Losing Myself, At least 40 lbs Anyway

Grrr... I am so sick today. This cold has come to a head. Seriously, I coughed up the most disgusting thing when I woke up this morning. Was my body invaded by aliens or something? I'm just going to drink a protein shake and eat an orange for breakfast. Then drink some green tea all day. Then sleep it off.

I have no idea what I'm going to eat because nothing sounds appetizing.
 
Forgive my ramblings, it might be the codeine laced cough syrup I've been taking all day but I'm going to wax philosophical.

After reading posts about overeating and hunger, thinking about how my own cravings for foods that I know are bad for me, I realized that we should probably all live by the mantra "Eat to live, don't live to eat." Now, for us foodies, that's a foreign idea. In some ways, we experience life through food, cultures through flavors, celebrate with doughy goodness.

But then again, I know plenty of people who are foodies but stay thin. I'm hoping, for the sake of argument, that their svelte physique is as a result of self control instead of full blown bulimia. So how does one "Think thin"? How do you get in the mindset of a naturally skinny person who seems to make maintenance second nature? What are those people who lose it and keep it off doing that I'm not?

I personally since the beginning of this endeavor have decided merely to cut off acknowledging any cravings. I've settled for knowing what I should and should not have. For instance, I should have a skinless broiled chicken breast. I should not have a cinnabon. But how long will I be able to resist the ooey gooey goodness?

I was reading someone else's diary that reminded me of my own personal downfall. When I fall off the wagon, I decide to fall hard. I mean, if I've already lost the day why not go for broke? This mentality, this is what thin people don't think.

You see, think that thin people genuinely believe that they are naturally skinny. That the occasional indiscretion, as long as it doesn't become the norm, won't hurt their already already good habits. I wonder what I will think when I reach my goal weight. Here's how I think my mentality will change:

I hope to have a natural craving for vegetables, with every meal. Instead of thinking that a meal would be complete with protein and some carbs, no meal would be complete without 2 servings of vegetables.

I hope that sugary sweets will actually end up being too sweet for me to eat more than a couple of bites of. Sure, I could enjoy one bite of a raspberry chocolate cheesecake, but anymore than a few bites and my taste buds and body will say "no more, it's too rich and too sweet for me to enjoy anymore."

I hope that fat will naturally feel greasy and unpleasant on my tongue. That the consistency and flavor of anything fat laden, like french fries and croissants, will be repelling to my senses.

I hope that instead of bonding with my friends over a bottle of petite syrah and a google of cheese and crackers that we can bond over tea or a tennis match. That socializing will be centered around physical activity instead of eating and drinking.

I hope that my stomach shrinks to a point where anymore than a 3oz serving of protein, a serving of whole grains and 2 servings of vegetables will make me full to the point where I can't eat another bite. That no matter how much of a delicious dish is put in front of me, my body will naturally want to stop eating.

I hope that instead of craving more of something I'm eating even when I'm full, I bask in the feeling of satiation even before I'm full.

I hope to think thin, live thin and be thin.
 
I've always had to watch my weight but most of my life I stayed in the curvy range of normal (say a size 6/8 on 5'2"). I can assure you I ate the same or more than I do now. Fat begets fat. Fat is not a mass that just stores excess energy, fat manufacturers powerful hormones that control our appetites and metabolism (e.g. leptin is one of them). So I can assure you that if you can just get down to a certain weight (within reason, and this is where a decision needs to be about how far you want to go to be thin), you can maintain that weight with minimal regular exercise and for making up for binges by eating less calories for a few days. I always tend to overeat on weekends and then eat a lot less during mon-wed to make up for it. It was easy to maintain my weight this way, even as a true "foodie".

There are few people IMO who maintain a THIN (like 115 lbs) weight without being either (a) naturally thin (and those people absolutely exist, my H being a great example of how his appetite is regulated perfectly so that he just must stop eating when he's full, he just doesn't want anymore even if its some delectable cookies; my sister being another example: she's never made food her obsession like me, but she enjoys it, til she gets full, and she's never worked out a day in her life and stays a size 0-4) or (b) you go hungry a lot and also exercise a CRAZY amount of discipline.

Like you said, its all in what you're after and how far you're willing to go. As for me, I'll be happy getting down one size, I want to stay curvy as I've always had sexy curves and I wouldn't want to lose those, and that way I still get to eat my treats while maintaining. But these excess need to GO NOW!
 
