A_CRUCE_SALUS
New member
So I decided it was time to start a "dairy" of sorts.. just pondered thoughts, stuggles, success and my not to simple road as I travel it...
My friends call me Deezy, I just turned 36 last Friday. I have been playing the diet exercise yo yo game for..well, it seems my whole life. Well, at least the past 6 years give or take. Pretty much, im tired of it. Ready for change and here to give it my best shot. Forget the fad low-carb no-carb crap. Im ready for life changes.
At my highest I was 204 that was when I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter. After I had to her I got back down to 170ish. Mind you, im 5'3.. not soo cute. I have struggled like the rest as I can relate so well with most of you on this forum, with my self image.. self acceptance blah blah.. Im really tired of being the self indulging sabotager of all things! You name it, and im sure ive been there..done that.
So my sob story, well I don't have one. Just ready to do this for myself and really for my family. I hate going places scared that someone will see me and note the obvious... she gained weight! I never told my husband this, but back when I had my daughter I wanted us to move for the simple fact that I didnt in anyway want to run into anyone from my past.. yessss that girl size 4-5 well, was not that size anymore. Really I hadnt been. I was wearing a 11/12 and was just humilitated inside. So here I am, convinced my husband to move and im in another state now.. of course there were other reasons to move but that was a thought that frequented my mind.
Im known for losing weight because im going here or there.. drop 15-18 and put it back on.. what a nightmare!!! Here to think im stressing myself out because ill be flying back home in a few weeks to a girlfriends baby shower. Blahhh... but I wont hide anymore.. I will show myself and everyone else that God will give me the strength. He will, I will call on Him to supply my every need.
I got on the scale it read 193! Did I just say that... as I look carefully over my shoulder.. I whisper.. yes 193. Horrifying! My goal is to loose about 45-50 pounds. I have a method.. no pills no fads just simple count my calories exercise and stay commited.
I have already found huge encouragement within this site. Im ready to go at it full force.
So here I am...
I hope to scribble frequently..highs and lows.. sickness and in health oh wow I feel im at the altar again..
This time, I will ask God to take my hand...
Deezy
My friends call me Deezy, I just turned 36 last Friday. I have been playing the diet exercise yo yo game for..well, it seems my whole life. Well, at least the past 6 years give or take. Pretty much, im tired of it. Ready for change and here to give it my best shot. Forget the fad low-carb no-carb crap. Im ready for life changes.
At my highest I was 204 that was when I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter. After I had to her I got back down to 170ish. Mind you, im 5'3.. not soo cute. I have struggled like the rest as I can relate so well with most of you on this forum, with my self image.. self acceptance blah blah.. Im really tired of being the self indulging sabotager of all things! You name it, and im sure ive been there..done that.
So my sob story, well I don't have one. Just ready to do this for myself and really for my family. I hate going places scared that someone will see me and note the obvious... she gained weight! I never told my husband this, but back when I had my daughter I wanted us to move for the simple fact that I didnt in anyway want to run into anyone from my past.. yessss that girl size 4-5 well, was not that size anymore. Really I hadnt been. I was wearing a 11/12 and was just humilitated inside. So here I am, convinced my husband to move and im in another state now.. of course there were other reasons to move but that was a thought that frequented my mind.
Im known for losing weight because im going here or there.. drop 15-18 and put it back on.. what a nightmare!!! Here to think im stressing myself out because ill be flying back home in a few weeks to a girlfriends baby shower. Blahhh... but I wont hide anymore.. I will show myself and everyone else that God will give me the strength. He will, I will call on Him to supply my every need.
I got on the scale it read 193! Did I just say that... as I look carefully over my shoulder.. I whisper.. yes 193. Horrifying! My goal is to loose about 45-50 pounds. I have a method.. no pills no fads just simple count my calories exercise and stay commited.
I have already found huge encouragement within this site. Im ready to go at it full force.
So here I am...
