Mooniestar's Diary: The Conscious Effort

Hello again, lovely day we're hav--... okay, I can't be cheerful right now. It's too cold out right now, and I'm in a malaise that won't go away for at least 4 days. Unfortunately, I woke up in pain and couldn't go back to sleep, so now I'm very tired. Managed to eat a banana for breakfast before church, and it seemed to help (though I nearly threw up after swallowing the first squishy bite), then we went out to eat afterwards. I had a small portion of chicken fried rice, with a bit of soy sauce (like half a teaspoon) and half a cup of diet soda. Not the best, I know. And no exercise today. I know that sometimes it helps with cramping, but I just don't have the energy.

And I have to work. Joy. So that's it for now, sorry it's not much of an update. Also, my sister made gingerbread cookies and insisted that I have just one to tell her how it tasted. So I had a cookie with vanilla frosting >_< And I was being so good, trying not to eat anything sugary.
 
The end of another day. And I really blew it. I'm still on my monthly, and I've gained a nice 3 pounds (according to my digital scale). My last day will be Christmas Eve, so maybe things will work out. However, I can just picture myself stuffing my face because we'll be going to our neighbor's house for Christmas dinner, and I can't be 'rude'. And God knows the last thing that people serve on holiday is healthy food. I'm so screwed.

I've been eating gingerbread cookies to boot. Lots of them. I'm sure that has something to do with my weight gain as well, and I want to make sure another one of those cookies never touches my mouth again. I can't keep sabotaging myself after all of this. Not that 'all of this' is really that much.

I will say that I did attempt to do some DDR today, and although I got my heart rate up for about 30 minutes, I just didn't have the energy. But I felt so guilty to not do anything that I pushed myself to do it. There was pain. Oh there was pain. And on top of that, my mom was insisting that my sister and I go shopping together... Joy. We got some nice things, but I was just tired the whole time.

Dinner was rotisserie chicken, potatoes au gratin, and green beans. As much as I wanted to, I didn't go back for seconds. I've gone from 125 to 128 in 2 days, I couldn't risk tripping that number anymore.

On the bright side, I've got some new workout DVDs. As much as I hate hate hate to admit this, DDR just might not be cutting it right now. I need something different. Hopefully these will shake things up.

I have to get up at 6 AM, so I'll bid you all goodnight. Til next time ^_^
 
Whoo! I'm back!

Yes, it is a day of celebration. I'm up at 7 AM, I don't feel the least bit tired. Even though it's a work day! (Yeah, I'm writing this before I go to my job) And the scale said... the scale said--!

I might be getting ahead of myself. Let's back up. The day before yesterday (as you can read above) was awful, in my opinion. I kept eating cookies and junk food, and dinner was pretty heavy. I didn't do any exercise (save for the half hour of DDR, which I sucked at) and I just kept eating sugary stuff. I craved it so bad TT_TT

But yesterday was a little different. 6 AM came waaaay too soon, and I was off to work. Luckily the day went by FAST and I came home to rest. But I didn't. I thought to myself "I'm not getting on that scale today." And I didn't. I made myself lunch, which consisted of steamed broccoli, carrots, an apple, and lots of lean turkey meat. And water, but that's a given. Yeah, it sounds sparse, but I actually enjoyed it. The water kept me full, and then I worked with my sister on a project (more on that later, maybe). Later that evening, our internet crashed, so I couldn't write my daily diary.

It was a perfect opportunity. I felt I had the energy, so instead of playing DDR, I put in my 30 Day Shred DVD for the first time and worked out for 27 straight minutes. Oh man... I'm still sore!! Jillian really kicked my butt. Circuit training, I have not done you in so long. But it hurt so good. And even after all that, I still felt like playing DDR. And I did! I played every song on Expert, my heart rate was in the 80-85%, I was sweating like crazy... and beating high scores as well ^^

What rocked the most was that while I was doing my cool down from 30 Days, my sis came in and was like "That looks really tough... can I try it with you?" My heart never felt warmer, like literally. XD

So with allllll of that said, I woke up this morning and looked at that scale. The last number I was at was 128, and this time I was at 125.4. Again! I know this weight seems light, but remember that I'm short.

I'm taking this DVD as my new challenge every day. Hopefully it will shake things up. Well, until next time ^^ Thanks for reading.
 
