Men are allergic to fat women.
- Thread starter Chunkygirl
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somethingnew987
New member
hahahaha yeah thats true....different people (and genders) have very different perceptions of flirting.
It's simple -she smiles in your general direction - that's a two by four to the head that she might be interested.. Doesn't necessarily mean that she's ready do to the nasty in the bathroom, but it is an invitation to come over and say hello
it's really not as complicated as people would like it to be
sirant
New member
I gotta agree with deepgreen on this one....
Wow, I never thought I would disagree with Mal, BUT.....
Women ARE complicated to read and the signals we get are often not what we expected or hoped. I think Deepgreen is like myself in that way too often, as hormone engorged young men, we have seen what appeared to be obvious signals to us, only to be painfully shot down later when we acted on them. It was never EVER in my life as easy as "hey, she smiled at me, I guess that means its ok to ask her out". Never ever ever!
A lot of times us bigger folk (men and women) become the "safe friend", someone the other person can feel comfortable with and familiar with but with no true romantic or even possible romantic aspirations. However, we never see it that way. I have ALWAYS been the "safe guy" and I always hated it. Seems a lot of women especially assume an overweight guy they arent attracted too, but is a nice guy, is like the token "gay friend". Someone they can hug and kiss on the cheek, maybe pat on the bum, dirty dance with etc, but when some skinny drunken looser who ultimately could (and usually did) hurt them comes along you are left alone on the dancefloor in a heartbeat. Then when it doesnt work out she cries in your beer telling you how sad and miserable her life is after she has already broken your heart for the 15th time without a thought. And of course we put up with it because we have no confidence in ourselves and at least being the "safe friend" is close to real female company..... Sad isn't it?
I couldnt count how many times I have been told in the past what a "great boyfriend" I would make by the women I was attracted too, only to have those same women shoot me down in exchange for idiots who treat them badly or cheat on them. Tooooooooooo many times. Breaks my heart, honestly, to think of how many times I have heard it. Anyone else have any "friends" out there who asked you if when you were both 50 and if she couldnt find a "good man" by then she would just marry you??? I have 6 "friends" who tried to cut this deal with me. How degrading is that?? I get to be the 50 year old "second prize" when she gets tired of assholes.... Maybe 50th prize by then....
So after awhile we get gun shy. We stop assuming "signals" mean anything and just hope for some clear cut sign like "hey your cute, we should go out sometime..." A smile just didnt cut it back then. Once bitten twice shy, 30 times bitten and I am going to wait for concrete proof of at least slight interest, thanks anyways....
All my life, and its the same for most of my big male friends, I was the "safe guy". Women loved me because I was kind, honest, fun, charming, etc etc etc, they just wouldnt date me. When I tried I was painfully shot down without a second thought about my own emotional well being. On reflection I never felt so "used" in all my life. I was always there for "her", she was always there for someone else. But thats just part of the process of growing up in a society where emphasis is placed more on the Hollywood ideals of beauty and not on the value of the person underneath the excess weight.
I know there are exceptions to every story. But I would be willing to bet my LIFE there are far far FAR more examples of the kind I listed above than those fairy tale romances where the beautiful sexy persons see's the truly beautiful person inside the big ones that society considers non-sexy. And betting my life seems an awfully dramatic thing to say, but for a guy who was sooo poorly treated all my life, and knowing soooo many others, men and women, in the same boat, I know for a fact it happens everyday and way too often. My life up till my mid 30's was miserable and lonley. I only had one long term relationship ever, and that was with an abusive, drunken looser of a woman who I put up with because my female "friends" all my life had taught me thats the best I could hope for. It took me leaving my home country and coming to the other side of the world to find a culture with a different value system to finally find happiness. Here in China I went from "safe guy" to "attractive guy" overnight. And lo-and-behold, my life has changed in so many positive ways I can't even begin to tell you, though if you looked in my diary you would get an idea. I am healthier, happier and more successful than ever before and all it took was finding a partner who believed in me, moreso even than I had ever believed in myself.
Sorry about the tirade, but I gotta 100% disagree with ya Mal, which is something I would not often do for sure. I very much respect your opinions and ideas. But for people with low self esteem and confidence issues, it is NEVER as easy as "hey she smiled at me, I should go say hi". How many threads are there in this group with people saying exactly the opposite about how they wont bother trying because they have simply been shot down, hurt or stepped on FAR too many times before? I will tell you.... Too many.
sirant
It's simple -she smiles in your general direction - that's a two by four to the head that she might be interested.. Doesn't necessarily mean that she's ready do to the nasty in the bathroom, but it is an invitation to come over and say hello
it's really not as complicated as people would like it to be
Wow, I never thought I would disagree with Mal, BUT.....
Women ARE complicated to read and the signals we get are often not what we expected or hoped. I think Deepgreen is like myself in that way too often, as hormone engorged young men, we have seen what appeared to be obvious signals to us, only to be painfully shot down later when we acted on them. It was never EVER in my life as easy as "hey, she smiled at me, I guess that means its ok to ask her out". Never ever ever!
