MandiLeigh
New member
(I stole this from my newcomers post.)
I wanted to start my very first blog as a comedic look into my fat life - but the more I got to thinking about what to write in my short introduction, the more depressing I realized it really is.
As I sit here contemplating whether to microwave those already cooked chicken nuggets, I reflect on myself. How did I let myself go like this?
In grade school, I was the chubby girl. When my adolecent years hit in 7th grade, I found myself no longer being able to change for gym class in front of everyone. I would hide in the bathroom, changing clothes as fast as I could before leaving the bathroom. This is where it all started.
I continued to be the fat kid until I reached 17. Tired of the horrible lifstyle I was living, and noticing boys for the first time, I tried my hand at bullemia. Though successful, I didn't want to stop myself and weigh the consequences of doing this. I was super caught up in the fact that I had went from a size 20 to a size 5. I became instantly popular with the boys, I started dressing the way I wanted to, but still yet felt a void in my life. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I'm convinced if I didn't become pregnant, I wouldn't be sitting in front of his computer.
At age 17, I scored the 'popular' boy in school. I was stoked. We had a great relationship, and many are surprised that we still have that same relationship. At 20 I found out I was pregnant. This is where it took a turn for the worse again.
I found myself not caring about what I ate. I had it in my mind set that I needed to be healthy for my child, and I took that totally the wrong way as I piled Bic Macs and Coke's down my stomach. Before I knew it, I was bigger than I had ever been before in my life. When I had my daughter at age 21, I was miserable, depressed, upset, embarrassed, but yet thrilled that I was a new mother. My time was only for her, and I never allowed myself me time anymore.
I started skipping family events, started living out of my house and stopped being concerned about what it was doing on my relationship. What does this gorgeous guy want with some fat unhappy woman like me? I had an ovarian surgery at 18 weeks pregnant that left a scar nearly 15" from bikini line to chest. (I had a cyst the size of a pumpkin.) My stomach is a sore sight, and it's given me zero will power to do anything about my weight.
My boyfriend is amazing, though the weight I gained is unsightful, he is still right with me. He pushes me to get out of the house and be happy again. Feeling depressed about my weight, I blow him off and push him aside. I find myself being rude, disrespectful and upset with him, when he does nothing.
My turning point came last week when my boyfriend of 7 years looked at me and told me, he would not put a ring on my finger until I was happy again. He told me it's time for me to start living the life that I used to, and to stop being self concerned all the time. He promised he would do anything to make me find that happiness all over.
Taking this as a, "he's not marrying me because I'm fat" moment, he assured me that he would love me no matter what size I was. He told me he was just concerned about my mental state over the weight gain.
When it finally hit me that I couldn't have the one thing I wanted most in life, which was to be married, that it's time I do something about it.
I am embarrassed by my weight and embarrassed by my body, and will find it very difficult to post photos of my face, but I want that to be my goal. I want to be able to feel good about myself enough to show the world who I really am.
I haven't heard my weight in 8 years. At the doctors office, I look away and ask for them not to say it out loud. My first step into my weightloss, will be facing reality... Watch out scale here I come!!
I look forward to meeting all of you and working together with you all to become something more than a statistic. I believe we all have the power and I am willing to bond with a community who knows where I'm coming from, as they are coming from the same place.
Thanks for taking your time to read this long and drawn out semi rant session.
xoxo
Mandi
I wanted to start my very first blog as a comedic look into my fat life - but the more I got to thinking about what to write in my short introduction, the more depressing I realized it really is.
As I sit here contemplating whether to microwave those already cooked chicken nuggets, I reflect on myself. How did I let myself go like this?
In grade school, I was the chubby girl. When my adolecent years hit in 7th grade, I found myself no longer being able to change for gym class in front of everyone. I would hide in the bathroom, changing clothes as fast as I could before leaving the bathroom. This is where it all started.
I continued to be the fat kid until I reached 17. Tired of the horrible lifstyle I was living, and noticing boys for the first time, I tried my hand at bullemia. Though successful, I didn't want to stop myself and weigh the consequences of doing this. I was super caught up in the fact that I had went from a size 20 to a size 5. I became instantly popular with the boys, I started dressing the way I wanted to, but still yet felt a void in my life. I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I'm convinced if I didn't become pregnant, I wouldn't be sitting in front of his computer.
At age 17, I scored the 'popular' boy in school. I was stoked. We had a great relationship, and many are surprised that we still have that same relationship. At 20 I found out I was pregnant. This is where it took a turn for the worse again.
I found myself not caring about what I ate. I had it in my mind set that I needed to be healthy for my child, and I took that totally the wrong way as I piled Bic Macs and Coke's down my stomach. Before I knew it, I was bigger than I had ever been before in my life. When I had my daughter at age 21, I was miserable, depressed, upset, embarrassed, but yet thrilled that I was a new mother. My time was only for her, and I never allowed myself me time anymore.
I started skipping family events, started living out of my house and stopped being concerned about what it was doing on my relationship. What does this gorgeous guy want with some fat unhappy woman like me? I had an ovarian surgery at 18 weeks pregnant that left a scar nearly 15" from bikini line to chest. (I had a cyst the size of a pumpkin.) My stomach is a sore sight, and it's given me zero will power to do anything about my weight.
My boyfriend is amazing, though the weight I gained is unsightful, he is still right with me. He pushes me to get out of the house and be happy again. Feeling depressed about my weight, I blow him off and push him aside. I find myself being rude, disrespectful and upset with him, when he does nothing.
My turning point came last week when my boyfriend of 7 years looked at me and told me, he would not put a ring on my finger until I was happy again. He told me it's time for me to start living the life that I used to, and to stop being self concerned all the time. He promised he would do anything to make me find that happiness all over.
Taking this as a, "he's not marrying me because I'm fat" moment, he assured me that he would love me no matter what size I was. He told me he was just concerned about my mental state over the weight gain.
When it finally hit me that I couldn't have the one thing I wanted most in life, which was to be married, that it's time I do something about it.
I am embarrassed by my weight and embarrassed by my body, and will find it very difficult to post photos of my face, but I want that to be my goal. I want to be able to feel good about myself enough to show the world who I really am.
I haven't heard my weight in 8 years. At the doctors office, I look away and ask for them not to say it out loud. My first step into my weightloss, will be facing reality... Watch out scale here I come!!
I look forward to meeting all of you and working together with you all to become something more than a statistic. I believe we all have the power and I am willing to bond with a community who knows where I'm coming from, as they are coming from the same place.
Thanks for taking your time to read this long and drawn out semi rant session.
xoxo
Mandi