Let's get less serious and learn to relax and have fun with life

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Good for you Tri. A very successful week by the sounds of it. Enjoy your well-earned weekend :)
 
Hi Sunflower! :)

I am doing fine. Had a few tough weeks, had to work hard for my job and also worked through some personal things, but now things are settling down again and I feel that I grew stronger - no, I can see that I grew stronger, because I see that I am able to take more responsibility now and deal with life situations in a more mature and effective way.

I am starting to feel better too. I am not feeling as happy as I was earlier this year, but I feel hopeful again. I see that I have some bipolar tendencies sometimes, not so bad that it can be diagnosed, but it's a pattern that I have always had in my life - I have some weeks, or even months, that I feel depressed, and I feel like everything is lost. I used to isolate myself from the world during these periods. Now they are less dark and I have learned to just plow through them, taking my responsibilities and maintaining a somewhat healthy lifestyle, but still they keep appearing (I think this is not strange, lots of people have this, guess this is just life). But then these periods are followed by periods that I can take on the world, and I used to set HUGE goals that set me up for failure. Now I just set too many rather large goals, that I can do for a short time, but that are not realistic on the long term. I guess I easily get carried away by that feeling of hope that comes after seeing the dark clouds clear up.

So, that's where I am now. The world is becoming a bit lighter and I noticing some successes again. After 6 weeks of plateauing - which, by the way, was fine, other areas of my life clearly demanded attention (and I did not gain weight during this period), I hit a new record low weight: 86.9 kg.

I feel the tendency to set many goals again, but I will resist. For example, I notice myself thinking about losing 1 kg per week again, but I will resist setting such a goal. I will just focus on living healthily and I trust that the results will come in, perhaps quickly, perhaps slowly. But I will reach my goal weight, probably even before the summer. Also, I picked up learning Spanish again, and I have bought some books that I plan to work though, but I will pull the breaks a bit. There is no reason that I have to learn Spanish, it's just a desire that I have had for a long time, and learning languages is something that I enjoy. So, that's how I should treat it: as a hobby.

The most important thing now is to live in a balanced way, to be kind for myself (past, present and future), while trying to improve my life in a consistent and gradual way, and while focusing on the right things (instead of procrastinating the important things and focusing on all sorts of non-essential goals). I think that can prevent the extremes of depression and mania, or at least make them less extreme.

So, that is a big answer to your question. Perhaps a bit too deep, but I feel better after writing that down. If you read it, thanks for your interest! :)

How are you doing?
 
Just woke up. 95.9 kg. Definitely broke through that plateau.

To explain the meaning of that number, by mentioning some other numbers: Lost 12.1 kg from my weight in December, and 20.1 kg from my highest weight ever (around 2014-2015), and I am weighing less than 190 lbs now (189.4). Just 2 kg away from hitting my lowest weight in about a decade.

I can definitely see that my weight has dropped over the last week. My waist is smaller, and my abs are starting to appear.

Next target is 95.0 kg, or halfway through the 90s.
 
The most important thing now is to live in a balanced way, to be kind for myself (past, present and future), while trying to improve my life in a consistent and gradual way, and while focusing on the right things

Love this :) Being kind to yourself is so important. I'd love to learn Spanish..my Uncle is Basque but that's a super hard language to learn so Spanish may be easier for me!! I don't know any other languages at the moment apart from a tiny bit of Welsh!
 
thanks sunflower.

when I wrote my last post, I hoped that my bad period was over. Unfortunately, it lasted until this morning. then I realized that I had a choice: I could either continue isolating myself, and trying to 'hide' from the world, while interpreting everything has 'very hard', or I could accept my current position and start working my way up from here, step-by-step, trying to see my problems as challenges that I can deal with. so, I started moving again. I worked for a few hours, went training again (I didn't exercise for 5 days... which is very unusual for me). I did a bit of organizing in my home, which became a huge mess. I even bought a sink cabinet (and built it right away) so that I can organize my things better, sold a couch with a huge profit (I bought it for 100 euros, sold it for 190 :)). Will buy some more things, so that keeping my home organized is easier, and so that it's a better place to be in.