A lot of times us bigger folk (men and women) become the "safe friend", someone the other person can feel comfortable with and familiar with but with no true romantic or even possible romantic aspirations. However, we never see it that way. I have ALWAYS been the "safe guy" and I always hated it. Seems a lot of women especially assume an overweight guy they arent attracted too, but is a nice guy, is like the token "gay friend". Someone they can hug and kiss on the cheek, maybe pat on the bum, dirty dance with etc, but when some skinny drunken looser who ultimately could (and usually did) hurt them comes along you are left alone on the dancefloor in a heartbeat. Then when it doesnt work out she cries in your beer telling you how sad and miserable her life is after she has already broken your heart for the 15th time without a thought. And of course we put up with it because we have no confidence in ourselves and at least being the "safe friend" is close to real female company..... Sad isn't it?
I couldnt count how many times I have been told in the past what a "great boyfriend" I would make by the women I was attracted too, only to have those same women shoot me down in exchange for idiots who treat them badly or cheat on them. Tooooooooooo many times. Breaks my heart, honestly, to think of how many times I have heard it. Anyone else have any "friends" out there who asked you if when you were both 50 and if she couldnt find a "good man" by then she would just marry you??? I have 6 "friends" who tried to cut this deal with me. How degrading is that?? I get to be the 50 year old "second prize" when she gets tired of assholes.... Maybe 50th prize by then....
So after awhile we get gun shy. We stop assuming "signals" mean anything and just hope for some clear cut sign like "hey your cute, we should go out sometime..." A smile just didnt cut it back then. Once bitten twice shy, 30 times bitten and I am going to wait for concrete proof of at least slight interest, thanks anyways....
All my life, and its the same for most of my big male friends, I was the "safe guy". Women loved me because I was kind, honest, fun, charming, etc etc etc, they just wouldnt date me. When I tried I was painfully shot down without a second thought about my own emotional well being. On reflection I never felt so "used" in all my life. I was always there for "her", she was always there for someone else. But thats just part of the process of growing up in a society where emphasis is placed more on the Hollywood ideals of beauty and not on the value of the person underneath the excess weight.
I know there are exceptions to every story. But I would be willing to bet my LIFE there are far far FAR more examples of the kind I listed above than those fairy tale romances where the beautiful sexy persons see's the truly beautiful person inside the big ones that society considers non-sexy. And betting my life seems an awfully dramatic thing to say, but for a guy who was sooo poorly treated all my life, and knowing soooo many others, men and women, in the same boat, I know for a fact it happens everyday and way too often. My life up till my mid 30's was miserable and lonley. I only had one long term relationship ever, and that was with an abusive, drunken looser of a woman who I put up with because my female "friends" all my life had taught me thats the best I could hope for. It took me leaving my home country and coming to the other side of the world to find a culture with a different value system to finally find happiness. Here in China I went from "safe guy" to "attractive guy" overnight. And lo-and-behold, my life has changed in so many positive ways I can't even begin to tell you, though if you looked in my diary you would get an idea. I am healthier, happier and more successful than ever before and all it took was finding a partner who believed in me, moreso even than I had ever believed in myself.
Sorry about the tirade, but I gotta 100% disagree with ya Mal, which is something I would not often do for sure. I very much respect your opinions and ideas. But for people with low self esteem and confidence issues, it is NEVER as easy as "hey she smiled at me, I should go say hi". How many threads are there in this group with people saying exactly the opposite about how they wont bother trying because they have simply been shot down, hurt or stepped on FAR too many times before? I will tell you.... Too many.
sirant
wishes
Coffee Addict
nice tirade there sirant, and fair call
Most woman ive noticed tend to keep a lot of guys friends as 'backup' because they are scared of being alone.
Guys are more honest, they wont pretend to be interested in you when all they want is a bonk - they occasionally try but usually fail and most chicks can spot it a mile away.
Most woman ive noticed tend to keep a lot of guys friends as 'backup' because they are scared of being alone.
Guys are more honest, they wont pretend to be interested in you when all they want is a bonk - they occasionally try but usually fail and most chicks can spot it a mile away.
DeepGreen
New member
Absolutely brilliant post Sirant, absolutely brilliant. And as young as I am, I've been going through and have experienced first hand some of those things you listed in the post (I've had numerous female friends tell me that I would make a wonderful boyfriend...). Very eye opening and inspiring.
It kind of reminds of the quote similar to "Nice guys finish last...".
When Mal posted that comment, I kind of disagreed with it also...I really wish it was that easy
It kind of reminds of the quote similar to "Nice guys finish last...".
When Mal posted that comment, I kind of disagreed with it also...I really wish it was that easy
Again -it really is that easy - it's only complicated because people make it that way... when you see someone smile across a crowded room, they aren't looking for a lifelong commitment - it's a hello - what's hard about that. Hello doesn't have to turn into drinks, candlelight dinners, movies, long walks on the beach, hello is hello... It's a start...
