Lena's diary

i'm doing great :) i haven't written in a week or so because it has been too stressful. the work was just too hectic and i took this weekend only for myself just to relax and sleep.

its my birthday today :) i just turned 30- ouch. i'm not celebrating today because i want my best friends around me, and two of them happened to be on a trip to germany this week. so i'mcelebrating on tuesday. wednesday is national holiday here in croatia so i'll get to party in the middle of the week. also i will be celebrating it next saturday with some other friends from highschool -11th year anniversary. lot of us were away for the 10th lol.

the food today was bad...but i don't care :) you live once.
however val you got me thinking...how can i know that i am wheat/gluten sensitive? i do know i need to stop eating bread. big time. at the moment that is my biggest obstacle.

the inches are slowly going. clothes are fitting much better in the past week. so i guess the tae bo class is doing its tricks on me :) thank god for that.

ok i'm off to chat to my international friends ...online birthday party with couple of people :)

hugs
lena
 
Hi ya Lena and Happy Birthday girl!! 30 is young...enjoy every damn moment. Honestly. I am 51 and still loving life! My genetics tell me I am gonna live for another 40+ years and I am gonna make the most of them!

I had my fourth child at 32. Divorced at 40 and remarried a guy 6 years younger than me at 45.

Girl...you are fabulous!!!!! So glad to hear the tae bo is making magic for ya.

The best is yet to come!
 
thanx bethan :)

last week turned out to be really cool. did my workouts, went out with friends, worked my ass of at work hehe but all in all it went ok. again i'm not proud of eating habits. i really need to have a long and honest conversations with myself here. something is obviously getting to me. i think that deep down inside i think i will not succees in losing wight so why bother. but honestly i don't want to think like that. i want to succeed. i want to be healthier and thinner, if for nothing else then to have more energy. i saw that val did that survey in her diary. i think i might do the same one of these days.

another thing that was bothering me lately is my money debt which is not decreasing with the intensity that i desire, but i am working up a plan in my head and will put it on paper and hopefully that will help.

ok so...my food for today...really bad


breakfast: a large bagel with salami and yogurt
lunch: homemade beef soup, 2 pieces of bread, two chicken legs, lettuce, 1 piece of cake
snack: three mandarines, 1/3 of bag of chips
another snack: two pieces of bread with butter and jam
dinner: bean salad (4 types of beans, coprn, green pepper, olives, 1 hard boiled egg) with 4 small turkey hot dogs

uffff...i just hate the fact how much food i ate. especially the bread. i need to stop doing that. its just that i sometimes seem to myself to be completely out of control. help! please :)
 
hi lena! Stopping in to see how you are. It's tough when several stressors in life are bothering us at the same time. I understand. It sounds like you have a plan for the financial stress and that is good. I have to write things down on paper and formulate how I am going to accomplish things or solve problems. It is the best way for me to work them out.

We all have "bad" food days...but just move on to the next one with a plan to do better.

Hope you are having a good day today!
 
i am having a good food day today. i need to keep it like that until the end of the week. that's my first goal.

breakfast: 3 spoons of cornflakes with 1 yogurt
lunch: 1 large carrot, 1 medium potato, spoon of canned green beans, sprinkle of garlic powder, 1 tea spoon olive oil mashed, with 1 chicken breast marinated in soy sauce
snack: 3 small mandarines, 1 apple
dinner: don't know yet...still thinking about it.

the calories for today are a bit low, but i don't mind since my eating in the past few weeks wasn't all that good. at least today i didn't binge on bread :)
 
lena410 said:
however val you got me thinking...how can i know that i am wheat/gluten sensitive? i do know i need to stop eating bread. big time. at the moment that is my biggest obstacle.

the inches are slowly going. clothes are fitting much better in the past week. so i guess the tae bo class is doing its tricks on me :) thank god for that.
Click to expand...

