Let the happiness come forth...

G

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I just needed a *FRESH* start. The weather is beautiful, it's the start of a new month, letting go of a particularly special person, I just needed to start a fresh journal.

Please don't hate me, okay? :leaving:

It is September 1. A beautiful day. Let the happiness come forth...

This isn't just a physical health lifestyle I'm trying to achieve and maintain. I realized that I need a healthier emotional and mental health. This guy tore my emotions and mental stability so much over the past 4 years. It has been so easy to turn to food and lounging whenever he screwed with me. I'm finishing up college within the next 2 weeks and am having the post-grad jitters. I do not have a job ready. I didn't get into the two graduate programs I applied to. I need to work on my inner strength. I have so many things to do, I am very overwhelmed.

Today's Food Log
1130am: 3 medium eggs fried, 2 oz of turkey, 5 oz french roll, 1 cup of 100% cranberry, 1/2 cup of orange juice
230pm: 5 cups seafood chow mein, 12 oz thai ice tea w/ tapioca

Reflection:
Food choices were horrible, but were before I decided to change my life. Prevention is something I definitely need to move on. I need passion, a dream, of my own.

My first goal is to stay strong, don't contact Guy. A 90 day fast.
My second goal is to make healthier food choices.
My third goal is to start being active again.
 
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So I woke up this morning at 198.8lbs. My gosh, I've been eating so much shit the past two weeks that I already took two shits this morning. :puke:

I hate the fact that I binge eat. I wish I could splurge lightly and still be alright, instead I have this all-or-none mentality that is killing me.


Today's Food Log
10:15am 2 medium eggs, 1 egg white fried, 3 oz turkey slices, 3 oz french roll, 4 oz cranberry, 1 cup of orange juice
10:45am 1 medium apple, 2 kiwis
12:30pm 1 cup of mint chocolate chip ice cream
2:30pm 1 ham subway footlong, 1 bag of baked bbq lays
10:30pm 1 bowl of whole wheat pasta, pink sauce, 3 shrimp, small scallops, 3 oz wild salmon, squash, bell peppers, 1 corona

I was going to eat thai food at 430pm, but THANK GOD for me being brave enough to weigh myself at 430pm...I weighed in at 201.8lbs -with clothes in- YIKES!
 
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welcome back!!!!! girl i was starting to wonder where you went! Kudos to you for starting fresh and not giving up! You should be proud of yourself!

For now dont worry about your eating too much and try to get a regular workout schedule going-eating right is something we ALL struggle with, so stop beating yourself up about it and give yourself a break! . I know you can get into the workouts again because your workout history is amazing.

This isn't just a physical health lifestyle I'm trying to achieve and maintain. I realized that I need a healthier emotional and mental health.
Click to expand...

Aiming to maintain a healthy lifestyle all around is the best thing you can do for yourself. Your heart is in the right place-YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!

Congrats on your upcoming convocation!! This is a great accomplishment and you should treat it as such. Dont let the job hunt get you down. Work will come, in the meantime taking time off from studying isnt all bad-you can save up and apply to grad school again next year.

Great to have you back!
 
Nightrunner, Thank you soooooooooooooooooooo much for your lovely post! :blush5: I'd give you a hug if I could!! Thank you so much for rooting me, I need to listen to my friends and family who support me!

OPEN MY EYES AND EARS!!! hahahaha...I feel like I've hit rock bottom for my self-esteem, but I am SO ready to climb back on top!!!!

I need to get exercise going again, I can start feeling SLIGHT swelling of the ankles! WHAAAAT!! :willy_nilly:

Nightrunner, I was saving up some time to read your whole journal all again to get acquainted with you! I'm going to do it now!
 
Hey hun, I really was worrying about you also... good to see your still here, a fresh start is always nice. I have that same all-or-none mentality, totally need to stop thinking that way also. Earlier tonight I was like "if I'm breaking my "diet", I might as well BREAK it..." :banghead:

Best of luck to you sweetie. Keep us posted! :)
 
Wow, I'm totally feeling the love!! And feel free to stop by anytime, we can cheer each other on during this fun filled journey! I love your attitude girl! Seriously you are so positive despite what sounds like a rough few years. Good for you-truly!

I was going to eat thai food, but THANK GOD for me being brave enough to weigh myself at 430pm...I weighed in at 201.8lbs -with clothes in- YIKES!
Click to expand...

Seee!!! You totally have it in you. You are strong girl. And *friendly nudge* c’mon seriously?? You know you are not really at 201.8! – but if you want to believe it there is no harm in it. it will just be all the more satisfying next week when you’ve lost like 8 lbs!!!
 