I think one issue was that I got myself into a negative thinking pattern, and as a result I was stuck, it was hard to do anything. that is why I decided to do a bit of work and chores today, so that I could get myself moving again. I found this very fulfilling.

I have decided to keep doing this, to tackle the issues that I have left one-by-one, at a sustainable pace (it should leave me feeling fulfilled, not feeling exhausted, or guilty if I can't do it all).

This is my last attempt to get my life in order again. if I don't manage it, I will look for professional help. I hope that's not necessary, but it may be a good investment. I don't want to make the same mistakes over and over again. Sure, I made a lot of progress this year, more than I dreamed of, but there are still some important challenges left that I find hard to handle.

That said, I hope to handle these by myself and with a little help from my friends. That's at least cheaper than professional help ;).
 
A new day has begun! :)

Just weighed myself: 86.7 kg. So, that's still good, just 0.8 kg higher than my record this year. Next milestone is <85.0 kg, hoping to hit that somewhere in the next 2 weeks.

Will go to work in 20 minutes and I will be productive there. There is a task that I need to finish for a colleague.

After work I will buy some more furniture... bought a second hand room divider that was 100 euro's for 40. Allows me to separate my sleeping area from the rest of my room (I live in a single +/- 30 m2 room). Will deliver that to my home and I will do some chores for about 30 minutes, so that by the end of this week my home will be completely organized again, and in better shape than ever. Allowing myself to live in a good place is also an act of respect towards myself, and it is easier to relax or be productive when your house is in order.

Also, I am taking care of the cats of my brother, so that's where I will be most of the rest of the evening.

Will go to the gym - planning to do a good amount of running, rowing and cycling.
 
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Sorry to hear things haven't been great Tri - You seem to always want to be developing and growing but maybe just a period of "being okay" is something to strive for.
 
@Sunflower - yeah, thing have been developing fast.

Fortunately, I am doing a bit better now, still not great but ok (which, I agree, is worth something). At work I managed to do what I needed to do this week. I have exercised most days this week. Today I weighed 86.5 kg, so I am close to breaking my record low again (of 85.9).

Have not done much useful today though. Will change that now - I'm going to practice some Java programming at a coffee store. Goal is to be there in 15 minutes so let's hurry up! :)
 
:grouphug:
You are doing well Tri, but maybe put too much pressure on yourself. Take care, my friend xo
 
Thanks cate.

Yesterday I weighed 85.5 kg and broke my record low weight of the last 2 years (or so), which was 85.9 kg. Today I broke it again, weighing 85.0 kg.

So, I am halfway through the 80's, which is awesome. I could weigh less than 80 in a month!

But first I am only 1 kg away from my lowest weight in a decade. The last time I was that weight is 3 years ago, when I also lost weight. That time I started at 106 kg, and managed to get to get to 84 kg (which was not my goal weight, but where it stopped). However, I let go of my healthy lifestyle, in part due to an running injury, and because I put most of my attention on finishing my studies, finding work and beginning my first job. Because of this I gained 14 kg again and got to 98 kg. I am glad that somewhere mid-December last year decided to make my health a priority again, and that I am at this point now. This time I will finish it and I will keep improving and maintaining my healthy lifestyle after I reach my goal weight.

Today I have a 10k running competition. I hope to finish in less than 45 minutes. I may be able to do it in less than 43. My elder brother is also participating, and one previous year he beat me (my time was around 43:57, not bad either if I may say so myself), won't happen again ;). But the most important thing is that we will have a day with the family, looking forward to seeing everyone again (except my youngest brother, who has 7 exams in two weeks, and I understand that he likes to focus his attention and time on passing those).

Another goal that I am working on is organizing my home. In the last week I bought a room divider and couple of cabinets, one for my office supplies/paperwork and one for my bathroom supplies. Yesterday I spent some time to actually do the organizing, and it's looking better already, but I estimate that I still have 3-4 hours of work left. I hope put in this time today and tomorrow.

