Low Self Esteem and Weightloss Challenges

[angel <3]

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replies in red:

The "I love you" thing is a strange thing for many men. Personal experience my husband was the same way it took him 5 months to say it. I never pushed and he had a whole slew of things in his past that made it hard for him. Once we crossed that bridge our relationship had a whole new level and we are now celebrating 7 years of marriage together.We have talked about it before - it is harder for him b/c of his past. I understand how he feels - & know it will be real & mean a LOT when he does say it. It's been almost 2 years. (about 21 months)

One thing that bothers me though is how many times you mention your BF is/was drunk. It sent up a red flag to me and even though you are an anonymous forum poster I care. not at all - this is 2 times drunk over the course of 21 months. Not several diff times - most of what I talked about was all in the 1 night too. He said he loved me both times he was drunk though.

Another huge thing in your post is how your BF and you spoke about how you should/could/want to look. This disturbed me a bit because he should have no say on how your body should look. Asking someone means you are thinking about doing it for THEM not yourself. Long term if you break up will you go back to where you were because THEY are not there??? Weight loss should always start and end with YOUR feelings on how YOU want to look and where YOU want to be. Trying to mold to someone else's ideals and wants is a recipe for disaster and heart break.He only tells me what I ask... & he stresses that he is happy with me no matter if I do or don't lose weight as I said. He tells me most important is he wants me to be happy with myself more. So don't worry about that. He's good to me. And of course I want to look the best I can for him. It's for BOTH of us... but I 'do' want him to think I'm the hottest girl on the planet of course. FYI - he told me I have the most beautiful soul of anyone he's ever known... & said inner beauty makes the outside more beautiful too.

As for me I am 5'8. I did my 300ish-183 in 9 months and the full 300ish-170 in 12 months. The last 13lbs were freaking BRUTAL. I have saggy skin on my thighs, stomach, ass, and underarms. wow, that is fast - 9 months. I lost my 82 over 2 years slowly. I'm hoping that will give time for skin to adjust... I'm 5'9" and no loose skin yet. Still have around 70 lbs to go.

I started with just some basic walking and weights and increased the walking every week by 10 minutes until I was up to 60 minutes. Then I started by finding a set walking pattern of walks that were 4-6 miles and began trying to beat my best time by adding sporadic jogging This took around 3.5 months. After 3 more months I was running those 4-6 mile patterns Every 3-4 weeks. I would add 3-4lbs to the weights and restarted the weight lifting from the basics doing 10 reps x2 and move up to 20 reps x2 slowly.That sounds like a steady but slow enough increase... Thanks for the tips! I'm able to walk an hour - but need new shoes b/c mine have given me blisters recently So I've put things on hold so blisters can heal and ordering new shoes once I start my new job next week.

The other HUGE thing is diet. What are you doing for food? I was out of weight lifting for a month do to some surgery but I still lost weight keeping with a very strict diet and just the walking/jogging. My diet is how I lose most of my weight.... it's the exercise I'm having trouble with. Just hard to keep going with the emotional stuff. I do low carb, high protein. I lose around 2 lbs a week when I don't exercise.

As for the crying after work outs it is you haven't accepted this is for YOU yet I think. No one else. This is all yours!! You are doing it for yourself. Once you accept that and stop looking to let outside influences "ruin a good thing" it may become easier. Because no one can ruin YOU unless you allow them to. Snarl and bite pride for YOU girlfriend and don't let ANYONE take that from you.I don't think I put too much on outside influences. I don't really have outside influences or pressure to change. (except the media)

Onto other men looking at you. Guess what, men are hard wired visual. I get hit on lots now. Of course mostly they talk to my tits but I find it pretty amusing. I even some times gab them and shake them up and down while I talk in a high pitch voice like they are speaking. It normally gets the guy to turn purple and look me in the eyes after that (normally the 16-24 crowd I have to use that method with).I don't find it amusing - I find it disturbing. I don't want that happening. Makes me sick.

Are you scared of the attention? Or are you insecure with your relationship that you might want to cheat when McHottie seeing your new fly form comes onto you? I don't want the attention or to be objectified. I would never ever cheat on my man. It kinda pisses me off that anyone would even question that about me - although, you don't know me. No one that does would ever think I would do that. I have morals - and I'm strongly rooted in them. I just don't want a bunch of idiots drooling over me... especially when I haven't been good enough before. My bf says the same thing - it's insulting for guys to be like that - it's like "where were you when I was single?" and "I have someone who likes me for WHO I AM, not what I look like - so they can all F*** OFF." It just makes me sick.

