to make a lovely, tasty, mixed green salad with a low-cal vinagrette that I love, excellent grilled chicken recipes, fresh pineapple, brown rice, cranberry juice, dried cranberries and tons of other options. I consistently choose something else and will let the veggies rot before I'll eat them. Why?

When it comes time to make the choice for a healthy meal, what I feel is panic and fear. I literally stand in front of the refrigerator feeling despair that I plan to eat healthy. I am afraid of that change. Why am I afraid of a garden salad? I am choosing things that I often don't even enjoy any more out of the fear of changing myself.

There is something I'm getting out of this that I can't pinpoint. Something I am clinging to. Any advice?

Madrone

 

[Vitality!]

Any conflict, whether it takes place within the body and mind or outside of you, is always a battle against the self.

You must be aware at every moment. From getting up in the morning, working, eating and going to bed. This is the place of mastering the self.

You must not show weak-points (to a degree) in everyday life, life is a fight! You must remain concentrated and not reveal your defects (to a degree); through continuous training in self control, gradually you will discard them.


A modified Godfather Quote, by Chillen:

Know yourself, but know the internal enemies of the self better and keep them close.

You have to know your enemy well in order to beat it.

Know your enemy and know yourself, you will have hundred battles to fight (figuratively speaking) and you "can" emerge a hundred times victorious.

This is to you, Madrone:​

YOU ARE THE MASTER
​

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Everday I wish you the very best. I wish you much happiness, peace, joy, and personal prosperity.

Being Master of Yourself ​

"No man is free who is not master of himself." -- Epicetus.

What does it mean to be the master of yourself? Certainly, each one of us has demands that pull him or her one way or the other, until it seems that we are stretched in all directions. Does being the master of oneself mean that we ignore those demands? Does being master of yourself mean that you never listen to your spouse, your family, or your mother-in-law?

Nope. Being master of yourself goes deeper than that. It all has its root in attitude.

Being the master of yourself goes deeper than getting up when the alarm goes off, although that's an important first step. It means more than controlling your spending or eating habits, although that too is essential. It means more than exercising, even when you don't feel like it, or mowing the lawn when you would prefer to sit in front of the TV and eat cheese puffs.

It means, deep down, and to the core, a control -- a mastery -- of your basic emotions that drive your behavior.

First off, we must control self-doubt.

Many of us doubt ourselves, even though we are loath to admit it. "In his private heart, no man much respects himself," Mark Twain, an adept judge of human nature, wrote. Alexandre Dumas, author of such celebrated classics as The Count of Monte Cristo and The Three Musketeers, put it even plainer: "A person who doubts himself is like man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convicted of it."

Self-doubt is a cancer that limits our future. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy, that forever limits us.

Second, we must control our view of ourselves.

The decisions we make in life are largely determined by the filters we use to judge reality. Few of us will ever be able to take a totally unbiased view of our abilities, because few ever can detach ourselves from our past. If we were able to judge ourselves by the same standards that we apply to our friends and family, we might be able to gain a better viewpoint. The Scottish poet Robert Burns wrote the following (loosely translated): "Oh, that some power give us the gift to see ourselves as others see us." (The original is "Oh, wad some power the giftie gie us to see oursel's as ithers see us." I think I did pretty well.).

Only when we can make a reasonable, positive view of our abilities, will we ever gain the upper hand. Herb Cohen, who is billed as "The World's Greatest Negotiator," had an interesting take on this. Herb said in his tape series on negotiation that he tends to downplay his failures, or possibly blame them on other people. While it is important for us to keep a reasonably accurate view of our life and our abilities, it's also important for us to not shortchange ourselves, and we are wont to do. Keeping a positive spin on our abilities can make a major difference.

Third, we must be fair with ourselves. Being fair with an employee, doesn't mean constant praise. Sometimes, being fair means that correction where a change is needed. So we need to be fair with ourselves, even though that fairness may mean a rational set of changes that need to be made. Few of us are ever fair with ourselves.

Fourth, to master ourselves, we must master our emotions. Famed success expert Tony Robbins speaks at length about mastering our emotions. So many of us allow moods to control ourselves. If the day is bleak, we get bleaker. If the night is dark, we get darker. We take our emotions to an extreme, and never really become the master of our fate.

