Men are allergic to fat women.

Thanks guys

I will start today ...well sometime today. It's currently 2am and a little dark outside ...lol ... However, tomorrow I am going to go for a short walk. Start slow and I'll visit a friend of mine. I told a friend tonight that starting July she'll be walking me like the dog ... lol ... I need all the help I can get and I find that if someone else is depending on me for company then I have trouble saying no. I'm a pushover, but it works.

I think if I can just lose a little, I don't want dramatic weight loss right now because that's never worked for me. I want gradual and something I can keep up with.

Like most of you, I've lost and gained all my life and every time I've fallen off the wagon I find 20 more pounds have crept up on me when I did give up. So, I know I can't really afford to not lose this weight. I'm 33 and I just can't live my life like this anymore.

So, tomorrow I'll start and I thank everyone, Nataliejo and Maleficient and Ilovemoose and every one for replying.

Hugs,
Rene
 
Chunkygirl I feel for you so much!

I am 28 and I'm a guy, and I have been overweight for about 7 years now. It totally makes me feel un-sexy! I have not been able to get in a relationship either. I got fed up with it and I'm doing whatever it takes to lose weight now!

Stay the course, you know you will be happier when you reach your goals! I hope you will push ahead knowing we are all supporting you!
 
I was huge and married to a skinny guy - it made me feel stink but he was ok with my weight, but its so worth it when you've lost it, and you can snuggle without being ashamed of your body.

nataliejo said:
And my man is attracted to normal weight women ...around 160 if you are 5'6....
I am that feet and inches and I am 297... he is insisting I lose weight so I can keep up with him ... he is very active and wants me to be able to bike ride 25 to 35 mile bike rides during our vacation ..which will be at the end of July and two weeks of August ...and I plan on being able to do that ..right now I barely make it through a 15 mile bike ride ..
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Ooo I do cycling a lot, 15 miles is a good distance, you should be almost at the point where you can go on forever without getting too overtired if you just slow the speed down a little.
I did a 90km race (40ishmile) when at the time i had only just been able to make 50km (22mile?) in one go. It was tiring and i was bawling my eyes out like a baby towards the end, but the feeling of achievement was SOO worth it (and cyclists are SOO darned friendly!)


a_new_me said:
And here all this time I thought it was monogamy men were allergic to...
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Classy! hehe and agreed! :D
 
The discussion about male attraction a few pages ago was interesting. This will probably sound so silly to people but even though I've always been on the curvy side of a "normal" weight, I've always felt so fat and disgusting around white men and so sexy and good around men of color (I have tended to prefer caribbean latinos--Puerto Ricans and Dominicans..they love their curvy women and they look very fine themselves :)). So consequently I've been attracted to those men I feel confident around. It is such a compliment to be told you have a big butt in certain cultures :) and this has made me feel good about a body shape that doesn't fit into the glossy magazines of American culture but is perfect to others. Mainly if you have a big butt, thick thighs and a small waist, you are totally good to go!

On the other hand, when I got out of a "normal" weight range and into being 40 lbs overweight following my pregnancy, H definitely lost the sexual attraction in me. He met me at the same weight I am now (about 10 lbs above my goal weight; extremely curvy but not too overweight) and I can tell the attraction is now back that I'm the weight I am when we met. I can't really blame him though. He's not a shallow person, but he just wasn't attracted to me being an overweight size, that just isn't his thing apparently. On the other hand, some people aren't that focused on it. I had run into my ex when I was at my highest weight and he (still having a thing for me) was like "wow you're looking thick" as I walked away and he definitely meant this as a compliment as you could see it in his eyes, which were about to devour me, LOL.

But I think people in general are attracted to healthy looking people, and the reality is that its not healthy to be very overweight. That metabolically active fat in the gut is a true killer. So confidence in oneself helps, but it also helps to actually be a healthy happy person. That is so attractive.
 
Hi there! I just wanted to jump in on the conversation here! I used to feel the same way you did. I stayed in a very bad relationship for a year because I felt like no one else out there would want me. Then I finally got the courage to boot his ass to the curb and within literally DAYS I met the man of my dreams! August 1st will be our 4th wedding anniversary. I see my husband as being very good looking. He gets hit on by other woman and i take it as a compliment..but there's always that little bit of jealousy there if the girl is thin. I'm always thinking, "why does he want me if he could have her?". He gets angry when I call myself fat and is always telling me how beautiful and sexy I am. He doesnt understand why my self esteem is so low!..but just remember there are men out there that will love u for you. I sometimes think that I missed out on a lot of relationships due to my insecurities and shyness!...Now Im trying to lose weight for ME and my children. Not for a man, but for ME..and it feels sooo good!
 