So, things are going better again. Hoping to continue doing this.
 
Still in the process of getting back control over my life (as well as enjoying it more). It's going better than in my last post.

This is what I am doing now:
  • I have decided that I will be patient with myself. I will improve my life step-by-step, taking plenty of time to take each step well, and only moving on to the next one when I feel like I have solidified the previous one. I may do a few things at the same time, but not a lot and only when it's realistic. On the one hand I feel like this patient approach is too slow, but I know that my life would be so much better if I made this decision years ago - I would have developed a lot of good habits. The approach that I have always used - which is setting a lot of goals and then only finishing a few of them - is not good at creating sustainable change (only a little) and it's pretty frustating. If I set less goals, but the right ones, and focus on finishing them well, then I could accelerate my rate of improving my life at least by a tenfold. That may sound hyperbolic, but I am absolutely convinced of it.
  • My first change is setting a sleep time (and developing a sleep routine for the first time in my adult life): every day I will go to bed before 10:30 PM, unless it's REALLY not possible (when I have an important meeting), necessary (when I have holidays) or reasonable (when I have a really fun activity, for example on Thursday evening) - that said, exceptions will be incredibly rare. "I don't feel tired" or "I want to finish watching this movie" are not good reasons. My reason for doing this: I want to have a fixed sleeping schedule, because I never had this after my childhood, and I think that lacking this has been a big factor in explaining my concentration/energy issues. I did extremely well at primary school and early high school, but things started falling apart when I was about 14, and there were several factors that I could point at that could explain this (puberty, being bullied, the advent of the internet (=more distraction), etc), but I think letting go of a proper sleep schedule was also important. I never realized this, but it sounds logical. Even if it's not "the" factor that explains everything, at least it's a factor that is very important for my wellbeing and productivity. I have no doubt that this choice will improve my life.
  • I focus on finishing things that are on my plate already, so that my plate will be emptier. There are a lot of upcoming projects at work, which will be interesting, but I am sure that they will overwhelm me if I don't finish my current projects soon. I will do this one-by-one. The first project to finish is an online Android programming course. I hope to do this before the end of this month.
  • I am slowly organizing my home. When I write "slowly", I really mean it. At the current rate it will take at least a month before my home is organized. And that's fine to me, because I don't want to overwhelm myself with goals and I don't have to live in an organized home in the short term. That said, I may surprise myself and organize my room quicker than I thought, when I feel like it.
  • My final prioritity/goal is to keep losing weight, which I mainly do through having a half-decent diet and a pretty intensive exercise routine. I am happy if I make some progress every week (which doesn't have to show on the scale, it's enough if I am sure that I created some kind of deficit). I don't care much about my weight loss rate. Even if I only lost 1/4 kilo per week (or 1/2 pound), that's enough to get me to my goal. That said, I expect to lose 1/2 to 3/4 kg per week, which would be great. I don't care much about my weight loss rate, because I don't want to optimize my life around losing weight. The goals that are higher on this list are much more important than this one. I want to successfully lose weight and I don't want to gain again.
 
Oh... one more thing: I am playing with the idea of setting rewards for my goals.

Sticking with my sleeping schedule for 21 days: buy a new (small) teapot and tea, and start building the habit of drinking a cup of tea every day around 10 pm (which is even more of a reward).

Finishing my android course: buy a android figurine/toy. Ok this may be silly, but I like to have something tangible and fun that reminds me of my accomplishment! :)
Jelly-Bean-for-Galaxy-S-III-and-Galaxy-Note-Arrives-in-Canada-Before-the-Holidays-2.jpg


When I have organized my home: buy some new plants!

When I am at my goal weight: buy a lot of new clothes and exercise gear.
 
I love how you have progressed so much on this journey Tri. It's never too late to improve your life & your future self will thank you :) Well done!
 
Thanks cate! :)

Still getting back. I quit smoking again (I have not smoked a lot and for very long, but I did get addicted again). Tomorrow is day 3. I felt pretty crappy most of the today and yesterday, but now I feel/think I've hit the bottom and the withdrawal symptoms are starting to... ehm.. withdraw. Which is great. Planning to quit for good now. It helps that I am already into the habit of exercising a lot, which is a great way to get some dopamine without smoking. So I think I will be fine.