Another thing that stood out in that is that their possibly thinking sexual thoughts makes YOU feel dirty. You are never responsible for other peoples thoughts. If you looks half way decent I promise you many people of had sexual thoughts about you. Humans are sexual creatures. Is it maybe linked to your ex's porn thing? That you would be objectionalized like one of "those" women? Yes - I don't dress that way - so don't look at me that way. It's disturbing.

 

[angel <3]

omg - Thank you so much for that....

replies in blue

Any guy who would rather watch porn than spend time with his girlfriend/wife isn't worth your time. Not physically and not emotionally. Let him go. The more you keep clinging to him and how me made you feel, the longer you will feel bad about yourself because that's all he ever did - make you feel bad about yourself. So, let him go. He's not worth it.I divorced the ex almost 3 years ago. I have let him go as in not wanting anything to do with and I know that what I thought I had with him at any point was all a lie. I don't know how to let go of the pain he caused me. How to get over the insecurities... ?

And, to give you a guy's honest perspective - dudes are scumbags. They are all going to do something at some point that is going to piss you off, disgust you or make you doubt yourself. Every single one of us is going to do that at some point. BUT...not all guys are like your ex. Not all dudes are going to sneak around and watch porn behind your back. Not all dudes are going to insult the way you look or make you feel bad about yourself. So, don't judge each and every one of us just because of one selfish scumbag. We guys are pigs, but we're not all dirty. I am trying not to judge all men that way... and deep down I know that not all men are the same. I try to think of it this way: I know a lot of girls who have cheated and/or checked out other guys and flirted etc while in a relationship.... but "I'm" not like that... so why would I ever think all men are the same? They can't be. I'm nothing like most the women I know."

I've been with my girlfriend for a little over a year now and I sincerely have no interest in other women. My girlfriend is beautiful, sexy and everything I have ever wanted. And, I have zero desire to wander my eyes towards another. Not in real life, not on TV, not in the movies and not in porn. There isn't a kilobyte of porn on my laptop, a DVD of porn in my room or a dirty magazine in my possession - and, she knows that. I have HER - I don't want anything else. I almost cried when I read this. You don't know how much I need to hear that from other people who have no real reason to lie to me. My current boyfriend of almost 2 years says he doesn't check out other women (unless subconsciously he doesn't realize it) but never on purpose. He says he doesn't care about porn at all... and that he only ever thinks about me that way. Our only issue is me trusting him about all of it. If I could learn to truly trust him and stop questioning what he is thinking or what he is looking at when certain things come on tv or are around us in real life - then we would be perfectly happy and completely in love with each other. I have no doubt. It's his 'only' complaint about me. He screwed up looking at pictures of girls online once during the 3rd month we were together - but I've snooped everywhere and never found anything since. Only reason I forgave him for that one time was b/c he was on really major pain meds for his back and he said he didn't realize what he was doing and it was a habit from when he was single and he never did it before or after that one time. It was naked pictures either - just peoples myspace pictures - and he has also deleted both his facebook and myspace accounts since then so I would feel better. I wish I could let go of it since it's been 18 months since that happened. I just have such fear from the exhusband that I'm tricking myself again.

I know it may be hard to believe at this moment, but...you'll find a guy who feels the same way about you. You just have to keep your eyes open and rid yourself of any judgments you may have about men that are based off of what your ex made you feel. We're not all your ex. We're all pigs in our own way, but we're not all like your ex. Believe it or not, there are actually guys out there who will make you feel the complete opposite of what your ex made you feel. Not CAN make you feel, but WILL make you feel. I believe in my heart that I HAVE FOUND HIM... how do I make my MIND follow? Over all... my BF is absolutely NOTHING like my ex. He never puts me down like the ex did, he doesn't compare me to others, and he tries so very hard to hang in there with my trust issues. I know he cares a lot: example: the most annoying sound in the world to him is the sound of metal against teeth. I've known that for over a year - and when I made a dentist appt (1st one in TEN YEARS!) - he put himself through the torture of being there with me and holding my hand through the whole teeth cleaning simply b/c I was so nervous/scared about it. I think he does love me... he's just waiting to see if I will ever trust him before he will say it. I am trying so very hard to overcome it.