Self projection really is key. Whether you wear a shirt that says "I feel morbidly obese today" or you just have that mood/aura about yourself, it projects the same way. If your lament is not having had a relationship, it is you. I don't mean that you're crazy or not worth someone's time, I mean that you've put a wall up around yourself when it comes to those types of relationships. People are attracted to happy types because attitude is contagious. Even once inside a relationship, if you feel like crap about yourself (body, mind, wardrobe, job) it affects both you and your partner... and not in a good way. You do have to accept, like, love, adore yourself so that you can accept those same gestures from someone else.

As far as your dietician, if you don't like her find someone new. Don't worry about hurting her feelings. Don't worry about looking fussy or picky. Part of becoming healthier involves making changes that will make you happier. You don't want to associate your eating philosophy with annoying.

Good luck. And even though there is a percent of the population that gets hives from women who are above a size 14, there's just an equally big percent of the population who, shall we say, likes a little more cushion for the pushin'... *smiles*. You've just got to go in search.
 
i ndunno - ive met people who are sickly sweet and fake, i dont always like them as a person and even feel uncomfortable, but i think its good to hang about with them to both learn some tolerance, and because you know they will only every say good things about you.
 
I know I am jumping in late, but I want to add a different perspective.

I am a young, obese male who is very active on these forums (very rare these days, rare type :D).

I agree with Sirant. Just because [over weight] guys may not be as expressive as [over weight] women, they have a much harder time finding and maintaining relationships; mainly because its a very embarassing topic to deal with. Sirant put this issue directly into perpesctive in his last post.



Long story short: I think you need to work on your self-image. You need to love yourself before you can make a relationship work.
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Awesome quote steve :D
 
Congratulations for taking posistive steps!

You seem like an articulate person who has a lot to offer in a relationship. Best of luck, darlin.
 
Deep Green said:
they have a much harder time finding and maintaining relationships; mainly because its a very embarassing topic to deal with.
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But the difference is, that it's ok for a man to be overweght - - look at the sitcoms out there - a portly guy is a main character and he usually has a hot looking wife... when's hte last overweight female lead you saw on television? Roseann? yeah there was a role model :D
 
I agree, society does push the image of women being skinny with a defined figure.

Meh, its mixed. Look at "The Parkers". Those women in the show are among the most beauitful women I have seen, despite the fact they are overweight. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

And I will remain like a stubborn mule saying that men does have a harder time. Heh, I wonder if there was ever a study ever taken, comparing relationship statuses among overweight individuals.

Some men actually has a fetish for overweight women. I have very little experience on this earth, but I've yet to seen a woman have a fetish for an overweight man.
 
I have the same issue as a lot of women on here have already mentioned. I find it impossible to believe that a guy could be attracted to me. Literally impossible.

I went to a dance club for the first time recently and I was kind of expecting to not be asked to dance just because I am big but WOW lol I got asked so much. But the thing is in my mind I told myself "these guys are either extremely drunk or just really horny and desperate, they would normally be disgusted by me". While I think this probably was the case with many guys, I realized that I was being WAY too hard on myself.

I am 19 years old and I have very little experience with guys. I know that a lot of this is due to my attitude about myself. I see big confident girls all the time with guys that I find attractive, so I know its not like big people are shunned by all. I think that if I had started having more confidence when I was in middle or high school I would have had a lot more fun. But I cut myself off. I was incredibly shy and awkward because I always felt people were looking at me with disgust or laughing at me. For this reason I never cared to take the time to make myself look decent. I LIVED in jeans and old t-shirts, never wore makeup and always had my hair in a ponytail. Now that I take the time to fix myself up a little because I feel better about myself I feel that it really shows on the outside as well.

Sorry for my ramblings, this is just something I have been thinking about for a long time.
 
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Lisa, we relate to so many levels! Damn...I feel you, I really do...(I let myself go in high school too...and never pursued relationships, because I never wanted to get hurt, cuz I honestly thought no one would ever love me)

I went to a dance club to (called County Line) when I was 19ish. Unlike you, I never got asked to dance (one of my co-workers started grinding on me, and I got extremly shy...and told her I didn't know how to dance :eek:)

I think this is kind of do the fact that some guys find shyness in women a huge "turn on", but shyness in guys is a huge "turn off" for women.

