miss_apple_tarts diary

miss_apple_tart

miss_apple_tart

New member
This is my first day here and why not start out by starting a diary.

The last time I weighed myself was yesterday and it said I was 299 pounds. This is really strange to me. I was skinny up until I had my daughter when I was 19, yet I am realizing that I have had a problem with food my whole life, I just had a more active lifestyle and the motabolism of a teenager to deal with it back then.

My first goal is to learn to only eat when I am hungry. I need to convince myself once and for all that no matter how empty I feel my life is and no matter what stress I am going through...there is nothing in the refrigerator that is going to solve my problem.

My second goal is to find an exersize activity that I actually enjoy doing enough to actually be motivated to do it. I don't like sports, I can't stand sweating and I freak out the second I get a side stitch or start to lose my breath. I am too poor to afford a gym membership (and I don't drive so I can't get there anyways), I don't have any friends close by for support or to exercise with, and there are other reasons I am too embarassed to even mention. So I am going to try and find a way to exercise that I can do alone and that I don't dread.

That's all I can think of for now. :)
 
Welcome!!

Welcome miss apple!! Thanks for posting on my diary- its so great to hear encouragement. :)

Well done for taking your first steps!! It's a shame you don't have anyone near you to supposrt you- but that is what everyone on this forum is here to do!!

Have you tried exercise videos/DVDs? You can get them very cheaply from amazon, and do them in the privacy of your home so there is absolutely no embarrasment factor!! And you don't have to go for something high energy that will get you sweaty etc. Try stretches for toning up, like pilates.

Good luck, and look forward to seeing the pounds fall off you!! ;)
 
Hey there and welcome!!
Well you're on the right track by starting your diary!
Now ya just have to build up your want to exercise.
Yes, it sucks. I'm the same way as you. I hate sweating, I hate feeling out of breath and all of that, but I know when I'm working out, I'm one step closer to achieving my goal to losing weight :)

You could always try workout videos. There are probably alot of really good ones out there for fairly cheap (I'm sure some ppl here will have more info on which ones are good). You could just stop by your local Walmart or Best Buy or whatever you have around ya and check them out :)
Get a couple of them if they aren't too expensive just so you'll have a variety and won't get bored with just doing the same one over and over again :)

Anywho.. I've rambled on long enough!
Keep us posted on how you're doing!
 
I've tried videos. All the ones I tried seemed so fast pace and I couldn't keep up. I wish my mom still had her "Sweating to the oldies" video. It was funny but it was easy to follow. Maybe I can look on ebay.
 
Hey miss apple and welcome. I hope you find everything here as helpfull as I have. The workout tape sounds like a good idea. (tapes hummm yup I'm a child of vhs lol.)
I haven't seen the sweatin to the oldies in years but I remember they weren't quite as intense as the billy blanks series. It would be a good choice and since it's an older brand should be quite cheap.

welcome again.
hillbilly

Edit: I bounced over to ebay and there are several listed and some are in kits with cookbooks and such.
 
Last edited:
Thanks Hillbillylee. I looked on ebay too and it looks like people are selling them for pretty cheap. I think another reason I like the sweating to the oldies is because I like the oldies music way better than the annoying techno that mist videos have.

One accomplishment I have made is cutting down on soda pop. I am sure my addiction to pop was what made me fat in the first place. I was up to 6 cans a day. Within the last few months I have cut down to the point where I really only drink it if I go out. Usually on Thursdays which is our grocery shopping day (and the day i am going to designate as my cheat day, since we usually go out to eat on that day).

However I haven't been able to transition to water. Water makes me gag. Right now I am mainly drinking coffee with fat free creamer and a little sugar and then a couple glasses of skim milk a day. I would like to transition to milk and then green tea with a splash of honey rather than the coffee.
 
drinking cokes is what kept it all on me. I was drinking about 6 or so a day at work. I think a can of coke is in the 120 calorie range. so 120*6= 720 calories on top of the food you were taking in.
water was an adjustment for me as well. I think it was just too clean for my body to handle lol. now it's no problem.
 
