MoonGoddess's Path

Awwww sweety huggs ,you aren't worthless your a gr8 person,friend,kind hearted! I am so sorry to hear about your moms doggy I would be heartbroken if anything happends to my winston,and your right there is a BEAUTIFUL tomorrow! Things will look up soon,just keep your chin up,Tammy
 
Moongoddess, I had the exact same experience with seeing photos of myself over Christmas. I agree with you it is hard and painful. But haven't we proven to ourselves that we are capable of feeling great no matter what our size. Haven't we discovered and felt great in the past? You'll be on a better track soon. It has been three weeks since I saw that dvd and I am feeling better, resigned to begin anew. Almost all the other adults in the photos cringed too when they saw their own flaws, their grey hair, their yellow teeth, their wrinkles. Hey, we're human. In fact, the only people who looked great in our photos were the youths, my nieces and nephews. The kids. The rest of us showed our age (and girth). You'll get back in to the swing of things. And try not to get too upset or emotional over your parents. You know what's best for you.

Hey, I'm really sorry for your pain, but you're a winner and you'll get over this setback.
 
when it rains it pours doesn't it...

Today is a brand new day and it willbe a much better one...

Pssst - you are not massive... you are a beautiful woman with a kind heart and an amazing spirit... Pictures never tell the true story...
 
Hey Girl! Thanks for helping get me off the couch. hehe

I know what you mean about pictures that make you cringe. I've been camera dogging for a year. I'm tired of it. I hope you know the camera adds ten pounds they say. I know that isn't even helping. Hope you feel better soon chica!
 
Thanks. I really do appreciate all the kind words. I'm just really sensitive right now I guess. I know sometimes therapy opens up things & makes it seem worse & its all part of the healing process, but this sucks. I'm just hoping my mood changes soon.

I'm going through the steps of tracking my food & making myself eat. Even wearing the pedometer, just not racking up the steps as much the past few days.. but I will.

Argh.
So new day.

I have spent enough time dwelling on the shoulda, coulda, woulda, wishas. I hate that I let things bug me, but I am the only one who can decide what to do next. I can either crawl up & mope or put on my best big girl panties & strut....even if I am faking it right now.

sorry I haven't been on as much. I just needed sometime to rethink. Seems like I need to change something.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
~Albert Einstein

I need a few changes in my life.

Starting with thinking positive....
Cats Meow did this in her diary, so I'm following in her paw prints...
Things I'm grateful for...
1. I am pretty healthy even if I am obese.
2. I got a compliment from a friend on the outfit I am wearing today, so I must have ok taste even if I can't wear the skinny mini fashions.
3. I have a job & can pay bills.
4. My dog is awesome & loves me no matter what I look like. & I almost have him trained to say "I love you" on command... or at least it sounds similar.
5. Frenchies....I have fallen in love with French Bulldogs & been watching clips that make me smile no matter what at the cuteness on these lil furry clowns.
6. I have a man who loves me for me for once. Even if his work keeps him away more than I like & I can't depend on him being able to always be there when I need a hug, I know he would be if he could & that what he is doing is saving lives (he trains the kids on combat right before they get sent overseas. If they don't get the skills he teaches it could be their lives & those of their friends at stake... so yeah... they need him more than me right now.)
ok.. a bit more positive.

I will get to where I want to be. ... healthy.

"Money is the most envied, but the least enjoyed. Health is the most enjoyed, but the least envied." ~Charles Caleb Colton
 
Today I am thankful for ponytail holders. On days like today I can stuff my crazy hair into a rubber band and not care what anyone else thinks. I may look like a witch on crack, but unless you want me to act like a witch on crack don't mess with me. I gots me a migraine.

I am also thankful to have a guy that is willing to bust his ass at work just to be able to fly home a day early from the beautiful weather of Miami to the crap weather we're having at home just to take care of me while I'm not feeling my best.

I'm thankful for the red sweater my sister gave me as a holiday gift. It's one of the few tops I have with long sleeves and it fits so well.

I'm thankful for bras that fit well.

I am thankful for poetry that reminds me that I can be stong and in control of me and my actions.



"Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of Circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of Chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."

~Henley
 
I am with you on the looking like a witch on crack right about now... although I never have & never will do crack that's for sure! Tossed the hair up & put on the comfy cloths & cranked up some Beth Orton & Ani Difranco & danced like a banshee til I didn't feel as stressed. Gotta shake it off some how.

My boss pulled a great one today & I almost went to prison for killing a person.. deep breaths in trying times are certainly something to add to the grateful list! She decided the heat wasn't working (even though she had the repair guy out last week who set it to automatic)... she is freezing. The rest of us who dressed appropriately & are working ...thus moving... are fine, if not warm. I told her it was set to 68 a minute ago, to which she replied that was too cold, she would never set it to that! (mind you I heard her agree with the repair guy when he asked is 68 ok?) I popped up & said well I didn't touch it... the b*tch gives me a sinister look & says "I know you didn't change it, you can't. I have it locked now where ONLY I can set it."....whatever....so instead of asking us not to change it (most of the time when you are complaining & too lazy to get up & do it yourself) you lock it. Great. SO she turns it off. Well lil miss only I can do it, left it off as she left for the day. So tonight is supposed to be below freezing. Tomorrow will suck. I'm bundling up & layering up. I just know we are going to get into it. Took all I had not to rip her head off when she said that... now she is irresponsible enough to do this? Ha.. gotcha b*tch & I will call you out on it. argh

& SweatPea... I only wish I had a French Bulldog. I just have one dog & he's a pound puppy, boxer/pitt mix & all goofy. I love him to death... & I know he would rather not have any one else around here to steal the attention, but I secretly do really want a Frenchie... maybe one day. Just not anytime really soon.

