Michelle's Diary

[littlekeylime]

Its seven pm now and I had a BL mushroom/sausage pizza on a low fat tortilla for supper with water on the side. I've got mixed emotions now. I'm really craving more food, but at the same time, am proud of days when I do well. I have two weeks to lose 10 more pounds. I hope I can do it, but it might be too much. It would be so delightful to be twenty pounds down when my parents get into town. I haven't seen them for over six months. Wish I had started this earlier. I'm sure they'd notice if I was down twenty. That'd be really fun. Fingers crossed.

Man, I'm hungry tonight. Maybe I'll just go climb into bed and bury my head under the pillow...ugh!

 

[thedarwinfish]

Honestly, 20 lbs in 2 weeks will be tough. Not impossible, but tough. Just do it right and don't hurt your future progress by severely under-eating/over-training. Stick with what you are doing now as it's obviously working -- 10 lbs gone already! At the very least with good steady progress you should be able to be 16-18 lbs lighter in that time.

Having not seen your parents in six months, I'm sure they'll notice a difference when they see you even if you don't knock off all 20 lbs.

That said, my fingers are crossed. Good luck on that!

 

[ali2]

Thanks Ali, coming from you, that means a lot. You've done awesome. I can't wait to hit 20, then 50, then 70! Seems difficult, but I'm finding out it's not if you take it in baby steps. One day (meal) at a time.

The times I have stepped back and actually looked at how much weight I have to lose I have felt like running in the opposite direction, screaming at the top of my lungs. One hundred fourteen pounds just to get to 150 and I am realizing that may not be my stopping point now, but just a rest stop.

When you have a lot of weight to lose you just can't look at the end. My first oal was to get from 264 down to 225 (pre-pregnancyweight). Second goal was to get under 200, a number I hadn't seen since college. My current goal is to get to 172, which is what I weighed the year I graduated high school.

After that, 150. It is the only way I have been able to manage it so I don't waste my energy getting angry with myself for waht I did, you know waht I mean?

It is one day, one meal, one choice at a time and if you have a bad one, well just start over with the next. This is the rest of your life.

Thanks for the compliments, I'm no one special, I just managed to get my head out of my rear end finally

 

[littlekeylime]

Honestly, 20 lbs in 2 weeks will be tough. Not impossible, but tough. Just do it right and don't hurt your future progress by severely under-eating/over-training. Stick with what you are doing now as it's obviously working -- 10 lbs gone already! At the very least with good steady progress you should be able to be 16-18 lbs lighter in that time.

Having not seen your parents in six months, I'm sure they'll notice a difference when they see you even if you don't knock off all 20 lbs.

That said, my fingers are crossed. Good luck on that!

Actually, I've only got 10 more to lose in two weeks. Good advice about under eating/over training. I agree, that wouldn't be a wise choice. I also think you're right about maybe getting down 16-18 and that being okay. At least its a fun short term goal for me to shoot at. Continuing with my habits once they're here visiting will be difficult though. In the past it's always been an excuse to eat/drink whatever I wanted. "I'm not going to diet and wreck the few days I have with them". But now I know it doesn't have to be a "diet". I can still make smart choices and enjoy meal times as well. I hope! Thanks for checking in fish, I'm so jealous that you're under 200!

 

[littlekeylime]

It is one day, one meal, one choice at a time and if you have a bad one, well just start over with the next. This is the rest of your life.

Thanks for the compliments, I'm no one special, I just managed to get my head out of my rear end finally

I beg to differ. Losing weight, in any amount, takes dedication and commitment. I for one find that extremely admirable. I think you are a very special person and are very inspirational to me. I can see why you don't think so, but you're wrong. Just seeing that others have done it makes me realize I can do it too. Its very helpful...role models. That's what you are! An awesome role model! (and don't argue with me!) hee hee.

 

[Bigguy]

That's what you are! An awesome role model! (and don't argue with me!) hee hee.

Oh, she will argue with you.

You are doing great. Even if you do not lose the 10 lbs in the 2 weeks you still have to acknowledge that.
One piece of advise I will give is to set realistic goals- 10 lbs in 2 weeks is right on the edge of unhealthy unless you have a lot to lose.

