MoonGoddess's Path

THANKS! I love my online friends....you guys are the best.

I think part of it is I was in denial that I had progressed into agoraphobia. I really just think of it as that crazy person who is scared to put a toe out of the front door on movies. Its really just the fear of the unknown. I can go to work, I can go places... just not for very long.

Session went well today & although its hard to hear, he feels my anorexia is still effecting me in that who I see in the mirror & the way I describe myself isn't what he feels is realistic. So I need to just focus on being healthy. Which I have been doing for the most part. I just have to make sure I take it easy on myself mentally. I'm doing good in controlling my foods & not dipping the calories way low, which is always a temptation, especially watching people dropping pounds by eating so low cal. I need to stop the feeling guilty after each meal that's not perfect. I'm going to do some body image work & see what happens.

He did prescribe something to kinda take the edge off & I have popped the first pill so we will see what happens.

& I am loving that Group Hug website! Thanks Mal.
 
Hey you - I had no idea you've been dealing with all this:hug2:Im sorry Im such a bad friend:(LOL...

I quite like Yoga...believe it or not it really helps me focus and feel better and getter more flexability is never a bad thing and can totally add to sex:)I have a very distracting crazzzy houshold as far as you can get from seriene...HA and I can tone it all out and focus well as I am doing Yoga...plus it really makes you feel good - inside and out.

I just bought a new Yoga dvd.It is that Yoga Booty Ballet...It is a little hard but at the same time as they walk you through their routines they talk about accepting yourself - finding and feeling your goddess and allowing you to become that beautiful godess youa re and allowing your inner beaty to reflect your outter beauty...a little lame I must add but kinda neat.They get you to think and say montras adn it is kinda neat to hear and think of as you are doing it.A great mental work out as wella dn something I never would have though abt saying to myself ya know...and it all makes sence if you think about it.

I hope all went well adn Im thinkin of you:)
:hug2::hug2::hug2:
 
Who knows I might give yoga another shot. I just realize that my issues are biggest than some postures & deep breaths & its ok to need more help.

So I think the medication is going ok. I don't feel drowsy anymore than normal. I did just spend the past 2 hours thinking it was Thursday & was all excited to post a 2 lb loss for the Valentines Day Challenge weigh in. I bet that I would do that normally though so I'm not worried, just feel silly for doing it. Plus now I feel like I have gained a day this week....& not a weekend one.
 
I am loving that Group Hug website! Thanks Mal.
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Part of it is good therapy for people I'm sure but I must admit -some of the confessions make me laugh... there but for the grace of -- whatever higher power - go I :D

Good luck with Yoga - the positions are challenging the mindset I don't get at all...

Not to throw you in a panic, and I've no idea what the doctor prescribed but some anti-depressants can cause weight gain so don't stress too much over the scale -focus more on measurements and general well being if you can..
 
Hey Moon.

Congrats on the weight loss. I hope I have a loss when I weigh in on Friday, I'm thinking.... I'm thinking I might give yoga a try too. I need some help relaxing a lot of the time and I definitely need to increase my flexibility. I'm hoping that some regular yoga could give me some results that I wasn't expecting.

Take Care,
Sam:)
 
We all need a little help now and then. I used to think that it was bad to be on meds (even if you needed them.) And when I first went on antidepressants, I wanted to get off asap. But for me coming to a realization that the the "whys" were more important than worrying about the stigma of having a "crutch", I now know that I'm the same person regardless. But I'm a better person for realizing I needed help (or at least sticking with the help once I received it.)

The same goes for you. You are doing great with the situation at hand and you're a wonderful person that's for sure!

Congrats on the weight loss! :hurray::hurray::hurray::hurray:
Wish 2 lbs would fall off of me right now!
 
I am amazed by the calmness that I already am feeling. I wonder if its just getting help & talking more about it..but whatever it is I am grateful.

Made it to a bookstore last night & I lasted longer than I have been able to in a LONG time. My therapist had suggested a couple of books on body image, so I thought why not test these lil pills out in the real world. :) I was fine. I browsed, I searched & I figure out I have no clue what system of organization they are using but it not the standard American alphabet! Some stockers are seriously slacking off. I could see a few books being out of place or maybe a section, but this place was insane. I got frustrated, but not panicky. Which is a major step up. I stayed looking calmly for a while & then thought screw this I'm going to get a magazine... that for some reason overwhelmed me. So I just walked away. Not sure if it was the sky high racks or the guys louging around reading for free or all the perfect bodies (AIRBRUSHED) looking back at me, but whatever I felt it coming & just walk to another section. I ended up playing around in the knick knack section & got this hideous monkey key chain that screams & its eyes light up for my man. I plan on giving my monkey, a key to my place next week & this just seemed perfect. I know he will laugh. I haven't browsed like that in ages. For the past year it has been have a plan before hand, get what you can & get in before the attack gets full blown. This was nice.

& I feel better about being on meds now. Burgos & I talked last night & he is being supportive now. He just wants me to be careful & not get hooked on something that will cause me to not be me or cause problems getting off of it when I need to. I understand his views. But this is my choice & I am giving it a shot. So he's on board now. We talked about the anorexia & how I guess its more of a mental thing. Even though I am not underweight by any means, I am slipping back into things that I need to watch. I just will need to work on it. Make sure that I can keep in control of it & not let it get a hold again. He promised to help out however he can. Even left about 30 post it notes all over my house this morning, all simply said "I love you". On the mirrors, on the fridge, on the cabinets, the front door, my car windshield...everywhere. I woke up & stumbled into the bathroom with my eyes closed & was washing my hand & looked up & just laughed. Then went to let the dog out & saw more of them.... too funny & sweet. My house has been over taken by pink post its.