The first thing a worthy man notices on a woman is her eyes and he won't be able to see into your eyes if you keep hanging your head. So...chin up. When I had my own place before I had to move in to my brother's house.... my BF and I were standing in the kitchen and looking into each others eyes and he told me how beautiful my eyes are and how much he cared about me. After that one time - we would always have special moments like that in the kitchen when I was making us dinner. I'll never forget the 1st time though. Above all the others... it's the best. <3 So much of what you have said has helped me. I'm never going to give up on learning to trust again. I hope and pray I can do it before I lose the man I love. He really is a good BF... all he wants is for me to believe in him and trust him completely. If you have anymore suggestions on how to get there faster.... please let me know. Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart. Thank you.

 

[ChefChiTown]

I almost cried when I read this. You don't know how much I need to hear that from other people who have no real reason to lie to me. My current boyfriend of almost 2 years says he doesn't check out other women (unless subconsciously he doesn't realize it) but never on purpose. He says he doesn't care about porn at all... and that he only ever thinks about me that way. Our only issue is me trusting him about all of it. If I could learn to truly trust him and stop questioning what he is thinking or what he is looking at when certain things come on tv or are around us in real life - then we would be perfectly happy and completely in love with each other. I have no doubt. It's his 'only' complaint about me. He screwed up looking at pictures of girls online once during the 3rd month we were together - but I've snooped everywhere and never found anything since. Only reason I forgave him for that one time was b/c he was on really major pain meds for his back and he said he didn't realize what he was doing and it was a habit from when he was single and he never did it before or after that one time. It was naked pictures either - just peoples myspace pictures - and he has also deleted both his facebook and myspace accounts since then so I would feel better. I wish I could let go of it since it's been 18 months since that happened. I just have such fear from the exhusband that I'm tricking myself again.

First of all, I'm glad you found a guy who doesn't sneak behind your back to look at other women. I told you they were out there.

Secondly, and I hate to go slightly off-topic, but he should be the one forgiving you - not the other way around. You went behind his back and snooped around to see if he was stashing porn or pictures of other women, but you think that you were the one who had to forgive him for looking at some pictures? I know you have trust issues (and believe me, I know how that feels - I have them too), but your boyfriend doesn't need to be forgiven for what he did. He did nothing wrong. You are the one who did something wrong in that scenario - not him.

So, just be honest with yourself and realize that you can't do that to him. You can't control your trust issue by doing things that (if he knew about them) would make your boyfriend not trust you in return. All that does is add fuel to the fire and make you a hypocrite. If that sounds rude, I'm sorry. But, I'm speaking from personal experience.

I believe in my heart that I HAVE FOUND HIM... how do I make my MIND follow? Over all... my BF is absolutely NOTHING like my ex. He never puts me down like the ex did, he doesn't compare me to others, and he tries so very hard to hang in there with my trust issues. I know he cares a lot: example: the most annoying sound in the world to him is the sound of metal against teeth. I've known that for over a year - and when I made a dentist appt (1st one in TEN YEARS!) - he put himself through the torture of being there with me and holding my hand through the whole teeth cleaning simply b/c I was so nervous/scared about it. I think he does love me... he's just waiting to see if I will ever trust him before he will say it. I am trying so very hard to overcome it.

You just gave yourself a reason to overcome it. Your boyfriend has stuck by you, given you a shoulder to lean on and has treated you with nothing but respect - and, in your own words, he is nothing like your ex - THAT is your reason to overcome it.

Your current boyfriend is proof that you not only can trust your heart with somebody, but that you do trust your heart with somebody. If you didn't trust him, you wouldn't be with him. And, if he wasn't willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, he wouldn't be hanging around.

Believe it or not - but you trust him. Mission accomplished.

When I had my own place before I had to move in to my brother's house.... my BF and I were standing in the kitchen and looking into each others eyes and he told me how beautiful my eyes are and how much he cared about me. After that one time - we would always have special moments like that in the kitchen when I was making us dinner. I'll never forget the 1st time though. Above all the others... it's the best. <3 So much of what you have said has helped me. I'm never going to give up on learning to trust again. I hope and pray I can do it before I lose the man I love. He really is a good BF... all he wants is for me to believe in him and trust him completely. If you have anymore suggestions on how to get there faster.... please let me know. Thank you, from the very bottom of my heart. Thank you.

You're welcome.

I just speak from personal experience. I have severe trust issues and have been battling them for years. My girlfriend loves me and would never hurt me. But, it took me a while to realize that. It wasn't her fault, and it wasn't my own, but my trust issues prevented me from truly giving my heart to her. And, it caused some problems between us. But, you know what? She stuck around. She knew I had trust issues, but never gave me shit for it. She stuck by my side and waited for me to tackle my trust issue. It took a while, but it did happen.