Still Going Strong

Hello all, another day has passed. Woke up early again for work (gosh, they're like slave drivers! j/k) and I made sure to eat breakfast. Had scrambled egg whites with a dash of pepper for flavor, half a glass of cranberry juice, and a banana. Lunch was orange juice with a Nature Valley health bar... thing. I dunno, I got it from the vending machine. I read the ingredients, it didn't seem too bad. However, after work (around 2 PM) I was still feeling hungry and my sister and I had Subway. I hear that Subway isn't that healthy as they say it is, but it's sure as hell healthier than Taco Bell or Baskin Robbins.

I did the 30 Day Shred again, same level, and it was actually a little harder this time around! Yesterday, when I did it the first time, I got through the whole half hour with very little rests, but this time I found myself skipping whole reps just to drink water. I dunno what the deal was. But I did finish, and made sure to do the cool down. After resting for a bit (about 10 minutes), I fired up DDR and went to town. I blew away a lot more high scores, so after about 40 minutes of that, my mom comes in to announce that she made dinner. Yes!

It's pizza.

No! Agh, really? *sigh*.... so to skip all the drama going on in my head, in the end I had ONE piece. And chewed slowly so that I would feel fuller longer. That technique actually works. But now I'm feeling super tired. What's going on?

I just don't know. All I do know is that tomorrow is Christmas Eve (by my time zone anyway), and I'm not going to let that stop me from my work out and TRYING to eat healthier. And in the mean time, I'm still listening to the archived Jillian Michaels podcasts I have. I dunno, but she just seems motivating. A little rough around the edges, but there's more to her than that. She's always bringing up going to her therapist, so it makes me think that maybe it's not so bad that I go to one as well. I wish she hadn't stopped making her radio shows, because I think they were so full of information and she's just a source of inspiration to me.

So anyway ^^ Til next time.
 
mooniestar said:
It's pizza.

No! Agh, really? *sigh*.... so to skip all the drama going on in my head, in the end I had ONE piece. And chewed slowly so that I would feel fuller longer. That technique actually works. But now I'm feeling super tired. What's going on?
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Simple sugars! They boost ya up, and later take ya down. Uggh. Aweful feeling. I make my own "pizza" when I really want it. La Tortilla shells or pita pockets with turkey pepperoni, a little pizza sauce and a piece (or 2 if I can afford the cals) of pepperjack cheese, nuke it for a min and its delish :) with protein, fiber, and still feels bad, lol.

Glad to hear your still going at the workouts, yayyy! I've never done the 30day shred thing, but it sounds like it was much easier one day, then less so the next because you ended up workin some diff. muscles. Thats what happens to me, anyway.

Have a wonderful Christmas- don't go overboard, but don't deprive yourself of what ya want either :)
 
Jess393 said:
Simple sugars! They boost ya up, and later take ya down. Uggh. Aweful feeling. I make my own "pizza" when I really want it. La Tortilla shells or pita pockets with turkey pepperoni, a little pizza sauce and a piece (or 2 if I can afford the cals) of pepperjack cheese, nuke it for a min and its delish :) with protein, fiber, and still feels bad, lol.

Glad to hear your still going at the workouts, yayyy! I've never done the 30day shred thing, but it sounds like it was much easier one day, then less so the next because you ended up workin some diff. muscles. Thats what happens to me, anyway.

Have a wonderful Christmas- don't go overboard, but don't deprive yourself of what ya want either :)
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Thanks Jess, it's good to hear from you again ^_^ Yes, those 30 Day workouts are tough! She's constantly telling you to not rest, to keep going. And I think to myself "Can I really keep going? I feel like I'm going to fall over from exhaustion!" But right when I think that, she starts counting down "5...4...3.." and that makes me finish. It's a good DVD.

I do plan on making a grocery list so I can make my own healthy lunches and such. I'm still living with my parents, and whenever my sis and I make a complaint about what she buys for food, Mom gets extremely hurt. Do you think I should just eat what she gives us (in small portions) and just work out more? Or should I suck it up and make her feel bad for buying Hot Pockets for us to eat? It's a dilemma...
 
One For The Record Books

Ohhhh man. Yesterday. Wow, it was insane. But more on that later. Gotta concentrate on the fact that this is a Weight Loss Diary, not "Cry to the World" diary.

Well I already wrote about yesterday, but there's more to the story. My sister came up to me and says that our mom wants to try it with me. I was blown away. I kept asking her "Did she really say that?" and my sis gave me that o_O look and insisted that yes, Mom wanted to work out with me. Even though I was in disbelief... I honestly took it as a sign from God Himself. Like seriously. For Mom to willingly want to work out (to Jillian Michaels, no less!) with me, was a prayer answered. Yes, our mom is scientifically obese. She's worked out maybe a total of 3 days in her LIFETIME. She has joint pain, back pain, very weak muscles... and of course, no motivation to do it. I've always reminded her kindly that I would do it with her. She wouldn't have to be alone on the journey to getting healthier... but that never convinced her.

