Misty's journey to better self-esteem

misty22

misty22

Well-known member
Hi all,


My weight has been fluctuating up and down a lot recently. I gained 10 lbs back after starting a post-grad program. The program ended 2 months ago and I am still carrying the weight. It really does affect my self-esteem and my mood. I just want to be happy and feel more energetic and not let my weight be a hindrance. I have 17lbs to lose and am struggling to lose them. I feel so fat that sometimes I do not want to leave the house. I have been on this forum on and off. In 2007-2008 I lost close to 30 lbs. Last summer I was 7-8 lbs away from my goal weight of 100 lbs. Right now I stand at 117lbs. My clothes don't fit me anymore--- they're too much of a snug fit. I just need to melt this off. I know it requires hard work. And consistency. And consistency is hard when the motivation is not always there. But I am looking to make a change and really need some help. So I hope the forum can help me through this phase in my weight journey.


July 5: 117bs

GW: 100 lbs


GW for :

July 12: 115 lbs

July 19: 113 lbs

July 26: 111 lbs

Aug 2: 109 lbs

Aug 9: 107 lbs
Aug 16: 105 lbs

Aug 23: 103 lbs

Aug 30: 101 lbs
 
Still at 118lbs. Sigh. But today I made it to the gym and did some exercises at home. I think as long as I can make it to the gym all of next week I will be in good shape.


GW next week: 115lbs
 
I'm still applying for jobs. Have an interview tomorrow morning- not too excited about the company. I also have a court date/plea-bargain date for next week for the accident I got into- NOT looking forward to that. I feel like it's one of the darker moments in my life- being heavy, unemployed and having a traffic ticket to deal with. Actually it is one of the darker times.


I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life - I am really going to have to think about it. I'm not happy and I need to make a change somewhere. I feel really down and like an absolute loser today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.


Ramadan is coming up at the end of this week and the fasting will impact my weight loss routune as well. Summer fasting is never fun- but on the upside, it's only for 3-4 weeks. Tired. Going to bed.
 
Today went ok. Not sure how I did on this morning's interview- only time will tell. I have gotten into 2nd round with the first company but no date scheduled as yet. I am going to take a break today and get cracking on job apps and e-mails tomorrow. Hitting the gym tomorrow as well and will start recording my eats and calories over here.
 
So I have been fasting for a bit over a week now. I have about 19 more days to go. I don't see myself exercising and eating much healthier until 19 days later. I expect my weight to be around 116 lbs right now. I haven't checked. In any case, I still have a long way to go. I also turn 28 tomorrow. This is the first birthday I am not too thrilled about. It's crept up on me. I didn't even realize it was coming up until last week. Usually I ALWAYS know a few weeks ahead of time.


I hope 28 is a good year for me. I know 27 was.
 
What sort of fasting are you doing? We don't usually recommend fasting on this forum as it's bad for your body. How tall are you? 100lbs is tiny! Congrats on your progress so far!
 
Originally Posted by Sunflower


What sort of fasting are you doing? We don't usually recommend fasting on this forum as it's bad for your body. How tall are you? 100lbs is tiny! Congrats on your progress so far!
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Hi Sunflower!


I am fasting as a religious observance- I have one more week to go. I am still close to my original weight. I weighed in at 117.2 this morning. I'm really short, lol. I am 4ft 11inches. So the ideal weight for someone my height is around 95-100lbs.


I turned 28 a few days ago. I feel old, lol. I went in to interview for a position and the lady at the front desk asked if I had any kids. She took me by surprise really. Anyways, I hope to get back into the gym week after next and start eating healthier. My aim for the end of August is 113lbs- I think that's do-able, that's about 2 lbs a week. I'll have to really stick to it :/ I will report back in about a week!
 
Awh, okay! Guess I can't complain about religious fasting ;) Is that where you can eat in the evening but not during the day? Happy Birthday for the other day!
 
Originally Posted by Sunflower


Awh, okay! Guess I can't complain about religious fasting ;) Is that where you can eat in the evening but not during the day? Happy Birthday for the other day!
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Hi Sunflower,


Yes, that is exactly it! Thank you for the belated b-day wish :) I shall have to sneak by your diary as well- I assume you are keeping one anyways. Is there a link you can forward? Thanks!
 
Oh man. Unemployment is tough. I spent two days feeling depressed and sorry for myself after being rejected from a potential employer. I haven't had much luck this summer. One place was offering too low a salary, another rejected me and the one that I really have my heart set on- I hear from them next week. I really hope they don't reject me. I will really feel depressed if that one does not come through just because I made it to the final round, have visited their office three times, met with three managers, two directors, and the GM. I invested a lot of time into them and I hope I am not disappointed.


Needless to say my eating habits have been anything but good. But tomorrow I hit the gym- after a month+ hiatus. Hope I can make it to 2.5 miles at minimum!
 