How long did it take? Eh, a while. But, if you want some advice on how to speed up the process, here it is...

Hold your boyfriend in your arms, look him straight in the eyes and tell him you're sorry. Tell him you're sorry for doubting him and tell him you're sorry for not trusting him. I hate to sound like I'm preaching at an AA meeting, but...the first step is admitting you have a problem. While you're holding your boyfriend in your arms, tell him that you have a problem - tell him that you have trust issues. And, tell him that you want to work on those trust issues because you don't want them to interfere with your relationship or your happiness together. But, tell him that you can't do it on your own. Tell him you need his help. Tell him you NEED him.

That's what I did with my girlfriend (minus the holding her part - she lives in another state, so we talked on the phone). I broke down and cried, and I admitted that I had a problem with trusting her. And, I told her that it wasn't her fault. It wasn't anything she did - it was just the way I am. And, I told her that I was well aware of the problems my trust issues caused in our relationship. I let her know that I didn't want to hold us back, so I asked for her help. I humbly asked for her help and, you know what? I got it. And, you know what else? I trust her completely now. 100% of my heart trusts her. And, 100% of your heart can trust your boyfriend too. Just take the first step. Tell him you're sorry and tell him you need his help.

I guarantee, if he loves you, he will help you. And, in time, you will trust him completely.

 

[sansony118]

Hi angel,

Please forgive me for the long response!!.

Your post brought up soooooo many emotions to me. I thought that I am going through this mind battle alone and there are not many like me. I even realized from your post that some guys go through such emotions, I thought guys DON’T suffer like us and experience such emotions, b/c girls are pressured more to look pretty. I guess I was wrong, lool! I kind of feel that your post is like a support group with members sharing their experiences, advice and success as well. so if you don’t mind I would like to share my personal experience as well.
Anyway, like you I’ve been struggling with weight all my life and I still am. I am obese and unable to get even close to my goal weight. I am 29 years old and weight now 295lb. I am 5,6ft.. Like I said, I was overweight all my life and unfortunately like SPARKEROSION my family wasn’t helpful. In fact my mom used to say some REALLY PAINFUL remarks to me that made me gain even more weight with emotional eating. She also physically abused me and used to hit me daily for all sort of silly reasons. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom and I forgave her and in the last few years we’ve developed a great relationship, but some wounds just leave a scar in our hearts and it takes time to heal. Unfortunately with my tough childhood I grew up very UNSOCIAL. Like you I go through the happy and sad feeling cycle. So I just prefer to avoid people to protect myself from their painful remarks. I built a relationship with T.V. I to cope up and lose myself, leave reality and be the hereon in the movie I watch and laugh and cry there. It was the only life I got to live. But thanks GOD Outside my house I was lucky to be blessed with two wonderful best friend who’ve been by my side supporting me and loving me for ME for more than 15 years.
Being so obsessed with protecting myself from being hurt, I make sure to avoid any big events with new people, I don’t go to weddings or parties. I just try my best to avoid them. BASICALLY BECAUSE every time I dress up and put on make up I feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad and sad. I feel that no point in doing so I still look ugly and feel soooo ugly. And if I go to weddings of really close friends and dance, I regret it deeply and think how most people were laughing at the big girl who dance. U can say that attending Weddings and parties is basically living a horror movie for me. Starting from getting myself a decent dress. ( where I live there are no stores for plus size cloths. NOTHING for overweight people). I get all my cloths custom made, and almost 70% the cloths turns out to be a disaster in. I avoid people Because I am afraid of how they comment on my weight. I am terrified of how kids will laugh me and point their fingers. I hate to go shopping because all the sale persons in store say that they have nothing my size. Even shopping for shoes is torture because some sale people open their eyes in shock when the shoes they hand me is not my size. And of course lots of people calls me names or make horrible remarks and faces at me that I can’t even mention it here.

I tried more than once losing the weight and gaining a life, it didn’t work!! I joined gyms few times but I always quit not because I don’t like working out, but because the people in the gym drove me crazy with their remarks. Actually gyms made me more of an emotional eater. I live in country where the culture is quite different than yours. People are noisy and they interfere in your business. I remember that I was ALWAYS the largest size in each and every gym I joined. People would come up to me and offer all sorts of advise for me to lose weight as if they are nutrition experts. A woman once asked me if I had any kids, and when I told her I don’t and I am not married. She was shocked and said;” I am fat because of the baby weight, what is your excuse to be FAT”! trainers were not also a big help. NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE AND NEGATIVE, that is all I got from them, and from my family when I try to stick to a diet. Like you I used to cry and break down in tears when I exercise at the gym. Mostly because I felt that I was being humiliated and stared at by other gym members. I hated myself soooooo much for being fat and causing myself to be in a gym. It was just a destructive cycle.

