Mady’s road to healthy…

mady1

mady1

New member
So…I’ve decided to keep a diary. This is one of the hardest things I ever done (I’m a very introverted person and also I’m kind of scared of people judging me). Hopefully this will keep me motivated and on track.


I’ve been a silent member of this forum for a while and read, with a lot of interest, the before and after stories for motivation. But a couple of days ago I realized I’m not satisfied with were I’m going, physically speaking. Last year started very bad (my grandma died), but, ironically, I lost weight and kept losing it until October (10 lbs – and this is a lot for me). Since then I managed to put back the ones I lost and gain 10 more.


So here I am now at 204 lbs, wishing I was 130. But, as a New Year’s resolution and with a huge inspiration from Kate (katehunibun ), I am starting on a new road to self-discovery / self-acceptance and, hopefully, weight-loss.


A little more about me: I am 27 yrs, 169 cm (5 ft 6.5 in) and weight as of this Monday 92.4 kg (204 lbs). Also, I was diagnosed 2 years ago with PCOS and its really hard losing weight.

My plans are:


Count my calories and stay within 1200 kal / 1300 kal

My food should be divided in 3 meals and 2 snacks

Exercise: 30 min moderate stationary bicycle and 30 crunches



Well, my day went like this:

Breakfast: wholegrain cereals and lactose free milk (230 kal)

Morning snack: Lactose free yogurt and a small handful of nuts (250 kal)

Lunch: Oven backed chicken breast with broccoli and cauliflower gratin (590 kal)

Afternoon snack: 2 small apples (105 kal)

Dinner: A high fiber bar (200 kal)

Overall 1400 kal (a little bit over the limit, but I had no idea the gratin would be so high in kal)


Exercise: I managed the 30 crunches but only 22 min on the bike


I’m very happy with my day. Hopefully, the next days will be even better. Can’t wait for Monday’s weight in.

Mady
 
Mady, it definitely takes some courage to get out of your shell and have hundreds of visitors read your progress...almost like they are an additional pressure point to keeeeep losing weight. Take all of this attention with a positive attitude and it's LOVE you will feel.


Have FUN! :)
 
AHeya sweetie.

Thank you so so much for your amazing comments you put on my diary, i was proper touched :)
Just a quickie as it's proper late and i should have gone to bed ages ago but i had to say a few things. Just a little bit of advice, this worked for me.

1. Post every day, Even if you have had a shit day. Write it down and move on.

2. Be honest with what you eat and how you feel. I have found that Really, really helpful.

3. Check out and write on other diaries, i have made some amazing friends on here that have changed my life :)

Ok, i think i have leatured enough. I soooo look forward to following your journey and giving as much help and support as you need. :) Good for you for taking this huge first step :)

Oooooh, by the way, you look lovely in your avatar photo. Bonus points for being brave enough to put a photo up. It took me ages to put one up of me, and then it was me as a bloody 3 yr old lol.

Wishing you all the luck for 2012 sweetie Xxx
 
welcome!you have taken the 1st step by starting your diary!

i am the same height as you only i started out last may at something between 97-100kgs

with the help,advice and support of these lovely people i have managed to get to 76,5kg (78kg after all the holiday eating):blush5:

so there is no doubt /YOU CAN DO THIS.there are ups and downs but try coming on here every day be honest and try your best for a healthier you!


what is your target weight?and generally what is your relationship with food?
 
Hi Mady. So glad that you feel that it's time for you to start a journal & to share your experiences with us all. I think you will find it a very liberating & empowering experience. There are so many kind, helpful & supportive people in the forum & I think it's very therapeutic to share your feelings. To me, typing in my diary is a little like thinking out loud. It helps you to focus on what is important to you & what really troubles you or needs special attention. I have a friend with PCOS who managed to lose all of her excess weight & has made a new life for herself, including finding a lovely man & getting married. I met her through the forum & she made a point of visiting me, on a trip from Western Australia to Sydney, via Tasmania, which was a big detour. It took her much longer to lose her weight & we were on the same diet but she got there in the end & has kept it off. We got on like a house on fire & keep in touch. She is so happy! I'm sure you can do it too. It's in us all to take control of our eating & having support along the way makes the experience even better. Look forward to following your journey, with any ups & downs. Never be afraid to share. We won't judge. Cheers, xo Cate
 
Hey Mady,

Welcome to the forum. As you've seen, there are many of us who are on the journey with you, and you are not alone! It took some courage to open up and I applaud you for that....one of the best things about this site is that you can say what you want and not feel ashamed or embarased. Like cate said, it's quite liberating because most of us don't really want to talk about weight or anything to do with weight to even our closest friends and family for fear of being judged...we don't do that here (at least I have only seen it rarely on here) and we're here to help encourage you, share our experience of what has worked (and not worked) for us. Take what you want and leave the rest!

