Krystal's Diary
- Thread starter Krystal1
- Start date
Krystal1
New member
I'm just not into it at all the last few days. Yes, I've lost nearly 40 pounds by working hard, eating right, and having a positive attitude about it all...I don't know what funky bug has crawled into my head but I don't want to think about any of it right now.
I tried to go running last week, spent the next two days being sore, skipped the gym for the next 2 straight days, felt like a quitter, so consequently I ate more calories than normal, felt like an even BIGGER failure...and lost three more pounds.
I want to go lay in bed and forget about it. It's not worth hearing people say "You've lost 36 pounds?!!? Oh I hate you! Here, have some cake!"
It's not worth having people offer me food and me having to say "Oh, what's in it? I can't have that." and explain my stupid migraine diet for the ten millionth time.
It's not worth it, feeling like my support system is suddenly beginning to diminish, and feeling like I need to keep my success a secret.
I feel like everyone is getting tired of my little mini-celebrations. "I lost 3 more pounds this week!!!" Oooooh gooooood for yoooou... Sooooo haaaaaappy for you. Maybe I'm imaging it, but it's beginning to feel as if everyone is having to fake their enthusiasm. Even I am getting tired of my own excitement for my shrinking ass.
But on the other end of the spectrum...I was pushing the heavy end of 200 pounds. If you never heard me say the actual number out loud, then maybe you can't really appreciate just how close I got to tipping 300 on the scale...but I wasn't far. It's embarrassing for me to admit that, but it's true. I'm not one of those obnoxious girls who complains about needing to shed some weight for cosmetic reasons. I was literally eating myself to death. Being more than 150 pounds overweight is no joke. They have Discovery Channel shows about shit like that, so I don't take it lightly when some dumb broad 10 pounds overweight whines about not being able to squeeze into her size 4 jeans. It is really a life or death issue for me. I didn't have room to screw around anymore...I was killing myself.
I tried to go running last week, spent the next two days being sore, skipped the gym for the next 2 straight days, felt like a quitter, so consequently I ate more calories than normal, felt like an even BIGGER failure...and lost three more pounds.
I want to go lay in bed and forget about it. It's not worth hearing people say "You've lost 36 pounds?!!? Oh I hate you! Here, have some cake!"
It's not worth having people offer me food and me having to say "Oh, what's in it? I can't have that." and explain my stupid migraine diet for the ten millionth time.
It's not worth it, feeling like my support system is suddenly beginning to diminish, and feeling like I need to keep my success a secret.
I feel like everyone is getting tired of my little mini-celebrations. "I lost 3 more pounds this week!!!" Oooooh gooooood for yoooou... Sooooo haaaaaappy for you. Maybe I'm imaging it, but it's beginning to feel as if everyone is having to fake their enthusiasm. Even I am getting tired of my own excitement for my shrinking ass.
But on the other end of the spectrum...I was pushing the heavy end of 200 pounds. If you never heard me say the actual number out loud, then maybe you can't really appreciate just how close I got to tipping 300 on the scale...but I wasn't far. It's embarrassing for me to admit that, but it's true. I'm not one of those obnoxious girls who complains about needing to shed some weight for cosmetic reasons. I was literally eating myself to death. Being more than 150 pounds overweight is no joke. They have Discovery Channel shows about shit like that, so I don't take it lightly when some dumb broad 10 pounds overweight whines about not being able to squeeze into her size 4 jeans. It is really a life or death issue for me. I didn't have room to screw around anymore...I was killing myself.
bikinibound
New member
40lbs is fantastic! I am very happy to see you turn things around. The first few pages of your diary are full of self-loathing and intermittant bouts of starving yourself and then binging. Now you appear to be at a much healthier place physically and mentally, which is wonderful. Big congrats to you! 
Krystal1
New member
I'm currently down to 207, for a total loss of 43 pounds. I think I may reach my goal of being 199 by the end of July, ahead of schedule. Which for someone like me would be phenomenal.
I'm really proud of what I've done so far, and I'm anxious to see just how far I can go.
I continue to be worried about the way I will look when all is said and done. Every now and then I allow myself to get all caught up in worrying about whether I will be left with lots of sagging skin or some kind of grotesque freak-show body, because of what I looked like before the weight loss. How much skin will shrink? Will my spare tire ever go away? Will my breasts continue to droop?
