Black Friday. What is it? Well according to a few sources, it's the beginning of the Christmas shopping season or better yet, put into MGB terminology, it's the time of the year where you just want to ram a cart full of toys or maybe even a handbasket of clothing up someone's ass. Black Friday? Nah... from now on, I'll be calling this festive day: FUCKO FRIDAY.
Aww yes, I've never been one for the whole 'wake up at the ass crack of dawn, throw on your shittiest outfit and hop into your car so you can play wait for the retard to pull out of the only parking space in a good mile radius' type. Unfortunately for me, this morning was an exception. Beth, the girl who gained ~100lbs while on Depo (remember her? I wrote about her some time ago.), decided to call me while I was drunk on tryptophan. She called to beg me if I would go with her early in the morning to do some shopping. Her boyfriend was working a late shift and there was no way he'd wake up to take her around and being as she's afraid to drive in the snow, she called me. Oh yah, because when I was living in Hawaii, we always had to becareful of all the snow we ran into, right? BAH. Hey, what the fuck do I have to lose? I've never been out during a Black Friday. This should be interesting or so I thought at the time.
Homegirl wanted to start early.. and when I say early, I'm talking 4:30am. I was awaken by my alarm clock set for 4am. I went directly to the bathroom to brush my hair/ teeth. I decided my pajamas would look smashing with a beanie: zip down front hoodie, a T shirt that read, "I need a bandaid (arrows pointing to my biceps) for all these cuts (I love this shirt.. haha)," black sweat pants and my NB shoes. I arrived at her place and no crap, she comes walking out looking like she spent 5 hours getting dressed. "So... I thought we were going shopping, you fucking beauty queen." She laughed, "Girl, if you impress people you can get better discounts, dontcha know?" Ummm ok.
First place we hit: Old Navy. First off, I'd like to say this, I'm really not one for shopping. I'm the type of person who will see something, grab it, then go home. I hate grabbing this... then that... then trying this.. with that... oh this makes my ass look fat... but this makes my tits look big.. blah fuckity blah blah. We walked in and I swear, I felt as if I had run into a sorority/ fraternity party. "OMG.. this is so hot. I can wear this with my hot pink ipod." You're a moron. "Like oh wow. This is only 50 dollars!" Ummm yah, retard... it was made in Bangladesh by a 10 year old kid who got paid a penny for all his hard work, mind you... that coat cost a dollar to make. "Whoah, dude.. which color hoodie should I get? The blue one? The red one? Oh fuck it. I'm getting both, man! It's my parent's money!." Mr. Jock Itch, your parents must be so proud.
The second place we hit: The Mall. There were lines infront of GameStop, Macy's, JCPennys, Kaybees, etc etc etc. It was amazing at how many people were willing to actually sit their asses on the floor to wait for a store to open. I told Beth she was more than welcome to go stand in line. I was going to find myself a bench and do what I do best: people watch. Here were a few things I saw that I found to be quite entertaining/ disturbing and I'm sure a few of you can relate:
Disturbing Shit:
1. The group of ~12 year olds who came walking out proudly from Victoria Secrets, each with a small bag in their hand. Being anxious, they opened their bags and pulled out matching "sexy panties." Umm I don't know about you, but if my little girl came home with a g string, I'd choke her with it.
2. The young couple who felt the need to swallow one another's face in the midst of chaos. Oh yah, nothing says "classy" like making out while sitting on a Sesame Street train ride infront of little kids. Needless to say, they got a big "Get the fuck out of here" from yours truly.
Entertaining Shit:
1. The 60 year old hillbilly racist who yelled, "Go back to Af-pakistan, towel heads" to three young black females who were clearly Muslim. Afpakistan. HA! What a dipshit. lol
2. The college kid who threw a tantrum when his mom told him that she wasn't going to buy him anything from Abercrombie and Fitch. HAHA! That shit killed me. No kidding, this guy turned red in the face and she kept saying, "Angel.. now stop it. You have enough as it is." Angel? HA! Hey, asshole.. get a job. hahaaaa
3. The guy who thought he was so alternative looking with his broke ass mohawk, torn jeans, a Misfits shirt and wearing those shoes with built in skates when he ate shit and fell face first. HAHAAAAA!!
4. My favorite one: The ultimate "goth girl." She was wearing black lipstick, carried a lunchpail as a purse, spiked collar, all black clothing except for her HIM band beanie. She's sitting there when suddenly a lady walks up to her, "WTF are you wearing??? I gave you money to go shopping for gifts! Not for yourself!!! Where's your clothes??? You wait until your dad hears about this!" The mom grabs the Hot Topic bag from her, pulls the girl's clothes out and tells her to change, because they're taking all of it back to Hot Topic. HAHAHAA! It happens the daughter went and took her christmas money to buy herself an outfit from Hot Topic where she went to the bathroom to change not only her outfit, but her entire look.
By all means, if anyone wants to share their experiences of today in my journal, I'd be more than happy to read them. hahaa!
-Sheryl
That got me .. right here*points to my chest*
Howdy MGB!!!!!! How in the heck are you doing?