baglady2713
New member
familyweese...
hahaha....
love your sig btw!!!
hahaha....
love your sig btw!!!
Laughing burns calories too
- Thread starter Gator1
- Start date
baglady2713
New member
april fools..........
spaghetti trees??!
are ppl really that daft??? apparently yes they are
spaghetti trees??!
are ppl really that daft??? apparently yes they are
familyweese
New member
spaghetti trees??!
are ppl really that daft??? apparently yes they are
HAHA I had a friend one time whos car blinker light went out and his brother in law told him he needed to go to wal-mart and get some blinker fluid and that would fix it. So he was really at wal-mart for like an hour trying to find blinker fluid until some one asked him if he needed help and they told him blinker fluid didn't exist.
PaperAirPlanes
New member
familyweese
New member
that was like 9 years ago but I still mess with him about it. I'll see him and be like man I really need to check my blinker fluid its probably getting low.
Oh I also had a friend who when we were about 13 made a cheese cake and I guess decided that there wasn't enough "cheese" so she added shredded cheddar cheese. Still to this day she denies it but her brother went to take a big bite of it and there were pieces of chedder sticking out and we all saw it.
baglady2713
New member
email joke sent to me today by a friend but since when....
A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
did you become MATURE 40+??????
i maybe pudgy below the waist....but from the waist up (especially when sitting down in a car!! LOL) i still have the whole boobs & smile thing working for me...which would still help get me out of a little bother if i drove (which i don't due to my crappness drivingwise...) is it using my feminine wiles to my advantge?? yeah probably... am i proud of it?? well no not exactly...(ok maybe a little!!) but if men weren't so friggin easily mesmerized by a pair of tits we wouldn't do it would we??!!
anyway i take great delight in keeping the child/rebel teen in me alive & well...much to the chagrin of my eldest (whos like 20 going on friggin 50 hes THAT mature!!) apparently he always warns new friends on first visiting our little home that i'm not like 'other mothers' (who is??! the cheeky sod!!) it might have something to do with the fact that any given moment i may be jumping like a loon outside on the trampoline with finn/getting the dog going nuts...doesn't take much...don't dogs take after owners or is it the other way around?? hahaha/dancing around the livingroom...or just generally acting daft & being silly...anything to make finn laugh...what he doesn't realise though is that i take the 'not normal' bit as a compliment....anyway i feel it my duty to get him to lighten up occasionally...he loves it really i know he does...well no he doesn't actually say so himself...but i just know................
A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
did you become MATURE 40+??????
i maybe pudgy below the waist....but from the waist up (especially when sitting down in a car!! LOL) i still have the whole boobs & smile thing working for me...which would still help get me out of a little bother if i drove (which i don't due to my crappness drivingwise...) is it using my feminine wiles to my advantge?? yeah probably... am i proud of it?? well no not exactly...(ok maybe a little!!) but if men weren't so friggin easily mesmerized by a pair of tits we wouldn't do it would we??!!
anyway i take great delight in keeping the child/rebel teen in me alive & well...much to the chagrin of my eldest (whos like 20 going on friggin 50 hes THAT mature!!) apparently he always warns new friends on first visiting our little home that i'm not like 'other mothers' (who is??! the cheeky sod!!) it might have something to do with the fact that any given moment i may be jumping like a loon outside on the trampoline with finn/getting the dog going nuts...doesn't take much...don't dogs take after owners or is it the other way around?? hahaha/dancing around the livingroom...or just generally acting daft & being silly...anything to make finn laugh...what he doesn't realise though is that i take the 'not normal' bit as a compliment....anyway i feel it my duty to get him to lighten up occasionally...he loves it really i know he does...well no he doesn't actually say so himself...but i just know................
G
Guest
Guest
B r a v o
HAHAHAHAHA that was GRRREAT Baglady!!!
I think I may use a few of those lines....
I may use this one in the future, "If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you."
This one is me:I smile because I have no Idea whats going on : Just smile and nod. (not always a great idea, do you really want to be bald down there...)
Road Rage: Just smile and wave (not always a great idea....