I noticed that SOCIENTLY believe that being overweight is a CRIME that can never be forgiven. Fat people don’t get treated nice. We are ignored when we walk into stores. When we r in the middle of a conversation with others, we are invisible. But we are also too visible when it comes to name calling, everyone HAS TO POINT that we are fat. As if we don’t already know it. I don’t know why we are soooooooooooooo hated by society, we are hurting only ourselves and not others. Actually most overweight people are so kind and loving and care about others and most importantly WE MAKE SURE NOOOOOOOT TO HURT other’s feelings. But still our crime is unforgivable!!!!!!!!????????????

I always sabotage myself and ruin all efforts of weight loss. For almost 20 years I wake up EVERY SINGLE DAY and say, today I WILL START A DIET and NOT break it. I usually stick to the diet until after 9pm, but then and before I sleep and just as if I am hypnotized I make sure to eat ALL the WRONG. Maybe I feel that I don’t deserve to be healthy and happy?! I honestly don’t know. I would go to a therapist, but unfortunately, good quality of therapist is not accessible in my country.

Of course I never had a relationship and until this day I’ve never heard the word “ I love you” from any man. I still live with my family and I can’t leave them according unless I get married, and I can’t get married unless I lose weight. So I feel STUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT, I did manage to have one successful experience in weight loss. In June 2009 with a help of a specialized doctor, I start a diet based on protein shake and healthy food. My calorie intake daily was 1200. I weighted at the time 132kg. by end of November the same year I weighted 112kg. I lost 20kg. but the thing is, I did this because I was traveling for one month vacation with my two best friends to Africa. During my vacation I couldn’t keep dieting and I gained only 3kg. when I got back to my country I was supposed to go see my doctor and resume my diet. But I felt at the time ashamed of gaining weight and though perhaps I should lose those three kgs and then go see her. But what happened is I kept procrastinating and I gained all my weight back and even more. I visited the doctor in 2010 and tried to go back to my diet, but I failed and stopped going. I’ve been feeling tired of constantly battling myself to lose weight and failing at it. So, I just feel that there is no reason to go on and live. I kind of gave up the battle and let myself go!



Angel, let me tell you something, from where I stand, you are ACTUALLY LIVING a success story. You have left your abusive husband, you are seeking therapy, you are losing weight, and you have a BF who cares a lot for you and wants to be with you. I know things are not easy, but then again, nothing worth it is every easy. My advice to you is to realize that we as humans are NOT PERFECT. No one is, not an actress, not a port star, no one. No exception to this rule. We only make sure to keep focusing on what we don’t have and put ourselves down for that. I am telling you for a fact when you compare yourself with some other women and want the body they have, they might also want something else that YOU HAVE! Maybe your skin color, maybe your hair, maybe your smile………etc. It is just the way we are, we want what we don’t have. And we lose sight if what WE DO HAVE. I say celebrate the things that you do have. I read somewhere that we are the stars of our own movies we are the producers, directors and everything, we are the one casting the roles other play in our movie(life), so make urself the star where other women compare themselves to you and not the other way around. I hope my advise helped!

 

[angel <3]

I hate to go slightly off-topic, but he should be the one forgiving you - not the other way around. You went behind his back and snooped around to see if he was stashing porn or pictures of other women, but you think that you were the one who had to forgive him for looking at some pictures? I know you have trust issues (and believe me, I know how that feels - I have them too), but your boyfriend doesn't need to be forgiven for what he did. He did nothing wrong. You are the one who did something wrong in that scenario - not him.

