Kyle's Diary

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For me therapy was very helpful - if utterly exhausting. Maintaining more or less easily is an excellent thing because it gives you time to consider what an easy next small step could be. Marathon, not sprint and all that.
 
Kyle, weigh yourself once a week, just to keep an eye on it & just try to make constant small improvements. Slow & steady does win the race. Ignore that pesky little voice. You can do this. Have faith in yourself.
 
Hello. I had a philosophical thought about eating the other day, and I think it could help me make better choices for what I eat. Here is the complex thought:
I tend to judge myself very strongly for what I think and feel. My thoughts and feelings are not good enough for my internal standards. I end up putting so much priority on my thoughts that do not even exist in this physical world, but are imaginary. On the other hand, I don't care enough about what I put in my mouth, which is a real thing and has real-world consequences. I could help myself and others around me much more by prioritizing my real-world actions over my thoughts. That way I won't keep trying to repress my negative thoughts and feelings by eating junk foods, which is really bad for me. I am literally damaging my health just to feel better about what is going on in my mind.

In reality, this is easier said than done because my thoughts and feelings seem so real. Of course my mind is real, in a sense, but I think that mental pain cannot hurt me as much as being physically unhealthy could hurt me. Basically, I need to toughen up inside and stop giving so much importance to my feelings because I end up making unhealthy choices when I let my feelings and thoughts get me down. It's better to have control over my actions than to try to control my thoughts too much. In honesty, this kind of thinking goes against the way I have been living my whole life. I pretty much live to protect myself from getting hurt feelings. It's sad, but true. Hopefully I am growing out of that way of living, which is why my life is getting better and better these days and I am becoming more successful. I have maintained the same weight the last couple weeks, but I have not been trying as hard as I could have. I will try harder and get that weight to start creeping down.
 
I think that mental pain cannot hurt me as much as being physically unhealthy could hurt me.
They can. Just think of things like anxiety and depression. But I get your point and I think it has merit. Especially
It's better to have control over my actions than to try to control my thoughts too much.
You have to control your actions because they influence yourself and others so we have rules for those. Thoughts are free. I do think it´s healthy to curate your thoughts a little bit to be as kind and polite to yourself as I´m sure you are to others but blaming yourself for having the wrong thoughts doesn´t help anyone.
 
On Monday I jogged around the large city block twice. Then my legs were sore for a couple days. Today I did it again, despite a little soreness. It was a little awkward at first jogging around an industrial area, but when I did it today, my brain had already adapted to ignore the awkwardness. It's nice to make a strong effort. I will try to keep up the jogging as long as my body can adjust.
 
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