I hope to scribble frequently..highs and lows.. sickness and in health oh wow I feel im at the altar again..
This time, I will ask God to take my hand...
Deezy
Read the diary and love it so far! It is really hard to not focus on the numbers. Another great alternative is take your measurements. Also, maybe you have some clothes that you want to fit into that you haven't been able to fit into in awhile? These are ways of avoiding the scale to make you so you are not so obsessive! But trust me, we have are all right there with ya. 
. And to think back, before when we would go she would be like im ready to go.. no motivation and always complained about spin class hurtin her arse! lol.. its all good though. I have tried to get my husband to join. Sometimes hes about it and sometimes not. He said ok i will join if you dont nag me to go.. ummm excuse me.. dont waste your time on the membership then. 
and hittin the gym solo! I have legs and my c25k to complete. 
Thanks again for the nice compliment and I'll be watching you guys kick butt in the challenge!
I've been so busy reading all these other posts and diggin everyone elses diary, I neglected mine. Im feelin great today. I finally did my measurements and that was a drag.. totally depressing to see those #'s. I guess the only way to go from here is down down down with those numbers. I didnt make it to the gym on Thursday. Total bad planning on my part. I did however, stay on my meal plan. I had the day off and didn't do a stinkin thing! I did take my daughter to the park to get her out of the house and have some fresh air before it becomes the pit of hell her in AZ. I wanted to go to the gym in the eveing and had total intention to do so but my husband went MIA for a minute. I thought he was in the geeerage and I had just cleaned up from dinner and got my daughter all bathed and ready for bed. Sooooooo I go to let him know I was leaving and the.. ummmm ya the butthead wasnt there!!!!! He took his uncle home without saying anything. I was fuming and had steam coming out of my ears!!! Anyways, now that I think about it maybe I was being selfish.. I had time to go during the day and didn't. Maybe thats part of my self sabotaging that I do?? The night ended up ok and I was fine about not going since I stayed on my food plan. Friday was fabulous! Had a great day at work and went to the mall to pick up a cover for my phone. I was totally talking to myself the whole time. I did start to get hungry and had an apple in the car but I was like Subway won't hurt.. just dont get cheese or mayo and you will be straight.. then I popped up and said NOOOOO!!! I promised myself no fast food, and to me, that also means Subway for the time being. So I went to get what I went for and booked out of the food court and bee lined it to my car!!! Drank my cold water and gobbled up my apple.. and guess what?? It did me good.. that was all I needed to hold me over until dinner. Had I gotten Subway I would have been hungry again later in the evening. Needless to say, I was proud of myself.. I have to say, this forum is doing wonders. Its great for accountability.. totally gaining knowledge and keeping motivated by many. I busted out at the gym.. ohh and finally my friend decided to meet me and take this muscle mix class.. its off the hook! Soo anyways after I was like are you going to do cardio.. go figure she is like no im going home blah blah blah.. I knew it. Its all good because I stayed and finished my cardio. 
woot woot.. its about 2 miles.. I hope no one sees me hahaha.. what a shame!! ohh and last night when I was on the treadmill this guy gets on the next one to me.. why?? there are plenty open. I always like to hide at the gym esp during cardio. I dont need people next to my huge arse.. anyways hes totally fit and running like soooooooooooooooo flippin fast I was almost scared he was going to fall off! hahah.. anyways I challenged myself and ran for the same amount of time when he was doing his intervals hehe.. noooo I didnt go as fast but it was a lil internal challenge. 
!! I went to a BBQ yesterday at my friends house and I took some salmon and everyone was eating the hebrew national hotdogs from Costco!! Love those, but gooood grief the fat content and the calories are insane! I made 2 salads and did some yellow peppers and green beans on the grill!!! Delish! I also managed to use my friends workout room at her apartments hehe.. snuck that one right in. I have been working on the c25k and yesterday I was on week 2, day 3.. totally kicked my butt but felt good when it was done. 