Glad to hear that last part--celiacs are super-duper not able to process bread. I am going to PM you and email you a PDF on an article I read, but it is geared towards runners--however, I found it very informative.

lena410 said:
again i'm not proud of eating habits. i really need to have a long and honest conversations with myself here. something is obviously getting to me. i think that deep down inside i think i will not succeed in losing wight so why bother. but honestly i don't want to think like that. i want to succeed. i want to be healthier and thinner, if for nothing else then to have more energy. i saw that val did that survey in her diary. i think i might do the same one of these days.

uffff...i just hate the fact how much food i ate. especially the bread. i need to stop doing that. its just that i sometimes seem to myself to be completely out of control. help! please :)
Click to expand...

"I'm not proud" "I hate that" "I don't want"--try changing your attitude, girl!

Hell we don't all have to be Happy Happy Joy Joy cheerleaders, BUT it doesn't pay to be dogging ourselves all the time. Weight, to some, me especially, coincides closely with happiness. This sux for people with major probelms or stresses. There is NO ONE FIX. If you truly want weight loss/a high self esteem/inner peace, prepare to be a STRAIGHT WARRIOR for yourself. I don't know how to convey the inner feelings and mindset, but I think it all comes down to DISCIPLINE. Think of the Samurais--when I was happiest and doing my best, I was eliminating my stressors and issues, and I was forcing myself to get enough sleep, wake up early and do Yoga, and scheduling grueling workouts and healthy meals. It started to become wonderful as I felt better than ever. I'm not suggesting it for YOU, but maybe some kind of lifestyle transformation with the mental intent might help? I was reading a lot of Buddhist philosophy.....I'm going to get back into that, too. Hope I can help! :hug2:
 
val thank you :) sorry for responding so late...but the situation at the job and financially got pretty intense, and i just didn't have any time to post here. we had external revision for the faculty and i was one of the administrative staff in charge of preparing all the documentation. it was stressful, lot of work and thank god we can put that behind us for the next 5 years at least hehe.

and you are right..my attitude is on the downside in the past few months...at least regarding weight and food. i've given this a lot of thought and the only thing that i've realized is that i think i'm trying to force myself to get back into the mindset i had two years ago, when i first started with the journey of losing weight. i was so determined. like all of the pieces came together and the image was so clear and it all just made sense. and i can't do that again. something is missing. i know all the facts, i know what i have to do. but somehow the strength of my determination and motivation has become lesser. is that making any sense? and i want to change this. i want to have that clarity once again. i found it in the past few weeks regarding finances, regarding possibilities for my future. now i want it back here. and all the time i'm waiting for my mind to open and embrace the journey once more, and hopefully for the last time.i need to accept the discipline, but the motivation which was present in this huge quantity before now wears off too easily. and i need help with this. i need help. no, i'm begging for it.

how to restore and keep the determination?

lena
 
That is a good question.....I'm waiting to hear if anyone can answer it, I'm at a loss right now :confused: I think my own determination came in with seeing pictures of me---brought up my motivation a notch.....sorry I can't be of more help Lena but I'm looking forward to someone else's response.... :eek:
 
i guess i already know the response :). i think i knew the answer even as i wrote it.

i have to find it on my own and keep it on my own. and its there, i can sense it, it feels as if it is locked somewhere inside of me and i forgot where the hell is the key.

the good news is i feel the door opening just by coming on here and reading other people's diaries and thoughts. i just need some extra push and motivation. :D
 
thr new day

So i decided to find my determination again. i slept on it...it came out. now i have to learn to keep it. and hopefully you'll all help me with that. :biggrinjester:

STEP 1. answering all the questions:

-- How much weight do you want to lose?
80-90 lbs
-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?
i think it can be accomplished in 1,5 to 2 years
-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?
- by disciplining myself and accepting the fact that i am changing not only the food but my life style in general
and this i will do by:
- focusing on learning how to eat in quality and not quantity only
-excersizing
-using this forum for all the support i can get
-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?
-this forum. here i know people understand me. i can find some support in my friends and family, but not as much as i would want to.
-- How realistic is your goal?
very realistic
-- When will you start?
i already started...i just want to keep the determination!

