Day 17...I am still on track, I amaze myself

I think part of my success is my seclusion.I dont have to work or even deal with people or temptation(perks of marrage to an older man

)However I have hardly left my house since last summer. Not something I regularly admit too, I won't even go to the grocery store! I have been once in the last three weeks...Its reallly funny how I have become so reclusive, especially since I have been big all my life and it never bothered me until I lost the weight and gained so much of it back. Here I am almost 80 pounds lighter than my highest weight and I seriously cannot bear to leave my yard much less look in the mirror

I live in a very small town, and I have one of those BIG last names that superficially still means something around here. I cant go anywhere without people knowing me my mom and the last 3 generations af grandparents and great grands.(not to mention the stalker x boyfriend)I am seriously considering moving away, but my mom is here, and she is single...I'm not sure if I want to leave her, we are pretty close. My husband thinks I am cracking up, and It really is affecting who I am. I just feel like my life is on hold because of how I look, I know this doesnt make any since...I just don't know know how to change.And the scary part is, even at 140 I thought I looked like a monster

Anyway I have no idea why I am writing all this, I guess I just needed to let off some steam...The good thing is I have been here with Jay since I was 18...and this is the longest I have spent in one place by far...and the most security I have ever had. Seven years in peace, and compared to my childhood I am literrally in HEAVEN! So in a sence this is my happy ending, I'm just not happy with myself...