Fifth, to become a master, we must practice. By its very nature, Mastery requires practice. It requires work. It requires dedication, change, sacrifice.

Sixth, remember to protect yourself from self-pity. "Self-pity is our worst enemy," said Helen Keller, who had every reason to engage in self pity. "If we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world."

Seventh, practice occasional self-renewal. Like a blighted neighborhood, sometimes, you've just got to tear old things down in yourself, and build up something new. Too often, we let the dust of the world clog up the life of our soul. Sometimes, we've just got to do some dusting.

Eighth, give yourself a push. Set goals to work on the parts you want to master first. Choose the one area that is most standing in your way, and goal for a change. Set a specific, detailed goal, a date for achievement, then plan out your path to success.

Ninth, learn to like yourself. "I don't like myself," said Mae West. "I'm crazy about myself."


(Credit to Darryl R Gibson)

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Come on brotha and sistas........

Be your own master of your personal development!

THIS ROCKS!

You have it within you!

YOU REALLY DO!

SMILE!

ALL OF YOU ROCK!



I wish ALL OF YOU the best in all that you do each and every day.

Look up.......you see that bright star in the sky?

THIS IS YOU!



Chillen

 

[Vitality!]

Let's continue: Mastering Yourself


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

(Eleanor Roosevelt)

Quality in. Crap out. Master what you allow in your soul and what you do not.

(Chillen)

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Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.

(Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe)
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Every thought you have makes up some segment of the world you see. It is with your thoughts then, that we must work, if your perception of the world is to be changed.

(A course in miracles)

The problem here is how do you work with your thoughts??? Well, do you really know?

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There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The true nobility lies in being superior to your previous self.

(Hindu Proverb)

Master your skeletons in the closet, people.

(Chillen)

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Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

(Confucius)

Become the master of your failures. They are the root of your success.

(Chillen)
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The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

(Alan Kay)

Is it your mind that guides you? Is it your heart that guides you? Or is it your heart and mind that guides you? Can you master one, the other, or both?

(Chillen)

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The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

(Anonymous)

Master your temptations.

(Chillen)

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It's very hard in the beginning to understand that the whole idea is not to beat the other runners. Eventually you learn that the competition is against the little voice inside you that wants you to quit.

(Unknown)

You master your inner voice, there is no stopping you.

(Chillen)

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Listen up my friends: Within diet and fitness we can become under pressure when we try and perform to a standard which is more than we think we can achieve - not more than we can actually achieve. Rather than try harder, change your opinion and your behavior will follow.

Be come a master of self, and stand and deliver to yourself.




Best wishes to all of you


Chillen

 

[Vitality!]

And one more post for my new friend:

(part one, post was too long, lol)


“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”

(Oscar Wilde)


Mastery. We have reached mastery when we neither mistake nor hesitate in the achievement.

Mastering Yourself ​

The ability to control and discipline ones self is vital and will give you the Self Mastery title.

(Chillen)

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Willpower is the key to success. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt or fear.

(Dan Millman)

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Reshape yourself through the power of your will...


Those who have conquered themselves...live in peace, alike in cold and heat, pleasure and pain, praise and blame...To such people a clod of dirt, a stone, and gold are the same...Because they are impartial, they rise to great heights.

(Krishna)

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A consciousness of wrongdoing is the first step to salvation…you have to catch yourself doing it before you can correct it.

(Seneca)

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Suppose you were to come upon someone in the woods working feverishly to saw down a tree.

“What are you doing?” you ask.

“Can’t you see?” comes the impatient reply. “I’m sawing down this tree.”

“You look exhausted!” you exclaim. “How long have you been at it?”

“Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m beat! This is hard work.”

‘Well, why don’t you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen that saw?” you inquire. “I’m sure it would go a lot faster.”

“I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically. “I’m too busy sawing!”


(Stephen R. Covey)

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Twelve Psychological Barriers To Self-Mastery and Personal Success​

Self-Mastery Barrier 1: Ignorance

Self-mastery is essentially impossible if one is not willing to devote time to understanding the nature of the mind. For example, if you are in the habit of spending 30 minutes a day reading how the mind works, this supports self-mastery and personal success. If you have never read books on psychology or the philosophy of the mind, your ignorance acts as an immovable barrier impossible to overcome.