In the end, she did the first 10 minutes of the DVD with me, but that was more than enough. I was disappointed that she stopped so soon, but then I remembered that Jillian is unforgiving and doesn't offer rest. This isn't a beginner's workout. I felt stupid for even thinking that it would be okay... what I mean by that is, I don't want Mom to give up on fitness just because one DVD workout was too hard.

On the other hand, I hope that this is a step in the right direction. I hope that she comes back to me or my sister about it. We know that she's in pain, and stressed, and depressed... and even though our dad makes such a huge deal about Mom's looks, I think she might still be at this point even if she wasn't married to him. And I want to offer her a way out. Not out of the marriage, but out of that body. The body she hates so much. But I know it's not that easy. I'm at an impasse. All I can do is continue with my own weight loss journey and hope that maybe, somewhere across the way, she'll join me.

So anyway, today is a new day. It's Christmas Eve Day (by my timezone, of course) and I've got lots of presents to wrap for my family. I hope they like what I got them.

Oh yeah, scale this morning said 124.0. Muscles are so sore, even after a hot shower to relax them. Anyway, til next time ^_^
 
Merry Christmas Indeed!

I'll be quick with this. Today is Christmas and I just got done opening presents and installing the software for my brand new Wacom tablet ^_^ I can't wait to really put it to use (I'm an artist). I've only had a glass of cranberry juice this morning, and I plan to eat a good lunch today.

The scale this morning said 122.8. That freaked me out a bit, but then I realized that it should be okay. I'm always really light after I wake up, but this is honestly the lowest I've been since high school. I know that's not saying a lot since I graduated in '05, but still! I am excited.

Things happened this morning. Operation "Fix Mom and Dad's Marriage" can't be called a success yet, but the status is currently pending. It went a bit rough, but that was expected. However, as of right now, I think everyone is in high spirits. I think. I'm just praying that good things came out of this.

So anyway, more on that later maybe. I'm off to eat. Oh yeah, I got brand new workout clothes, and they fit great! Merry Christmas everyone!
 
That Old Grind Again

Well, Christmas has come and gone, and it was great. Some parts were hard to swallow, but overall I'd say it was a success.

We went to the neighbor's house for Christmas dinner, and I was very proud that I put the steamed broccoli on my plate instead of the macaroni casserole. Honestly, just looking at it with all that cheese baked into every noodle... blegh! It didn't look appealing at all. But that doesn't mean that everything I ate was the best either. I made sure to eat small amounts though, so I wasn't being rude. Not that anyone would complain, but you know how people are if you don't eat their food that they labored over, especially on a big holiday.

My sister and I walked back home afterwards (we were just next door) and after waiting about an hour or more, decided that we had to keep up with our workouts. 30 Day Shred again, and it's still tough. But honestly, what made it a little tougher was that we don't have that much space in our living room. We have these HUUUUGE poofy couches and the Christmas tree in the corner, 8 feet high and 6 feet wide. There's enough room for one person to move around comfortably, but even after we moved the couches back, there's just not that much room. We spent more time adjusting our bodies than doing the actual reps. I'm pretty sure that's why my muscles aren't sore... but there's always next time. I made sure to play some DDR afterwards, only for about 20 minutes.

We weighed ourselves after the workout, and I saw 127.8. Meh. Curse you, Christmas dinner!! But I give the credit to drinking so much water and the fact that I had clothes on. Even then, this morning I saw 125.4. I'm not worried though. I've been seeing a slow and steady decrease, so I'm sure I'll bounce back.

So that's all for now. I start work again this afternoon, and I hope it goes by quickly. More ranting later ;P
 
Don't gauge your success by the scale. You can obviously see you're doing a wonderful job. Dinner looked great. I don't think I could have skipped over the cheesy goodness. Good willpower there.

Merry Christmas!!! :)
 
It is hard to resist sugar. Oh man... it's so difficult I can't stand it. So after I came home from work, I gave in and had a small (3X3 inch) piece of chocolate cake that my mom made yesterday. I had a glass of milk to go with it and it was the most delicious thing. But actually, for some reason, I enjoyed the milk more. Only slightly though, lol.

I started back at work today and I was SO happy when I found out that the store is going back to it's normal hours of 9 to 9 instead of 8 to midnight. I worked hard and time flew by. Got home around 9:45 PM. My sister is helping keep me in check by making sure that we're still doing our workouts. I've (selfishly) asked Mom when she was going to take down the tree, and when I told her why, she seemed okay with it. I say that because I'm not sure what kind of stuff sets her off.