A million questions and what-ifs. Geez.
But in the meantime, 43 big fat pounds.
I'm really proud of what I've done so far, and I'm anxious to see just how far I can go.
I continue to be worried about the way I will look when all is said and done. Every now and then I allow myself to get all caught up in worrying about whether I will be left with lots of sagging skin or some kind of grotesque freak-show body, because of what I looked like before the weight loss. How much skin will shrink? Will my spare tire ever go away? Will my breasts continue to droop?
A million questions and what-ifs. Geez.
But in the meantime, 43 big fat pounds.
Krystal1
New member
204!! WEEEEEE!!!!
And then yesterday I discovered that Mrs. Dell's hash browns is a lovely little detour thru diet country, and that it's only ingredient is "potatoes." Ooooh how long it's been since I had such a sinful indulgence. I fried those fuckers up in some extra virgin olive oil. And since there are only 60 calories per one cup serving...I had two.
I have not felt so miserably full in four months. I finally had to give my plate to my husband and ask him to take it away from me, because I knew I would continue to eat it until I was physically sick...which I already was. I guess old habits are hard to break.
But oooooh how indescribably delicious and crunchy and salty and satisfying. And a little frightening to realize that food could still make me feel that happy and high.
And this morning, my scale told me that I am not allowed to do that again for a VERY long time. She looked up at me and said "205 this morning, Fatso. Hope you enjoyed it."
So, back on the wagon for me today. It was worth it, and I know it's probably all water from the cup and a half of salt I dumped over my scrumptious hash browns...
And it was worth it, because I now know that I'm not ready to turn myself loose in the world of "real" food again. I may never be. This migraine diet might have to be a permanent fixture in my life, with only occasional visits to cheeseburger land. I may never be able to handle food the way "normal" people do. And if that's the way it has to be, then so be it.
And then yesterday I discovered that Mrs. Dell's hash browns is a lovely little detour thru diet country, and that it's only ingredient is "potatoes." Ooooh how long it's been since I had such a sinful indulgence. I fried those fuckers up in some extra virgin olive oil. And since there are only 60 calories per one cup serving...I had two.
I have not felt so miserably full in four months. I finally had to give my plate to my husband and ask him to take it away from me, because I knew I would continue to eat it until I was physically sick...which I already was.
I guess old habits are hard to break. But oooooh how indescribably delicious and crunchy and salty and satisfying. And a little frightening to realize that food could still make me feel that happy and high.
And this morning, my scale told me that I am not allowed to do that again for a VERY long time. She looked up at me and said "205 this morning, Fatso. Hope you enjoyed it."
So, back on the wagon for me today. It was worth it, and I know it's probably all water from the cup and a half of salt I dumped over my scrumptious hash browns...
And it was worth it, because I now know that I'm not ready to turn myself loose in the world of "real" food again. I may never be. This migraine diet might have to be a permanent fixture in my life, with only occasional visits to cheeseburger land. I may never be able to handle food the way "normal" people do. And if that's the way it has to be, then so be it.
Krystal1
New member
Currently sitting at 202 pounds. Holy shit...I will actually dip back into the 100's again.
I haven't been counting calories lately because I recently went on an "I hate this" kick again and decided not to lose any more weight because of my grotesque sagging body and drooping breasts. Hahah...but thanks to this migraine diet I have no choice in the matter. Thank goodness. I don't really want to stay fat, and I know the skin will eventually shrink a little. And what doesn't, is ok. There will be days like that, and thank goodness I have a patient husband.
I'll keep hope alive that I'll find a way to pay for some boobie surgery to lift these pooooor sad things back up into the shape of something that resembles breasts. Since they never did to begin with...but in the meantime, the 100's are looking soooo inviting.
Weeeee!
I haven't been counting calories lately because I recently went on an "I hate this" kick again and decided not to lose any more weight because of my grotesque sagging body and drooping breasts. Hahah...but thanks to this migraine diet I have no choice in the matter. Thank goodness. I don't really want to stay fat, and I know the skin will eventually shrink a little. And what doesn't, is ok. There will be days like that, and thank goodness I have a patient husband.
I'll keep hope alive that I'll find a way to pay for some boobie surgery to lift these pooooor sad things back up into the shape of something that resembles breasts. Since they never did to begin with...but in the meantime, the 100's are looking soooo inviting.
Weeeee!