I have been going to the gym- trying to be more consistent. I weighed-in today and it was not good :( 119.2 lbs- that's only 5 lbs from being overweight (according to BMI). I made a decision to get down to 100 lbs 5 years ago and I still am not there :( I will have to try harder. I could have given up ages ago. I can give up today. But I will not give up. My goal for the end of the week is 1 lb down. Baby steps.
 
Job hunting is so stressful. Especially when you have been looking for a job for 4.5 months. I have been stressed lately and not feeling positive on most days. This has been affecting my eating patterns and my weight. I am still stuck at 119lbs. All my clothes are not fitting. I am really struggling trying to stay positive and trying to keep my sanity. Though I have a lot of time, my mental state has been juggling a lot of things it seems. My motivation is not what it used to be. And I really don't know what I am going to do if I do not get a job soon.


All that said ......I need my clothes to fit, lol. Let's put aside health and everything else..my friggin wardrobe- 3/4th of it DOES NOT FIT. I need to - absolutely need to- hit the gym and start working out regularly otherwise I see myself just sinking into a downward spiral. I really do wish somethig works out soon on the job front as it would be great to have one less thing to worry about. Lately my posts have been very negative but so have my thoughts. It is hard to pull myself into a happy place as I feel completely defeated. But a small part of me wants to fight. It is a tiny voice inside of me saying I can do it. It has never died. It is always there. And that is why I am still trying.
 
Hey Misty, smile! :D

You can do it.


Sounds like you are having a rough patch in life but there is a light at the end somewhere, don't forget that.


It can be hard to find the motivation at times and life can bring you down in a bit of a vicious cycle, being sad means you eat more/ exercise less, you put on weight and it starts again. Well this was the case with me, got to learn to turn it around, be happy and energetic, loose some weight, see results, fit into old clothes, etc..

I find it extremely helpful having a gym buddy, makes me go when i don't want to, so now I end up there 6 days a week :D It's exhausting but need to get in shape for summer... living on the bottom side of the world.


Also 119lbs seems tiny to me, I'm sure you look fantastic, we are our own worst critics.

Hope you have a great day and get to the gym! :p
 
Originally Posted by sponge2


Hey Misty, smile! :D

You can do it.



Sounds like you are having a rough patch in life but there is a light at the end somewhere, don't forget that.



It can be hard to find the motivation at times and life can bring you down in a bit of a vicious cycle, being sad means you eat more/ exercise less, you put on weight and it starts again. Well this was the case with me, got to learn to turn it around, be happy and energetic, loose some weight, see results, fit into old clothes, etc..

I find it extremely helpful having a gym buddy, makes me go when i don't want to, so now I end up there 6 days a week :D It's exhausting but need to get in shape for summer... living on the bottom side of the world.



Also 119lbs seems tiny to me, I'm sure you look fantastic, we are our own worst critics.

Hope you have a great day and get to the gym! :p
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hey thanks sponge2!! (love that name!)


Yeah I know, I have been feeling depressed and unmotivated lately- I have gained even more weight since the last time I was on here. A lot of ppl think I am tiny when I post on here but what they don't realize is that for my height (4ft 11inches) my BMI indicates that I am overweight at 125lbs. It is difficult to find support in this forum sometimes because people cannot relate to my weight and height issue. But I am struggling just as much as everyone else is- especially mentally these days.


I feel disgusted with my tummy and I am scared to check the scale tomorrow. I think I am at 121 or 122 lbs. I was at 110 lbs this time last year or so. Anyways, I am trying to eat better and will report my progress next week. Hope next weeks results are better!!!!
 
This may sound like a really silly idea, but...


If you hate going to the gym so much, and can't build up the motivation, try something else. For example I could never bring myself to go to the gym. Staring at the same walls with people all around me and no fresh air. Plus they're expensive. I'm not sure if it's possible where you are, but why not try running outside? The fresh air, sun, rain, wind makes exercising much more exhilarating, and as long as you can find the motivation to get out the door, you don't have to go anywhere. You can just start there and then. A brisk walk and then just run. Even if you run the same route every time, something about it will be different. Or if you don't want to go running, just go for brisk walks. Or if you don't like that find a friend and play some badminton or squash or tennis. Go swimming. Your profile says you like dancing? Do that, join a group and dance your weight away. Find something you enjoy doing, then you might find your motivation picking up.
 
Originally Posted by bluecat


This may sound like a really silly idea, but...