To lose weight takes alot of work, discipline and stick-to-it-ness, and, yes, even some luck! .If I can do it (and I am doing it!), I know you can!

Sarah
 
Wow girls, thanks so much for all your support. I can’t believe it. I’m quite overwhelmed. It was so nice to open my laptop and see all these words of encouragement. I have this huge smile on my face and I’m so excited. I was a little stressed about what would people think of my post but I can definitely say I’m not going to do that anymore.


So, my second day went like this:

Breakfast: wholegrain cereals, lactose free milk and dried cranberries (250 kal)

Morning snack: Pistachios (115 kal)

Lunch: Oven backed chicken breast with broccoli and cauliflower gratin (590 kal)

Afternoon snack: 2 small apples (115 kal)

Dinner: Oven backed chicken breast (230 kal)

Overall 1300 kal (did pretty good, but I have to increase my fiber intake)


Exercise: I managed 50 crunches and 35 min on the bike


Oh, and today at work, I received 3 Fererro Rocher chocolates and didn’t eat them because I knew I would go over my calories if I did (they are like 220 kal). So I put them in my drawer and I’m donating them tomorrow.

It felt so awesome to know that I prefer my 2 small apples to those goodies. I just hope this “focus†mode lasts.


laureelee07 - even now I get a little scared when thinking how “on spotlight†I managed to put myself into. If I could have the same results without people noticing me, that would be heaven. But that can’t be, so I’m trying to get used to it.


Kate - thanks so much for you “lectureâ€. One of the things that motivated me to start this diary was seeing how well it worked for other people and how much encouragements they received. Even on a rainy day.

I must confess that I was a little, tine jealous of how many friends and encouragements you got as the days past. And than I realized I can receive it as well, I only have to share my story.

About the photo… it’s quite funny…a year ago I would have seen all my bad points. Now I just see a body. Not my dream body, but my “right now†body. And I can sincerely say I’m no longer afraid of photos and what they show.


Jasper – my target weight is 59 kg (~130 lbs). I would just love to get to that number. But I’m also realistic and keep in mind that I’ve been overweight since I was 10 and it’s going to be really hard get to that weight. And I’m really scared of how I will at that weight. I’m constantly asking myself: what if I don’t like it?

My relationship with food has always been bad. Until 4 years ago, I would binge and binge some more. Until I was 24, my life was ruled by negative emotions and food. Basically, if I felt bad or someone said something mean to me, I would go and eat a lot. And if something nice happened and I felt good, I would also eat.

Than I got into therapy and the binging stopped. The last 2 years have been about accepting my body as it is and maintaining / slightly losing weight. But in November, my therapist went on maternity leave and I freaked. I got really scared and started eating a lot again. Luckily, this phase lasted a couple of weeks and here I am now.


Cate – thanks for sharing your friend’s story with me. It’s really nice reading about women overcoming pcos. Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed by pcos and by how much my life is affected by my “naughty†hormones.


scbibhause - you are so right. It’s really liberating and I don’t feel alone. I can’t talk to my friends, they are all skinny and don’t understand my struggles. Even more, they make excuses for me like “I know your overweight but that’s becase you are ill. It’s not your fault.â€


Aaaa, just realized how long my post is. Sorry, next time I’ll try to write shorter…
 
AHeya sweetie :)

See!!!! We are here for you.....Lots of us. All you need to do is come on here and post everyday. We will help you get to the slim, confident person you wanna be :)

I have time to write properly now (you think you wrote a lot.......lol) Here goes :)

I am gonna start with what you first wrote. Like the others said no one here will judge you. I have been here for 6 months now, every single day and all i get from these awesome people is 100% support and the occasional telling off when i am being a headcase, no not really, they just make me understand that my issues are not unique and that i'm not a freaking headcase!!