Self-Mastery Barrier 2: Habituation and Habit Formation

Habituated thinking patterns develop like certain streets in Boston. In the older parts of the city, the streets follow the paths used by long dead cows to get between barn and pasture. The issue here that we tend to get "stuck" in a set behaviors and patterns of thought that do not support our pursuit of worldly success or self-mastery. For example, you still see adults throwing temper tantrums like they did when they were four years old.

Self-Mastery Barrier 3: Destructive Personality Traits

Traits[/url]

Personality traits are fixed at a young age. Since most organizational leaders aren't on a rigorous program of self-mastery, they exhibit these same traits throughout their life. If one is strong on self-esteem and self-improvement, these traits would support the drive toward self-mastery. But other traits such as self-destruction, self-indulgence and self-pity would have the opposite effect.

The Fourth Self-Mastery Barrier: The Ego Defense Mechanisms

The Ego is subject to a number of self-deceptions preventing self-mastery. Sigmund Freud many years ago observed that the Ego is a fragile entity requiring protection from anxiety.Typically it manifests as some type of stressful emotional state such as fear, guilt, embarrassment, anger, frustration, etc. Anxiety prevention takes many forms.

Even the little things in life can activate an Ego defense mechanism. A frown from a superior, criticism from the spouse, getting angry at the person who bumped into you are a few examples. Sadly, once these mechanisms are engaged, the mind does not properly process the information it receives.

For example, the defensive mechanism of repression can keep cigarette smokers from thinking about heart disease and lung cancer. Denial keeps the executives from working a problem affecting the entire organization. Rationalization makes our frailties acceptable. In all, there are over 20 of these mechanisms, most of them operating beyond conscious self-awareness.

Self-Mastery Barrier Five: Negative Self-Talk

Thoughts have a great impact on the emotions, feelings or states of mind that is operate at any given moment of time. For example, the person who thinks, "I'm not happy," typically feels that way.

For example, in the morning, do you think about the upcoming day in positive or negative terms? Do you have negative thoughts such as "I know I'm going to have a bad day; I'm sure I'm going to screw something up; I know I'm going to get yelled at?" Or do you tend to think about the positive?

For some reason, few people admit that they talk to themselves or understand the critical nature of this internal dialogue.

Self-Mastery Barrier Six: Homeostasis

It's hard to build new mental or behavioral habits--and extremely difficult to stop an old habit and substitute a new one. This means that one-time bursts of motivation tend to produce little lasting effect. It's safe to assume that new changes will be resisted by the motivational forces supporting the status quo (homeostasis).

Self-Mastery Barrier Seven: Arrested Development

While this observation will generate controversy, many powerful leaders have immature Egos. Arrested development essentially means that Ego growth has stopped prematurely. There are many symptoms one can experience.

One symptom of this immaturity is the leader who cannot control their emotions. Another is a boss who blames others while failing to look at their own personal contribution to the problem. A third symptom is someone with high IQ but low emotional intelligence, etc., etc., etc.

Self-Mastery Barrier Eight: Cognitive Dissonance

ahead, rationalize. Monkeys do it, too. - International Herald Tribune[/url]

Cognitive dissonance commonly operates as an unconscious mechanism and so is difficult to detect. It is associated with buyers remorse and purchasers regret when it comes to making important purchases. More importantly, it provides insight into why we take pride in our stupid decisions.

Self-Mastery Barrier Nine: Failure to Understand the Language of the Unconscious

The Ego sits in an isolation bubble of its own creation. It acts like a king or queen in a throne room, blissfully unaware to what's happening outside the castle.

The reason the ruler has no new clothes, is it never learned the symbolic, metaphoric language of the unconscious and how to access unconscious insights and resources.

part two, next

 

[Vitality!]

Part two


Self-Mastery Barrier Ten: Failure to Master Negative Emotions and States of Mind

It’s amazing so many individuals give others the ability to control their emotions. How many times have your heard someone say, "You made me angry!"

Of course, it’s normally not another person’s fault that we lack emotional control. I remember a friend saying once, "I'm in perfect control of my emotions. If I get angry, I only stay angry for three days."

Self-Mastery Barrier Eleven: Poor Attention Management and Self-Awareness

One must properly focus attention to process any type of information. It is a common complaint among the managed that their manager, "Doesn't listen to me." In some respects, listening is a terribly difficult thing to do since it requires a great deal of mental energy. Plus, attention is in sort supply so we often miss key facts, concepts and principles.

