Lena's corner
- Thread starter lena410
- Start date
When it comes to people annoying the crap out of you try this:
*hold up a finger* Just a moment, hold that thought!
*leave, and don't return until they have left*
It gets the message across very effectively. Either that or, if they are in YOUR space while you are trying to work:
*hold up one finger* Whoops! I have to finish this, I'll just be a couple of minutes. Can we finish this conversation in a bit?
The goal is to get people out of the habit of discussing non-work related topics with you, especially if they just complain or are rude. I hope it helps, if not, you might have to give some examples of what people are doing; because you do NOT have to take crap from people; it's not what you're paid to do.
*hold up a finger* Just a moment, hold that thought!
*leave, and don't return until they have left*
It gets the message across very effectively. Either that or, if they are in YOUR space while you are trying to work:
*hold up one finger* Whoops! I have to finish this, I'll just be a couple of minutes. Can we finish this conversation in a bit?
The goal is to get people out of the habit of discussing non-work related topics with you, especially if they just complain or are rude. I hope it helps, if not, you might have to give some examples of what people are doing; because you do NOT have to take crap from people; it's not what you're paid to do.
hehe good advice QJ. well the problem is the following. i'm working at a faculty...my position is administrative official for international relations, projects and publishing. but this is job where one day you have nothing to do
and next you can't get your head up. now i share office with two colleagues.
one is great and we get along great the other one i also get along with but who is extremely loud, and just has the need to share every single thing with everyone else...from personal things to just the fact that someone asked her to do something (she is pretty lazy) so whether you want to or not you just have to listen (i tried asking her to keep her voice down...she does it for errr 15 seconds lol). she's just very nervous, and from what i noticed also jealous of me (why i really have no idea). i guess i just need to put up with that or start a confrontation. we are a small faculty and only 60 employees altogether (of which 30 administrative staff). but there are others (a 57 year old who bites everyone who comes near lol) and similar... most of the times i don't have problems but when i have really a lot to do i can't stand being anybody's punching bag especially since its the same thing over and over again (like a broken record lol).
now i'm using you as a punching bag for my frustrations lol
cind exercise really does help, but my shape is not yet on the level where i can workout every day thank god for spa this weekend
and next you can't get your head up. now i share office with two colleagues.
one is great and we get along great the other one i also get along with but who is extremely loud, and just has the need to share every single thing with everyone else...from personal things to just the fact that someone asked her to do something (she is pretty lazy) so whether you want to or not you just have to listen (i tried asking her to keep her voice down...she does it for errr 15 seconds lol). she's just very nervous, and from what i noticed also jealous of me (why i really have no idea). i guess i just need to put up with that or start a confrontation. we are a small faculty and only 60 employees altogether (of which 30 administrative staff). but there are others (a 57 year old who bites everyone who comes near lol) and similar... most of the times i don't have problems but when i have really a lot to do i can't stand being anybody's punching bag especially since its the same thing over and over again (like a broken record lol).
now i'm using you as a punching bag for my frustrations lol
cind exercise really does help, but my shape is not yet on the level where i can workout every day
thank god for spa this weekend
Britta Bear
New member
Hey Lena!! what do you do?
I used to work in a small office, and was ALWAYS getting work piled on from a woman who was my supervisor before I was promoted.. Basically she thought I didn't have anything to do because the position I was promoted to had not been filled for a couple of months. WRONG, I had TONS to so. There was also a very loud mouthed arrogant woman working with me who acted like everyone's mother-but only the nagging part of a monther- and she stressed me out beyond belief!
I learned that there is one way to deal with this: BOUNDARIES
(picture the couds parting, rays of sunshine drenching you with their brilliance, birds chirping and angels singing).
Holy Cow! After I learned about boundaries, and applied them to work, my bf, my parents, family, etc., I was amazed at how much more respected I felt. And it came from respecting myself enough to get the balls to try it!
Ok, say this horrible wench at work is bugging you, she says something nasty, invades your space, whatever she does to make you feel wrong, what you do is calmy wait for her to finish talking, and say 'It is not ok for you to say that/do that at my desk/etc."
Now, be careful because you dont want to sound demanding, rude, belligerant, or bossy. You are not giving orders, you are demanding respect as a human being. It is your god given right to ask for respect. Also, if you throw in a consequence, it is usually more effective
For example:
Your wench enemy is sitting on your desk, gabbing on your phone for a LONG time, disrupting you and your ability to work. You say
"Excuse me (whatever her name is), can I have a second of your time? Thanks...pause...."You know, it's not ok to use my work area as your own personal space. If you continue to do this, I wont be able to finsih my work."
the consequence can be more harsh depending on if the person is someone can fire you or not. And how extreem your situation is.