I hope you get over your sickness soon. I started doing some ex ercises in my bed even when I'm too tired to get up. I constrict and release each muscle group for a few minutes, it helps when I don't feel like getting up, lol.
 
Here's how I did today, despite not having much of an appetite I sure did eat a lot. Lol.

Fiber: 26 out of 25 goal
Protein: 100 out of 100 goal
Veg/fruit: 5 out of 7 serving goal:
Cals: 1201 out of 1200 goal.

I might end up having another orange for the sake of my immune system :)
 
I think there are just a ba-zillion different variables.

Like, my mom and my brother actually *forget* to eat. They are both ultra-skinny, always have been and I'm sure they always will be. My mom is 4'11 and around 98 lbs. She will eat a meal that would have a hampster begging for more and then she's stuffed.

Then you've got my aunt. She is totally skinny like my mom but she obsesses on it. She was bulimic when she was younger. Now, she over analyzes everything else everyone is eating (other than her cause she barely eats). She also has a knack for pointing out other peoples chubby-ness. (I feel like a big fatty around both my aunt and my mom).

I think your attitude about food has alot to do with your upbringing and personal style.

I agree totally about changing the mindset. How I would love to crave veggies! Etc. To "think thin"! I'd love for it to begin to take less effort!

Hope you feel better!!!!
 
Oops, had a fortune cookie. Add 30 calories to that total.

So a couple of people have said something about my 1200 calorie goal wondering how I could not be absolutely starving. This is what I ate today:

1 scoop of muscle milk. It's around 150 calories a scoop with a ton of protein. It tastes like chocolate milk so I just had that to start my day since I couldn't stomach eggs or turkey bacon, the only other sources of protein I normally eat for breakfast.

I had about 3 oranges spaced out through out the day. Honestly, aside from how delicious the oranges are, I'm basically force feeding them to myself in hopes that the vitamin c overload will help me get better taster.

I had half a light high fiber english muffin with one small slice of salami a 2 slices of thin cut deli turkey breast. Most of the time when I have a food craving, it's for something salty. I figured I'd get my protein and fiber in one half sandwich shot that was only 100 calories.

I had a veggie meatball soup that I threw together. I had about 4 small meatballs in the soup and about 2 servings of vegetables in the soup. I'm pretty sure I overestimated the calories in the meatballs because I slow cooked them and most of the fat came out of them, which I disposed of when skimming the top of the soup. I included the full calories in the meatballs though.

I snacked on some whole wheat stuffing. I made it for my fiance yesterday because he's not a big vegetable fan. It was probably a few bites of stuffing total so I rounded to about half a cup. It really hit the spot. I'm thinking it expanded in my stomach when I ate the soup and I got a pretty full feeling.

My fiance came home from work asking what I wanted to eat. I'm still so sick that I would have been happy eating nothing but I hadn't met my protein or fiber goals so I picked out some items from this Chinese health food restaurant down the street that delivers. I got the chicken lettuce cups, had 3 cups which are each about 95 calories. I had a serving of the hot and sour soup, which is about 90 calories.

And then I just snuck that 30 calorie fortune cookie.

So there you go, lots of food all for around 1200-1300 calories, including a cookie.
 
lanadefemme said:
But then again, I know plenty of people who are foodies but stay thin. I'm hoping, for the sake of argument, that their svelte physique is as a result of self control instead of full blown bulimia. So how does one "Think thin"?
Click to expand...

For me, the best way is to only eat food that's really, really, really good. Which was a foreign concept to me growing up, so I got used to eating food that was indifferently good. And it's still easy for me to fall into the "eat food you don't really want because it's there" mindset, especially when I'm around my parents.

So - Lindt 85% Dark Chocolate is a regular part of my diet, because I love dark chocolate. But I rarely eat more than one 10g square a day, because a little dark chocolate goes a long way. (That one square sometimes takes me 30 minutes to eat, because I savor every nibble.)

But when, on vacation, I was sharing a dessert with my sister, we tossed it halfway through, because it wasn't amazingly good. Wasn't bad, mind you. It just wasn't great. So we had a few bites each (eating the best parts), and then stopped. (Had my mother been there, she would have eaten the rest, hungry or not, so as not to waste the money spent on it.)

If I really really really wanted a Cinnabon, I'd have one. Where by "have one," I mean "purchase one, take a bite or two or three from the ooey-gooey middle (best part for me), and let someone else eat most or all of the rest." Chicken breast doesn't satisfy the desire for cinnamon rolls, so there would be no point in eating chicken if I wanted a cinnamon roll.