Self-Mastery Barrier Twelve: Not Understanding Dreams and Myths


While there are a few neurophysiologists who believe that dreams are the result of random neuronal firings, the mainstream psychologists believe that dreams have important messages—hidden meaning the Ego typically ignores.

Similarly, one should understand that myths and fairy tales also contain hidden meanings—meanings helpful in understanding the true nature of a nation's culture.

(By Murray Johannsen)

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The self-explorer, whether he wants to or not, becomes the explorer of everything else. He learns to see himself, but suddenly, provided he was honest, all the rest appears, and it is as rich as he was, and, as a final crowning, richer.


(Elias Canetti)




Learn to Master yourself and acquire true wisdom within Diet and Fitness, and obtain success.

You can do what ever you dream.

From my heart to all of yours,


Chillen

 

[Trops]

I have to admit I just don't understand myself. I have the ingredients for healthy meals here, in my house. I have the veggies to make a lovely, tasty, mixed green salad with a low-cal vinagrette that I love, excellent grilled chicken recipes, fresh pineapple, brown rice, cranberry juice, dried cranberries and tons of other options. I consistently choose something else and will let the veggies rot before I'll eat them. Why?

When it comes time to make the choice for a healthy meal, what I feel is panic and fear. I literally stand in front of the refrigerator feeling despair that I plan to eat healthy. I am afraid of that change. Why am I afraid of a garden salad? I am choosing things that I often don't even enjoy any more out of the fear of changing myself.

There is something I'm getting out of this that I can't pinpoint. Something I am clinging to. Any advice?

Madrone

I hear you. I think that is something that I go through from time to time. I have the healthy food but I'm not inspired to eat it. Very often I end up eating nothing till I'm too hungry to make some good choices then I'll eat all the bad stuff.

Another thing it might be is that you know that once you get started there is no turning back. You start eating a salad and then there is no pizza (a weakness of mine) or pasta or anything good for a long long time. You've committed yourself to weeks or months of unexciting eating. Fortunately that is not exactly true, but it does feel that way at the beginning.

remember that this is the beginning and you don't have to change everything all at once. If your diet is giving you trouble, try starting with exercise. Get the diet in control in a week or two. The exercise might help jump start the healthy choices in the diet.

Or you can do what Chillen said. Sorry, dude, just too many words. I just skipped it all. Hope there is something up there that helps you.

 

[maleficent]

I cant even read Chillen's stuff - way too many font changes and other stuff... someone please tell me fi there's any spam in there

My personal crusade -if you want to call it that - i kind of like the sound of the word though Healthy eating doesn't mean boring - healthy foods have flavor and taste good -if you're eating salad (blech) with low cal dressing (double blech) and plain grilled chikcen (eh - doesn't have to be blech) then you'renot goign to stay motivated for very long.

Salads can be fun, they can beinteresting -they can be full of flavor and still easily fallin your calorie range for the day...

 

[Madrone]

Thank you

Chillen - wow. Please tell me that was already typed and all you had to do was copy and paste!

Thank you all for the replies. Trops, maybe it is the fear that I won't be able to have the foods I love anymore - that "all or nothing" thinking that helps us sabotage ourselves. The thing is, as long as I don't eat a ton of it or eat it every day or with a ton of cheese, occasional pasta isn't bad. It's low-fat and can be paired with tons of healthy options and veggies of all kinds.

maleficent - I didn't notice any spam! I have a great recipe for grilled chicken breast cutlet that is marinated in a variety of spices and lime juice. Wow. Yum - mmeeee.

Today is another day, right?

Madrone

 

[maleficent]

there's always going to be a new day... and there's always going to be your very next meal to get you back on track... deprivation of your favorite things sets a track for failure... finding new favorites is always the best thing.. but the occassional pizza or lasagna won't hurt yuo at all

 

[soupdragon]

Hi Madrone, know what you mean about salad in the refrigerator. I did the same, always bought lots of salad, and at most had one meal out of it. then one day I realised that I didn't really like green leaves, cucumber and tomatoes, so I bought a book on salads and tried something different. If you have a lot of weight to loose like me, its not going to vanish overnight, so you might as well eat something you like, and do a little experimenting with new tastes. As they say, tomorrow is another day, so have some fun with something new.