At my old job, I told my old supervisor:" Susan, it's really not ok to give me so much work. If you keep assigning these things to me, I will never be able to focus on the members."And I told the loud mouth lady "Linda it is NOT ok to talk to me like that! If this keeps up, I will be happy to make a formal complaint." and walked away.
And I know your situation alot more than someone using your phone, i'm not trying to play it down, I just wanted to make something up.
The key is to not explain why yourself. If you do that, they will feel like you arent being firm, and they will have a way in. Command respect by giving a respectful, yet firm, two sentances.
Holy cow, this is sooo long! Sorry if I am just blabbering away, granna has me up for a good portion of the night. I dont mean to go loopy on you!!
Oh, and it's fantastic that you are staying on track with that office stress! It's soooo easy to go find something to eat in that situation. Kudos!!!
I used to work in a small office, and was ALWAYS getting work piled on from a woman who was my supervisor before I was promoted.. Basically she thought I didn't have anything to do because the position I was promoted to had not been filled for a couple of months. WRONG, I had TONS to so. There was also a very loud mouthed arrogant woman working with me who acted like everyone's mother-but only the nagging part of a monther- and she stressed me out beyond belief!
I learned that there is one way to deal with this: BOUNDARIES
(picture the couds parting, rays of sunshine drenching you with their brilliance, birds chirping and angels singing).
Holy Cow! After I learned about boundaries, and applied them to work, my bf, my parents, family, etc., I was amazed at how much more respected I felt. And it came from respecting myself enough to get the balls to try it!
Ok, say this horrible wench at work is bugging you, she says something nasty, invades your space, whatever she does to make you feel wrong, what you do is calmy wait for her to finish talking, and say 'It is not ok for you to say that/do that at my desk/etc."
Now, be careful because you dont want to sound demanding, rude, belligerant, or bossy. You are not giving orders, you are demanding respect as a human being. It is your god given right to ask for respect. Also, if you throw in a consequence, it is usually more effective
For example:
Your wench enemy is sitting on your desk, gabbing on your phone for a LONG time, disrupting you and your ability to work. You say
"Excuse me (whatever her name is), can I have a second of your time? Thanks...pause...."You know, it's not ok to use my work area as your own personal space. If you continue to do this, I wont be able to finsih my work."
the consequence can be more harsh depending on if the person is someone can fire you or not. And how extreem your situation is.
At my old job, I told my old supervisor:" Susan, it's really not ok to give me so much work. If you keep assigning these things to me, I will never be able to focus on the members."And I told the loud mouth lady "Linda it is NOT ok to talk to me like that! If this keeps up, I will be happy to make a formal complaint." and walked away.
And I know your situation alot more than someone using your phone, i'm not trying to play it down, I just wanted to make something up.
The key is to not explain why yourself. If you do that, they will feel like you arent being firm, and they will have a way in. Command respect by giving a respectful, yet firm, two sentances.
Holy cow, this is sooo long! Sorry if I am just blabbering away, granna has me up for a good portion of the night. I dont mean to go loopy on you!!
Oh, and it's fantastic that you are staying on track with that office stress! It's soooo easy to go find something to eat in that situation. Kudos!!!
Well working in an office sounds fun! *and a lot like some of my classes at school* haha
I read your first post, and I now see some of the things I need to work on from it. Like finding a new way of rewarding myself, and not wanting anyone to stop me from doing (or eating) what I want, with others.
I'm happy you posted that.
I read your first post, and I now see some of the things I need to work on from it. Like finding a new way of rewarding myself, and not wanting anyone to stop me from doing (or eating) what I want, with others.