and the other questions:

1. What is your current height and weight?
H: 5,6
W:228
2. If you were at an ideal weight now, what would that weight be?
around 135-140
3. At what weight would you like to be at four months from now?
210
4. Why do you want to lose weight?
i have many reasons: to look better, to be healthier, to be able to have healthy pregnancy one day.
5. Do you want to lose weight for a specific life event such as wedding or reunion? If so, when is that event?
nope...just for me, myself and i
6. What obstacles could get between you and your weight loss goals?
stress and change usually affect me a lot.
7. Why do you think that you now have a weight problem?
- food is my best friend and comfort in the world...its not boring and it never goes away.
8. What lifestyle changes do you think would help you lose weight?
- learning how to react to emotional situations without food. so far i always had food for reward, sadness, boredom, anger. every possible emotion...i eat. i need to learn how to change that. however even when i think i have myself under control...somehow i don't.
9. Have you lost weight in the past? If so, what has worked in the past to help you lose weight?
- changing my eating habits, exercising
10. Why do you believe that you did not lose weight or you gained the weight back?
-because i let the stress of going to another country for a year, the lack of normal eating conditions and lack of money get to me
11. What, if anything, has not worked for you in the past in helping you to lose weight? Why do you think it did not work?
- it does not help me to do only one type of exercise.
-and it does not help when my friend or family ask me anything about my diet...i don't know why but then i feel embarrassed, and just want to hide and eat. or if its my dad then i just want to eat out of anger. how dare he ask me (i'm angry with my dad because of his drinking...he drinks every now and then. i tried talking about it. it does not help. i understand it and hate it at the same time). its a stupid emotional reaction that i find most difficult to control.
12. Would you try writing down all food and drink consumed for a given period of time?
yes, sometimes that helpd me.
13. Do you cook at home often? If so, what do you cook?
when i cook for myself i usually cook pasta, risottos, veggies etc.
14. How often do you go out to eat? Where do you go?
very rarely
15. What are your three favorite foods?
pasta,
sea food
meat (with salad if possible)
16. What are your three favorite restaurants?
any mediterranean cousine works for me
17. What are three things you can do differently when it comes to food?
eat less bread
binge less (i sometimes binge on fruits also)
be more disciplined
18. If you woke up tomorrow and your body was exactly the way you want it, what would be different?
i would be able to breath more easily, and i would be able to fit into a bigger variety of clothes hehe
19. Do you eat when you are not hungry?
yes
20. Do you binge eat (large amounts at a time)?
yes
21. Do you hide your food or eat in secret?
yes sometimes
22. Do you eat when you are sad, nervous, or depressed?
yes, yes and yes
23. Do you eat as a reward?
yes
24. Do you eat while watching TV or using the computer?
yes
25. What do you normally eat for a meal?
normally for lunch (my biggest problem)
veggies, piece of meat. then after half an hour i usually have a sandwich. just can't seem to stop myself here.
26. What type of snacks do you eat?
usually fruit
27. In terms of exercise, what, if anything, are you currently doing?
2x week 1 hour of tae bo, 20 minutes of weights, but wasn't able to do it this week because of work. however i did walk for 1 hour and carried groceries for 10 minutes uphill with an umbrella also. :eek:
28. Where do you go for exercise? A local public gym? School/work gym? Home?
aerobic center
29. What, if anything, are your three favorite types of exercise?
hi-lo aerobics, abs, walking
30. What is your daily/weekly/monthly/yearly motivation to move towards your goals?
ok i have to figure this one out. today my motivation is to wake up feeling better about myself tomorrow.
31. Do you have rewards for certain goals?
last time when i did this my reward was manicure. i can do that again. and throw in a massage every now and then.