I still do eat plenty of indifferently-good food, because I don't spend all day (or all my $) on amazing food. But it's stuff that's healthier in one way or another, and I try to not eat for the sake of eating or politeness. So I don't put any rice in my bowl (and MIL lives with us, and cooks most dinners, so there's always rice in everyone else's bowl), because I'm indifferent to rice and it has virtually no nutritional value. And I try to make that healthy food as delicious as my nutritional parameters, time, and cooking skill allow for. So I put butter on my spinach (it doesn't take much, but it does take some), and tartar sauce (albeit more pickle-y than mayo-y) on my fish, and try to do better the next day if I come up short on fiber.

Oh, and after nearly 8 months, I do have a taste for veggies, and rich desserts taste too rich to me. So that's definitely something you get used to, although in my experience it's easier getting used to the other way around.
 
I agree with Allyphoe. When you're craving for something, go and have it. It doesn't mean you have to eat a lot of it. And it's much easier to keep on track if you eat the things you like now and then. My dietician said that I have 2 days a month I can eat whatever I want. He says it helps not only my motivation but also my metabolism to avoid the starving-mode.

Two years ago I was on a 1100 cals diet and it was a disaster. I was able to do it only for 2 months and then my body and my mind rebelled. My metabolism slowed down so much that I didn't lose weight even if I almost stopped eating. And when I finally started to eat normally again all of the pounds I had lost settled themselves again around my butt and brought some more with them. I couldn't even think to go on a diet again for a long long time. Of course, everyone's different and maybe what didn't work for me may very well work for you, all I wanted to say is don't be too strict with yourself, enjoy your food and remember that if you keep on track the 80% of the time and slip up for the other 20% you'll get where you want to all the same.
 
Hey there, I just wanted to pop in and say hello and thank you for your support. I read a bit of your diary but didnt have time to go through it all. You sound like such a fun person.
Take care
Michelle :D
 
Thanks for your input ladies!

I do have to say though, usually if I have a sweet treat at the beginning of a lifestyle change, I crave them more. Luckily, I don't really crave sweets very often, in fact my friend dropped off a box of chocolate chip cookie bars that haven't been touched since before I started counting my calories. I'm probably just going to throw them out along with all the candy from Christmas that's just been sitting there.

As for eating 1100 calories, the general rule is that you shouldn't intake less than 1200 calories. I'm not really worried about the 1200-1300 calorie intake stalling my weight loss because the workout routine my personal trainer has me on is supposed to break through plateaus constantly. They are difficult workouts, but they really do work. And my caloric limit was specifically outlined by my personal trainer who explained that as I build more muscle mass I'll be able to take in more calories. For right now, because of my body fat ratio a very limited high protein high fiber caloric intake is what he recommends. It's supposed to help to build muscle and prevent fat storage. And I mean really, why am I paying him if I'm not going to follow his advice?

The last time I was at my goal weight, I easily maintained it with around 1400 calories a day, including exercise. Which would basically mean I would need to take in 1200 calories without exercise. I gained weight because I stopped watching what I ate and just ate whatever my college boyfriend was eating. A mistake I don't plan on making again.

Don't get me wrong, after I lose 10 lbs, I might consider a calorie splurge here and there, but I have to know I can commit to a clean eating lifestyle. If I can't do that, how am I ever going to maintain my goal weight?

I know that keeping my goal weight is going to require a lot of discipline and self control. But like anything we achieve in life, it requires drive and determination. I think about Jessica Alba and how since she was a little girl in order to prevent weight gain she would cook her own vegetarian meals. I'm sure that wasn't easy, but it took discipline. Maybe it's because I live in Southern California and see on a regular basis thin starlet looking beauties but I don't know that it takes anything more discipline and hard work. If they can do it, I can do it, especially since I did it before (while I was working at Disneyland).

I feel like the occasional splurge is acceptable, but not something to be encouraged. I mean, stuff happens, and I'm sure it'll happen for me during this journey, but I'm not going to let it happen if I can stop it.

I'm down .5 lbs, probably closer to a full lb but I'm going to be conservative. I'm bed ridden today so I can try to beat the cold. I'm also going to try to hit the gym tomorrow morning if I get a chance.
 
lanadefemme said:
As for eating 1100 calories, the general rule is that you shouldn't intake less than 1200 calories. I'm not really worried about the 1200-1300 calorie intake stalling my weight loss because the workout routine my personal trainer has me on is supposed to break through plateaus constantly. They are difficult workouts, but they really do work. And my caloric limit was specifically outlined by my personal trainer who explained that as I build more muscle mass I'll be able to take in more calories. For right now, because of my body fat ratio a very limited high protein high fiber caloric intake is what he recommends. It's supposed to help to build muscle and prevent fat storage. And I mean really, why am I paying him if I'm not going to follow his advice?