I was so blown away and truly touched that you mentions me as motivation in your first post :blush5: I'm like 'i don't get it'. I so don't understand how my rantings (and they are rantings, i go from the depths of grumpy cow to squealy child) can insire others to succeed. I suppose, that's something i need to get my head round, huh. But i am truely touched that i can help. I am so so grateful to the others here that i would love for it to be me/us that actually makes you change your life for good!!!!

I saw you wrote 'i'm happy with today' on your first post. I think i did exactly the same. Each day, when i started, i found writing how i felt emotionally about each day such a help and also the silly little things that you do or don't do that make you feel good about yourself (like the Ferror Rocher) They are great moments. Remember them :) Even six months down the line i still feel excited that i can put the lid on the biscuits and stuff them behind the microwave at work (i did that today) This evening i had a small slice of christmas cake but that was 'controlled' I had planned to eat it. It wasn't a stuffing it in my face cos it was there momment, which is what i use to do, and then feel angry that i had done it, and then felt 'sod it, i've blown it today' so eat more and more. It's all about breaking the habit and being in control that made the difference to me (god, i am bloody rambling, i'm sorry lol, i just read what i wrote and i sound like a freaking lecturer :blush5: )

I totally get what you mean about being overwelmed but the support on here. I post every evening and then the next morning while i am having my breakfast i read any comments that have been put on my diary, as well as checking out other diaries and it gives me such a boost Every single day!! Their support and love keep me going each and every day. Love 'em all :) :grouphug: and you will to:)

You said you were a little bit stressed about what we would think of your post. I was just the same. I can remember when this lot finally convinced me to put some photo's on here, i sat here with my cursor over the 'submit' button for a good 10 minutes before i finally had the courage to press it. I then shut my laptop and didn't open it again! I had no sleep that night, tossing and turning, worring about what everyone will think of me. I felt pysically sick when i logged on the next morning, i was so so scared of what everyone thought. I then felt like such a bloody idiot, everyone was totally awesome. I was blown away with the comments it got.

I love your attitude to having your photo taken now. I would sooooooooooo love to be like that. I still hate how i look! I am getting much better at accepting myself but still really hate posting photo's on here. Hence the stupid face and silly pose. I get Mark (my other half) to take about 20 and i delete them leaving one and have to make do with that one. I really hope that some day i can 'like' how i look, i am getting there........slowly. I have to admit, i can look back at the 'bulging' body i HAD and think 'that's the old me' but I don't want to kinda destroy all the photo's i have of me that size, i can still see 'me' there. I suppose i had to be that person to reach this one, if that makes sence. (lol, i'm off rambling again.......Told you i would write shitloads lol)

I have been over weight since i was 11. I always thought that i didn't deserve to be slim, Kinda like i had no right to think i was 'allowed'. I thought i always had to be the fat, self concious, insecure freak in the corner. All that is changing now huh :)

Don't apologise about writing a long post....Ever!! (check me out, getting all bossy :) ) If ya need to say it, say it. That's what YOUR diary is here for. I have written bloody novels on mine (and yours judging by this one :) )

Anyway, i'm gonna shut up now............I need a cuppa after that lol. Wishing you all the luck with your journey, here for ya all the way :) Xx
 
My third day went like this:

Breakfast / Morning snack: pastry rolls with nuts (260 kal)

Lunch: hummus with salad and bread (420 kal)

Afternoon snack: 2 apples (115 kal)

Dinner: fresh pineapple (65 kal)

Overall: 960 kal – quite low but had no appetite when I got home late tonight


Exercise: none. Had no time today so I’ll consider this my rest day.


Well, my day was really nice, even if I haven’t got time to exercise. At work, someone brought for lunch homemade cakes and cookies and all the sweets imaginable (it was his birthday) and I didn’t eat any. Not a single, tiny piece. I was really, really happy that I didn’t give in and grab one. Later, I past by that table 2 times more and didn’t even look at it.


And, on top of the world, my brother’s girlfriend agreed to go with me on a trial session at a gym. It’s a 50 min session of indoor walking on elliptical bicycles. Tomorrow I’ll call and make appointments for us.

