Lena's diary

:hug2: It is bound to be rough for you to transition back home after what a year ? Give yourself some time to readjust, maybe focus on exercise for that release:)

I kow Im 50/50, I complain cuz Im always busy with no down time and every part of my life is scheduled but on teh other hand, if for some reason my schedule changes I dont like that either and feel bored...Some of us need to be kept busy I think and I am one of those, even though think it would be nice for a break and down time, I rather enjoy my busy schedule and life ya know.

If it makes ya feel any better or for comfort I am 230 as well, well 232, I as well I had put back everythign I lost too...All i am doing is taking it one day at a time and beign healthy and active, it is all we can do...So guess what ? We can do it together!!!

What is Nettle Tea ?:hug2:

For the challenege I am in a few times we had to do affirmations:) I found this helped me alot, Needing to find something positive to say and comment one or whatever ya know:)Helped me find some positivity in my day and look at it in a different light!
 
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cinderelly said:
:hug2: It is bound to be rough for you to transition back home after what a year ? Give yourself some time to readjust, maybe focus on exercise for that release:)

i did start exercising at home for now because most gyms are closed during summer.


If it makes ya feel any better or for comfort I am 230 as well, well 232, I as well I had put back everythign I lost too...All i am doing is taking it one day at a time and beign healthy and active, it is all we can do...So guess what ? We can do it together!!!

yes we can. I made myself a plan. I will be eating very light for the next few weeks, but also very healthy and nutritious. i will talk about it later.

What is Nettle Tea ?:hug2:

Nettle tea is a great thing, very healthy and i like its taste. for more about nettle and its properties see: Nettle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

For the challenege I am in a few times we had to do affirmations:) I found this helped me alot, Needing to find something positive to say and comment one or whatever ya know:)Helped me find some positivity in my day and look at it in a different light!
Click to expand...

How do you do these affirmations? I just find one positive thing a day? i can do that :)


a plan:

I finally made a plan for myself. for now i will do it weekly. i will eat 4-5 times a day, small meals. this is what i had in mind:

Breakfast:
weekdays: 1 fruit yogurt or plain yogurt low fat, 220 grams (around 130cals) and 1 peace of fruit
weekends: oat meal, egg white ommelete, two pieces of crisp bread with margarine or 1 hard boiled egg with 1 tomato or some other veggie or fruit

snacks (before lunch):
only weekdays: 1 piece of fruit

snacks (after lunch):
only on weekends- 1 piece of fruit, veggies, 1 piece of chocolate, fruit yogurt, low fat ice cream etc.

lunch:
1xweek - fish (any type) with little olive oil, lemmon, garlic, parsley. side dish-lettuce (no bread)
3xweek - sauted veggies with piece of meat; beans, minestrone etc.
2xweek - risottos, pasta, cous cous, and similar
1xweek - food of choice (in moderation)

dinner:
on weekdays - since i eat lunch around 4pm it should be a piece of fruit or a veggie, or small bowl of lettuce, several bites of feta cheese etc.
on weekends - various salads (depending on the lunch)

ok so that's food. for the time being i will try to avoid bread as much as possible.

exercise: 3x week
2x 10 minutes elliptical + dumbells+legs exercises+abdominals exercises
1x 15 minutes elliptical+ abdominals+back exercises+stretching

exercise will increase gradually.
 
sounds like a good plan... if the small meals don't work for you.. (I couldn't do them...) then reevaluate after a week or so and see how your body is responding.. and how you're feeling...
 
yeah i was planning to do something like that. my problems became breakfasts in the past few weeks. i was taking in too much. so lowering cals in the breakfast section was my primary goal. and the intake of carbs in general. i am taking too much and it only makes me more hungry.

the other problems are snacks. when i go over my day i realize i have too big of a breakfast and too much fruit during the day.
so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that this plan works :) i can't afford slipping again. because it only made me feel like crap. and 20lbs heavier. i'm just so angry at myself that i let myself do that to myself again. i thought i couldn't trick myself anymore but i guess i was wrong.
 
so the first day is going very well. i had yogurt and banana for breakfast, an apple for snack and will have beef for lunch with sauted zucchini and green beans :) since the beef will take long time to cook, so it will be more of a dinner, when i get home i plan on having 1 tomato and 100grams of turkey breast ham (it has 90cals per 100 grams).

i wanted to do 15 minutes elliptical today and i will try to do some, but my throat is sore and i feel feverish. i don't actually have a fever thank god. i hate being sick any time of year, but in the summer even more.
 
Ya the affirmtion is just somrthing positive from your day. LIke I am proud of myself today I ate really well. Or if somethign negative happened in my day I tried ot spin it around and make it a positive.

Im glad to see you ahve a plan, baby steps as you know and more and more and everyday it will become habit agian along with the exercise. I find it the hardest to pick up agian so I just try to always continue to do it, plus i need it and feel so much better when I do it.
 
the diet so far is going very well. i had a slip two days in a row, eating bread like there's no tomorrow. i ate because i was bored. the problem is my brain seems to shut itself out until its all over...then the guilt starts and the never ending: 'why on earth did you do that??'. (it so sounds like a drug addicts doesn't it???)

but i am not caving in. i am determined that this will work. i don't care how long will it take to discipline myself and to make the inner me understand that this is how its going to be. but i will get there. and the goal is not so much to lose weight. off course i want to lose it and be thin...i just want to eat normally, without the urges to binge on stupid things and feel like a bottomless barrel.

again i think its coming down to why i want to fail? and what am i scared of? i did train myself in the past few years to be honest with myself even if it kills me. so i put it all on paper and after a long list of fears, these were the ones that seemed to be hidden underneath:

1. i'm afraid i will not succeed...so why bother
2. i'm afraid that when i lose all my shell (or layers of it) people will not like me and will abandon me
3. i'm afraid that i will be alone and unhappy
4. and most of all i'm afraid that i will actually be happy

how to deal with this? that's what i have to figure out i guess.
 