I love that guy.
& soon I hope to see myself the way he sees me.
 
Oh in case anyone is interested in the books suggested....

Transforming Body Image: Love the Body You Have
by Marcia Germaine Hutchinson

Bodylove: Learning to Like Our Looks and Ourselves
by Rita Freedman

Feeling Good About the Way You Look
by Sabine Wilhelm

Body Image Workbook
by Thomas Cash, PhD

...I think we call can use a little boost in the body image department now & then, no matter what size we are or if we are or are dealing with the issues. :D
 
Have you checked out the guy from Queer eye's show - How to Look Good Naked - it's on the annoying whiney assed let's make every romance novel ever written into a movie channel but it's pretty good...

You're daily reminder from your friendly neighborhood nudge :)

you are a beautiful woman... I've seen pictures youcan't tell me otherwise :)

the trick is - actually believing it yourself :) you'll get there... I have faith in you :D
 
Crap I almost missed the sweet marine post... Damn that boy is HOT!! :D

so so so cute...

see you gotta be pretty extraordinary for him to go all pink posty on ya :)
 
I should look at some of those books. SOmetimes I feel really down on myself because I know how I look... and I think that is such a bad perspective to have for ANYONE.

Have a happy THursday!
 
That's so cool about the post-it notes and the ones that popped up after you took the dog out!

I'm going to see if I can find some of those books - I think all of us here could definitely benefit from reading at least one of those titles.

Have a good evening (and day tomorrow!)
 
HowyMoony,
You are abeautiful person inside and out!
Hang in there your doing great and the books sound interesting
maybe check 1 out while I am doing my bike instead of texting
lol which has become addicting and I totally suck at it lol.
Well have a gr8 day beautiful, Tammy
 
Hi gorgeous goddess! Well that is very interesting because my poor mother just confessed to me that she's had agoraphobia for the past few years, stemming from these panic attacks she would get. She's always been a very vivacious outgoing person (she traveled to Russia during the cold war, used to drive cross country doing art shows when she was a jeweler even sleeping in her van on some of these trips) and was just an extremely balzy woman with not a fear for traveling much less going outside locally. She became ill from the chemo when she had breast cancer and was never the same again, UNTIL RECENTLY YAY! She started getting these horrible panic attacks and just stayed in her house all the time. I didn't realize this until a few days ago when she finally came to visit and explained that she was afraid to leave the house (she would just say she was feeling sick all the time so I didn't know). A few months ago she started dating this lovely man and since then she's been back to normal. Between the Clonopin (is that what you're taking?) and having this companion to get her back in the swing of going places, and now she can go places again on her own. You cant imagine how nice it is to have my mom back. Just thought I'd share this story.
 
yeah.. its amazingly easy to find excuses that seem to work to get you out of things when you need to. I also was one of those confident (will be again!) people who could travel alone & do whatever I wanted when I wanted. Would just randomly hop in my car & go. Course I never got the eating in public part. Always nervous about that, but that is the anorexia mentality leftovers. One day. I am on Klonopin & it seems to be working. I don't feel weird, just more normal. I can tell when I am late taking a dose, then I feel shaky & get that anticipatory stress. Its let me be out more. Made it to shopping at the bookstore & lowes (got some Stargazer Lily bulbs since they are my favorite & some other seeds, along with the man a house key). Made it to a friends dinner party & stayed WAY longer than I normally would have been able to yet it kinda sucked to be the one with the Sprite instead of the wine or beer bottle (I splurged on the Sprite, I tend to just stick with water). Yesterday we took a drive up the coast to see just whatever we could see. Ended up looking at a couple of new developments. & some nice houses. We got fast food & I went inside to order, which is a HUGE step for me. I couldn't quite handle eating it there in front of people, so we took it to a park. Was beautiful watching the water & the trees, but then every seagull within a 500 mile radius descended upon us, which I was ok with (just kept thinking of that scene in Finding Nemo- "Mine, Mine, Mine") but then one pooped mid flight & it fell right slap dab beside me.... yah... back in the car to finish the burgers.

It was nice. I can't believe how different one lil pill can make things.
 
What's up Moon!! I'm glad to hear the pills are helping, what a relief. I bet the drive up the coast was beautiful! How fun. I hope this week is great for you!
 
Hmmmmn! Interesting that this same medicine is helping you. Mom's been on Klonopin for a few years now but I think she said she finally figured out the right dosage so keep an eye on that if it comes back, then you need to work with your doc to adjust accordingly. I also think its a great idea to take baby steps by going out with someone else. Mom used to travel to the city all the time to attend different cultural events and she stopped all that the past several years, so with this new boyfriend (he's in his 70's so that may be a misnomer) they came to the city together a few times and then she said, "hey, that wasn't so hard! I can do this on my own again!". But I'm not sure that would've worked without the Klonopin. Anyhoo, I'm glad for you that you figured it all out.
 
Yeah from what I have been reading, its something your body can get used to & then you might have to up the dosage now & then. There is another one that he wants to try soon that is better longer term, but it takes longer to get into the system & be effective, where the Klonopin works faster... at least that is the impression I got. I go back this week & hopefully will be able to understand more. I think the longer term plan is to get me back out & about, try the other on a regular basis & then have the Klonopin for days where I feel like I need it. dunno.

I know it makes me tired. I really want a nap right about now. I think its still part of the body getting adjusted to it. I'm trying to not over do it on the caffeine, but I think I might need a pick me up right about now. The carrot juice I just drank isn't doing the trick.

I want to go home & jump on the treadmill & do it to it, but I think a nap might win out. Then hopefully I will wake up all energized & ready to run.
 
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