Take it one day at a time like Ali stated- something I really need to start doing again.

 

[littlekeylime]

...Take it one day at a time like Ali stated- something I really need to start doing again.

Yeah. I know. I will. Actually since I'm so new to this, I really don't know how many pounds I can lose a week. I'm thinking three would be good, which would put me at 204 when they arrive and I'd be pretty happy with that. I just like having a goal in mind so when I do get weak, it's there inspiring me to not grab that beer. You know? I'll pretty much do what I'm doing. Maybe bump up my elliptical five minutes a day or really try to get through the firm dvd, but that's all. I pulled down some old clothes this morning and tried to get into a size 16. I'm really close, maybe in two weeks I'll be able to zipper them up! That would be a blast. My first size down. I can't wait.

Have a good morning all, make good choices and don't let annoying office girls get you down today!

 

[ali2]

role models. That's what you are! An awesome role model! (and don't argue with me!) hee hee.

Oh, she will argue with you.

Ok, ok you guys win, I'm a role model (sheesh)

I just am not used to seeing myself as that since I spent so much time failing before figuring the whole thing out.

Michelle, just keep at it, as long as you do that there will be change. I know you want to lose the 10 in two weeks but you are almost setting yourself up for a setback if you don't get to that point. Just be ready for it b/c disappointment is such a trigger, for me at least.

Listen to Brian, he knows what he is talking about when he is not busy disparaging himself

 

[littlekeylime]

...I know you want to lose the 10 in two weeks but you are almost setting yourself up for a setback if you don't get to that point. Just be ready for it b/c disappointment is such a trigger, for me at least.

Good point. I'll have to remember that. I'm sure I'll be disappointed to not lose ten, but at the same time, if I lose anything, it will be an accomplishment and I will remember that too. I'm getting over being hard on myself. I've learned it was hurting me in the past and causing me to give up. Now, I'm celebrating the little things and not obsessing about the "aw shits". I've been a much happier person these past few weeks. Making jokes and feeling better than I've felt in a long time. I'm realizing I'm worth the effort. Thanks again for the words of experience.

 

[ali2]

Good point. I'll have to remember that. I'm sure I'll be disappointed to not lose ten, but at the same time, if I lose anything, it will be an accomplishment and I will remember that too. I'm getting over being hard on myself. I've learned it was hurting me in the past and causing me to give up. Now, I'm celebrating the little things and not obsessing about the "aw shits". I've been a much happier person these past few weeks. Making jokes and feeling better than I've felt in a long time. I'm realizing I'm worth the effort. Thanks again for the words of experience.

Michelle - remember that so much of this is mental. Once you get a handle on that part of it, it becomes much easier. Look at all the ways your life has changed with losing weight, there is lots to look at that doesn't come from the scale. You can do this.

 

[littlekeylime]

Thank you. I'm learning I can. Keeping busy helps. I'm trying to do that, then before I know it, it's time for a snack or meal. Eat to live, not live to eat, I'm getting it now!

I'm really tired today and had to pick my feverish daughter up from school today so that threw my schedule off, but I'm still going to try to get in an elliptical session tonight...and do it for me, not because I'm a slave to the machine. You are so right, it's all in the mind and how you look at things. For me, it's not just losing weight, it's a complete mental transformation from fat girl who hates herself constantly to a girl who loves herself and is getting healthier every day because she's worth the effort.

How are you doing today?

210.0

 

[ali2]

it's not just losing weight, it's a complete mental transformation from fat girl who hates herself constantly to a girl who loves herself and is getting healthier every day because she's worth the effort.

That is the God's honest truth. I had a really monumental breakthrough today, I posted it in my diary but it all boiled down to the fact that I have started to believe in myself and my ability to see this through to the finish.

It really is all in your head.

I am so impressed with how you are doing Michelle I can't wait to see how you turn out

 

[littlekeylime]

You're impressed with me? Wow, that was fun to read. But I've only lost ten pounds...I hope I can take it all the way this time...