Anyway, I didn't weigh myself this morning, but I weighed after work and got 123.4 in return. I'm very satisfied knowing that even though my progress is little by little, at least it's steady and I'm being diligent. I've been carefully watching my calories (even though I don't eat the best stuff) but I try to eat something that's beneficial (protein, fruits, veggies, lean meats, etc)... though I can't seem to stay away from pasta and rice. However, I'm happy to announce that I've cut out all caffeine and sugary drinks, save for the occasional fruit drink (orange and cranberry juice).

So yay me! I'm getting closer to that goal of mine that I'm actually scared of what to do when I reach it. Obviously the answer is maintaining my weight and whatnot, and I'm pretty sure I can do that. The one thing that I am disappointed about is not being able to get rid of my cellulite. But... *sigh* I guess I can live with it. I'll just work on everything else! By the time the pools open up, I'll be ready to wear that bikini.

Okay, it's time for Jillian to kick my butt. Ready? Go!
 
Stop Returning Your Gifts! Be Grateful!

So yesterday was... not really noteworthy. It was pretty dull. But since I'm trying my best to make this a 'daily' diary, here we go.

Yesterday was church and my sister and I wore our new dress/shirt...thingies. It was loose and flowy and made of silk ;P Yeah, we wore matching outfits. Haven't done that since elementary school, but it was strangely nostalgic. The elastic belt that came with it was VERY small. I mean, damn! Let's put it this way, when I inhale as much as I can and squeeze in my stomach, I can get a 25 inch waist. This belt was meant for a 24 inch waist. So yeah, heh.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this, but I'm living in Japan right now, and if there's one thing that Japan doesn't have an overwhelming amount of... it's overweight women. I am dead serious. The largest I've seen on any normal day will *maybe* be a size 8 or 10 at the very very most. But honestly, most of the women are a size 4 or less. And it's not that they don't look unhealthy either! They just have such dainty frames and willowy limbs. Lol, can you tell that I'm jealous at this point? :D

I watched an Japanese infomercial one morning for weight loss and though to myself "Wait, what kind of drastic weight loss could this population need?" And so I waited for them to show the 'subject', and out of habit of watching American weight loss commercials, expected a 300+ lb. woman to walk out, but no. This woman was 5'2" and between 130-140 lbs. The only 'weight' that she needed to lose was a tiny bit of flab on her lower arms and some stomach pudge. That's it! Really? They were making a whole infomercial and weight loss product over this? And sure enough, they showed the woman's progress over a course of time, and she slimmed down to a size 2. Just amazing. It really was interesting to watch though.

So anyway, with that said, let's move on. Yesterday's menu was not the brightest. No, really I'm serious. I woke up and had some cereal before church, and afterwards I had a hotpocket. Yes. I had a hotpocket. Ugh, I could've kicked myself. That alone was 300~ calories. That tiny little thing. Sure it filled me up, but at what cost? We'll get to that in minute.

I was off to work at 3:30 and tried to cook some rice before hand. I ended up BURNING it. How can I survive in Japan if I keep burning rice... honestly! No man is ever going to marry me. So I went without eating. For my break I had my usual orange juice, along with a nutri-grain bar. There was (surprisingly) some leftover food from some party, but it had been left out for so long, I passed on it. By the time I got home at 9:30, my stomach was making noises like a demon from the 9th circle of Hell. And it didn't scream "I want healthy vegetables!" either. Nope. I ate sausage balls, a couple slices of ham, and popcorn, not to mention some candy RIGHT BEFORE BED. Again, so dumb. I should know better than this. I'm definitely doing butt-kicks to punish myself for today's workout. Speaking of which...

Exercise: I gave Jillian a rest (because God knows she must be getting tired in that TV, lol) and played DDR instead. Didn't break too many records, but honestly I have so many perfect combo scores, I'm running out of songs to play. Not that that should be some kind of excuse, but yeah.

So today is a brand new day, and it's way too early for me to be up (it's like 6:30 AM or something, idk) so I'm going back to sleep. However, I promise to eat a healthy breakfast, lunch, and dinner of some sort and that I'll do my 30 Day Shred with extra vigor! How's that?

Oh yeah, here's a picture ^^ I'm still embarrassed to try and really show myself, but at least you get the basic idea. Maybe if I get used to showing pictures, I'll get brave enough to post one with me in a tank top or something that shows my progress. But this was the shirt/dress I bought at the Japanese mall Jusco, along with a flower accessory. They LOVE that kind of stuff, and so do I ^_^

See ya!
 
