Losing It - For REAL this time

I may have to take you up on your offer to vent...sometimes I don't feel like I have an outlet because I feel guilty unloading on my friends and family.

And I am feeling very proud of my loss! I'm glad that I can motivate you guys, and you all motivate me so much!

I have now placed my dress so that it is in full view in my room.

Alex: Congrats on your past successes, and I appreciate you wanting to help. I'm doing pretty well on the path I'm on right now, but your support and kind words are wonderful.


I've been in Toronto rehearsing for a show I'm in tomorrow, so things haven't been so consistant. I had some wine last night, but ate really well and even got some exercise in.

So badly do I want to call in a huge order of chinese food right now! I've been craving it all week. But every day when I've worked out or I've stepped on the scale or put on jeans which used to be tight, I'm reminded of how this is all working for me and I don't want to tempt fate.

I think that my birthday treat for myself next month will be chinese food. There's this place not too far away from me and it's to die for. If I work hard and keep this up it'll be worth it.

A lot of people keep telling me to have a cheat day every week or a cheat meal, but I find that that's way too frequent. I feel that if it's once a week I haven't accomplished enough to deserve it and I feel guilty if I eat or dink anything I shouldn't. I would much rather treat myself when I really want to and meet goals.

I have 5 1/2 weeks to lose 6-7lbs to meet my mini-goal. It is going to happen, I can feel it!

I think that on my birthday I'll take all my measurements again and see where I am. By that point I will be out of the "obese" catergory on my BMI, which will be such a relief off of my mind.

My worry right now is that, for the job I got that starts in July, I have to wear shorts! I HATE shorts! They never fit right and I'm self-concious of my thighs which, even at my smallest, have always been large. So I need to work super hard so I won't be totally uncomfortable come July.

I'm going out for dinner with my best friend tonight and crashing at her place. I'm not worried about it. I'm driving so I won't drink any alcohol, and I know I'll choose something healthy on the menu. I'm excited to see her. We lived together the past 2 years at school and now she's done and moved back home. She went on vacation with her family when the semester finished and has been at her boyfriends house 5 hours away so I haven't seen her since mid-April. I've lost an additional 8lbs since she's seen me, and I hope that she notices.

I'll be in Toronto tonight and all day tomorrow, so I probably won't post anything. I hope you all have a great weekend!
 
Well Sunday was crazy!
I stayed over at Caitlin's (my bff) and her mom made this feast of a breakfast. I didn't want to refuse because she went to so much trouble, but it was cheesy eggs, fried bacon, and a hashbrown casserole...not the best thing.

Then I went downtown T.O. for the show that I was in. I helped set up and was on my feet the whole day either working on the wagon, walking around campus, moving the wagon, or performing. The sun was shining and the heat was fantastic.

We went to this burrito bar and I had a small lime shrimp burrito on whole wheat with no cheese or sour cream, just yummy spicy goodness. I had a diet coke, which I never do, but I was craving it so badly...and it was the small fountian drink size.

After we were done my professor took us to a pub and bought us beer. I had 1 light beer to celebrate the completion of our show which we've been working on since January. Everyone was ordering fries and calamari and fish&chips. But my friend Jacqueline and I split hummus with grilled pita. It was delicious and distracted me from everyone else' fried food.

I drove home and got there around 8:30. That's when the trouble started. A few of my friends were going to come over. My house is where we have always gotten together to have a backyard fire and a few drinks.

There were 8-13 of us throughout the evening and I just kept on drinking beer! I hadn't drank that much since New Years and it was rough. Mind you, I was drinking Molson Canadian 67...which are these 67 calorie beers, so that's a little better. But I did have 6 of them :S Plus a shot of whiskey (I can't resist peer pressure)

The last person filed out at 2:40am and I hit the hay. I had some bad dreams and woke up by 6:30, so I was not rested and not even close to being recovered. I made myself an english muffin with some peanut butter on it. My sister, who was in worse shape, started cooking bacon. She then passed out on the couch with it frying on the stove, so I finished cooking. I ate 4 pieces and a fried egg. I can't believe I had 2 breakfasts!
This was around 11am though, so I just counted them as both breakfast and lunch.