I’m quite excited. I’d be entering a gym for the first time in 5 years.

I’m not making any promises to join a gym at the moment, just go once, see if I like it and than decide if I want to go back. It’s a major step for me because I always feel that the other people in that class are looking at me, judging and laughing.


Kate – thanks so much for all your lovely words. And you are so right. For most of my life I felt I could never get to a normal weight because I didn’t deserve it. I felt I actually deserved to be overweight because I wasn’t as good as everybody else. All my childhood, one of my parents used to say I’m overweight and should exercise and lose weight and 2 min later stuffing my plate with food and making me eat it.

But I managed to learn all about portions and all that stuff. Now all I have to learn is not to be so afraid of the gym and exercise in general.


Today I also realized it’s also about consistency. My enthusiasm is great, actually sky-high, but on the long run it might not last me. Usually I get really enthusiastic about something for a couple of weeks and than slowly burned down and eventually drop that project. So consistency and discipline are 2 points I need to deal with.


Ohh, and this time I set some mini-goals also:

1st goal: 188 lbs (85.5 kg) – that’s the weight I had in October

2nd goal: 173 lbs (78.5 kg)

3rd goal: 158 lbs (71 kg)

4th goal: 143 lbs (65 kg)

5th goal: 130 lbs (59 kg)


As a timetable I hope that by the end of the year to get to 130. Or at least to 143. And I want to reach my first goal by the end of February when I’ll be sent for a couple of days to my headquarters and I want to feel ok in my clothes.


And I also put prizes for each goal:

1st goal: I’ll get into all the lovely clothes that are too tight for me now

2nd goal: I’ll buy the silver necklace I saw in a shop a couple of weeks ago

3rd goal: I’ll go a weekend at the sea and wear a 2 piece swimsuit

4th goal: I’ll buy a whole new wardrobe

5th goal: I’ll go on a trip outside the country


Guess these are motivation enough for now :biggrin:
 
AHeya Sweetie

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Yay on another great day!!!!

Doesn't it feel great when you have the strength to walk past something that you would normally eat with out even thinking twice!!! Well done you :hurray: :hurray:

Oooooooooh, i'm so excited that you are going to give the gym a 'visit' I was exactly like you. Fow weeks i would always have butterflies in my tummy when i went. I would be crappying myself as i went in and be horribly aware of everyone else, convinced that they are looking at me. NOW i know that no body pays any attention at all (especially the dickheads who are there grunting infront of the mirrors with stupidly heavy weights, they don't look at anything else other than themselves) After a while of being a regular people started saying hello and then commenting on how amazing i looked as i started to change shape. It didn't take to long to feel ok about going in there but now i really don't give a shit what other people think of me there. I am there for me and i just get on with it, which is really strange because i am always worried about what people think of me, always!!!. I can even go on the machines now that face the mirror!!!! That was a massive massive step for me. Don't expect to feel comfortable straght away but you will get there sweetie.

OMG do you have the same parents that i have?!?!?! Mine are just the same. My mum even sent me to go and stay with a friend of hers when i was 14 for the summer 'to lose weight' but would always feed me shed loads of food. They still do it now. They use to have Jack, our son, in the school holidays for us as we both work and he would come home and not want dinner cos he had eaten sooooo much at theirs!!Luckly he has Mark's physique and metabolism cos he is a tall skinny lad, thank god!! Jack now understands that he doesn't have to eat what she offers and he now more often than not says 'no thank you' which is great cos i know that he doesn't have the same relationship as i do with food.

I don't know if you have read my diary from the beginning but i was really really motivated and was worried that it wouldn't last cos it never had before but that was 6 months ago and i am still amazed at my motivation (well, saying that, i have wanted to eat lots today!!! and have just scoffed a load of smarties....i need to be extra good now to get a loss on sunday lol) Stick with us and this forum will give you the motivation to reach your goals. And, i have to add that they are great goals!!! I love your ideas of treats along the way, that's really cool. :)
 
Ok.. I’m back. Had no internet connection since Friday morning but they managed to solve the problem.:hurray::hurray::hurray:


Day no 4 went like this:

Breakfast: ham and cheese sandwich (280 kal)

Morning snack: fresh pineapple (65 kal)

Lunch: shrimps with parsley and tomato salad (300 kal)

Afternoon snack: yogurt with blueberries; pistachios (280 kal)

Dinner: less than half a bagel (75 kal)

Overall: 1000 kal – quite low but had no appetite when I got home late tonight


Exercise: none. Had to work late yesterday and than I had to go to my mom’s.