Good Morning!!! At 11:20am....I slept at 430am last night. I really need to stop that. It's just utterly way too late!

I woke up at 197.2lbs...even with that bottle of corona. I guess eating "healthier" and "in" is better than eating out. Sigh* I got a bit buzzed and let my good sense go and starting CHATTING with Guy. Horrible emotional damage..I guess I'm too weak to let it go. But then I got on the phone with my friend who completely heard me out and told me how great I actually am...:grouphug: I guess I'm sad that 5 years is gone. I need to be in a different mindset on how to look at this...it is a good thing to be done with. I am so much better than him, I used him for my comfort zone though. He wasn't a healthy comfort zone though. He's a pothead and got addicted to oxy for a few months...sigh* Why do I LOOK for trouble??

Today's Food Log
11:30am bowl of pasta, 1 cup of orange juice
2pm 1 big bowl of pasta
2:30pm 1 cup mint chocolate chip ice cream
Some more pasta + KFC Variety Box :ack2:

My stomach was ABSOLUTELY NOT HAPPY with the KFC...I had some stomach pains....While getting on the freeway to go to KFC, I thought...WTF AM I DOING?!?!

I need to get my ass to the gym.

I wanted a space to write and thought why not put my thoughts in this diary, right?! So I went to go watch Julie&Julia...It was a GREAT movie!!! I love those type of movies, categorized as "adaptation" on yahoo, although I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT IS.

That movie has given me hope that I can move on, from Guy. It was just a large chapter of my life that I had to put to end and I am in NEED to be ready to start writing my next chapter.

My 20s....
 
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Hey everyone...Today I woke up at 1:30pm!!! :toetap05: What a waste of a day! Sigh* Although I do not regret what I did last night....hehehe :beating::beating:

I woke up at 196.2lbs after I took a huge shit. Gosh, KFC, even grilled, is just no good!!!

Well...Okay, I used to be/still am? one of those people who would make fun of people who would use online dating sites...But I joined OkCupid a few months ago after a friend told me about it, so i logged in two nights ago and thought if I wanted to meet someone, I better try and message guys I found would be "my type". So! I messaged a guy, who I think is "out of my league", thinking he wouldn't message me back...........

Guess what! He ended up messaging me back, and we ended up chatting the night before yesterday and last night on the phone!!!! It was so amazing, I had such a good time talking on the phone it was SO GREAT...probably because I haven't talked on the phone with a guy for..3 years?!?! Silly me for being so excited, but it totally makes me forget Guy. Yay!! I couldn't help thinking about Boy today! All day long...:blush5: He's really cute and such an easygoing guy! I hope we get to meet soon, but not too soon, I'd definitely like to lose some LBs before seeing him..knowing that my weight will totally affect my confidence!!

Unfortunately...I slept at like 7:30am because of him. We started chatting for a few hours, and then around 5am, we got on the phone for a couple of hours! Eugh...so hot! But we did spend an awful long time talking about how he likes me, and how i'm attracted to him, blah blah blah, little time on the REAL ROOTS of a possible relationship!...We'll see, just gotta give it some time!!

Today's Food Log
245pm 1 twisty donut <--- nasty! driest donut ever!
6pm 3 cups of homemade beef stew <-- yummy!!!
8pm 1 medium cantaloupe melon
 
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Sigh* I woke up at 11am today...But I did sleep earlier yesterday-2am! Tonight? I hope to sleep at like 9pm so I can wake up earlier tomorrow on my own.

I woke up at 194.4lbs I felt kinda happy because I took a decent pee before weighing in.

Today I went to the dentist and found out my dentist bill will run up to 5500 because I need to get braces again to upright my second molar!...DAMN

I think I'm going to ask my dad for the money...shit, he better give it.

Today's food plan wasn't great at all...I ate at this chinese buffet, a place with better quality than anywhere else that's local. I ate things i shouldn't eat, but it was my only meal of the day...so not that bad. I just took the dogs for an hour walk with the dogs.
 
braces are so damn expensive! you'd think for all the money you pay after you put them in the first time you'd be good for life eh?? do you still have your wisdom teeth in? apparently those cost you an arm and a leg to get them removed too!

congrats on being 194 and nice job with the hour walk!!:hurray:
 
This is embarassing but, I am EYMEDIAOUTLET. I had to log into my old username because EYMEDIAOUTLET DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE?!?!?!


it doesn't recognize my account or password. Help?!?!
 
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