Off to spend some time on the treadmill & figure out supper plans. I'm thinking perogies & some veggies... comfort food that isn't so naughty!
 
Awe, what a pooper you have to mess with such a sadistic person at work. Make sure to dress warm tomorrow.

BTW, you don't look like a witch on crack, you're too pretty for that! Crack really messes a person up - I've seen the pics on posters at the courthouse...I guess they post them there to scare people straight.

Anywho, I have a "mutt" too. Only now they call them "designer" dogs. I actually got mine from a rescue shelter. I guess he didn't make the cut. ;) He is such a lovey dovey. I'm pretty glad we have him too. He really knows how to cheer us up when we're having a bad day. He just lays right next to us and then gives us those puppy-dog eyes and before you know it you're smiling because he's such a goofy looking dog.

TTYL
 
Holy Cow!

I FINALLY busted the 10,000 steps mark!!! 10, 304 at the moment.

& I did my taxes, while marching in place in the kitchen.... I feel accomplished in a couple of ways at least.
 
So yesterday I ended up eating later than normal since the guy came down & he ended up being delayed leaving base. LeJuene is INSANE at the moment! I'm am so ready for them to find that jackass, but it seems he is already in Mexico by now. Just ready for the chaos to die down.
Anyway I ate late & so this morning I was disappointed to see the scale was up rather than down like I had hoped. Didn't do the 10,000 steps again yesterday, but I did get well over 8,000 & man can I feel it in my legs. I did at least a 1,000 marching in place in front of the TV, lifting my knees WAY UP further than normal & wow.

Hope today is going to be another 10,000 step day, but at the moment I just feel mellow. Its all cold & rainy, yet not quite cold enough to snow, in which case everything would close (since we have no clue how to drive in it around here -me included!).
 
Mellow Witches today right? :biggrinjester: I'm feeling pretty mellow myself today. Great job on getting your steps in. I should get a pedometer of my own. I wonder how many steps I'm getting in during my jazzercise class alone. I'm up and down at my desk all day long as well. And great job on getting the taxes done as well. I don't even know if I've gotten my forms in the mail yet! Hope the rest of your morning is great!

Keep Steppin'! :jump:
 
I'm hoping to shake the mellow mood & get some energy kick in soon. I just would really rather be in bed under a nice warm quilt than sitting at this desk watching the gray sky fall. Makes taking the outside stairs less appealing. I will still refuse to ride the elevator, but just probably won't climb them as many times today as I would if it weren't raining. They are kinda covered but open on the sides so that the rain comes in, bummer.

You'll get the forms soon. They have to be mailed out by employers by Jan 31st at the latest. I am going to spend part of the day today trying to track down past employees current addresses. Oh joy! :)

I'm just glad the boss left the heat on last night!
 
OK so after hitting the 10,000 step mark, I just can't seem to get back there. I made it to over 8,000 the past two days with at least walking 30 minutes plus the normal up & down of daily life... but I just can't see to get going more. I'm feeling low & I know the exercise helps, so I'm not going to beat myself up over it, but dang I would like to see that number again! This cold weather just makes me want to hibernate!

I don't know how you all that are living more north & dealing with such love temps do it.

I know one thing.. I am making a big ole batch of soup this weekend!
 
mmm soup - does a body good :)

Soup is my plan for this weekend as well.. a big ole veggie soup with chorizo :) i've got a ton of veggies that are going to compost in myfridge if i don't use them.. soup is a great way to get rid of them :)
 
MMM I'll take some veggie soup over here PLEASE!! ***she begs for soup*** It's COLD brrrr here, around 21 this morning, it better warm up soon, because I hate this cold weather!! Good job on getting in at least 8,000 steps, that still better than let's say 2,000 steps, your really sticking with it, that's the best part!! Just trying to make time to walk as much as you can is a big start and accomplishment, many people would already have caved and not walked at all. So keep up the great work and remember 8,000 steps is still a very nice walk!!! Have a good weekend
Kim
 
yeah I am looking pretty goofy at times with marching in place while brushing my teeth & making dinner & then of course in front of the the TV...but whatever works. I gotta do it.

I have this great recipe for creamy broccoli soup that uses velveeta that I used to love & I am craving. I can't imagine the fat content, but I might have to make a batch. Just have a LOT smaller portions than we used to have & maybe add a dry salad before. Dunno....veggie soup sounds good too & cheaper since I have a few in my fridge that look like they might be contemplating composting themselves too!
 
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