End of Another Day

Hey again, it's me. Gotta plow on with this diary ;P Nah, I like writing it to be honest. Takes my mind off of other things. So today was nice, I had my off day from work and whatnot, though it did start kind of rocky (see the above entry, where I woke up at 6 AM) but overall good.

Food was not my strong point today. I'm getting paranoid about the food in the kitchen, because all I can think of is "Don't eat anything filled with sugar, sodium, fat, carbs, processed foods, etc..." and looking around the fridge and cabinets, that's the only kind of foods we have! ... there really is no excuse. But what I'm going to have to do is get some balls and ask Mom to stop buying this kind of stuff because it's too tempting. And I don't mean buy special stuff for me and then keep buying sugary, unhealthy stuff for her, you know? I want her to support me in this, and the only way that's going to happen (as I'm not moving out soon) is that we need to find some kind of compromise. *sigh* This is going to be tough.

I ate out today, had Subway because... just because. Breakfast was cereal and cranberry juice. I ended up cooking some kind of chicken breasts for dinner, had popcorn for a snack... yeah it wasn't healthy really. But I just think about the kinds of food we have in the house (ice cream, chocolate, Debbie cakes, hotpockets, candy, mac and cheese, etc...) Blegh.

I played DDR around 1 PM for 45 minutes and just immersed myself in it. For some reason today, I felt like I was losing it. I was becoming more and more frustrated about not eating healthily, and thinking about how it might hinder my weight loss. Sure, the numbers are going down well on the scale, as well as the tape measure, but I still feel like I look the same. My body still acts the same with certain movements. I'm not sure how to describe it exactly, but I'm not seeing the changes that I want to see. Am I thinking too much into it? I know that no matter how hard I work out, diet becomes important in the end, and if all I eat is processed foods, I'll always be soft and squishy and never toned and tight. Something's got to change.

My sister and I were supposed to do our 30 Day DVD again tonight, but she keeps getting caught up with her friends, that it never really happened. I didn't want to do it without her, so I just played some more DDR. Oh well. There's always tomorrow.

Scale said 123-124 for most of the day, so I'm satisfied with that. And after two bouts with DDR, and all the water I drank today, I might just see a lower number tomorrow morning. We'll see.

Til then ^_^
 
Yuck...

So I feel like I've hit a bit of a plateau... probably just making it up in my head, but I haven't seen any more changes lately. This probably means I need to really ramp it up with my food and my activity.

It's just... really weird that I remember being 143 lbs. and I was very jiggly and pudgy, and I wore a size 10/11. However, even at 123, I still feel jiggly and pudgy, even though I wear size 7's and 8's that are loose on me... it's like I might be shrinking, but I'm not even cutting through the fat yet. Am I getting a warped sense about myself? I don't have a lot of support in this, and definitely nobody tells me that I've lost weight or that I 'look good' or whatever. Not that I'm someone that's ever fished for compliments, but... it's nice once in a blue moon. I think every girl/woman likes to hear that she's pretty or something.

Anyway, the fact is I sabotaged myself for at least a couple days, I'm predicting. I ate like crap today. A bit of cereal for breakfast, Subway for lunch (water to drink) and Mom made chili and grilled cheese for dinner. But after I ate dinner, I had this huuuuuge craving for something sweet and heavy, so I wandered into the kitchen and snooped around for a candidate. I munched on caramel popcorn with almonds, then remembered that I had a chocolate orange in the freezer from Christmas. Now, if this was a regular orange covered in a light shell of chocolate, I'd be fine. No. This is pure milk chocolate with a TIIIINY hint of orange flavoring. Yeahhhh... I ate 4 slices before realizing "Holy crap, why am I eating this??" Yes, I felt very satisfied and full physically, but mentally I was face-palming so bad I probably gave my inner self a black eye.

And no exercise. I worked from 8 AM to 5 PM, which threw me off a bit. I usually do 6 hour shifts, so staying at work for 9 hours was kind of taxing. I kept myself moving as much as possible, always walking briskly (I nearly barreled down a door with someone behind it from concentrating so much) and taking every opportunity to lift boxes and push carts. For some reason, I knew that I wouldn't work out today (not even DDR!) so I made the best of my day by working hard. Although, I don't think it's making that big of a difference.