Too many people ooze desperation and that's a total turn off... and I'll use that word again - PROJECT - what you feel about yourself gets projected onto a ntoher person and they react to it...
it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Period. Not what you look like... (and this coming from someone who knows she's been hit by the ugly stick multiple times... )
Too many people ooze desperation and that's a total turn off... and I'll use that word again - PROJECT - what you feel about yourself gets projected onto a ntoher person and they react to it...
it all comes down to how you feel about yourself. Period. Not what you look like... (and this coming from someone who knows she's been hit by the ugly stick multiple times... )
brunettegoddess
New member
Men, Women and Dating-
I blossomed later in life. I didn't go on my first date until two years ago right before my 21st birthday. My first kiss was during a game of truth or dare in high school. And when it comes to a timeline of how a person develops in relationships and sexually with a partner/companion/significant other, I certainly did everything completely out of order.
But what I can say is that I tried time and time again. Almost a year ago is when I started dating my first boyfriend... the only boyfriend I've ever had, who asked who out? I asked him out. I did all of the asking. And the men I dated before him were the same. I've had very few men ask me out on dates (about two or three) and I can't say that they were official dates because they were all getting to know you dates. But what I can say is that the men that have had the most emotional influence on my personal life have all been men I pursued (about four in total... I dated three casually but it was far from a relationship). I have dated men ranging in weight from 140lbs-300lbs. And not to sound like a floozy but I have been physically involved (not necessarily sex mind you) with that same spectrum of weight ranges. I can say that I have been attracted to each and every man based on his confidence. There are most certainly people who will date you know matter what you weigh- but the trick is finding them and letting them into your life. I made the decision after my freshman year of college to be gorgeous. Some new clothes and some makeup boosted my confidence, but it was my confidence that got my ass out the door and talking to boys. Which I can say has never been easy for me because I am just now developing the skills in which to have guy friends where it's completely platonic. But that's because I never felt comfortable enough about myself to be around men. It IS attitude... I keep reading all of the "I can't" or "They don't want me". People-- one word-- Rejection. It's a part of life. Not getting the boy/girl/man/woman you want. Not getting the job you want. Not getting the promotion you want. Not getting into the school you want. Not getting the part in the play that you wanted. If you can't deal with or accept rejection, this world is going to have you, all 700,000 calories of you (based on a 200lb person ) for a snack. And it's going to be a very depressing and trying thing to get through.
I had a friend, who in general I consider smart but not quite wise, gave me what I consider to actually be a decent piece of advice. Dating, like most things in life, is a numbers game. It's also who you know and being in the right place and the right time. Life is a big game of chance and if you're not going to play the game, nothing is going to happen to you. Does getting hurt suck? Yes it does but in my experience once it happens, every time after is a bit easier. I'm not saying is doesn't suck or hurt or sting or feel terrible, but you realize after the first time around everything is going to be okay.
It's all in the attitude. All in the projection of one's self. And if you find yourself saying that "I can't ask her out", then you can't simply because you won't.
IMO, Steve was right and so was Mal.
I blossomed later in life. I didn't go on my first date until two years ago right before my 21st birthday. My first kiss was during a game of truth or dare in high school. And when it comes to a timeline of how a person develops in relationships and sexually with a partner/companion/significant other, I certainly did everything completely out of order.
But what I can say is that I tried time and time again. Almost a year ago is when I started dating my first boyfriend... the only boyfriend I've ever had, who asked who out? I asked him out. I did all of the asking. And the men I dated before him were the same. I've had very few men ask me out on dates (about two or three) and I can't say that they were official dates because they were all getting to know you dates. But what I can say is that the men that have had the most emotional influence on my personal life have all been men I pursued (about four in total... I dated three casually but it was far from a relationship). I have dated men ranging in weight from 140lbs-300lbs. And not to sound like a floozy but I have been physically involved (not necessarily sex mind you) with that same spectrum of weight ranges. I can say that I have been attracted to each and every man based on his confidence. There are most certainly people who will date you know matter what you weigh- but the trick is finding them and letting them into your life. I made the decision after my freshman year of college to be gorgeous. Some new clothes and some makeup boosted my confidence, but it was my confidence that got my ass out the door and talking to boys. Which I can say has never been easy for me because I am just now developing the skills in which to have guy friends where it's completely platonic. But that's because I never felt comfortable enough about myself to be around men. It IS attitude... I keep reading all of the "I can't" or "They don't want me". People-- one word-- Rejection. It's a part of life. Not getting the boy/girl/man/woman you want. Not getting the job you want. Not getting the promotion you want. Not getting into the school you want. Not getting the part in the play that you wanted. If you can't deal with or accept rejection, this world is going to have you, all 700,000 calories of you (based on a 200lb person
) for a snack. And it's going to be a very depressing and trying thing to get through.I had a friend, who in general I consider smart but not quite wise, gave me what I consider to actually be a decent piece of advice. Dating, like most things in life, is a numbers game. It's also who you know and being in the right place and the right time. Life is a big game of chance and if you're not going to play the game, nothing is going to happen to you. Does getting hurt suck? Yes it does but in my experience once it happens, every time after is a bit easier. I'm not saying is doesn't suck or hurt or sting or feel terrible, but you realize after the first time around everything is going to be okay.
It's all in the attitude. All in the projection of one's self. And if you find yourself saying that "I can't ask her out", then you can't simply because you won't.
IMO, Steve was right and so was Mal.