Two steps forward, 3 back
Today I got ranveously hungry. I had eaten my standard diet food. I decided to go to Krispy Kreme to buy a dozen donuts. Instead I made myself go to Boston Market. I was so famished that I got meatloaf, mashed potatoes, macaroni, corn, and a brownie. I did not eat even half the food, for which I was grateful. I also had 4-5 rice krispie treats which were at work. :-( No donuts.

This is definately not compatible with my plan.
Tomorrow is a new day. I will pay for my "indiscretion" by probably not losing weight this week.
I had a lot of self-arguments tonight as I was eating and foraging for food. I was doing some recreational eating, in that some of those things are not on my plan, and quantity was an issue. It was not as bad as it could have been. I did not go to Krispy Kreme and did not eat any donuts.
I'm not terribly upset right now, but the scale will not be as kind the next few days. Despair at the scales.
Sometimes I get tired of this battle. Every day I fight appetitis and control control control my food.
For me, eating moderately is nearly impossible. I had decided to go on the "poor diet" eating only until I am not hungry, and eating only a little bit, it does not go so well.
If I eat about 800-1000 cals a day, my appetite goes away and food is like fillling up the gas tank of my car.
It seems that I need to go back on my 800-1000 calorie plan. My appetite the first day or two is #*&%. I should go to the store and buy yogurt or cottage cheese and go on that.
I have agonized over my weight/body since I have been a teen, 20+ years.
I should really be grateful that I do not have worse problems like drug abuse, incapacitating health problems, being unable to work, a violent marriage. I could be in a third world country and have children I cannot feed. I could be paralyzed. I could be homeless.
I do have an undiagnosed mild food/body image disorder. I have not been diagnosed but I am sure I would have 1 or more. Why?? I wonder if I should look into treatment? What could be done? Would it be worth the time and $ ?
It is a fight all of the time, trying to keep from eating. The past few days when I have "appetitis," I am arguing with myself, should I have coffee, will coffee upset my belly? Will gum stave off the appetite? If I have a few rice cakes, would that be enough?????? If I have one mint, will I cut myself off successfully? How many calories do I have left? Should I eat this or that?
If I didn't look better thinner, and had not gone down a pant size, I would be snarfing Hagen Daz and eating rice krispie treats right now.
I wish this was easier.