Congrats on believing in yourself. I'm so glad you are starting to really see what you've done and what you can do. It's incredible! I suppose losing weight and mentally adjusting is exactly like gaining weight and adjusting. I had gotten obese, but mentally I didn't believe it. I had to wrap my head around the fact that I had gotten as bad as I did. Now, you're doing the same thing in reverse!

I'm so proud of what you've done. Can't wait until I can get there too!

30 min on the elliptical...not fun today...but I got my sorry butt up there and I did it!

 

[Bigguy]

You're impressed with me? Wow, that was fun to read. But I've only lost ten pounds

Anyone who makes the decision to change there life style is impressive. It is not the number on the scale that counts in the overall. *sigh* I just need to heed my own advise.

I suppose losing weight and mentally adjusting is exactly like gaining weight and adjusting. I had gotten obese, but mentally I didn't believe it. I had to wrap my head around the fact that I had gotten as bad as I did.

I needed to go through this same thought process. I was never fat- just 'large'. Took me forever to figure that out- took you no time at all.

I'm so proud of what you've done. Can't wait until I can get there too!

Noooooo! To many strong, confident women on the same forum could be bad!!
Great job Michelle. Keep it up!

 

[littlekeylime]

Thanks, BG. Even though I'm adjusting mentally, it's still tough. I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the side mirror and got discouraged because I look like a fat slob. UGH. I'm getting impatient to see that girl in the mirror look better...That was sweet of you to remark about the strong women on this board...I wish I was feeling it today.

Sorry, I'm just tired of being fat.

I'll go make a good breakfast, then get my firm dvd going. Maybe I'll feel better after that.

210.0

 

[Bigguy]

Thanks, BG. Even though I'm adjusting mentally, it's still tough. I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the side mirror and got discouraged because I look like a fat slob. UGH. I'm getting impatient to see that girl in the mirror look better...That was sweet of you to remark about the strong women on this board...I wish I was feeling it today.

Sorry, I'm just tired of being fat.

I'll go make a good breakfast, then get my firm dvd going. Maybe I'll feel better after that.

210.0

Its tough, believe me I know. I needed a kick in the butt yesterday by some good people to get me out of a funk. You want to see results now dammit! Unfortunately they don't always come quickly- keep working at it.
Have you started measurements yet? I just did today- after 4 months of this... Everyone has told me it will be a good tool to track progress even when the scale is not cooperating.

Enjoy your breakfast and the DVD Michelle.
Smile.

 

[thedarwinfish]

I'm getting impatient to see that girl in the mirror look better...

I've said it before and I'll say it again... we didn't get where we are overnight nor will we get to where we want to be overnight either. It took me 7 years to wreck myself. Hopefully it doesn't take 7 to fix it, but if it does, so be it... my own fault.

Don't get down on yourself. You're making the changes you need to make and if you keep it up, the results will come. There's nothing that can stop that from happening but you.

 

[ali2]

Sorry, I'm just tired of being fat.

I think that everyone here can appreciate that statement. You will have bad days and good days, just remember that as long as you keep moving in a forward direction, positive changes will come.

 

[littlekeylime]

Getting my body slimmer is so much more difficult than letting it go. Yes, I know I'm sleeping in the bed I made, all too much at this moment. I understand what you're saying fish, I need to just hang in there for the long haul and understand I'm doing good even though it's not showing instantly, it's still going to show. It's just today I'm struggling to stay positive...

BG, no I haven't measured myself, but I will today, promise. I think it's great advice. Hope I can do it accurately...

 

[Bigguy]

Getting my body slimmer is so much more difficult than letting it go. Yes, I know I'm sleeping in the bed I made, all too much at this moment. I understand what you're saying fish, I need to just hang in there for the long haul and understand I'm doing good even though it's not showing instantly, it's still going to show. It's just today I'm struggling to stay positive...

Sucks doesn't it.
We do all these bad things to ourselves over the years without thinking of the consequences and when we make the choice to change it seems to take forever...
Day by day Michelle. Look at the big picture only to get an idea of where you came from- not how far you need to go.

BG, no I haven't measured myself, but I will today, promise. I think it's great advice. Hope I can do it accurately...

Either look it up online or ask Ali the measurement queen.