FrazzledApril
New member
Hello... I hope this is the right category for my post 
Forgive me in advance... I'm passionate about this issue and sometimes have a bit of difficulty expressing my thoughts as accurately as I'd like.
My husband lost 150 pounds 10 years ago and has not gained it back. Although I never shared his struggles with weightloss, learning about it through his eyes has made me much, much more aware of some of the things that come along with the process of losing weight.
He began writing a memoir, which turned into a book. The book was more for himself and not intended for publication... until a few years ago. He decided he was ready to share his thoughts with whomever was interested, but first -- he wanted to polish it up. He spent a great deal of time researching and interviewing people to find out if his experience was less unique to him and more widespread -- something shared by *many* people who had lost significant amounts of weight.
The book is still unpublished, however -- and he's opted instead for self-publishing.
Fast forward -- I'm an active member of several community forums and it doesn't matter at all what the main theme of the forum is -- where there are people, there are people discussing being overweight or losing weight to some degree. Sometimes, I get involved in these discussions.
What I experience is disheartening and I'd like to open a discussion about it... and I'd like to ask, if anyone here has experienced this as well.
I have witnessed so many times, people discuss the fact that they'd like to lose weight and watched as people lined up to tell them that they really shouldn't. "You look perfectly fine as you are." or "Why would you want to chage yourself to meet someone else's standard -- you should be happy as you are." or "If someone rejects you based upon the fact that they are not attracted to you then they are shallow and superficial and not worth your time."
I understand that often this is in an effort to encourage the person and to keep reminding them that regardless of weight, they are indeed valuable and that they should not lose sight of that.
I agree with the sentiment... but the person just said they're not happy with their size and that they'd like to lose weight. Why is it so hard to accept that? Or to encourage it? By no means am I suggesting that the person be met with insults, "Yes, you look terrible and should lose weight." Not at all... but more or less something like, "If losing weight would yeild a positive result for you, then I support your decision..." (something along these lines)
It seems like a lot of people are fearful of encouraging an eating disorder... or are fearful of encouraging a person to try and fit themselves into an unrealistic mold... which is again, benevolent... but is this actually counter-productive?
I have seen the discussions turn into full fledged drama-fests with people left and right demanding that "no one" should ever make the effort to lose weight for the purpose of feeling better about appearance. That it should be a better reason -- such as health. Losing weight in an effort to imporve yourself physically is shallow, superficial, and will result in failure because it is *wrong*.
And I'm appalled at this... most everyone participates in something that they believe improves thier appearance and I don't believe for an instant that it is wrong to do so... we wear makeup, style or dye our hair, wear clothing that we feel is flattering -- who didn't feel like a princess in their wedding gown... ? We have braces applied to create a straighter smile and that is usually purely aesthetic, people have elective cosmetic surgery... and the list goes on. To each their own... I have a difficult time grasping how anyone believes it is their place to dictate what a person would like to do in an effort to improve their physical appearance (assuming that we're not discussing harmful means).
And it should be noted -- that on the very same forums -- you will find posts that ridicule overweight people, make fun, insult, etc, whatever -- and you wonder WHY someone may feel less than attractive carrying a significant amount of extra weight? Yet the moment they say they'd like to lose weight... people rally around to explain to them exactly why they don't need to.
And this plays out so emotionally... and though I don't speak from personal experience... I do know deeply how my husband was feeling as this was an enormous portion of his life that we've discussed often.
Is this something that you can relate to -- or that you have experienced? What were the reactions of different people when you told them you wanted to lose weight? Were they supportive... or did they insist that you shouldn't do it/don't need to do it?
I do recognize that not everyone shares the same reasoning for losing weight... many people seek to lose weight in an effort to feel better or for strictly health purposes, etc... but there are many people who may not be suffering ill health but would still like to lose weight because they believe that by doing so they'll look better and in return will feel better and more comfortable and/or confident.
Is that "superficial" -- is that a "shallow reason"? I just don't believe it is...