If you hate going to the gym so much, and can't build up the motivation, try something else. For example I could never bring myself to go to the gym. Staring at the same walls with people all around me and no fresh air. Plus they're expensive. I'm not sure if it's possible where you are, but why not try running outside? The fresh air, sun, rain, wind makes exercising much more exhilarating, and as long as you can find the motivation to get out the door, you don't have to go anywhere. You can just start there and then. A brisk walk and then just run. Even if you run the same route every time, something about it will be different. Or if you don't want to go running, just go for brisk walks. Or if you don't like that find a friend and play some badminton or squash or tennis. Go swimming. Your profile says you like dancing? Do that, join a group and dance your weight away. Find something you enjoy doing, then you might find your motivation picking up.
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Hey bluecat, thanks for your advice! Yes, I should start walking outside again. The gym works on most days because it's getting colder and fall/winter makes it harder. But thank you for reminding me that there are other activities. I think the main problem is that I take my stress of being unemployed and that makes me feel down and unmotivated to do anything at all. But thank you for reminding me that there are other activities :) What do you do to keep motivated?
 
I know what you mean. Over summer I was looking for a job and had no luck. I'm back at uni and doing more now and I think it helps with motivation. It's strange that sometimes doing more every day makes you want to do even more, if you know what I mean!


I guess to keep motivated, I look at myself in the mirror and although I'm not particularly pleased with what I look like, I think of how I can improve it. Most of my clothes don't fit. I have a particular dress that I want to wear on a particular date for a ball in May/June. I keep it hung where I can see it, to remind me of my main goal and to give me another reason for putting myself through this. Also as I'm pretty unfit, I think of the extra things I can now do even though I've only been running for three weeks. For instance today I walked up a hill that always makes me out of breath and hot and feeling horrible. But not today. I got to the top and felt fine. It's the little things like that I think about. Small goals, rather than dwelling on the fact that I want to lose a certain amount of weight. I do however get the occasional times, as everyone does, where everything I've done feels pointless and I feel like a failure and want to give up. If that happens, I go with it. I curl up and watch a film and eat some popcorn or whatever and get back to being healthy the next day. It's also very useful when there are people around you doing the same thing.


Sorry about the bit of an essay there! I hope it helps though. Of course, different things will always work for different people.
 
Originally Posted by bluecat


I know what you mean. Over summer I was looking for a job and had no luck. I'm back at uni and doing more now and I think it helps with motivation. It's strange that sometimes doing more every day makes you want to do even more, if you know what I mean!



I guess to keep motivated, I look at myself in the mirror and although I'm not particularly pleased with what I look like, I think of how I can improve it. Most of my clothes don't fit. I have a particular dress that I want to wear on a particular date for a ball in May/June. I keep it hung where I can see it, to remind me of my main goal and to give me another reason for putting myself through this. Also as I'm pretty unfit, I think of the extra things I can now do even though I've only been running for three weeks. For instance today I walked up a hill that always makes me out of breath and hot and feeling horrible. But not today. I got to the top and felt fine. It's the little things like that I think about. Small goals, rather than dwelling on the fact that I want to lose a certain amount of weight. I do however get the occasional times, as everyone does, where everything I've done feels pointless and I feel like a failure and want to give up. If that happens, I go with it. I curl up and watch a film and eat some popcorn or whatever and get back to being healthy the next day. It's also very useful when there are people around you doing the same thing.



Sorry about the bit of an essay there! I hope it helps though. Of course, different things will always work for different people.
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Bluecat- I know exactly what you mean. It helps when there is a bit of momentum and purpose for the day- keeps you going.


I had one of the worst weekends ever. I got into two massive arguments with my parents. They said some pretty hurtful stuff and at the moment I am not on talking terms with them. Things like.."you are 30 and you don't have your life set, you don't have a place etc." and my 25 year old sister has called me a "loser" in the past. And to be honest, I am tired of hearing it. I am tired of constantly being bullied, esp by my sister. I am constantly compared to her. She has a stable finance job and a place. I have a marketing grad degree...no house...minimal savings and a body that I am not proud of. Let's not forget I am unemployed and living at home. So anyways, long story short, I had a mental breakdown two days ago. I drove to a parking lot and cried. And then I drove around town for 1.5 hours aimlessly. I have never ever done that. But I am glad I went through that because now I have a fire inside of me. I need a job, I need to move out, I need to take better care of myself. And I am NOT going to get bullied any longer.


Due to the stress of the past couple of days I have not eaten well and my weight has gone down to 119.4 lbs from my high of 123 a week or two ago. Today I have made some conscious decisions to eat right. I still need to lose 19 lbs. I ate an apple after months today! And I'm not crazy about apples but I was like, I have to treat my body right. I'm done with being bullied.


On the job front, I am trying to reach out to professionals in the field- this is a bit tricky- to set up info interviews. Even ONE contact in a CPG mrktg role would be incredible. But I am going to give it all I have this week!
 
I'm sorry to hear that things got so bad. However on the bright side you seem motivated again. Try and hang on to that. What about getting some sort of Christmas temp job just until you can find what you really want to do? I know it's not much, but it'll be something to do, earning a bit of money, while you search.
 
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