I'm PMSing so get the fuck out of my way
Oh Dear..were you reading my bio?
If you can read this your a nosey little bitch
I may be cold hearted and an unloving bitch, but I'm damn good at it
HAHAHAHAHA that was GRRREAT Baglady!!!
I think I may use a few of those lines....
I may use this one in the future, "If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you."
This one is me:I smile because I have no Idea whats going on : Just smile and nod. (not always a great idea, do you really want to be bald down there...)
Road Rage: Just smile and wave (not always a great idea....
I'm PMSing so get the fuck out of my way
Oh Dear..were you reading my bio?
If you can read this your a nosey little bitch
I may be cold hearted and an unloving bitch, but I'm damn good at it
G
Guest
Guest
The Salty Glob Of Booger had me laughing out loud for a few mins....thanks for that. (what IT tastes like) I've also heard it called, a ...Purple Yogurt Slinger...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!?
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!?
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!?
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!?
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!?
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!?
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!?
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!?
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!?
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!?
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!???
The Cat's Diary??
Day 983 of My Captivity?
?My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.??
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!??
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.???
?
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.??
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dog's Diary?
???8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!?
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!?
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!?
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!?
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!?
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!?
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!?
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!?
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!?
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!?
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!???
The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity?
?My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.??
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!??
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.???
?
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.??
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...
baglady2713
New member
An old Scotsman was walking with his grandson. Presently, they came upon a dry stone wall.
“Ye see that wall, there, laddie?”
“Aye.”
“I built it, I did. I built it with my own two hands. I built twenty others just like it. But do they call me 'Hamish the wall builder?' Nay.”
They continued walking.
“Ye see that barn, there, laddie?”
“Aye.Grandad”
“I built it, I did. I built it with my own two hands. I built thirty others just like it. But do they call me 'Hamish the barn builder?' Nay, laddie.”
They continued their walk until they came upon a house.
“Ye see that house, there, laddie?”
“Aye.”
“I built it, I did. I built it with my own two hands. I built fifty others just like it. But do they call me 'Hamish the house builder?'Nay laddie... nay."
Then he shakes his head, and with tears in his eyes cries out
"BUT I **** ONE SHEEP…....”
A young Italian man was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.
After a short while, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied,"No."
Surprised, the young man reached for her and the lovemaking resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, And again he asks, "You finish?" And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to out last him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No... I is Swedish..."
(for those of you who don't get it...finland is a country in europe btw!!)
“Ye see that wall, there, laddie?”
“Aye.”
“I built it, I did. I built it with my own two hands. I built twenty others just like it. But do they call me 'Hamish the wall builder?' Nay.”
They continued walking.
“Ye see that barn, there, laddie?”
“Aye.Grandad”
“I built it, I did. I built it with my own two hands. I built thirty others just like it. But do they call me 'Hamish the barn builder?' Nay, laddie.”
They continued their walk until they came upon a house.
“Ye see that house, there, laddie?”
“Aye.”
“I built it, I did. I built it with my own two hands. I built fifty others just like it. But do they call me 'Hamish the house builder?'Nay laddie... nay."
Then he shakes his head, and with tears in his eyes cries out
"BUT I **** ONE SHEEP…....”
A young Italian man was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom and made love.
After a short while, he asked with a smile, "So...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied,"No."
Surprised, the young man reached for her and the lovemaking resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly and there are screams of passion. The love making ends, and again, the young man smiles, And again he asks, "You finish?" And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to out last him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?"
Barely able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No... I is Swedish..."
(for those of you who don't get it...finland is a country in europe btw
!!)
G
Guest
Guest
LOL I got it I got it!!!
baglady2713
New member
i have some fridge magnets i like...
ran into my ex...
put it in reverse & hit him again
PMS when good girls go bad
i'm having my period & can therefore legally kill you
my husband says he'll leave me if i don't stop shopping...
lord i'll miss that man
(another reason why i'm very happily divorced...no hassle!!
)i have some coasters with some 1950's housewives on them too incl...
being unstable & bitchy is all part of my mystique...
if its mans word...let him clean it...
everytime i find mr.right...my husband scares him away...