I'm happy you posted that.
lol sophie i definitely should if i had enough space
britta hehe, write all you want. your advice would definitely work if we had a normal working environment. and i did apply most of it on several other people who think they own the place. but this one is not like that just with me but with everybody...the problem is i'm the closest hehehe. i do tell her whenever i can: 'i'm sorry i can't talk i have lots to do' but she doesn't get it. on the other hand i do understand her...she needs the attention, because she's not getting any at home. i call people like that vampires (they drink up your energy lol). she's ok person if we forget this loudness and constant urge to be in the center of attention hehe.
but i released the stress and feel lot better now. tomorrow i'm back doing my own things (thank god she doesn't speak languages so she doesn't have anything to do with my work...only i have with hers). well if i get into that masters program in hungary i'll be gone for 10 months hehe and come back probabily as assistant to one of the professors.
britta hehe, write all you want
. your advice would definitely work if we had a normal working environment. and i did apply most of it on several other people who think they own the place. but this one is not like that just with me but with everybody...the problem is i'm the closest hehehe. i do tell her whenever i can: 'i'm sorry i can't talk i have lots to do' but she doesn't get it. on the other hand i do understand her...she needs the attention, because she's not getting any at home. i call people like that vampires (they drink up your energy lol). she's ok person if we forget this loudness and constant urge to be in the center of attention hehe. but i released the stress and feel lot better now. tomorrow i'm back doing my own things (thank god she doesn't speak languages so she doesn't have anything to do with my work...only i have with hers). well if i get into that masters program in hungary i'll be gone for 10 months hehe and come back probabily as assistant to one of the professors.
Britta Bear
New member
Wow, look at you. You really ARE determined to succeed!
puddles is the cute little puppy she cuddles in her avatar
One of my classes is sociolinguistics, and we are studying conversational styles and how they can be caused by placement within the family etc. Not to analyze your coworker, but maybe she was the youngest child or a middle child and always had to fight to talk in her family due to this, so she is used to speaking loudly to be heard.
Britta Bear
New member
Photocrazed- I was thinking the same thing. I have a good friend who is EXACTLY like that. I have been able to live with it, but she always has to be the center of attention and is jealous of anyone who takes attention away from her. She also has an eating disorder, as she has a need to be the prettiest and skinniest. Lena, I think you said something about your co-worker being skinny...I am not trying to say she has an eating disorder, but they are VERY common, and if you can pick up on one, it might help you to understand her better.
Picasa Web Albums - Lena - Karneval
ok here's the link with some new photos from carnevale and on one there is me with my best friend tina and masked guy who did some stripping for us lol
now for the serious thing. that woman is actually obese (my weight) , venice's is skinny (it must be something in the air here lol) and i heard actually that her husband used to beat her. i don't know if that's true, but it is one of the reasons why i don't jump at her.
and i am determined to succeed. even if i don't get into that program i will achieve my goals. maybe mal will hire me hehehe
sophie...the dog in nola's avatar is called puddles...and he's just the cutest hehehe
ok here's the link with some new photos from carnevale and on one there is me with my best friend tina and masked guy who did some stripping for us lol
now for the serious thing. that woman is actually obese (my weight) , venice's is skinny (it must be something in the air here lol) and i heard actually that her husband used to beat her. i don't know if that's true, but it is one of the reasons why i don't jump at her.
and i am determined to succeed. even if i don't get into that program i will achieve my goals. maybe mal will hire me hehehe
sophie...the dog in nola's avatar is called puddles...and he's just the cutest hehehe
Britta Bear
New member
ohh I mixed the two up! sorry!
Well, I can also say that this need for attention does have some affect on how my friend chooses the wrong guys. I dont know how I would deal with it other than just taking it one day at a time, and just go ahead and vent here! we will always be here to support you Lena!
Your pictures are soo cute! Looks like you had a blast, and that guy is too funny!
Well, I can also say that this need for attention does have some affect on how my friend chooses the wrong guys. I dont know how I would deal with it other than just taking it one day at a time, and just go ahead and vent here! we will always be here to support you Lena!
Your pictures are soo cute! Looks like you had a blast, and that guy is too funny!
yeah saw him for the first time there hehehe too funny
thanx britta this support means a world to me. i hope you won't find me too frustrated. its just i say here things i don't usually say anywhere else. some yes but not all although i have supportive friends they don't know what it is to binge or hate yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror. i don't anymore
tomorrow's my weigh-in day...keep your fingers crossed hehe. i don't expect a loss...would be perfectly happy with no gain.
gotta go now, my dad needs the computer, so i'll see you all tomorrow morning
thanx britta this support means a world to me. i hope you won't find me too frustrated. its just i say here things i don't usually say anywhere else. some yes but not all
although i have supportive friends they don't know what it is to binge or hate yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror. i don't anymore tomorrow's my weigh-in day...keep your fingers crossed hehe. i don't expect a loss...would be perfectly happy with no gain.
gotta go now, my dad needs the computer, so i'll see you all tomorrow morning