I don't think my body wants to give up it's shape or it's fat stores. I've been so comfortable with this that it doesn't want to change. I'm having to literally beat the fat out of myself, and it's very hard! Especially since I'm at such a low weight anyway. I would love to lose more pounds but... I guess I"ll just have to face facts and realize that I have to come to terms with my plateaus. I hate thinking that way. It sucks. But you know... I'm not going to give up on this. Just because I've had one bad day (a really REALLY bad day) doesn't mean I'm going to throw in the towel. So what if I ate like crap and didn't do any exercise outside of work? Tomorrow is another day, and I'm still healthy. I don't have any injuries, and I'm not sick. In fact, I go to work at noon and end my shift at 6 PM. If I wake up early enough, I'd have enough time to do a quick workout before hand, and then do a workout when I come home (if I'm not tired, that is). I'm going to have a healthy breakfast, because I asked mom to buy some fruit and she did, and I plan on taking advantage of it. So yeah. Let's do that ^_^

Also, I've been considering getting a pedometer. With all the walking I do at work, I'm curious as how much I'm actually walking around. Maybe there's a way to calculate how many calories I'm burning based on my steps (along with my weight, height, age, etc.) Who knows? They aren't that expensive, I bet. I remember getting one in a box of cereal a looooong time ago, so they can't be that much. Too bad I didn't hang on to that thing.

Anyway, even though my stomach hurts from the chili (it's always made me sick as a child, and I've never eaten it since) I'm not letting it deter me. And even if by some chance I don't do my workouts tomorrow, Thursday is my off-day, and I'll definitely have no excuse by then. So... until then ^^

See ya!
 
Ughhh! *screams* I hate food! I hate it!

It's like... I finally grab onto that resolution to change my eating habits for life, but my old habits die hard. I can't stand it. I can't stand the effect food has on my body. I'll spend a day eating so precisely, and then at the end of the day SOMETHING happens that messes it all up. For example: Last night was New Year's Eve service at the chapel, and even though I had been resolute in trying to even out my sleeping patterns for my hormone's sake, I said to myself "Meh, it's just til after midnight" and thought it would be okay. WRONG. That statement is full of wrongness. I remember eating dinner at 6 PM, so I knew that I might be a little hungry when I got home because I was staying up late. But what threw me off was that after the service was over, there was food in the annex. An entire breakfast buffet.

What?

...who does that? Who has breakfast in the middle of the night? *sigh* I'm totally aware that I could have just sat down at a table and resisted the temptation... but I saw that there was some fruit, and I went for it. Yeah. No, I didn't pig out on the bacon, eggs, grits, and sausage gravy. God, just thinking about it makes me feel bloated. However, I had some fruit and a blueberry muffin. I'm pretty sure it was that muffin that did me in the most.

Again, I'm just kicking myself. Why can't I just resist? Why! Oh yeah, well here's one reason. When I was in line with my plate of fruit, passing up the heavy stuff, one of the servers asked if I wanted any pancakes and I turned her down. The look on the 3 servers in front of me was like "You mean... you don't want to destroy your ghrelin in the middle of the night by eating fat and cholesterol?"

So anyway, I woke up this morning at noon (thank God I don't have to go into work until 3), and I feel awful. And not to get gross or anything, but with all the food I've been eating, I think I need a tad more fiber or something. What I'm saying is that I haven't had a good poo in a while. Just sayin'!! Don't look at me like that. I know you all look forward to having your bowels move just so your pants fit better or the scale number goes down >3>

When I was a kid, from the time I was potty trained to about 12 years old, I had constipation and IBS really badly. I remember _numerous_ occasions where I would spend a week to a month without doing my number 2 business. I was always very sickly and my stomach stuck out so bad. I was scared to go to the bathroom. And when I finally did, it was utter hell. It's such a change from nowadays, where I actually look forward to having it happen because I know it's a healthy process, etc. So when it doesn't happen, it actually freaks me out. What a change.

Blegh, I'm not going to talk about it any more. But having my ticker say 123 when I'm actually 126 is kind of annoying. And I'm too stubborn to change it because I want to so bad to be at that weight again. I never resort to anything like starving myself or taking laxatives, but I do spend as much time as I can squeeze out playing DDR, and as a very very last resort I have caffeine pills. I NEVER take more than 1 in a day, or heck, 1 a week. So please don't get worried over that. But I do notice a change in my energy (lol, it's caffeine) and a change in my overall behavior and even the scale number at the end of the day. I know the scale is not the be all and end all of what I should go on, I do judge based on my measurements and how my clothes fit, along with other minor things, so yeah. But that pill is always a last resort. I don't think I'm there yet.

