Kyle's Diary

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Last weekend was a setback. On Saturday I went to the birthday party of a friend's daughter. Somehow I lost control and had a lot of chips. That night I took my family out to Souplantation and over-filled on soup and salad. I don't know exactly why I lost control that day, but I think it was some kind of natural phenomena of my body. Usually I have a very high will power and I have no trouble saying no to temptations like a bowl of chips. After Saturday I got back to my diet and now I am getting closer to where I was before Saturday. Tonight I will do Zumba, which usually helps boost my weight loss for the next morning.

Inside I am feeling a little down lately. Although I am getting a lot of compliments that I look better, I am feeling very lonely and unsupported. My wife is supporting me as far as she is making my lunches and dinners for me, which is a great help. And she is eating what I eat for dinner. But I feel like the support is just a practical support. Emotionally, I feel very weak and lonely. FYI, weight loss is only one of things that I have been trying to improve in my life, there are other things I am working on too. I feel very spread thin. I believe that I will feel a little better as time passes, but the weight of my current situation is a little overwhelming.
 
I recently read a book called Codependent No More and I now know that I am codependent. But I have been in denial the last few days, and it has been quite painful emotionally. I am bringing up my codependence because I think this is one reason why I didn't take care of my health throughout my life. I tend to care more about pleasing others than taking care of myself, which is one basic part of being codependent. I am going to start attending CoDependents Anonymous meetings and try to work on this issue. I think tackling this issue is going to be key to maintaining life-long health.
 
Kyle, sending you a big hug. Be careful with self analysis as it may lead you down the wrong path. It would be best to talk to a doctor, who might refer you to a counsellor. You may be feeling a bit low & it may be temporary. Try to talk to your wife about it & you might find you get more emotional support. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. I know that sounds so simple, but I feel really down when I'm tired & have to remind myself that getting a good night's sleep will really help & it usually does. Take care xo Cate
 
Thank you, Cate! You are like a mother to me. And Sunflower is like a sister. I am tired, that's for sure. I think that I have been sleeping enough. So I thought the tiredness might come from dehydration. I have been extra hungry, too. Somehow the food that has usually sustained me is not meeting my hunger needs. Why would this be? I am feeling better emotionally as the days pass. I get more excited and feel better physically as I lose weight. I am down to 245.2 lbs. That leaves 5.2 lbs. left till I reach my next goal. From time to time I get depressed like I have been the last couple days, and it usually passes and I feel better. It's like male PMS. So I don't think that it's necessary to visit a doctor. Plus I would like to keep "mental condition" off of my medical records if possible. I think that going to CoDA could be very helpful for me. As I read through their pamphlet this morning, I clearly saw that their goals and my goals are aligned. I want to try this, although there is no guarantee that it will work. Nothing is really guaranteed, except mortality (I don't mean to sound morbid).
 
I was down to 243.8, but I went to a Korean restaurant and the next morning I was back up to 246.2. One day later I am back down to 244. It's interesting how eating salty foods really makes my weight Yo-Yo like this. I have been stressing the last week. One good thing that happened yesterday was that I got a promotion at work. I have been patiently waiting for a promotion, and I finally got it. This means that I will probably get a pay raise, and the jobs I will be doing will be a bit more challenging but more inline with what I want to do and more fulfilling. Also my wife just got hired today by a company that she really wanted to work for. It is her first job in three years, and I am looking forward to the extra income for our family. The three of us have been living on my income alone, and it has been tough financially. Hopefully her working and my possible raise will help us cut down our debt and be a little more stable.
 
Hello everyone! It has been a over a month since I visited this forum. I have been struggling a lot, and I didn't feel ready to share all of that on this forum. So I just stayed away. But things are getting better now. I will try to include some important points from my previous few weeks.

From July 3rd until now, I have had a really hard time with my diet. It started with a long weekend which included lots of going out to eat with in-laws. Then all of last week I was on a business trip and I wasn't able to prepare any of my own meals or get much exercise. So I have pretty much put my diet on the back burner. During this time I didn't want to weigh myself because I was afraid of how much I was gaining. So now I am back to my regular schedule. And I started my regime again yesterday. One positive change that I noticed is that even though I was not able to stick to my diet, I had a lot more control over the quantity that I ate. I was able to stop eating before I was too full. Well I checked my weight this morning, and it was 241, which is better than I expected. My current goal is 210, and I want to reach that weight by 8/25/15. It seems too extreme when I think about it, but I really think I can do this.

I tried to think what I could have done better until now. I really don't want to go through another experience like that again. It was painful to be out of control. One point that I have decided to change is that I will not drink any more coffee. The reason is that coffee seems to be the last thing connecting me to my previous relationship with food. I think that the main purpose of this diet is to change my relationship with food. In essence I want to stop abusing food. But I think that drinking coffee has provided a way for me to not really stand alone because I am always dependent of getting coffee. Also it is the least healthy part of my diet, and I think that it is really slowing my progress. It's not coffee alone that is the problem. I always put cream and sugar in my coffee, and that is probably the part that is worst for me. But I don't seem to be able to drink coffee without adding cream and sugar. So my solution is to just stop drinking it.

Also I want to drink plenty of water and green tea. Green tea does not provide that same comfort that coffee does, but it does give me that boost in energy, and I can drink it straight, without any cream or sugar.