It’s good I managed to stay below my target since I had no exercise for the last 2 days.


Went and bought a new pair of trainers but I’ll have to wait until next weekend to use them since the gym is closed this weekend :toetap05:. And I was so excited. But I won’t let this put me down. I’m still going!!!! And in the meantime I’ll still be doing my exercises at home.


Yesterday at work was really busy and hectic and in the morning I had to pass by the kitchen several times and a couple of my colleagues were enjoying the rest of the cakes and cookies. Didn’t touch a single one. I was mentally grinning.


I was supposed to have a workout and dinner last night but my mom wanted me to pass by her house first . So I went and stayed a couple of hours. And managed to refuse eating and just ate a half of bagel.:biggrin:


Kate – when I got home last night and had no way of posting my day, I was a really annoyed. I kinda got used to reading other people progresses and even writing my own. So you girls and are becoming a constant in my life.


Woke up this morning and its raining and windy outside. Happy to be staying in. Later I’ll post today’s progress.
 
AHeya sweetie :)

Fhew, i was worried when you hadn't posted. You're not allowed to leave us now ya know :)

That sucks that you don't get to go to the gym. How about going for a nice long walk in your new sparkly trainers, break them in kinda thing until the gym opens.

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Well done on no cake and cookies. After 6 months i am still totally made up when i say no or walk past. It is such an awesome feeling isn't it 'mental grinning' is totally right.

I know what you mean about times when you can't post. This forum and these awesome people are a massive part of my life. I am totally lost without it.

When is your weigh day? Mine is tomorrow, not optomistic this week cos it has been an odd week.

Love and hugs Xx
 
Day no 5:

Breakfast: wholegrain cereals with milk and dried cranberries (265 kal)

Morning breakfast: a slice of bread with peanut butter, sport drink (220 kal)

Lunch: stuffed cabbage rolls (210 kal)

Afternoon snack: apples (150 kal)

Dinner: sea bass with green beans (360 kal)

Oveall: 1230 kal


Exercise: 1 h stationary bicycle and 100 crunches


I had a really nice day but I might have overdone the workout a bit. I’ll see if I can get out of bet tomorrow. Still rainy and windy outside. Maybe I’ll finally get some snow.
 
hey Mady,

I've just read your diary and all of Kate's post and I'm so inspired. Thanks for stoping by my diary and posting...I get energized from you diary and especially your exchange with Kate. It sounds like you have found a great partner in this journey to weightloss! Keep up the good work...and so proud of you...by the way, as I put in my post, Rod (my husband) and Iived in Bucuresti, I worked just north of Ploiesti...I'm assuming when you mentioned "my little country" this is where you mean?

Take care and keep up the good work!!
 
AHeya sweetie

Well done on another awesome day :hurray: :hurray: I love your motivation, you're doing so well. Can't wait to see how you do in your weigh in. Are you weighing weekly? If so what day?
 
Hi Mady!!!How is it going?Hope you had a great day AGAIN!!!:hurray:

I think you are doing really well!I'll tell yo what helped me very much,it was taking pics of myself in my undies or bathing suit even though i hated looking at them(and kept them TOP SECRET , hidden in different files on my computer so my husband wouldnt ever see them!!!)Snf\d them every kg i lost i took more.So i have loads of them no from 96 kg till today.I open them side by side to compare and feel great about myself.Plus i take photos of me in smaller clothes so when i finally fit in them i have the photos of PROFF and feel great!I post them on here sometimes but if you dont want to you dont have to , you can keep them for yourself.

Hope to hear from you tonight!


Ps where do you live?
 
I’m back!!!! After 5 endless days without internet they finally managed to send a team and fix my cable. Yayyyy! I’ve gotten so used to having internet all the time, when I didn’t was so weird.