The last time I was at my goal weight, I easily maintained it with around 1400 calories a day, including exercise. Which would basically mean I would need to take in 1200 calories without exercise. I gained weight because I stopped watching what I ate and just ate whatever my college boyfriend was eating. A mistake I don't plan on making again.
Click to expand...

I totally, totally agree.

It almost like I need to set a precident with my body before I am willing to let myself stray off the straight and narrow. I'm like "Ok little Miss Chubby, you've been splurging for too long- time to get serious!" If I treat myself too much in the beginning it hard to get a firmset mindset.

I totally agree that once I'm leaner, and have gotten rid of a chunk of this excess fat THEN I can start splurging when I really feel like I need it. For now I'm kind of like (to myself:): "No way, lady, you've had waaay to many fudge brownies in the past year... you need to earn 'em!"

I mean, for me its been an 'eat what you want' hayday for way too long. I need to make a clear, new start and I need a little time to work on those habits before I treat myself. Plus I have no problem with a 200 calorie, non fat, icecream sandwhich being a treat-- I can do that with in 1200-1400 calories a day. Really, when I set my mind to something I'm really good at sticking to my guns. I think I can stick to a healthy, low calorie goal.

When I'm leaner and don't have so much fat to burn I'll totally increase my calories as my workouts increase.

My biggest problem is that when I get skinny its easy for me to forget that I have a weight management problem and I give myself too many treats. I start eating with and like "the boys" I hang out with. I lose motivation because for a little while, at that point, the problem seems invisible. Before you know it I've gained back half my weight.

I like the idea of eating what I really crave in small doses but I don't feel I'm ready for that yet. I think it would make my will power crumble.
 
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Jessa, you and I are kindred spirits!

I mentioned that I was sick today and in bed. I didn't end up eating much at all, I made sure to eat when I'm hungry, but that wasn't very often. About 300 calories of my intake today came from honey that went into a Chinese cough remedy my mom called to insist I take.

So here's what the day looked like:

Fiber: 19/25 (I put a little extra splenda in with the cereal and let the cereal sit for a little while and it ended up being really delicious.)
Protein: 83/100 (I had planned to have pork chops for dinner to hit 100g of protein but didn't have the appetite.)
Veg/Fruit: 3/7 (Pathetic, I know.)
Cals: 1030/1200

Hope you're all having a wonderful weight loss day.
 
Awe, you poor thing! Being sick sucks! I hope you feel better!!!

Lots of fluids, soup, and Mama's Cold Remedy, Chica. You'll be back to your Fireball self in no time.

I'll send some "feel better" vibes down South to you!
 
Thanks for your good vibes! I'm starting to feel a little better, at least better than the awfulness that was yesterday.

In happier news, I'm down to 153 which is basically a total of a 4 lbs weight loss thus far. I don't care if it's water weight, I'm a happy gal!

*This message has been brought to you by the letter T. "T" is for Thin. Which is what I plan to be :)
 
In really great news, I finally got my Tmobile MDA up accessing the internet, syncing with my outlook, getting my email, etc. I can actually enter my fitday.com information from my phone now! Booyah!

Anyhow here's what today looked like:

Fiber: 17/25g (I could just go have some of that cereal to get to 25 but I'm so full, I can't even think of eating.)
Protien: 111/100g (Yeah!)
Veg/Fruits: 6/7 (Not bad, I had an orange I was planning on eating but couldn't find the room.)
Cals: 1136/1200 (I wanted to get over 1200 but I'm not going to beat myself up over it.)

I filled up most of my day with chicken broth and ginger. Another one of my mom's remedies.
 
My boyfriend swearssssss by ginger for getting rid of sickness..so im sure chicken broth and ginger is a double whammy
:D Hope you feel better soon
Michelle
 
Hey, just wanted to say thank you for stopping by my diary and giving me support! I have been reading some of your diary... keep going and i know you'll make your goal! :) Sorry to hear you're sick... hope you are feeling better soon!

xXx
 
Excellent job girl! It feels so good to start losing so I'm sure you're on cloud 9 right now. Hope you're having a nice weekend :).
 
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