I then went to my room and started watching the finale of Lost since I missed it the night before (cried like a baby). I got in the shower, came out with only a towel on my head, crawled into bed, and passed out until my mom woke me at 6:30 for dinner. I felt guilty going to eat a meal after not being active at all, but I was super hungry. I had 3 sliders at about 350cals, some mushrooms and corn on the cob I had a couple pieces of chopped baked potato because my body was screaming for carbs. I then had a 100cal ice cream bar. Watched tv, read my book, and went back to sleep at 10pm.

It was the most lazy day I've had in forever and it just feels gross.

Now i'm going to dig up our one garden and do some planting, go ride the bike, and spend some quality time with the sun.

Yesterday is behind me...today will be great!
 
What a great attitude to a slip up. I have this problem when I slip up, I keep slipping and slipping untill I hit ALL my bad habits again! WTG on getting back on board!
 
I'm still on track! Hurray!
I've lost another pound and I'm 18lbs down in total! It feels fantastic!
Clothes are fitting so much better and some of my pants are hanging off of me!

Yesterday I resisted temptation big time...
I went to see a play at the local high school to support them, and with my ticket I got a coupon for a free cheeseburger at McDonalds. I went to the show with my friend Luke and we met up with two others who saw the show the previous night. Luke hadn't eaten anything so we decided to use the coupons. I was all ready to do it but at the last moment I had a surge of willpower and put it away. I then had to sit in there while they ate their burgers and, you know what, it wasn't that terrible. As much as I wanted to eat one a much bigger part of me wanted to stay on track so I keep feeling fantastic.

Meals have been a source of fights in my house lately. My mom keeps feeling the pressure to plan elaborate ones and my dad gets a holier than thou attitude because he'd eat anything and feels that he doesn't cause the stress. I'm a bit picky, but I am 100% willing to cook the meals so that kind of balances it out.

The other day my dad decided he'd show us that we're all incompotent and he made dinner and refused our help.

The problem was that he breaded and fried veal cutlets and made a heaping bowl of rice with soy sauce. He microwaved broccli and cauliflower, the only 2 veggies I don't eat.

I was so upset with him already, I was just furious that he made a meal like that knowing full well that I can't eat that stuff. And it's not just me, he needs to lose weight and my mom has been thankful that I have been influencing the entire family to eat more healthy.

I had a piece of the veal, a mouthful of rice. Later I went out to get stuff to make a salad. Now my dad isn't talking to me because I 'disrespected him' by not eating his food and being grateful.

He's in such a funk. My sister has been feeling his wrath too.
Her and I have actually been getting along much better. We've been tanning outside together haha. I'm ususally pasty white, but since Florida she's super dark and obsessed with the sun. So I figured I'd join her. I'm actually getting some good colour. Despite wearing sunscreen I got burnt yesterday. It's not too bad, but uncomfortable.

It was so hot! My sister stole my fan to use in her room. I'd been using it in the basement to blow on me when I work out. So yesterday when I went down there with no fan I was dying! It felt like each one of my pores had it's own watergun, the sweat was dripping everywhere. I couldn't handle it, so I stopped after 35 minutes of cardio. The cold shower after felt fabulous though.

Today I'm going into the city with 3 of my girlfriends. We're getting dinner then going to see the Rocky Horror Show at the theatre. I best behave myself.
 
You are doing so great and already 18 pounds down!! How exciting!! I feel your pain with your family fights about cooking meals - that must be really frustrating. I hated living at home and listening to my parents bicker at each other and feeling in the middle of it all the time. I was pretty lucky and my mom always tried to cook pretty healthy. I find living with my hunnie though he has nights where he just wants KD or pizza and I have to plan for myself. I usually end up having salad or soup or something easy because I would never cook a meal with meat and veggies for myself - I don't know why but it just doesn't interest me to cook for myself. Hopefully your dad will settle down and realize you are helping the family and not trying to be disrespectful or anything. Dad's are so difficult and hard headed sometimes.
Have a great weekend and enjoy the show with your friends - I"m sure you will be on your best behaviour!!
 
Not really feeling the need to write a lot. Feeling kind of shitty and unmotivated. I've been a bit of a downer lately. Going to Toronto tonight to see two of my best friends, so hopefully that will knock me out of this funk.
 
Awh. I hope you feel better soon. :)
Heyyy we weigh around the same now!
Congrats on the weight loss so far. :)
 
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