Its hard, especially if you lack the relationship experience back in high school / when you are younger. You lack that experience on how to act around the opposite sex, but you are definitely in the right direction and rebuilding your confidence :). We will get through this, and one day we will have the self confidence we only dreamed up. And one day you will have that special boyfriend and you will get that special kiss (dont' worry, I am still waiting for my special girl and my kiss...you aint' the only one that hasn't been kissed yet :p)

Its good to see you back! :) Now I know where you have been all this time....hanging out in the clubs...

edit: This post also applies to Chunkygirl, and whoever else is struggling. We will get through this and reach our goals!!!!!!! :)
 
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And there are always the guys who really get into fat chicks, or realize they will never get the girl of their dreams so will settle for the fat chick :)
 
Absolutely true!

wishes said:
And there are always the guys who really get into fat chicks, or realize they will never get the girl of their dreams so will settle for the fat chick :)
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I worked with an interesting character in a nightclub when I was younger. A very fit and fashionable man with a slight French accent and charm oozing out of him. Needless to say bartending was his dream job as he was always the highest tipped bartender every night. He also got his fair share of female admirers flocking about him try to win his favor. I wish DVcams and portable video recorders were so easily accessible back then so I could have filmed those lovely young ladies reactions when his long time girlfriend would come in at the end on the night, slip in behind the bar for a big wet kiss. See, the bar girls were the "hot little skinny" girls who think everyone wants them, his girlfriend was 410 pounds and not shy about one bit of it. Nor was he. When he was questioned about it, as he often was, he would very proudly admit he would never even consider a woman under 400 pounds because he simply didn't find them sexy. Bottom line. So yep, those guys are definitely out there.

Some do also "settle" but I think it is sadder to have buddies who can only have 1 "dream girl" scenario going on and any imperfection or deviation from that perfect image will make every woman unworthy. I know guys who will literally die alone waiting for a Barbie Doll off the manufacturing line that can cook and barely speak. Thats WAY sad.

But as always, better them than me.

Personally, I never minded bigger girls, since they tended to have less of the nastier attitude attributes common with princesses and beauty queens and tended to be more fun people overall. I didn't feel like I needed to earn their attention. Plus there is something to be said for soft as opposed to boney.....

:)

sirant
 
oh i dunno, a lot of bigger chicks have a bad attitude to make up for not being so great looking. Usually bossy as heck and very controlling... not all.. but a lot.
I think thats what appeals to a lot of guys also , being told what to do :)
 
I agree with Sirant. Some big girls have a nasty attitude, but some are down to earth, funny and some of the nicest people you would ever meet.

When I see a really hot, skinny looking girls...the first thing that comes to mind is materialistic...which is kind of a turn off for me (sorry about the generalizations :()
 
DeepGreen said:
Its good to see you back! :) Now I know where you have been all this time....hanging out in the clubs...
hahahaha not so much. I've only been twice now. I'm not the clubhopping type. I just like to dance every once in a while lol.

Its awesome we relate on so many things.

I kinda agree with you that its easier for a girl to get away with being shy. Confident guys are soooo attractive. I remember at the club there was this guy out on the dance floor with a group of friends but then they all got paired off and left him dancing alone. At first he kind of looked around but then he just didn't care and kept on dancing lol. It was sooooo cute lol and it made him sooooo cute that he didn't care at all, he was just going to have fun.

But yeah, I have been attracted to "bigger" guys because of their confidence level. Its kind of like the guy on the movie Knocked Up. He is not "attractive" in the most general sense, but his personality and confidence (I know its a movie personality, but still lol) made him cute. I think there are a lot more movies and tv shows that portray this for guys than they do for girls.
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somethingnew912 said:
But yeah, I have been attracted to "bigger" guys....
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If you lived closer to me, I would ask you out on a date :p

From a more traditional viewpoint, thats one thing about men: we have to take the god damn initiative; you females just sit back, relax and look pretty :sleeping:
 
DeepGreen said:
If you lived closer to me, I would ask you out on a date :p

From a more traditional viewpoint, thats one thing about men: we have to take the god damn initiative; you females just sit back, relax and look pretty :sleeping:
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lol thats awesome.
:)

Yeah, yall do have it worse in that respect, but sometimes it sucks for girls to feel they can't just go ask a guy out.......they just have to keep looking pretty and wait... lol
 
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