Anyway... heh, Happy New Year ^_^ I hope my next diary entry will be a good one.
 
mooniestar said:
So anyway, I woke up this morning at noon (thank God I don't have to go into work until 3), and I feel awful. And not to get gross or anything, but with all the food I've been eating, I think I need a tad more fiber or something. What I'm saying is that I haven't had a good poo in a while. Just sayin'!! Don't look at me like that. I know you all look forward to having your bowels move just so your pants fit better or the scale number goes down >3>

When I was a kid, from the time I was potty trained to about 12 years old, I had constipation and IBS really badly. I remember _numerous_ occasions where I would spend a week to a month without doing my number 2 business. I was always very sickly and my stomach stuck out so bad. I was scared to go to the bathroom. And when I finally did, it was utter hell. It's such a change from nowadays, where I actually look forward to having it happen because I know it's a healthy process, etc. So when it doesn't happen, it actually freaks me out. What a change.


Anyway... heh, Happy New Year ^_^ I hope my next diary entry will be a good one.
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Hey Moonie! Hope your new year was terrific :) Good job on going with fruit over all the bad stuff... I don't know that I coulda done that :rolleyes:
And YES- increase your fiber!! Most people don't eat a quarter of the fiber they're sposeta get. I actually count my fiber along with my calories. So: start increasing your fiber intake- both soluble and insoluble- but NOT all at once. That would be, um, uncomfortable, lol. Start counting the grams of fiber just to get a feel for where your at. You should get 20-35g of fiber a day. It helps bulk wastes, balance blood sugar levels, and keep you feeling full longer by stimulating the 'i'm full' hormone. This could also have to do with those last few pounds that suck... :) Hope that helps!
 
mooniestar said:
Ughhh! *screams* I hate food! I hate it!

It's like... I finally grab onto that resolution to change my eating habits for life, but my old habits die hard. I can't stand it. I can't stand the effect food has on my body. I'll spend a day eating so precisely, and then at the end of the day SOMETHING happens that messes it all up. For example: Last night was New Year's Eve service at the chapel, and even though I had been resolute in trying to even out my sleeping patterns for my hormone's sake, I said to myself "Meh, it's just til after midnight" and thought it would be okay. WRONG. That statement is full of wrongness. I remember eating dinner at 6 PM, so I knew that I might be a little hungry when I got home because I was staying up late. But what threw me off was that after the service was over, there was food in the annex. An entire breakfast buffet.

What?

...who does that? Who has breakfast in the middle of the night? *sigh* I'm totally aware that I could have just sat down at a table and resisted the temptation... but I saw that there was some fruit, and I went for it. Yeah. No, I didn't pig out on the bacon, eggs, grits, and sausage gravy. God, just thinking about it makes me feel bloated. However, I had some fruit and a blueberry muffin. I'm pretty sure it was that muffin that did me in the most.

Again, I'm just kicking myself. Why can't I just resist? Why! Oh yeah, well here's one reason. When I was in line with my plate of fruit, passing up the heavy stuff, one of the servers asked if I wanted any pancakes and I turned her down. The look on the 3 servers in front of me was like "You mean... you don't want to destroy your ghrelin in the middle of the night by eating fat and cholesterol?"

So anyway, I woke up this morning at noon (thank God I don't have to go into work until 3), and I feel awful. And not to get gross or anything, but with all the food I've been eating, I think I need a tad more fiber or something. What I'm saying is that I haven't had a good poo in a while. Just sayin'!! Don't look at me like that. I know you all look forward to having your bowels move just so your pants fit better or the scale number goes down >3>

When I was a kid, from the time I was potty trained to about 12 years old, I had constipation and IBS really badly. I remember _numerous_ occasions where I would spend a week to a month without doing my number 2 business. I was always very sickly and my stomach stuck out so bad. I was scared to go to the bathroom. And when I finally did, it was utter hell. It's such a change from nowadays, where I actually look forward to having it happen because I know it's a healthy process, etc. So when it doesn't happen, it actually freaks me out. What a change.

Blegh, I'm not going to talk about it any more. But having my ticker say 123 when I'm actually 126 is kind of annoying. And I'm too stubborn to change it because I want to so bad to be at that weight again. I never resort to anything like starving myself or taking laxatives, but I do spend as much time as I can squeeze out playing DDR, and as a very very last resort I have caffeine pills. I NEVER take more than 1 in a day, or heck, 1 a week. So please don't get worried over that. But I do notice a change in my energy (lol, it's caffeine) and a change in my overall behavior and even the scale number at the end of the day. I know the scale is not the be all and end all of what I should go on, I do judge based on my measurements and how my clothes fit, along with other minor things, so yeah. But that pill is always a last resort. I don't think I'm there yet.