Last edited:
I know how you feel on the water from - hate tap water.. it just makes me gag! But if I 'water' it down with some bottled water, make it realy realy cold and add a bit of lime juice to it - it's not so bad. I'm up to about 108oz a day - from about 20oz a day.

Welcome to the forum. It's always a hard transistion but keep at it. The reward is worth the work. :D:D
 
I think a lot of the trouble I had with water was it was out of the tap and had this funky kinda taste. Since we moved out to the country it's well water which has a different kinda funky taste but this on is more natural. Bottled would be the way to go or flavored but watch out, some of those flavored waters have just as many calories as a coke......
 
I used to drink a lot of pop also, now I never touch the stuff. It makes me gag. I guess eventually you will think the same thing. :p
 
I don't like bottled water much either.
I think the best that has worked for me is, well we have a brita filter pitcher, and I would fill it with water and cut a citrus fruit in half and stick it in their with the water to give it a touch of natural citrus flavour. I can't remember why I quit doing that, I will have to start doing that again.

Anyways, I was kind of bad today. However, grocery shopping day isn't until Thursday and there is really nothing healthy in the house, and so until then I will come up with a meal plan and collect healthy recipes and tips.

But today I had

2 cups of coffee, fat free cream and sugar.
2 cups green tea with honey
2 plain cake doughnuts (bad, I know)
1 home made banana, chocolate chip muffin
(I feel really guilty for that. I have a recipe for nearly fat free banana bread but used the regular recipe instead)
A cup of progresso chicken pit pie soup
1/2 cup mandrin chicken salad
3 small breaded fish portions
1 cup tator tots
1 small chicken thigh

I definatly need more fruit and veggies in my diet.
 
Yeah, it takes a while to gain the experience and willpower to make healthy choices I guess. Though lo fat versions of regular things can be pricey, if you base your diet on cooking your own meals from scratch it really isn't!! Fruit and veggies are DEAD cheap esp from markets etc. Otherwise, I eat a lot of tins. NOT sugary baked beans etc, but my local corner shop does loads of tinned fish (good but watch salt) and chick peas, lentils, tomatos with different herbs etc etc there are so many tasy quick meals you can make out of that kind of stuff which are also cheap!!
 
Gmorning Apple, give it some time - I hated the though of having to make all my favorite foods fat free & low cal. but I think of it as a fun challenge now. And ya know - most time I don't even miss the naughty stuff that was in it before. Good Luck!!
 
Alright, my first weekend and I have learned that it is going to be much harder staying on track on the weekends.

However, I did lose my first 4 pounds...YAY!!!!!

I'm mainly trying to change from 3 meals a day to 5 small meals a day which is definatly hard on the weekend when everyone is home from work and school.

Another challenge for me is my mother in law. My fiance and I live with his mom and she has the opposite problem from us. She is underweight. Not only that, but she actually prefers people who are on the chunky side and sometimes it feels like she is even trying to fatten us up. My fiance and I buy most of the groceries but she will go out a lot and buy junk food that she never intends on eating and gets kinda mad if we let it go to waste.

My kids don't need to eat all that junk either. My daughter is already showing signs of a food addiction. She is obsessed with food in the way of constantly asking what's going to be for dinner or wondering when the next meal of the day will be, even if we just ate. I don't want her to end up like me.

It's hard changing old habits. I grew up in the typical midwestern family where everything was centered around food.
 
I have been away from here for awhile because I totally fell off the wagon even before I gave myself a chance to begin and I have become so ashamed. :(

My weight is at the highest it's ever been at 302 pounds. I always joked around with myself and my fiance in the past and have said that if I ever get passed a size 26 pants size (the biggest size you can buy at a department store like wal-mart or target) then shoot me.

Well, I have reached that point, and I don't like it one bit.

A lot has happened to me since the last time I wrote here. My fiance's mom with whom we lived with passed away on Pearl Harbor day which is bringing a lot of uncomfortable changes in my life. My fiance's brother and his fiance are moving in with us and I don't get along with them at all. They have been very brutally mean to me in the past and I am afraid of it happening again. They have promised to be nice and not verbally abuse me...but I don't trust them. A lot of their abuse is because of my weight, they are very obsessed with physical beauty.