Forgive me in advance... I'm passionate about this issue and sometimes have a bit of difficulty expressing my thoughts as accurately as I'd like.
My husband lost 150 pounds 10 years ago and has not gained it back. Although I never shared his struggles with weightloss, learning about it through his eyes has made me much, much more aware of some of the things that come along with the process of losing weight.
He began writing a memoir, which turned into a book. The book was more for himself and not intended for publication... until a few years ago. He decided he was ready to share his thoughts with whomever was interested, but first -- he wanted to polish it up. He spent a great deal of time researching and interviewing people to find out if his experience was less unique to him and more widespread -- something shared by *many* people who had lost significant amounts of weight.
The book is still unpublished, however -- and he's opted instead for self-publishing.
Fast forward -- I'm an active member of several community forums and it doesn't matter at all what the main theme of the forum is -- where there are people, there are people discussing being overweight or losing weight to some degree. Sometimes, I get involved in these discussions.
What I experience is disheartening and I'd like to open a discussion about it... and I'd like to ask, if anyone here has experienced this as well.
I have witnessed so many times, people discuss the fact that they'd like to lose weight and watched as people lined up to tell them that they really shouldn't. "You look perfectly fine as you are." or "Why would you want to chage yourself to meet someone else's standard -- you should be happy as you are." or "If someone rejects you based upon the fact that they are not attracted to you then they are shallow and superficial and not worth your time."
I understand that often this is in an effort to encourage the person and to keep reminding them that regardless of weight, they are indeed valuable and that they should not lose sight of that.
I agree with the sentiment... but the person just said they're not happy with their size and that they'd like to lose weight. Why is it so hard to accept that? Or to encourage it? By no means am I suggesting that the person be met with insults, "Yes, you look terrible and should lose weight." Not at all... but more or less something like, "If losing weight would yeild a positive result for you, then I support your decision..." (something along these lines)
It seems like a lot of people are fearful of encouraging an eating disorder... or are fearful of encouraging a person to try and fit themselves into an unrealistic mold... which is again, benevolent... but is this actually counter-productive?
I have seen the discussions turn into full fledged drama-fests with people left and right demanding that "no one" should ever make the effort to lose weight for the purpose of feeling better about appearance. That it should be a better reason -- such as health. Losing weight in an effort to imporve yourself physically is shallow, superficial, and will result in failure because it is *wrong*.
And I'm appalled at this... most everyone participates in something that they believe improves thier appearance and I don't believe for an instant that it is wrong to do so... we wear makeup, style or dye our hair, wear clothing that we feel is flattering -- who didn't feel like a princess in their wedding gown... ? We have braces applied to create a straighter smile and that is usually purely aesthetic, people have elective cosmetic surgery... and the list goes on. To each their own... I have a difficult time grasping how anyone believes it is their place to dictate what a person would like to do in an effort to improve their physical appearance (assuming that we're not discussing harmful means).
And it should be noted -- that on the very same forums -- you will find posts that ridicule overweight people, make fun, insult, etc, whatever -- and you wonder WHY someone may feel less than attractive carrying a significant amount of extra weight? Yet the moment they say they'd like to lose weight... people rally around to explain to them exactly why they don't need to.
And this plays out so emotionally... and though I don't speak from personal experience... I do know deeply how my husband was feeling as this was an enormous portion of his life that we've discussed often.
Is this something that you can relate to -- or that you have experienced? What were the reactions of different people when you told them you wanted to lose weight? Were they supportive... or did they insist that you shouldn't do it/don't need to do it?
I do recognize that not everyone shares the same reasoning for losing weight... many people seek to lose weight in an effort to feel better or for strictly health purposes, etc... but there are many people who may not be suffering ill health but would still like to lose weight because they believe that by doing so they'll look better and in return will feel better and more comfortable and/or confident.
Is that "superficial" -- is that a "shallow reason"? I just don't believe it is...