Anyway... heh, Happy New Year ^_^ I hope my next diary entry will be a good one.
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Moonie,

You sound really frustrated with the food and how the food can "control" u...

or lack of control ...

Too paranoid. The muffin and fruit were fine.

Everybody else probably gorged themselves on other stuff, but you chose something healthy, and if you want to get rid of the flab, use weights, which you can buy at a store. I have two two pounds weight and two five pound weights. During summer I like to walk with the two pound weights and swing my arms, really works my back muscles and arms. There are other excersizes you can do with weights, might want to check out some health magazines that might show some ways to use the weights. But you want to tone. Your weight sounds fine. You went from 10/11 to something very small. Your not Japanese, they say the girls have genetics on their sides. So you will have to realize you fit in an american body, you are your own person as well. You will fit in the clothes differently than anyone else. That pic was beautiful of you, I loved the outfit. Such beautiful silk. I know I will never be able to dress in something like that, be proud about how far youve come. AND YES you probably have reached a plateau. I know I have, and the smaller you get the harder the weight loss will be. As far eating wrong things, I guess you need to have a heart to heart with your mother, but unfortunately you might not win, but usually I just throw the bad food away. I used to throw my mothers ice cream away. I wouldnt suggest doing that, because eventually she started telling me I would have to buy replacements, so I gave up on that, but she started not bringing the bad food in. Also she did eventually start sabotaging me, so you have to watch out for that. Peeps may not even realize they are sabotaging you, but they dont want you to look better than them or as good. It can be hard.


but keep up the good work that you are doing, and try not to get so frustrated with your relationship with food. What your describing sounded like the beginning of my binge eating ... so be really careful ...

best wishes
natalie jo :seeya:
 
Deep Breath... Deep Breath... And Go!

Hello, I'm back. Phew! I just finished skimming my last entry, along with my two replies (Thank you Jess and Nat!) and realized that I actually had some kind of epiphany between that entry and this entry, 4 days later.

Food is not the enemy. Don't hate it. In fact, food can be the very thing that can make or break this lifestyle I'm trying to achieve. Use it to my advantage.

Yep, that was my epiphany ^_^ It might sound silly, but once I realized this, it's been much easier to eat and not feel bad about it. I can eat and not feel paranoid about it, and it works wonders! But you wanna know the best part? I'm 123 again. And I've got a bucketful of energy that I plan on using for my workout today. Oh yes.

I don't think I mentioned the kind of equipment I have at my house (it's not much). I have a set of dumbbells that can be either 3, 6, or 9 lbs, depending on the weights I screw on. I ordered them a LONG time ago from The Firm website, and they are great. I have a small rubber ball (what the heck is that thing called again?) for my core work, and a large and small resistance band. Heh, I guess I can also count my jump rope and my DDR pad as well. And of course, my own body weight. So as you can see, I don't have too much to work with, but it's just enough that I can pretty much work any part of my body.

So with that said, I feel much more positive today. And not just because it's a new day either. I do have to wonder though, after all the food I ate yesterday (oatmeal, banana, oranges, curry and rice, spinach, grilled chicken, peas, sunflower seeds) how in the world did I go from 126 last night to 123 this morning. I say that because the usual number in the morning is 1 pound less at the most. *sigh* Well whatever the case, I think I got off lucky (especially with the rice, I had 3 servings!). Or maybe... Just maybe, when I ate that much after weeks of eating so little, my body was so happy it was like "Oh I'm so glad you fed me! Here, I'll drop a few more pounds for you, enjoy!" Haha, yeah I doubt that.

I'm going to finish eating my oatmeal, and start cleaning my room. It needs it. Then it's "Jillian time". See ya!
 
Glad you had your epiphany :) and I can say the same thing: when I eat too little thats when I notice less. When you actually start eating the right amount of cals for YOU, your body doesn't need to hold on to everything you eat; it feels like its in starvation mode. Keep it up :) and mayyyyybe be careful of the 3 servings of rice, hahaha!
 
Hey Moonie,
Everything has to be done in moderation. Eating, exercising, etc. You're doing good. Just keep up the good work. I had to go back and read through your dairy. Been gone for a little while. But your doing ok. And I don't know how I would make it in Japan being 5'8 and over weight people probably would think I was godzilla! LOL, Any who... have a great day and remember moderation.... find out whats right (calories/ exercise) for your body.
 
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