Then of course there are the other stresses that go along with losing a close loved one. Grief, the cremation, she didnt want a funeral but we decided just to have a family get together. We've been doing a lot of construction on the house. I am just so stressed out and I'm guessing that's one reason why I lost track of my body.

Then I was at a club one night supporting one of my fiance's bands, the one he is in with his brother whom I don't like....and this girl played a really immature joke on me. She called me over to her and told me that the guy standing next to her wanted to talk to me, he wildly started shaking his head "no" and then she started laughing. So basically it was the "Let's tell the fat girl that my boyfriend wants to talk to her" joke. I really felt degraded.

I really really don't want to be fat anymore. I just don't see all the calorie counting and stuff being realistic. I feel like I already have enough things to keep track of.

So I figure for now I will just try cutting out the simple carbs (cakes, cookies, candy, potatoes, white bread, etc), try to eat more lean meats (little or no red meat) and more vegetables, try to deal with the emotional triggers that make me crave food better and see if I can at least reach a very small and simple goal of losing enough weight to wear my size 26 jeans comfortably again and then go from there.

I'm thinking as for long term goals, I may try going to a psychologist for the emotional triggers and food addiction and if worse comes to worse....talk to a doctor about gastral bypass or the lap belt.

I will stop whining and ranting now :)
 
Hi apple,
well first of all, dont ever think that you are whining on here. We all have stories and reasons for needing the support that we can get here. I myself am an emotional eater and have suffered at the hands of others who think my wieght issue is a 'joke' I completely understand how easy it is to feel ashamed because i cant seem to stick to the diet. It will always be a battle apple but the fighting becomes easier as you figure out you weapons. First of all...everyone on here wants to see you succeed, *there are your bullets*... All of the people that put you down are the targets *there fat egos are easy to shoot for ;) * You are the fire power behind those bullets... somedays you may miss the targets... * no matter how big there egos truly are* but try to remember that you have an endless supply of people who will always be here to help you aim straighter and stronger. Eventually...you wont miss, and you will get eveything you are fighting for.
Give this stuff a try before you go looking for a doctor to cut you up, cuz you still need to have a grip on what is making you over weight, before you get a drastic procedure done. Im looking into seeing someone to help me with my emotional eating as well..its a great start.
Sorry for my silly ways of seeing things..lol...its just how i work.
Have a fantastic week
Michelle :)
 
I never understand why people feel it's perfectly fine to be cruel to someone just because they're overweight. Ugh.

My biggest problem is emotional eating too. I've associated food and sweets with my family's love for years and I'm just now realizing it. If I get stressed or lonely or depressed, I want to eat, but of course it doesn't do any good and I just feel worse afterwards--which of course makes me want to eat more XP

It's hard trying to break out of this.

But definitely, like sasse said, everyone here wants you to succeed. Don't give too much thought to the people that put you down because of your weight, they've made it obvious they aren't worth the time it takes to stress about what they've said or done.
 
Thanks guys. It's nice to be around people who understand and have the same problem and goal.

Everyone always says "Just eat less and move more, it's that simple" and I feel that telling that to an emotional eater is like telling an alcoholic "Just put down the bottle, it's that simple".

It's not that simple. I am not a binge eater, I don't eat tons of food in one sitting. I just munch a lot all throughout the day so it's like...I don't realize I have eaten too much in one day until later. You know, simple things like portion sizes and second helpings at meals. Things that seem so innocent until they show up on the scale.

People find it easy to think that we are fat because we are lazy and pathetic. There are a lot of fat people who have very demanding jobs and lives who are definatly not lazy. I have heard people say that fat people shouldn't be able to get health insurance and things like that. It's ridiculous. What's even more ridiculous is that they think all the ridicule will help fat people lose weight, when with emotional eaters like me, it kinda makes us want to eat more. I'm not saying it's their fault that I eat so much, but when you have gotten used to doing that all your life...hearing people talk smack certainly doesn't help.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top