No... he knew from the very beginning how I feel about looking at other women. And they were all pictures of women that lived in his area - he put in a search for that - and then one was this 400lb girl in lingerie and others were 19 year olds advertising some phone date crap and then there was like 2 regular women he looked through pics of. That is not ok in any way with me. He shouldn't be looking at random girls pictures. I don't want someone that would do that. And he knew - and at that point in time he did betray me. I forgave him b/c of the pain meds he was on. I would feel bad going through stuff if there wasn't anything to find - then I would need to be forgiven. But for that instance - I deserved to know that he did that. And I deserve to know if he were to ever do it again. He did need to earn my forgiveness. Besides that - he told me before that I could look through whatever I wanted - and has said it many times through our relationship. Sad thing is - there have been a couple times when I wanted to and he said no. That made me suspicious that he said I could and then changed his mind. Supposedly was b/c he wasn't "in the mood" to deal with my trust issues and questions and other time he was about to leave to go to his parents - but he had to take a shower and wouldn't let me look while he showered. Part of me will prob always wonder about those times. But aside from that - the times I have looked (and he pretty much always knew) - I never found anything. But for all I know - he started cleaning up the trails and evidence after I found the pics the first time. -shrugs-. I hope and pray that's not the case. But I guess I'll never know. [/QUOTE]

If you didn't trust him, you wouldn't be with him. Believe it or not - but you trust him. Mission accomplished.

It's not accomplished though - I trust him in my "heart".... but not in my mind. Not completely. I argue with myself in my mind. I did it just now in that last paragraph I wrote. Arguing with myself over what to think or believe about those pictures and times when he didn't let me look through things. It's frustrating. My heart says he's sorry for real for the pics... and my heart says he would never ever do it again. My brain says my heart is blind.

Hold your boyfriend in your arms, look him straight in the eyes and tell him you're sorry. Tell him you're sorry for doubting him and tell him you're sorry for not trusting him. I hate to sound like I'm preaching at an AA meeting, but...the first step is admitting you have a problem. While you're holding your boyfriend in your arms, tell him that you have a problem - tell him that you have trust issues. And, tell him that you want to work on those trust issues because you don't want them to interfere with your relationship or your happiness together. But, tell him that you can't do it on your own. Tell him you need his help. Tell him you NEED him.

I have done all this before. I have done this b/c I have so often looked for things and not found anything and still felt like he's just hiding something really well. He knows that I have severe trust issues and he knows all the reasons why. He knows my entire past history and how hurt I have been and still am from it. He knows that it would devastate me if it ever happened again. He knows that in my heart I believe in him completely - but that I can't get my mind under control. He also knows I'm in therapy for it now and he told me he appreciates how hard I'm trying for us. But, he says he can't help me... that all he can do is not be a scumbag and all he can do is just not watch stuff that is sensual to him or skimpy etc. He gets pissed off if I ask any questions about those things - he has a problem with comforting me and calming my worries/fears. He's tired of the questions and he just wants it to stop already.... but I don't know how yet. We are only talking online and the phone for a while and see each other in person sparingly. Went for 4 and a half weeks between visiting and now we're up to 2 since that one. We have plans for the future - like going out for my birthday this month, going to a gangster tour thing we got tickets for at christmas next month.... talked about going to Gettysburgh PA this summer.... he loves history and I have friends I miss from Pittsburgh to visit on the way. So I know he's trying to hang in there... but as far as really helping me. He doesn't want to. He wants me to just do it on my own. It's freakin hard.

 

[angel <3]

Thanks....

Angel, let me tell you something, from where I stand, you are ACTUALLY LIVING a success story. You have left your abusive husband, you are seeking therapy, you are losing weight, and you have a BF who cares a lot for you and wants to be with you. I know things are not easy, but then again, nothing worth it is every easy. My advice to you is to realize that we as humans are NOT PERFECT. No one is, not an actress, not a port star, no one. No exception to this rule. We only make sure to keep focusing on what we don’t have and put ourselves down for that. I am telling you for a fact when you compare yourself with some other women and want the body they have, they might also want something else that YOU HAVE! Maybe your skin color, maybe your hair, maybe your smile………etc. It is just the way we are, we want what we don’t have. And we lose sight if what WE DO HAVE. I say celebrate the things that you do have. I read somewhere that we are the stars of our own movies we are the producers, directors and everything, we are the one casting the roles other play in our movie(life), so make urself the star where other women compare themselves to you and not the other way around. I hope my advise helped!

I want to thank you so much for what you wrote in this paragraph. It brought tears to my eyes to see that someone views me as a "success story". I guess I am on that road... and I hope it leads to where I'm wanting it to. I have so much I want to write to you to hopefully help you in return. It's getting late here and I need to get on a better schedule - but I should have time to write you tomorrow. I am going to add you to my friends list so we can email each other. I'll be emailing you sometime very soon - most certainly tomorrow - but if for some reason not, know that I have not forgotten about you. You are in my prayers and remember that God thinks you are absolutely beautiful. TTYS.