Other areas of my life are improving as well. Not very fast and steady, but at least there is a trendline that is definitely going up. Hoping that this weekend I will be able to continue that trend.
 
thanks, good to read that you believe in me! :)

Updates on my goals

Quitting smoking

It's about 12 hours later and I am still going strong. I believe I smoked my last cigarette on Wednesday morning. Not later than that for sure. So, I quit for at least 72 hours now. I read on some websites that at this point, the worst of the withdrawal is over. From now on it should only get easier.

Positive changes since the last days:
- not feeling as depressed, even slightly happy (starting yesterday evening)
- I have motivation to do things. That is quite useful! :)
- my lungs are clearing up. I still cough a lot. This started the same day I quit, which is a good sign, it shows that my lungs still have a good regenerative capacity. I think it's because I didn't smoke that much and not for that long.
- I am much more energy and I am much less tired. Yesterday and the day before I was extremely sleepy, even though I slept a lot.

To-do:
  • Don't smoke. Never again.

Improving sleep
I slept a bit later yesterday. It was Friday evening, and I decided that it's OK to not stick with my sleep schedule on Friday evening or Saturday evening, especially if I can get 8-9 hours of sleep by sleeping a bit longer in the morning. And yesterday afternoon I slept for a few hours, so I am feeling fine.

Anyways, this evening I plan to go to bed at 10.30. I think it's fine to give myself an exception for my sleep schedule in the weekend, but I don't want to give myself 2 exceptions (unless I have a really good reason).

Will improve my sleep further by working on my sleep quality. I have made a to-do list, so that I know what I want to do. (A) = Action (that I have to do just once), (H) is a habit that I want to develop.

To-do: (This to-do list has priority over all the others that I give here)
  • Improve bed (so I can sleep better)
    • (A) Buy a new mattress (tomorrow - I get a second hand one for a bottle of wine :))
    • (A) Buy new cushions and blanket (this week)
    • (H) Wash bed linen (every two weeks)
  • Morning habits
    • (H) Make bed every morning
    • (H) No laptop or phone in bed (I tend to do this in the morning. a bad habit of mine)
  • Make room darker (good for sleep quality)
    • (A) Buy curtain for roof window (the biggest source of light in my room)
    • (A) Move bed to another corner (where it's darker)
    • (A) Put room divider in front of bed (taking away more light)
    • (H) Shut down computer, laptop and monitors (even the small blue/white leds of devices can influence your sleep quality)
Losing weight
I weighed 86.3 kg this morning, which is great. Just 1.3 kg higher than my lowest weight this year (last week), which was an extremely low point. Will probably break that record somewhere next week. Looking forward to getting past 84.0 kg, which is my lowest weight in a decade. It's nice to know that that's just around the corner. :)

No to-do's for this goal. Just stick to my usual routine. I could write a long list of how I can improve that routine more, but I won't, because it's fine for now, and I already see a long to-do list above and I prefer to not overwhelm myself with even more goals.

Organizing my home
I am slowly but surely organizing my home. I think that making sure that I live in an organized and nice place is not only practical, but it's also a sign of respect for myself. This morning I thought about how, if I would live with a partner, that I would be much more motivated to organize my home, because I see it as an act of love for her - and I realized that I can also just give myself that respect and love by doing it for myself.

This fits with the theme that I have been reflecting on and working on for the last weeks, which is raising my standards: on how I take my responsibilities, how I take care of myself, how I treat others and how I want to be treated by others. One concrete thing that I have changed, is that I now tell my housemate more often when I don't like something - she can make a mess of the kitchen and leave it like that for many days, and I have been really relaxed with this for a long time, but now it's getting worse and I realize that I should not let myself be treated like this. She understands this, even though she needs a lot of reminders, but I will give her those. At the same time, I make sure that I also do what I ask of her, and I plan to clean the kitchen well this weekend (also to make it easier to keep it clean).

