Marsia's Diary

[liza3]

yeah I'm no good at all with stress. I would say just to give yourself a lot of compassion--what you are going through right now is super stressful and hard. It's bound to come out in the not best ways sometimes. Good for you catching it when criticizing K's work and apologizing.

Money-wise, I know if it were me, I would want to sit down with someone I trust and work it out so that it feels organized and managed. So you know what you want to spend on the house and what the plan is for paying back loans etc.

The only other thing that helps me with stress (besides exercise, eating well etc) is making schedules to follow that allows me to see what I am doing and how it fits into the timeline that I have set for myself, but I know you've said you hate routine so that probably wouldn't work at all for you and we don't want to add to your stress!

 

[Marsia]

Exercise is the most obvious one in the category of venting but in the end I'm afraid you'll have to practice letting all that anger and stress go. Venting just pushes it off into the distance for a while and then it encroaches again.

Thanks Llama! You are right, of course!! I think anger is a super hard one for me to figure out how to let go of. It helped admitting this stuff and owning it by writing this in my diary, though it's embarrassing and I don't like being so negative so much of the time. I think I will try some good old psychological sublimation and channel the anger into organizing and see how that goes.

yeah I'm no good at all with stress. I would say just to give yourself a lot of compassion--what you are going through right now is super stressful and hard. It's bound to come out in the not best ways sometimes. Good for you catching it when criticizing K's work and apologizing.

Money-wise, I know if it were me, I would want to sit down with someone I trust and work it out so that it feels organized and managed. So you know what you want to spend on the house and what the plan is for paying back loans etc.

The only other thing that helps me with stress (besides exercise, eating well etc) is making schedules to follow that allows me to see what I am doing and how it fits into the timeline that I have set for myself, but I know you've said you hate routine so that probably wouldn't work at all for you and we don't want to add to your stress!

Thanks so much for this Liza! It really helped, and I really appreciate your empathizing. I took your advice and wrote a long email to my best friend about my options thus far. Another friend is also good at understanding money stuff, but is also a bit impulsive when it comes to these things, so I will contact then after I hear back from my bestie. I also realized I need to write out all my questions for my lawyers again. I had prepared all this evidence, but forgot to keep updating my questions, and they've just been swirling around in my head driving me crazy. I am not terrific at schedules, but open ended to do lists are fantastic, and the question list really helped so much.

 

[Llama]

Also: you absolutely have good reason to be angry! It's not a character flaw or something. May your anger give you the drive to power through the house stuff so you can be properly free of J.