I really missed eating my healthy, delicious foods. They are less flavorful, but so much more satisfying and wholesome.
 
I'm glad you're back Kyle & back on track. I drink my coffee straight & have 2 cups in the morning & then herbal for the rest of the day. If you feel that coffee is half your problem, then kudos to you for giving it up.
 
Thanks Cate! I haven't drunk coffee for the last 3 days. It was a little hard at first. Last night we went out of dinner, and there was a machine which would give you free coffee on your way out. I instinctively wanted to get it, just cause it was free. But I remembered that I stopped drinking coffee. Physically, I am doing fine without it. I miss the aromatic, soothing feeling from drinking it though. I want to keep this up.
 
I've just had a read through your diary, and I want to offer some encouragement.

It's really easy to just think "sod it!" when you fall off the plan and really let things go. Try to remember that any little blip is just that; a blip. If you pig out once, just dust yourself down and get back on track!

I'll be keeping tabs on this one anyway, us men are outnumbered here!
 
Hobbio said:
I've just had a read through your diary, and I want to offer some encouragement.

It's really easy to just think "sod it!" when you fall off the plan and really let things go. Try to remember that any little blip is just that; a blip. If you pig out once, just dust yourself down and get back on track!

I'll be keeping tabs on this one anyway, us men are outnumbered here!
Click to expand...

Thank you, Hobbio! I don't really feel bad about straying from my diet anymore because I have gotten back on track. I think it's very important to not be hard on ourselves, though it's easy to fall into a negative way of thinking. On of my main reasons for losing weight is to stop the self-judgment. So it would be counter-productive to judge myself for not doing my best when I know I am trying. One quote I really like from Dr. Phil's 20/20 Diet goes something like, "It's not what you do one day that matters, but what you do most days." So I am okay with imperfection. At the same time, I would like to gain more self-control over time. And I think that cutting out coffee is one way to claim more control.

It's nice to know that you will keep tabs on my journal. As for being outnumbered, I have always felt more comfortable in the company of women than men. Women have generally been more kind, which matches my sensitive temperament. As I've gotten older though (31), my few close friends are all men. So it has balance out.
 
I loved reading that you think women are kinder. I wish that it was so & hope that I am a kind person. The best compliment I have ever had was from my late BIL who said I was a good person. It's good that you have a nice balance in your life Kyle xo Cate


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It may just be my perception, but I always notice most women putting more effort into being considerate of other people's feelings. I am probably somewhat biased towards women because of my dear wife, who is such a polite, humble woman. I used to think she was overdoing it and wasting her energy by trying to please others so much. But I have come to respect her deeply for this trait, and I have found that all of her friends love and respect her for this trait. I think this is the most important thing I have gained from our marriage.
 
I wish that it was so Kyle. Being considerate of other's feelings should be a given I think. It sounds like you and your wife are lucky people, xo Cate
 
Hello! I'm back from the dead. I have been off the forum for a few months! I stopped my diet due to overwhelming life circumstances, mostly stress from my job, which eventually resulted in my being transferred to a different part of the company. But somehow I have regained my energy, and I am ready to lose the weight. Last week I was at around 243 lbs or more, and today I am at 232.8 lbs. My new job is much more physically active, so I burn more calories. Also I have not been drinking coffee, which I think has been good for my health overall. I joined a gym and have been getting insruction from a trainer. She gave me this idea to pre-make my meals for a few days. So far it's a really good plan. One problem I have been having is that my wife who was making my healthy lunch and dinner recently got a job, and we have been going out to eat way more than before. So pre-making my meals is a good solution for this. Well I have to go to work now, but I hope to be posting on here more regularly. Take care!
 
Welcome (back) and congrats on the great first return week.

I've also found that pre making meals is such a powerful tool when trying to keep the eating on track. Wife and I usually make a couple big pots of food every few days and store it in containers which makes it much easier to grab on the way out the door for work. Having a plan makes it easy to stick to the plan I guess.

Hope to see you around the forum
 
Welcome back Kyle. Sorry you've had so much stress, but it sounds like things will improve now. Planning & pre-preparing is a key factor in successful weight-loss & healthy eating in general. It's good that your wife now has a job even though it means you're limited with cooking time. Glad to have you back xoCate
 
Hello Dear Members,
Looks like I gave up pretty quick last time. It's been a while. Now my job is going very well and my wife is staying home. She is supporting me by cooking very healthy meals and giving me free time to go to the gym after work. My new year resolution was to go from 280 lbs. (yes, I gained 47 lbs. over the last year or so) to 200 lbs.. I have not been 200 lbs. in a very long time, and it seems like a very good weight for me. So far after the first month I am down to 266 lbs. But this last week I have been plateauing, even though I have maintained self-control and kept to my diet and exercise. I believe there might be something more I can do to improve my weight loss. So I want to start following other people's posts to get some ideas about what else I can do.

Even though I have not been making my weight a priority in my life for the last few years, it still remains a very big value for me, and I feel so happy that I am on the path again. I don't mind if it takes a while, as long I can keep seeing improvements. It was a little painful to not have lost any weight this last week despite sticking to my healthy choices. But I am not going to give up this time. That's why I am back here, even though it's a little embarrassing because of my history of giving up. I know that people on this site are good. I will do my best to have some consistency with my online activity this time around. Sorry!
 
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