Here’s how my days were:


Day 6 and Day 7 were really crappy. I got a bug and all I ate was a little bit of bread on Saturday and tea and some biscuits on Monday.

Overall, I don’t think I ate more than 1.000 kal on both days. I just spent my days sitting in bed reading or “feeding the ducksâ€. :puke:


No exercise on either day.


Since Monday was so bad, I didn’t even care to weight. And Tuesday I completely forgot. :cry: Now I'm wondering how did I manage to forget to weight in. So I’ll do it on Saturday and see my 2 weeks results.


Day 8 (Tuesday – still at home, feeling a way better):

Breakfast: wholegrain cereals and milk (230 kal)

Morning Snack: 1 slice bread and peanut butter (160 kal)

Lunch: 2 eggs and 2 slices of bread (260 kal)

Afternoon Snack: Ice Tea (170 kal)

Dinner: walnut rolls (360 kal)

Overall: 1185 kal


No exercise since I felt a little lightheaded.


Day 9 went like this:

Breakfast: walnut rolls (240 kal)

Morning Snack: 3 small cubes of chocolate (160 kal)

Lunch: chicken thigh and peas (530 kal)

Afternoon Snack: walnuts (130 kal)

Dinner: fiber bar (195 kal)

Overall: 1275 kal


Exercise: 50 min on the elliptical (the screen said I lost 415 kal)


I did it! I did it! I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went for the first time in 5 years to the gym!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it was fantastic. Didn’t feel weird at all. I was expecting people to stare or stuff like that but I was completely ignored.


The longer version: I was talking to a work colleague about gyms and how she would like to join one (I was just nodding, she was doing the talking). And I kinda mentioned this gym that’s on my way home and decided with her to give it a try. We were supposed to go on Monday evening but since I still felt sick, she went alone to a fitness session. And on Wednesday I went with her.


We went to a class of elliptical bicycles and the teacher was really nice asking if we did any training before and explaining some rules. I went on a slower speed than the rest of the class since I knew I couldn’t do it all if I encreased the level every 10 min. :biggrin:So instead I chose to do the training on a lower speed than the other and none of the exercises he showed us. I managed to go all 50 min with stopping just twice enough to drink some water.:jump:


We decided to go 3 times a week to this program. Even bought a subscription for a month.



Day 10 went like this:

Breakfast: wholegrain cereals and milk (200 kal)

Morning Snack: 3 apples (160 kal)

Lunch: turkey breast with chesse and spaghetti (584 kal)

Afternoon Snack: pistachios (115 kal)

Dinner: ice cream (170 kal) – it was planned!!!!

Overall: 1235 kal


Again no exercise since I’m recuperating from Wednesday and mentally preparing for tomorrow. Am a little nervous since I’m supposed to go alone because my colleague can’t come.
 
Looking back on these days, I managed to stay below the kal limit but didn’t actually do a lot of exercise. So my goal for next week is to increase my exercise time.


Sarah: Yeah, I live in Bucuresti. Sorry if I didn’t mention the country in my post. Did you had to commute everyday to Ploiesti?


Kate: thanks so much for your encouragements. My weight in was supposed to be on every Monday but since I skipped this week, I’ll weight in on Saturdays from now on.


Jess: I’m from Bucharest, Romania.

TOP SECRET: I also have pictures of me in my undies from 2 years ago when I was 96. They’re also really well hidden so nobody can find them. I was thinking of taking some new ones this weekend and also some “dressed ones†for comparison.


Can’t wait for Sunday morning ….I already feel a difference in my clothes but I don’t want to get my hopes up.
 
Hi Mady. WELL DONE YOU on the gym effort. That is excellent that you have signed up. You're committed now! Having someone to go with would be nice. I am increasing my exercise too after 2 weeks off with a rotten bug. It's amazing how much condition you lose in such a short time. Oh well. let's blitz this Mady. You're off to a great start. Good luck on the weigh-in (although luck doesn't come into it. It is you doing this & do it, you will!) Cheers, xoxo Cate
 
A:hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: YAY!!!! you went to the gym!!!! That is such a huge step! And i said that you would be ignored. Really proud you took that step. Don't worry about going on your own, i go on my own 90% of the time now.

Sorry to hear you had a nasty sickness bug, hope you're back to yourself soon.

Xxx
 
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