phew. done. moving on... :driving:
 
my weekend went pretty well. yesterday i spent entire day outside, and walked for about 4 hours. today i'm really exhausted but i didn't spend the day in vain...i scrubbed the bathroom, from top to bottom. that took about 45 minutes, and i was using all muscle groups. washing the floors and doing squats and similar. i looked like that guy inkarate kid: wax on wax of lol

so i found motivation thanx to you people here and to randy and the quote in his signature. i have to put it in visible places as a reminder.

foodwise i did well...could have done better thought:

saturday:
breakfast: sandwich with ham, 1 yogurt
lunch: whole grain pasta with tuna and tomato sauce
snack: tangerines (about 4 of them)
dinner: 2 pieces of cream cake (i don't know the english word for it. it has very thin puffed pastry, like crumpet thing on top and bottom and between is cream made of eggs and vanilla pudding and milk).

today:
breakfast: 2 hard boiled eggs, three slices of ham, 1 green pepper, two whole grain pieces of toast spread with cream cheese
lunch: veggies covered in mixture of egg, sour cream and a bit of feta cheese and baked in oven for 15 minutes and 1 chicken breast fillet
snack: 3 tangerines, 2 pieces of the cake
dinner: 1 bowl of chicken soup

i might have a bite or two of something, maybe a nother tangerine or something. i know the cake was a wrong thing to eat, but i got my period and i' m craving sweet like crazy. the good news is i ate much less bread.

have a great sunday all :)
 
my weekend went pretty well. yesterday i spent entire day outside, and walked for about 4 hours. today i'm really exhausted but i didn't spend the day in vain...i scrubbed the bathroom, from top to bottom. that took about 45 minutes, and i was using all muscle groups. washing the floors and doing squats and similar. i looked like that guy inkarate kid: wax on wax of lol

so i found motivation thanx to you people here and to randy and the quote in his signature. i have to put it in visible places as a reminder.

foodwise i did well...could have done better thought:

saturday:
breakfast: sandwich with ham, 1 yogurt
lunch: whole grain pasta with tuna and tomato sauce
snack: tangerines (about 4 of them)
dinner: 2 pieces of cream cake (i don't know the english word for it. it has very thin puffed pastry, like crumpet thing on top and bottom and between is cream made of eggs and vanilla pudding and milk).

today:
breakfast: 2 hard boiled eggs, three slices of ham, 1 green pepper, two whole grain pieces of toast spread with cream cheese
lunch: veggies covered in mixture of egg, sour cream and a bit of feta cheese and baked in oven for 15 minutes and 1 chicken breast fillet
snack: 3 tangerines, 2 pieces of the cake
dinner: 1 bowl of chicken soup

i might have a bite or two of something, maybe a nother tangerine or something. i know the cake was a wrong thing to eat, but i got my period and i' m craving sweet like crazy. the good news is i ate much less bread.

have a great sunday all :)
 
the determination is still here :) good. i can't do tae bo because of my foot it hurst li8ke hell, but i will do ellyptical. not so much strain on the foot. good thing i bought it.

also i think that i will sign up for the gym instead of tae bo. i do like it and i have fun but i need more strength training to go with it. so think i will focus on gym or at home. 10 minutes on elliptical, about 30-40 minutes of weights, lunges, squats, pushups, abs and another 10 on the ellyptical. plus it will save me some money :)

my bf is coming on friday or saturday morning :D i haven't seen him in 3 months. you can imagine how frustrating that was. can't wait :D lalalala

ok food plan for today:

breakfast: 2 pieces of rye toast with pate spread and 1 yogurt (around 300 cals)
snack: 1 medium apple, three small cookies (200ish)
lunch: tagliatelle (150 grams) with chicken/apple sauce, pickles (600-700 cals)
snack: tangerines
dinner: 1 tomato, a bit of feta cheese, some salami (around 400ish)

exercise plan:
20 minutes walk (maybe)
10 minutes elliptical
arms exercises: dumb bells, exercises for biceps, triceps, back etc...each 2x8 repetitions
legs: various lunges and squats
abs exercises: each 2x8 repetition

i would write down the specific exercise but i don't know the english words for them lol :D

see ya later all
lena
 
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