PART 1
Hi All
Well sorry it has been so long. I have been really really struggling in the last two weeks and just haven’t been able to find the motivation to write. And the forum has been really bizaar when I have logged in with bits and pieces everywhere as I have tried to come in to catch up on where everyone is at and what’s been going on but I’ve given up within a minute each time because it’s been too hard to get around. Anyway excuses aside… Since returning from Tassie I’ve been in such a low and flat rut, well both of us have. LB has really felt it too. Our trip was so amazing and the walk was such an awakening and life changing (not major but relating to the little things) experience that since finishing it (and I mean literally finishing – from arriving into Lake St Clair) I’ve felt quite numb. I’ve felt so overwhelmed by my / our life that it’s been hard to find motivation – for everything… work, home life, looking after myself etc. It was a very surreal experience and it’s been even more surreal getting back into routine.
The trek was just amazing… The experience of getting down to the bare basics of life and survival (to a certain degree – we didn’t have any near death experiences or anything) is just so humbling and to be able to do it in such a beautiful surround was just such a privilage. Day 1 was by far the hardest and at times was excruciating and extremely mentally challenging but nothing could wipe the smile from my face. It was hard but it wasn’t unbearable and the further we went the more endorphines kicked in and I felt like I had 6 straight hours of ‘runners high’. The people we met along the way have become friends. Everynight was filled with laughter over a vast variety of dinners that were being prepared. The simple experiences that life provides all of us were being enjoyed on a level that far exceeded any possible expectation.
All the food I had been dehydrating and vacuum sealing for weeks went brilliantly. The volume of carbs did effect me to a degree but it wasn’t as bad as if I was eating like that at home because I was burning all of it as fuel during the day. For an hour after eating, mainly breakfast and dinner, I would feel a bit bloated and fatigued but with dinner having hiked the distances we were in the terrain we were could have had something to do with that!!! Ha ha
We have some great piccies and when I get them up on my facebook I will give you the like to have a look if you like! A lot of scenery shots but there were too many beautiful opportunities to not take photo after photo!
A highlight of the few days before starting the trip was going on the cable hang glider just outside of Launceston. Sadly LB couldn’t go on it because it had a weight limit of 110kg… A great feeling for me to still do it considering if it was last year at the same time I also wouldn’t have been able to go on it because I was also over 110kg. That was a very confronting realisation for me.
Another highlight was the small town of Ross. WOW – what a gorgeous and embracing town. It had such a great feeling about it and LB and I have been telling everyone since.
Unfortunately we were unable to catch up with Cate while there but we will be back… sooner rather than later and will make sure we will then. Cate – I did receive you text message last week and I apologise for not responding. I have really been struggling in this rut and had, until today (will explain futher down), really just wanted to be a hermit. I hope I haven’t upset you too much by not responding.
Well what’s been happening with me food and weight wise…
Well I was sitting 5kg up when we left for the trip and wearing half size 10’s and half size 12’s. When we came back I was 3kg up (so I lost 2 on the trek) but started to feel really good about body and fitness. Before I go on I just want to say I cannot get over how when I was ‘fat’ I couldn’t see or feel 5kg’s going on let alone 1kg but when you are in your healthy weight range you can actually visibly see and feel 500g. It still flabbergasts me! Anyway so then I entered this rut. I just feel like I lost my care factor. I enjoyed my last two days in Tassie with the attitude that when I get back to Adelaide I’ll be in routine and therefore will kick back into my healthy lifestyle so the choices I made, as much as they weren’t the worst choices each time they also weren’t the best. On getting home I didn’t have any motivation to unpack. I had to force myself to even get the clothes out to put in the wash. It took me over a week to unpack the packs and put them away but still today there is a pile of stuff that needs to be loaded into the camping tub and go out in the shed. The house was spotless before leaving but since being home, especially because I cooked and baked all weekend, the floors need a mop and vacuum which I planned to do last Saturday morning, but I stayed at my parents house (they are away at the moment and they have an awesome setup luxury wise so thought I would treat myself to a night at the ‘hotel’ as I am now referring to it – LB went away with his best mate because his marriage broke up while we were away) then on the way home to ‘do the housework’ I stopped through at my sisters for a coffee and left at 2pm. So then I planned to do all the housework and finish the unpacking when I got home, then I decided to cook and bake to avoid it (and well… make more mess). My sister invited me for dinner so I took my baking over there and avoided our house again and then on the way home from there stopped to get DVD to create a further distraction.
I have never taken so much pride as I did when I was on the program and at my goal weight. I felt I was in control of my life and having a clean and tidy home made me feel so good. My home has never been unclean, I’m a very anally hygenic person but used to be messy. I would leave the blanket I used the night before out on the couch. I wouldn’t hang my clothes up straight away, dishes were rinsed but left to do once a day not immediately after each meal. When I felt in control I was then also anally tidy and clutter free. Everything was done straight away so it didn’t have to be done later or someone could come to the door and it wasn’t a mad rush to pick up things and put them in a room and shut then door before they entered. This was one of my major revellations and new ways of life to keep… on returning home I was ‘lazy’ again. I just didn’t care. I felt different, flat, like nothing mattered – just take me back to the wilderness.
I vowed to get up bright and early on Sunday. I did that and tidied up. The house was now tidy and dusted, I just had to vacuum and mop. I cleaned out the fridge. Baked some more Anzac biscuits to give the young boy next door for his lunch box for the week (his mum died a couple of years ago and his dad does a great job but whenever I bake I always take some over as that’s something his dad’s not good at and he doesn’t have any grandparents anymore either). Then I decided I felt motivated to start back on Cohen’s this week to just knock off these last few kilos which after the week back at home being ‘lazy’, eating crap food, mostly takeaway dinners (because I couldn’t be bothered cooking) and then chocolate and icecream because dinner wasn’t bad enough obviously the two I lost had crept back on with a couple more. I knew I was still at that stage where it would drop off quickly so I had to action it. I went and bought fruit, veggies and lean meat for the week. When I got home the boys were sitting on the couch (LB and his mate) and I was so embarrassed because I told myself that as much as I was avoiding the vacuuming and mopping I would have it done before they got home. I got stuck into it straight away but was humiliated that LB’s mate was there and also that I had told him I was staying home to tidy up and give the house a good clean! This gave me even more motivation to start back on Cohen’s this week because every morning had been so hard to get up and I’ve been getting to work a lot later than I would like (I have flexible hours) which has meant I have had to stay later etc and it all compounds. I put it all down to not putting the correct fuel into my system to work. I know that and am heavily (literally) feeling the repercussions of it!
- only because I know once they have passed I can refocus from the insanity
of them and rezone into the healthy eating spectrum.