Hey Lena

I too am afraid to be skinny...my friends always tell me Im afraid because im pretty now but will be even more prettier with the weight gone, lol...ya i dont buy that, I am just afraid of being thin. I had the attention being on me and I say I dont do things cuz of my weight and when I get thin I will have no more excuses. I totally hide behind my weight and use it as an excuse.

You succeed very well once and you will agian. One day at a time remeber, one foot in front of the other, one step at a time:)!
 
Wow, I've found that in the past I've used my weight as excuses for everything from being afraid to start new relationships to not wanting to lose weight because people will notice and comment on it. It took me along time to get past my fears. Now I'm afraid that if I don't lose weight I'll lose other things, like my health. Sometimes when I'm ready to give up and binge I have to write a pros and cons list and the pros always outweigh the cons, it gets me over that hump of wanting to stuff myself and I can move in and find something else to focus on.
 
true...i am afraid i will not be able to lose weight in time to have a healthy pregnancy once. if and when i have kids one day i wanna pass on to them the healthy habits, such as eating when hungry, sleeping when tired, play when bored, fight when angry etc. so far accept for sleeping part most of my life i spent eating when hungry, eating when bored, eating when angry, eating when happy, and eating when sad. hehe and i have the reasons why...i wrote them all once in an essay here, about two years ago. and i don't have any more problems with the why? i have problems with the consequence.

determination is the key. it just seems that learned behavior steps in without me being completely consciously aware of it. two years ago when i came here i managed to get it under control, and things were great. i guess my going to budapest was on some level an excuse for me not to be in control, and now i'm starting over.

soooo enough of the wining :)

today i am hopefully going for a swim or two or three :) hitting the beach. yaaay

and today's food will be:

breakfast: 1 banana + big cup of cafe late
lunch: beans, 1 slice of whole wheat bread, 2 tomatoes with salt
snack: if i manage an apple or something (but i'll probably be at the beach so no snacks)
dinner: 1 tomato, 1 bell pepper, 1 cucumber with 1 can of tuna and cottage cheese
or 2 nectarines and some grapes.

exercise: swimming; if not then 15 minutes elliptical + dumbells exercises (including legs and arms exercises) + abdominals.
 
lena410 said:
2. i'm afraid that when i lose all my shell (or layers of it) people will not like me and will abandon me
Click to expand...
there's an irish toast you can repeat to yourself :)
[FONT=Comic Sans MS, arial]
May those who love us,
Love us.
And those who do not love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping.

[/FONT]If people like you only based on what you look like, then they arent worth having as friends - who you are isn't what you look like -and those that do love you... and care about you... know the true you -and whether you weigh 450lbs or 125 lbs or somewhere in between - the true you is the true you and people's love of you won't change...

Just watch out for those that limp... :D they can't be trusted :D
[FONT=Comic Sans MS, arial][/FONT]
 
hahaha good one :) i will print it out and put it on my office wall. maybe some of my colleagues will get the picture :) some of them seem to be limping lately hehe.

well i have good news. I am 2lbs down and very pleased with myself. as long as its moving. so now i i have 229 lbs. i will not weigh myself until 24 August because i'll be away on holiday and i don't want to worry about the accuracy of the scale. but i will try and lose at least another 6lbs by then. however the only exercise i will be able to do is walking. it will be too hot in mostar for any other activity.
 
damn its hot as hell here these days...
yesterday after work i just went to the beach and spent the entire afternoon swimming and being lazy in the sun..how nice.

in two days i'm going to bosnia :) to see my bf. can't wait.

today's food:

breakfast: 1 banana
lunch: tagliatelle with chicken and apple sauce
snack: fruit
dinner: don't know yet (probably salad)
 
hi Lena! Glad you're up to a fresh start and having a good time, and that was sweet what Mal put in :beating: Take care and carry on, then!

HUGS
 
thanx val :)

you got me all thinking with that festivcal of yours :) if i ever come to cali and meet you you're taking me to see that stuff :)
 
my eating didn't start off very well, i ate quite of bread this morning, but i'll try and compensate during the day, focusing more on light foods.

yesterday i got waxed, tried arab depilation for the first time, hurts, but the skin is really wonderfully smooth. after that i went home, and played with my little niece who just discovered walking so running after her for about 40 minutes i believe can be counted as exercise hehehehe

i was planning on going to the beach today after work, but my uncle is coming with his family so no sea for me today :( but i get to spend some time with the family so that's good.

so food today:

breakfast: bread and turkey breast ham + yogurt
lunch: hopefully something light
snack:watermellon
dinner: yogurt or light salad or something similar
 
I'm officially on vacation :) yaaay
and therefore i ran away from my hometown to my bf's home in Bosnia for some love rehab :) and he's been really nice in the past few days. The only thing is...its too damn hot to have sex as much as would like to hehe, and he doesn't have an air conditioner. there is a fan, but not making any difference. but we manage.
i am being pampered in a many wonderful ways :). in november we're about to move in together so we're making plans and stuff.
so yes i am enjoying myself hehe

the foods today:

breakfast: bread with pate and yogurt
snack: no snack
lunch: satarash (sauted pepper, tomato and onions) , minced meat and rice
snack: if any it will be icecream
dinner: depending on the amount of lunch and snack but either salad or pie :)
 
I've been bad for not posting...it was just too damn hot to be anywhere near the computer. today its a bit better. My eating hasn't been perfect in the past week, but i'm on vacation so i'm not trying too hard. I am not overeating, i'm just not dieting either.
i will check on you people in a bit, and write more about me, myself and i when i have more time and more stuff to report hehe.
 
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