To-do: (only start doing this after I have made enough progress with my "Improve Sleep" todos)
  • Clean kitchen
  • Clean bathroom
  • Organize books
  • Do dishes / organize kitchenware
  • Organize office supplies (I have a new drawer unit, so that's easy)
Making some extra money
I want to get in the habit of making some additional money whenever I can. Eventually I want to wake up and expand my own company (it's sleeping now... last income that I generated was almost a year ago). I want to do web/app/map design/development. Right now I am still in the learning phase, as I will need a lot of skills and I want to have decent skills before I put myself "out there". I plan to call myself "ready" and have started my first assignment before the end of 2017. Money that I make with this company will go mostly (70%) to long-term savings and paying back my college debts. A percentage (like 15%) of it will be invested in gear that I can use for my company, and in learning new skills. Another percentage (also 15%) will be spent on fun things, like exercise gear and holidays (it's additional income, which is why I give myself a good percentage).

But I already have some ideas on how to make money before I do that; I think that I can make 500-1000 euros by selling some stuff that I have lying around in my home (books, electronics, etc). I choose to not save this money, but spend it all on exercise/outdoors gear.

To-do: (lowest priority, nice-to-haves)
  • Put all items that I can sell in a box
  • Check prices of those items (that other people sell similar items for) and set a goal price.
  • Make pictures of those items
  • Write advertisements for the items and put them online
  • Put the money I generate from this in a jar or something.
 
Progress on my goals:

- (P1) Quitting smoking: going perfectly. 96 hours now. Still having a "cold", but I expect that to clear out over the next weeks.
- (P3) Improving sleep: will get mattress today and do most of the other to-do's.
- (P4) Organizing my home: decorated my home a bit. will continue organizing today, starting in 15 minutes.
- (P5) Losing weight: going well. This morning I weighed 86.0 kg. Expecting to break my lowest-weight-in-a-decade very soon. Yesterday I ran/walked 10 km, I cycled 15 km and rowed 2 km. I estimate yesterday's deficit to be around 500-700 calories. Hoping to create a 1500 calorie deficit today.
- (P6) Making extra money: Will work on that today.
- (P2) Improving programming skills: Spent most of yesterday doing this. Will spend about half of today on it. I hope to soon finish some courses that I started earlier this year and last year.

I realize that there are a bit many goals. Added numbers to show which ones have priority for me, and will divide the time/attention I spend on these accordingly.
 
Update (end of the day):
Legend: (+++), (++), (+), (0) -> amount of progress I made, from a lot to none. (P1) -> (P6) = priority, from high to low.

(P1) Quitting smoking:
(+++) I didn't smoke, and wasn't tempted. My cold is already getting much better.

(P2) Improving programming skills:
(++) I've spent a few hours learning Android/Java. It was fulfilling, and I made the progress that I wanted to make.

(P3) Improving sleep:
(+++) Bought a new matress, moved my bed, made it, and will go to bed early; so I did a lot to improve my sleep, I look forward to getting more energy.

(P4) Organizing my home:
(+) Did a few things. Brought out the garbage, moved some furniture. Made a drawing of how I want my home to look.

(P5) Lose weight:
(+++) Ran/walked 20 kilometers. I estimate that I created a deficit of about 2000 calories. Even better than I hoped to do.

(P6) Making some extra money:

(0) Didn't even enter my mind to work on this. No problem, this can wait (there is no deadline).
 
quick post. Plans for today for every goal:

P1 - Quitting smoking: I quit for 5 days now. Will not smoke today either. That's all.
P2 - Improving programming skills: will work on that all day. Just started, enjoying it already.
P3 - Improving sleep. Will move my bed a bit again, so it's even darker, and I will go to bed early.
P4 - Organize my home - Will work on that for 1-1.5 this evening. Planning to organize my work corner, put all unorganized mess in boxes and clean the floors.
P5 - Lose weight - Will exercise for 1.5 hours this evening. Cycling, rowing and a bit of running. Planned deficit is about 1000 calories.
 
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